Happy
Marla S. Braziel
Copyright 2012
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Dedicated to my mother, whose kindness and compassion has saved the lives of animals who would have otherwise been euthanized for their disabilities.
A strange coldness wraps around my body, starting at my head and drifting all the way back to my tail. Light kisses the inside of my eye lids but yet I cannot see. I hear the frightened cries of my brothers and sisters and I join them in their bellows of fear and confusion. I feel the warmth of my mother nuzzling me. She licks my saturated body and cleans away the debris that encases me. At her comforting touch I realize that I’m safe, and I am happy.
I open my eyes for the first time and behold the wonderful new world before me. I see my mother and my brother and sisters.
My siblings stumble across the small space that is our home, unaccustomed to such freedom of movement, for we have been confined in the womb for so long. I cannot move like they do though. Something seems to be wrong with me, a dead stiffness that will not allow one of my back legs to move. I struggle to support my weight on the three good appendages that I am blessed with, but the task is too much for my small underdeveloped body to accomplish and I fall back to the warm blanket beneath me.
I use my remaining good limbs to drag myself to the edge of our home which overlooks a monstrous drop. There are others of my kind about two yards across from us in similar homes. These of my kind are all adults, none small like me. They look so sad and lonely, lounging around almost lifelessly in their domiciles.
Occasionally, a very large creature not of our species will pass by and gaze into each of the small houses. This seems to be an exciting event that inspires a surge of energy to spring into our community. Everyone rushes like the waters of a flood to the edge of their homes to greet the giant creatures. My fellow species calls out to the strange hairless mammals, almost as desperately as I remember my siblings and me crying out when we were first born. But these calls are brought from the desire for attention, not from fear of the unknown.
I watch as the adults across the way press their bodies against the thin transparent wall that separates them from the larger creatures. My brothers and sisters mimic the adults and are met with much delight from the larger creatures which stick long wiggling appendages into our home to brush up against my siblings' short soft fur. I am afraid of these creatures and would prefer to stay away despite the obvious fact that they mean no harm. While my siblings prance and purr in front of the various large creatures, I stay back with my mother. She looks down on me with loving eyes as I bury my little nose into the warmth of her supple stomach. I know that I’m safe, and I am happy.
I have recently noticed that on occasion one of the large creatures would remove the wall between themselves and one of the adults across the way, pick the adult up, and carry it off never to return. The jealous expressions of their peers tells me that this disappearance is a good thing. The only time that a large creature removes the transparent wall from my home is to tend to my mother’s needs. At this time, my mother is presented with fresh water, a refill on food, and a clean liter pan in which we all use to go to the restroom.
When this removal and replacement of goods happens, the large creature will brush its wiggling digits over our backs. I find this to be a most pleasurable sensation and look forward to it throughout the day. With these small acts of kindness, I’m slowly losing my fear of the large creatures. Now, when I see them approach to peak in at my family, I too hobble towards the transparent wall to seek their attention. But I am not as agile as my brothers and sisters. I tend to lose my balance and stumble several times, overwhelmed by the dizziness of such hurried motion and drug down by the weight of my dead limb. Often, by the time I reach the wall, the creatures have gone. But that’s alright because I have my family. My brothers and sisters are patient with me and my mother loves us all equally. I feel safe amongst my family and I am happy.
Today was an exciting day. One by one, my brothers, sisters, and I finally got to venture outside of our home. One of the large creatures came and took us into a brightly lit room where we were set down on a cold metal table and poked and prodded before our return. This was not what I had expected but was still nice for a change of scenery. I’m beginning to think I’ll never be like my brothers and sisters. They jump around our home, happily playing. But I cannot jump, nor run; I can barely walk. While they seem to have perfect balance, I do good just to stand up straight most of the time.
I have also noticed that the large creatures react differently to me than they do to my brothers and sisters. Their faces, first illuminated and filled with joy when they look in on my family, darken and become saddened as they spot me standing in the back. They do not reach out to me as they do to my brothers and sisters either. My family doesn’t mind this however. My brothers and sisters curl up around me at night to keep me warm and my mother kisses me before sleep sets in. I am safe here with my family and I am happy.
A large creature took one of my brothers today and he did not return. My mother was sad, but this disappearance seemed to fill my other siblings with a strange new energy that quickly caught on. Now, whenever we see a large creature come near we all rush the transparent door. I’m still having a hard time making it to the front. In the excitement, my siblings occasionally unintentionally knock me over. By the time I manage to get to my feet again the large creature is gone.
I watch my siblings disappear one by one until it is just my mother and I. She lavishes me with affection and I feel like the most special creature alive. How fortunate I am to be left behind. Despite the fact that it’s a little boring without my brothers and sisters around, I enjoy being alone with my mother. I know that I’m safe and I am happy.
I left my home for a second time today. One of the large creatures takes me out into a room that looks nothing like the first one I was in. There are lots of colorful noisy things on the floor. I am sat down on a cold flat surface amongst these incredible things.
There are two large creatures in the room with me, a normal sized one, and one about half the size of its bigger counter part. The smaller of the two tosses a ball with a jingle bell at me. I paw the toy to hear the fascinating noise it makes. The two large creatures appear concerned as I lose my balance and fall over. The bigger of the two creatures picks me up and plays with my limp leg as I nuzzle my face against its body and purr, doing my best to show that I approve and am happy.
Soon after, I am put back with my mother. I don’t understand what just happened but I am glad to see my mother again. I teeter over to her happily, falling several times along the way. I guess I’m still shaky from all of the excitement. She greets me with kisses and instantly begins giving me a bath to replace the large creature’s scent with her own. But I don’t want a bath right now. I have had a wonderful exciting day. I want to leap and run and prance. But those things I can only do in my dreams.
After a few hours the excitement wears off and I cuddle down with my mother for the evening, thankful that I did not disappear and leave her alone like I remember the other adults of my species were when I watched them e
xist across the way. I enjoy being here with my mom, watching the large creatures come and go as well as the others of my kind. I feel safe here in my home and I am happy.
Today my mother disappeared, the saddest day of my life. I cried and cried and cried but no amount of crying would bring her back. I am now alone and feel doomed to become like the others of my species across the way, dull and lifeless. At least I know deep down inside that I’ll eventually disappear too and hopefully after I disappear things will be better. I take refuge in these thoughts, knowing that I’m safe, and I am happy.
Days pass. The large creatures peer in at me and it seems that as soon as I muster the strength to stand they have disappeared again. My only form of interaction comes from the large creature that tends to my needs. I look forward to this time more than anything else. I never thought I would be so dependent on this brief affection. I feel like I’ve seen a dozen of my kind come and go since I’ve been here alone. I know that my time must be coming up soon. This makes me feel safe and I am happy.
One of the large creatures comes to me today. It peers into my home with emotionless eyes. I push myself to my feet as quickly as possible. The lengthy appendage of the creature meets and cradles my body as I hobble forward. The creature presses me against its body gently and strokes my head as it carries me to the room I had been introduced to the first time I ever left my home. I have never felt such affection radiating from one of these creatures before.
I am sure that this is it; I will finally go to a new home. I purr at maximum volume to express my happiness and excitement. The large creature sets me down on a cold metal table and continues to rain affection on me. I lean into every caress and meow sweetly up at the creature to thank them for making me disappear like I’d seen so many before me.
A droplet of liquid falls from the creatures face and I sense a deep sadness though I don’t know why. I hope that I can make the creature feel better, that it can feel as happy as I feel right now. The creature removes its hands from my body for a moment so it can fidget with something on the table behind itself. I crawl and hobble my way against the creature’s soft smooth stomach, curling up as tightly as I can and purring my contentment.
I feel my backside being stroked gently and then a small pinch. I lift my head briefly to look at the long slender device that the creature used to prick my backside. The creature throws the device in the trash and returns its hand to my body. I press my body against the creature’s hand, nuzzling it with my face, making small gentle vibrations.
I think the creature is leaking because I feel more wetness fall from above and saturate my fur. I’m beginning to feel sleepy, though I don’t understand why because I just had a nap before the creature came to get me. I must fight this. I must show this creature that I am strong and attentive and will always be there for them. I delicately lick some of the salty liquid that has just dripped onto the creature’s hand and then sneak underneath it for another nuzzle.
I fight the sleep but feel so helpless against it. My eyes don’t want to stay open. I reluctantly surrender myself, letting my eyes close and my head rest on the cold table beneath me. I can still feel the warm hand petting over me but I’m beginning to go numb. I am twelve weeks old and will never be a day older. I am alone, but I feel safe here, and I am happy.
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