Being the Bad Guy
By Daniel Devine
Copyright 2015 Daniel Devine
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I entered the mansion’s study, feet sinking into deep blue plush and was struck by the slightly sweet scent of the smoke that Dr. Herman Mandrake was puffing forth vigorously from his wooden pipe. The current wife, being a twenty-something health nut and fifty years his junior, had made him promise to quit smoking but he always whipped the pipe out for Order meetings.
The walls of the room were adorned with the sculpted heads of various animals, as if someone had slain a number of marble-skinned beasts and preserved them via taxidermy. Their strange carved expressions made them sinister and foreign. In between the carved heads, waist-high gothic columns displayed bits of ancient pottery.
The room’s center was dominated by a broad table of lacquered green wood. It was so close to the floor that it required cushions rather than chairs. The other four members of the Order of Chaos were already seated around it.
I lowered myself down on the empty cushion between Hijack and Ice Queen, wishing Mandrake would lighten up on his mystic motif enough to get a conference table or some decent recliners.
Mandrake put down his pipe long enough to nod at me and adjust his panama hat before speaking.
“Nightstar, so good of you to join us! You will forgive me if I suspend the small talk this once. Let us now focus upon business, Bombastic has an important proposal for us to consider.”
The large, dark-skinned man was crouched uncomfortably to Mandrake’s right. He wore a jumpsuit of navy blue with a hissing bomb drawn poorly over the center of its chest and wrap-around, mirrored glasses that completely obscured his eyes.
“Thank you, Doctor. As the rest of you may know, about a year ago Knox Bank opened a branch in Imperiopolis, touting their unbreachable vault.”
Hijack sighed. He was a middle-aged white guy, chubby and balding, in black and yellow spandex and half-mask.
“Do I ever. We haven’t been able to steal more than lunch money since everyone moved their life savings into that beauty.”
Bombastic grinned.
“Well, it took some doing, but I have finally managed to infiltrate the bank’s administration with one of my henchman and secure a copy of the vault’s blueprints.” He said. “And with my genius knowledge of structural architecture, I have determined a way to crack the vault!”
“Good show! Good show, old boy!” Mandrake puffed happily, slapping Bombastic on his shoulder. “How quickly can we pull together the men and materials needed for the heist?”
“Sooner would be better,” Ice Queen added. Most people seemed to find her haughty voice intimidating; but it just reminded me of one of my least favorite English teachers. She wore a low cut suit of grayish-white which was probably once quite fetching, but she was now on the wrong side of sixty and I found it somewhat unnerving. “The Human Bullet and Slashdance will be back from vacation in a few weeks.”
Hijack shrugged.
“There are still too many heroes around without them. No point in rushing. I say we take the time to do it right.”
Bombastic cleared his throat.
“Be that as it may, my plan is quite beautiful in its simplicity. If you are willing, I anticipate we could move as soon as Thursday.”
Hijack whistled.
“That’s only two days.”
Bombastic raised an eyebrow at Mandrake.
“If I may, Doctor?”
“Be my guest.”
Bombastic withdrew a scroll of paper from his utility belt, unfurled it, and used some of the table’s coasters to hold down the edges.
“Now, the door to the vault is practicably impenetrable, but we will attack from the side…”
I snorted in agitation, apparently louder than I intended, because Bombastic paused and everyone stared at me.
“You have an objection, Nightstar?” Mandrake asked, clearly unhappy with the interruption.
“No… well, yeah.” I fumbled. “I mean, seriously you guys, a bank robbery?”
“Not just a bank robbery,” Ice Queen said. “But the cracking of the most sophisticated security system in the world.”
“Or in Imperiopolis, anyways,” Hijack added.
“Right,” I said slowly. Knox was only mid-tier superbank and they knew it. They didn’t have heroes on staff as security guards like Magnum in New York City. “Look, I’m sure it’s a great plan and all, and that it will probably work, but how is this really going to strike fear into the heart of the city?
“What happened to the Order doing real crime? Don’t we all have enough money? Aren’t there any death rays in town that we can steal or anything? Maybe the CDC is experimenting with some superbug we could release on the public?”
Bombastic sighed.
“Look, Nightstar, I see what you’re saying. Actually, money’s very tight for me right now. The twins are turning sixteen and they refuse to share a car…”
“And social security doesn’t quite fund my… appetites,” Ice Queen added.
I gave Mandrake’s elaborate décor a meaningful look.
“Don’t even say it.” The Doctor used the beige kerchief around his neck to wipe his forehead. “I’m completely tapped out. Adrianna’s set on redecorating the summer home. Her tastes are not cheap.”
Hijack slapped me on the shoulder.
“Let’s face it. The heroes have our number right now. There’s just too many of them. But the pendulum will swing back eventually. We just need to stay flush until the next opportunity to do some real damage presents itself.”
I shook my head.
“I’m sorry, but I just don’t think I can do this anymore.”
Ice Queen sneered.
“What? Crime? Who are you kidding, Nightstar? Your soul is as black as your cloak.”
“That’s not what I’m saying!” I glared at her. “I just can’t do this half-assed villainy anymore. What’s the point in having the Order if it doesn’t incite any Chaos? We joined forces so we could overpower any team of heroes. If we can’t, why bother working together at all?”
Bombastic rolled his eyes.
“So, what? You quit? Fine, get out of here and let the rest of us get on with business.”
“I guess I do,” Overcome by the moment, I unclipped the five-pointed flame sigil of the Order from my breast and tossed it onto the table.
Startled, Mandrake dropped his pipe. He gave Bombastic a stern look and the larger man shrunk back sullenly.
“Christopher, don’t be so rash. Let us talk this over. You don’t want to do anything that you will regret.”
“Listen to him,” Ice Queen said. “We know you’ve been struggling since things went south with Karen, but throwing away the friends you do have isn’t going to help.”
“This has nothing to do with her!” I shouted, furious she would bring that up here. I saw her skin frost over defensively.
With effort, I calmed myself and gave the Order a good, hard look. What I saw didn’t impress me much. The greatest criminal minds of the last generation reduced to mediocrity by time, familial obligations, and a general loss of passion.
Perhaps it was time to move on.
“Look, Nightstar…” Mandrake began. I cut him off with a snort.
“Forget it. It’s not worth the argument. I’ve said my peace.” I raised my hood and pulled the rooms’ shado
ws tight around me, so that they wouldn’t see my tears.
The Order may have been all I’d had left, but that didn’t make them nearly enough.
I burst forth from the study, startling Mandrake’s stout and hairless bodyguard, Tung. The beefy man appeared to consider tackling me; but he relaxed at some unseen signal from the Doctor behind me.
“Hey buddy,” I said hoarsely, laying a hand on his shoulder as I passed. “Do me a favor and keep yourself and that old goat safe.”
“Stay safe yourself,” he rumbled back. It might have been the longest sentence I’d ever heard him utter.
I walked out of the mansion and into the rain.
@ @ @
It was rough waiting to find a caper that I could pull solo. I had no girl and no friends and nothing to do but wallow in self-pity.
My mood had been brightened by the news that Captain Civic and the Morality Division had thwarted a robbery at the local Knox Bank. Bombastic had managed to breach the vault, but the heroes showed up before the Order could make off with any money. Bombastic had refused to abandon his plan and been arrested.
He’d