Table of Contents
Title Page
Books by Monica Murphy
About Forever
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
About the Author
Acknowledgements
Copyright Notice
Friends Series
One Night
Just Friends
More Than Friends
Forever: A Friends Novel
The Rules Series
Fair Game
In The Dark
Slow Play
Safe Bet
Reverie Series
His Reverie (Book #1)
Her Destiny (Book #2)
One Week Girlfriend Quartet
One Week Girlfriend (Book #1)
Second Chance Boyfriend (Book #2)
Three Broken Promises (Book #3)
Drew+Fable Forever (Book #3.5)
Four Years Later (Book #4)
Five Days Until You (Book #4.5)
Billionaire Bachelors Club
Crave (Book #1)
Torn (Book #2)
Savor (Book #3)
Intoxicated (Book #3.5)
The Fowler Sisters
Owning Violet
Stealing Rose
Taming Lily
The Never Series
Never Tear Us Apart
Never Let You Go
Connect with Monica
Website
Newsletter
Facebook
Twitter
Email
She’s all I could ever want…
I have a reputation around school. Cold. Untouchable. Unfeeling. Only one girl could ever make me want to change and that’s Amanda Winters. Too bad I broke her heart and drove her away.
So to get through the rest of my days in high school, I tell myself I need to focus on more important things. Like taking our football team to championships. Get accepted to the college of my choice. And finish my senior year without wanting to run away from my problems.
But your problems chase after you no matter where you go. And it’s a lot harder when you fight them alone. The longer I go without Amanda, the more I miss her. Her smile. Her laughter. The things she said. How she looked at me like I was the only person who mattered. The way she made me feel…
Why can’t I have everything, including the girl? I’m determined to make things right. And make Amanda mine…
Forever.
It’s pure torture, having her so close, knowing I can’t talk to her, touch her, kiss her. Whisper in her ear all the dirty things I want to do to her.
I can’t do any of that.
None of it.
I’m the bastard who broke her heart. I’m the jerk who can’t commit. I told myself to stay away from her. Though she still tortures me even in my thoughts. I close my eyes and I see her. Her scent seems to fill the air when she’s not around. My mind plays tricks on me, and I can’t make it stop.
So I watch her when I can. When no one’s paying attention. When she’s not paying attention, which is a rare occurrence. I’m pretty sure she’s as aware of me as I’m aware of her.
Friday night football games are the worst. Like right now, I’m standing on the sidelines, watching our defensive line with a critical eye, dying of thirst. I need a drink, and the only one who’s working the hydration station is Amanda. Kyla, the other girl who works the hydration station with Amanda, isn’t here tonight.
Just Amanda. All by herself. Hustling her cute little ass in those tight jeans the entire game, running around making sure we’re all hydrated. Except for me.
“Fuck it,” I mutter as I toss my helmet onto the ground and stalk toward the hydration station. Amanda is talking to one of the JV players, being too nice as usual while the kid blatantly stares at her tits. She complains they’re too small, but I think they’re perfect. She’s perfect.
The asshole staring at her chest? He’s too close.
I want to smash his face in. I don’t even know the kid’s name, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t like how he’s looking at Mandy. My Mandy.
You can’t make that claim anymore—you rejected her. Remember?
The nagging voice inside my head irritates me so much, I actually growl. Out loud.
The JV player spots me first and his eyes go wide, no doubt because of the mean look on my face. And maybe he heard me growl too. Who knows? Who cares? I glare at him and he leaves without a word while Amanda is still talking, and she makes this cute, exasperated noise, shaking her head.
“How rude,” she says, turning toward me with a faint smile. That smile fades in an instant when she sees it’s me.
That hurts. More than I ever want to admit.
“I need water,” I practically grunt, sounding like a primitive caveman. But what else can I say to her? I need you? I want you?
Yeah, that won’t fly.
She raises an eyebrow and grabs a water bottle, thrusting it toward me. “You haven’t said one word to me in two weeks, and the first thing you choose to say is, ‘I need water’? You didn’t even say please.”
My knees are weak. Seriously. I’m six-foot-two of solid muscle. People tend to run when they see me coming, especially when I’m in a crap mood like now, and I’m scared shitless of this girl. “Please?” I add, my voice soft, my heart racing, my entire body on edge from her nearness.
“That’s better.” Amanda steps closer, so close I can smell her. My legs shake. Maybe it’s because I’m dehydrated. Maybe it’s because I’m in love with a girl I can’t have.
I take the water bottle from her and my fingers graze hers. That brief connection sends a jolt through me that makes every fine hair on my body stand on end.
“Thanks,” I say before I start to drink. I drain practically half the bottle before I stop because she’s laying into me.
“You shouldn’t drink so fast. You’ll make your muscles cramp up,” she chastises, though her voice is gentle. Her gaze is too. Everything about her is soft and beautiful and right. She’s wearing a navy blue polo shirt and jeans that show off those endless legs and I’m tempted to fall to my knees and beg for mercy. Would she take me back?
Or is she already over me?
But I don’t fall to my knees. And begging’s not my style. Instead, I return the water bottle to her and start to walk away, eager to make my escape when she says my name. Not my last name either.
“Jordan.”
Pausing, I glance over my shoulder to find she’s watching me, her dark eyes extra big, her mouth curved downward. She looks sad. Hopeless. I know what that feels like. I’m right there with her. “What?”
“I—I miss you.” She hesitates.
My heart starts beating extra fast. I can’t believe she just said that. I want her to say more. So much more.
“Do you miss me, too?”
Those last words are a faint whisper. Like it took everything out of her to admit that.
I say nothing. I can’t. I messed up. I let her in and it cost me. More than she’ll ever know.
More than she’ll ever understand.
I give the slightest shake of my head and leave her standing there. I can feel her eyes on my back as I walk away, and I know she’s mad. How does that old saying go? If looks could kill? Well, I’d be a dead man for sure. She’s probably plotting my future murder.
“Hey, jackass. Ready to play?” Ryan appears out of nowhere, shoving my helmet into my stomach extra hard, making me cough.
“Asshole,” I mumble as I take my helmet from him.
“I’d be a lot nicer if you got your head out of your ass and focused on the game,” Ryan tells me. “Don’t let that girl mess with your mind, man. We need this win.”
“She’s not messing with my mind,” I say, though I’m lying. She’s totally messing with my mind. I can’t think about anything else. Just Amanda.
Why did I walk away from her again?
“She is,” Ryan says firmly. “It’s been weeks since you two split. Move on, dude. She’s not worth it.” He shifts closer to me, his face practically in mine, though I’m taller, so I have the advantage. “Think about your future. Don’t worry about some girl who wouldn’t give it up to you. She’s using that to control you. I bet if you’d already boned Amanda, you wouldn’t be all twisted up inside over her. You’d be ready to find the next girl.”
It takes everything within me not to tear his face off. He’s saying this type of crap to get a rise out of me. I know it. But I refuse to take the bait. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Ryan grins. “I think I do. But whatever, man. Keep fooling yourself. Just don’t let your misery affect the team. We need you, Tuttle. We’ve made it to the playoffs. We need to keep winning.”
He’s right. I want to win. We all do. I need to get over this. Over her. Focus on my future. Win the division championship, clinch a scholarship at my school of choice and get the hell out of here. Screw my dad. Screw my mom—though she doesn’t care what I do, as long as I’m gone.
Amanda will just hold me down. Distract me. Ryan nailed it. She’s still messing with my mind and we’re not even together anymore.
Were we ever together in the first place? Was that hopeful thinking on my part? I wanted her so badly. I still do. Despite everything I’ve done, everything I’ve said, everything she’s said, I still do.
And I think she wants me too.
“Let’s go,” I tell Ryan when the defense comes off the field. Almost the end of the second quarter and the score is three to zero in our favor. “We need to score a touchdown.”
“Now you’re talking!” Ryan shouts as we run out onto the field. “Let’s go kick some ass!”
I become the quiet, intense quarterback in the blink of an eye. The untouchable leader. It’s what they expect, what my team needs. It’s amazing how easily I fall into the role, how it fits me like a second skin. How I become Tuttle the QB, the star. The legend in the making.
It’s all bullshit. But that’s okay. I’m just going through the motions, doing what I need to do in order to survive. I need no one. Just myself.
Maybe if I keep thinking it—saying it out loud, even—I’ll eventually believe the words.
“I despise working the hydration station.” It’s the first thing I say to Livvy when I spot her after the game’s over.
Livvy frowns as she watches me approach. She’s waiting for me so we can go find Ryan’s car together. He’s our ride back to her house since I’m spending the night, which I think Ryan secretly hates. He’d rather have Livvy all to himself.
“I thought you enjoyed it?” Livvy asks. “Flirting with all the football players. Keeping tabs on that asshole Tuttle.”
I ignore her calling him an asshole. I’m the only one who’s usually allowed to call him that, but right now, I’m so furious, I don’t care. She could put a hex on him and I’d encourage her. I’d probably build the voodoo doll and everything.
Oh my God. My thoughts are so incredibly random, I’m making no sense.
“I hate him,” I tell Livvy. “I don’t want to keep tabs on him.” Oh, I sound like a Bitter Betty, don’t I? I can’t help it. His earlier rejection still stings.
Why’d I tell him I missed him? Why, why, why? I’m such a fool. I get within a few feet of him and it’s like I can’t even help myself.
Clearly I have major issues.
“Please.” Livvy rolls her eyes. “You do not. You’re madly in love with him and super pissed because of what he did.”
“Don’t remind me.” I start walking and she falls into step beside me. “I just want to go home.”
“Ryan should be out any minute.” She starts texting him and I keep walking, headed for the parking lot in search of Ryan’s perfect white BMW. I hope we’re not stuck here too long. I don’t want to sit around and wait for Ryan while he talks with his football buddies. I’m afraid I might see Tuttle again.
Ew. No.
…fine. Swoon. I’d love to see him again, as long as he didn’t open his mouth and say something stupid. Though it’s more like I’m the one who needs to keep my mouth shut and not say something stupid. More like everything he says is infuriating.
I can’t be with you.
I don’t know how to be a good boyfriend.
I don’t know how to show my feelings.
I don’t know how to love you.
All those words, all the pretty lies and sweet and sexy promises that dropped from his perfectly kissable lips were nothing but total bullshit.
“I’m so glad they won,” Livvy says when I remain silent. She’s practically running to keep up with my strides and I don’t slow down. The farther away I can get from the football field, the better. “Ryan’s always in a good mood when they win.”
Wait a minute. “Am I ruining your plans tonight?” I ask her, coming to a complete stop and making Livvy trip over her own feet. “If you want to take off with Ryan, I totally understand.”
The look Livvy sends me is pure skepticism. “Yeah right. I won’t ditch you in your time of need.”
A month ago she would’ve ditched me for Ryan without hesitation. Livvy’s changed. I knew she had a good heart buried deep down inside. It just took her a while to dig it out.
“Are you sure?” I know what it’s like to have a boy you want to spend all of your time with. I sort of felt that way with Thad. I totally felt that way with Tuttle.
I still feel that way about Jordan Tuttle.
“Ryan will have to live without me. He can make a date with his hand tonight.” Livvy giggles, making me smile. “I’m hanging out with you. We can eat popcorn and watch a scary movie.”
“Make it ice cream and you’ve got a deal,” I suggest.
Livvy shivers. “It’s too cold for ice cream. And anyway, aren’t you sick of it, working at Yo Town all the time?”
“Frozen yogurt and ice cream are two different things,” I point out, going for logic, though I know I’m annoying her.
“Not really, but whatever.” She rolls her eyes then loops her arm through mine, steering me toward Ryan’s car. “We’ll have ice cream. Hopefully Ryan will let us stop at the store on the way home so we can grab some.”
“I’ll buy. My treat,” I offer.
“You’re just saying that so you can pick out the flavor.”
My new best friend already knows me so well. “Valid point. One I won’t deny. But I’ll make sure it’s something you like too.”
“Gee, thanks.” Livvy glances over her shoulder, her smile growing just before her gaze meets mine. “Ryan’s just behind us. And he’s alone.”
Disappointment and relief hit me. I almost wanted to see Jordan, but…why? So he can say something awful? So he can watch me with his beautiful, vacant blue eyes?
Ugh.
Ugh.
Ugh.
> I need to get over him. Find someone new. I’m surrounded by hunky, gorgeous football players on an almost daily basis, so I have plenty to choose from. The season is almost over so I’m running out of time.
“Ladies.” Ryan’s deep voice comes from behind, and he wedges his lean body in between us, forcing Livvy and me to let go of each other. He slips his arms around our shoulders, squeezing us close to his sides, and I let him. Ryan annoys me sometimes, and sometimes he doesn’t. Like right now. He smells good and he’s in a great mood, so I can tolerate him. “I hear I’m your chauffeur for the night.”
“Right. You’re taking us to the store for an ice cream run, and then you’re taking us home,” Livvy tells him.
Ryan leans in and kisses her, never missing a step. Never releasing his hold on my shoulders either. The guy is smooth. “That sounds so boring, babe. Come on, let’s go dig up a party. I hear Cannon Whittaker is having one tonight.”
“Tuttle’s not having a party?” The words fly out of my mouth before I can stop them.
Ryan sends me a knowing look, and I’m not sure how to interpret it. What does Tuttle tell him? They’re close—as close as Jordan allows anyone to get to him, which truthfully is pretty far. But I’m sure they’ve talked about me. What does Jordan tell Ryan? Does he say awful things about me?
I can’t imagine it.
Does Ryan say awful things to Jordan about me? I wouldn’t put it past him.
Maybe.
“Cannon’s mom is out of town,” Ryan finally says. “So we all convinced him it’s finally his turn to host the after game bash.”
“Well, count us out,” Livvy says, leaning forward so she can shoot me a look. “Amanda and I are having a girls’ night in.”
Ryan makes a disgusted noise. “Boring.”
“Life isn’t an endless party, you know,” Livvy points out, sounding prim. Meaning she sounds very un-Livvy-like.
“Says my girlfriend who loves to party,” Ryan teases, squeezing us both closer to him. “Come on, girls. Forget moping about a certain someone over ice cream.”
I frown. Yep. He’s got me all figured out.
“He won’t be there.” When I glance up, I find Ryan studying me. “Tuttle. He won’t show up. He doesn’t like going to parties, unless he’s hosting them.”