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The blood. That was my minds first thought as I looked down. I wanted it, I needed it. But drinking it, it would mean giving in to the monster. Giving in to Kallisto. I could tell what her plan was, it was honestly quite simple. I would drink the blood, and be kept hostage here as she fed me more and more animal blood. Then, I would become like her. A true vampire. I would no longer be a part of the Amatores Sanguinis race. I would be a monster, killing with glee and without mercy. A part of me wanted to give in so badly, just let go of the misery I was feeling. I wanted to be a soul wandering the Earth. But, would it be worth it?
Would the pain of others, the killing, would it be worth my freedom? I didn’t like what I had been made to become. Everyone in the world was supposed to have a choice, but I didn’t.
Duke didn’t ask me what I wanted to do. He did what he wanted. And by doing that, I guess I lost a piece of my humanity. I lost the part that made up my freedom. The freedom to walk in a house without asking. The freedom to walk out in the sun without making sure to put on a little sunscreen, because Amatores skin is so very sensitive to sunlight. The freedom to be me and do crazy things just because I feel like it.
I wanted the answer to be yes. Killing people and hurting their families and friends was worth it. It was worth my freedom. But I knew that wasn’t true.
I couldn’t put myself so high above others because although I may not be human anymore, I still had those bits and pieces of humanity left within my soul. There was no off switch for the guilt I would feel as I lived in purgatory, wondering what terrors my body was ravaging on Earth. There would be no off switch for the monster that I would have unleashed upon innocent humans.