‘Guy’s Romantic Life’
Kevin Klehr
Copyright Kevin Klehr 2014
www.kevinklehr.com
I stared at myself in the mirror for about five minutes. I didn’t like my hair. It took me four outfit changes to be happy with my shirt, but my hair looked like a pot plant on steroids. I had gelled the life out of it and my date was going to be at my front door at any minute.
Okay, I need to explain. I was about to see my teenage sweetheart. The one I hadn’t seen since he tried to teach me to fly when we were a lot younger. In those days I was the perfect Prozac candidate; too negative and way too serious.
As I waited for my man to sweep me off my feet, my adolescent insecurities flooded back like a tidal wave. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. He knocked.
“Is that a hairstyle or a cry for help?” Joshua looked me up and down. “Sorry, Guy, I meant it as a joke. I like it. It has that ‘rock star just got out of bed’ look.” My wings drooped. “Why don’t you close the door, I’ll knock, and we’ll start again?”
“No, no. Come in,” I said. “I’m sorry about my mood. I’ve been battling with my appearance, wanting to make a good impression.”
Joshua smiled while shaking his head. His flaming red spikey hair and classic leather jacket made him look like the rock star. I swooned like a hapless groupie.
“Let’s try a second time,” my handsome date said. He reached for the door knob and gently pulled it shut. Again, he knocked. It was now me who smiled and shook my head before letting him in.
“Hello, Joshua,” I said. “I really…”
He lifted his finger to his mouth before planting his lips on mine. My ill-fated hair issues melted away as I floated on a cloud of pure bliss. I breathed in his aura of two day stubble and vodka on the rocks. His love spun around me, securing my irrational self in its whirlwind.
He pulled away.
“Don’t stop,” I said.
“More of that later, if you’re good.” Joshua swanned past me with the confidence of a self-made millionaire. I closed the door and followed like a petite geisha girl. “Are you really that worried about your hair, Guy?”
“Look at me. It’s got so many bits jutting out, I could slash the neck of someone taller than me.” “Guy, hardly anyone is taller than you.”
“What if I fall? I could stab someone through the heart.”
“And do what? Here in the Afterlife it’s hardly going to kill them. They’ll just think you’re cupid without the arrows. Striking love with split ends!”
“Very funny.” I gestured to the lounge. “Would you like a drink before we go out?”
“No. Let me be in charge tonight.” He lifted one wing and pointed back toward the front entrance. “I’m happy to go if you are, unless you want to tame that jagged bush growing out of your head.”
“Nah. Between your red mane and my ‘cry for help’ as you put it, we’ll definitely turn heads.”
“Yeah, the other way.”
***
We arrived at The Pedestal for a drink before dinner. It was a subdued night as Nellie, the sultry songstress, looked like she had a hit of valium before walking on stage. Her raspy voice meandered its way through the theatrical crowd like a faint trail of smoke, seeking out patrons and rendering them under her spell.
Next to the singer, a young man in a sparkling long tail jacket sat elegantly in front of a baby grand. His fingers danced on the keys as the vocalist clutched her microphone like a long lost relative.
I was open to her music. It had taken me years to listen with a jazz ear, yet her voice seemed to hide some sort of pain she was holding onto. I could relate.
Joshua whisked ahead of me, aiming for one of the rare available booths. As I caught up, he reached for my hand and led me to the waiting seat.
“What would you like to drink?” he asked.
“Cranberry and vodka.”
“A fancy choice.”
I looked at him oddly, but he missed my expression as he had already turned to walk to the bar. His swagger had that bad-boy quality. An essence I wanted to melt into like grated cheese on Italian cooking.
Just before Joshua stepped to the bar, his dreamy black wings extended themselves like the arms of someone yawning. He didn’t even check if anyone was within his personal space before they stretched. Fortunately there wasn’t. He then casually retracted them.
It was odd how we met up again. He just came back into my life, out of the blue. No warning that I’d be spellbound at the sight his sculptured jaw or his wistful eyes. He was simply walking up the path to my house when I coincidently opened the door. He wanted to see me and hinted at a night out, making it clear that he desired to do more than just ‘catch up with an old friend’.
If I was guiding a mortal who was going through this exact situation, I’d tell him to tread carefully. But
I hadn’t had sex in a while, so the idea of getting laid was clouding my judgement.
“Cranberry and vodka for my little angel, and vodka straight for moi.” He sat opposite me after sliding into position like a landing glider. “As you loosen up, I’m going to make you drink shots.”
“You are on a mission, aren’t you?”
“No rest for the wicked.”
“Joshua, back off a bit. This is our first real night out to catch up after years. Wouldn’t you like to know what I’ve been up to since puberty?”
“Minor details.” He stared at the pianist as he swallowed half his drink. “That guy is good with his fingers.” He looked back to me. “Threesome?”
“Now I know I’ve made the wrong decision.” I got up to leave, but my date shuffled across to the edge of his seat and stood before me. “What are you doing?”
“Just trying to be funny, but it’s not working.”
“Where is that charismatic angel who visited me the other day?”
“I’m still here, somewhere.”
“Well find him, Joshua, because this loser is cramping my style!”
“When did you get so feisty?”
“When I met someone who showed me my true worth.”
My egotistical friend slowly sat down.
“That used to be me.”
“Aren’t we a bit too sober for deep and meaningful conversation?”
He stared at his drink.
“Um, I guess it’s too late to start this date again.”
“Joshua, what pisses me off the most is being made to feel like an easy conquest! Why did you think…?” I stood. “No! You know what? Even sitting alone at home by myself is better than being here with you right now.”
As I made my first step toward the exit, he jumped up and grabbed me by the wrist.
“I truly am sorry, Guy. I know I’m better than this, and you definitely deserve my better self.” He gently pulled me to my seat as he lowered himself back to his. “Let’s not treat this as a date. Let’s just be two old friends catching up.”
“Yeah, that’s a better suggestion.” I was replying through clenched teeth. “Besides, I want to know what you’ve done since our teenage years.”
“A lot. Wow, where do I start?” He took a small swig of vodka. “I tried a relationship. Maybe that’s why I’m here? I’m trying again.” I looked at him, puzzled. “Guy, there was someone who finally left me and I really don’t know why?”
“So you came to me as a rebound?”
“I think I was just trying to prove that there’s nothing wrong with me.”
“Now I’m even more confused. If that was your intention, why did you act like a jerk?”
“I don’t know. Sometimes I don’t understand my own actions.”
“This guy you were in love with, who was he?”
/> “Dalton. The most sublime man this side of mortality.”
“You were fooling around with a mortal? What about his soul? You were stopping him from being
reborn!”
“Yeah, I know. So sue me. But what could I do. We angels have our desires too.” He held up his glass, looking into it as if it held all the answers. “He was as tall as you, Guy. He had more charisma than most pop star divas. All he had to do was enter the room and I’d forget who I was talking to the moment before.”
“Wow. My hero had his heart stolen.” Joshua gazed at me, sullenly. “How long were you together?”
“Almost two years. He became picky at the end. I was never enough.”
“He cheated?”
“No. It was just me. I wasn’t enough. Our relationship wasn’t enough. He wanted more than just a relationship. He wanted to be on the move.”
“Why didn’t you go with him?”
“He didn’t want me around anymore.”
My fallen idol gave me a goofy smile. I reached over and rubbed his shoulder. It seemed I was his rebound and I wasn’t sure if I felt honoured, or if I should have felt like a cheap substitute.
Nellie leaned against the piano singing a love song directly to her accompanist. He was trying to keep a straight face as she teased with her lyrics. Gentle murmurs and laughter filled the club.
At a booth not far away, an older regular held her toy-boy close to her chest, as they both looked on. At the back of the bar, Wilma, the theatre critic, was too caught up in conversation with her A-List friends to notice what was happening on stage. They chatted away oblivious to the mirth around them.
“She’s in her own world,” said a voice above us.
“Carpenter!” cried Joshua. He leaped like a coiled spring. “Guy, this is Carpenter. Carpenter, this is someone from my past, and if I play my cards right, part of my future as well.”
The man shook my hand like a surgeon calmly greeting a new patient.
“It’s nice to meet another angel. You and Joshua are the only two I’ve met, yet this is supposed to be the Afterlife.”
“Someone likes to work in mysterious ways,” I replied.
Carpenter retracted his arm and stood in quiet grace. Somehow he evoked Rodin’s sculpture ‘The Thinker’; wise beyond his years by summing everything up in detail. His crisp white shirt, thick black belt and slim-fit blue pants added to the allure of his thin framed glasses. A class act, even at first glance.
“Am I intruding?” he asked.
Joshua shared a glance with me, but before I could react, he invited Carpenter to sit with us.
“Would you like a drink,” asked my fellow angel.
“No. I was thinking of leaving anyway. It’s still early and I need to hear something more upbeat.”
“Where were you thinking of going?” I asked.
“There’s a new bar that’s taking off just a few blocks away. A friend was supposed to meet me here before we checked it out, but she hasn’t turned up.”
“Maybe she’s fashionably late?” said Joshua.
“There’s ‘fashionably late’ and just plain rude. She’s tipped into the latter category.” He scanned the bar quickly before turning back to us. “Why don’t you join me? I could do with the company.”
Joshua briefly read my face, but I was in two minds, so I had no idea what he believed I was thinking.
“Yeah, why not?” he replied.
I nodded.
“Thank-you. Tonight I want to get wicked, and who better to help me than two angels!”