If I’m to Blame
By Jason Wallace
******
Published by:
If I’m to Blame
Copyright © 2015 by Jason Wallace
If I’m to blame,
Do I take that fall?
If crying is the crime,
What do you have to say?
Do you now
Have it all?
Time and time again,
I’ve had to be the one
That’s had to walk away.
But no hurt in a while
Has made me break back down.
I’m used to it and can even smile
When you only wanna drag me into your Hell.
If I’m to blame,
What do I say?
Where do I stay to
Stay away?
If I felt a bit of what you admit
You want me to feel,
I could not be
Who I am, who you’ve made me,
And I would rather die inside all over again.
I will not submit, but I will not quit.
This one last appeal is to calm your heart,
Your bitterness a bit and still
Have some shot at all the naught
That this is coming to, that you’ve unglued, to finally end.
Where is it that you’ve
Taken yourself away to like so often before
When I could only hold my head in my hands
And breathe heavily to not ignore but simply implore
Some better judgment of myself, to not break out,
To do my best to deny the rest of all of this emptiness
And maybe, just maybe, understand.
If I’m to blame,
I take the shame.
I take the cold, staring circumstance.
I don’t know who you are
Or what you want or when I wasn’t some
Wasted days, some yesterdays that
Should’ve been but have gone and come and gone again.
Are you at all like me,
Sitting in a car, in make believe,
Wondering why the worst of it never leaves
And why it is that you can’t find relief
From a life you never intended to pretend to need?
When it was all hanging on a rope,
I found a part of you and found some hope,
But I hoped too hard, and it came apart,
And I never left, but I could never be
The mat you asked to lay on the ground to wipe your feet.
I might have a persevering heart, but it’s still a heart that bleeds.
I’m in agony. I’ve been deceived, but
If I’m to blame,
I take it all for no less but maybe more.
I take it all the same,
If I’m to blame.
Though I was right, and you were wrong,
I… waved goodbye because I…
Walked in on
A time when you were
Already gone, giving up, and
No longer strong,
Taking back all
That tore you up and
Tearing up all the
Paper strings of a
Not enough kind of
Do it rough sort of
Life you
Could not love,
So we never were and
Never truly could be
What you want, so you
Put me down
Because you
Put me up
Too high in the sky on a
Pedestal that no one could
Stand on in the rain that you
Poured out of your
Bitter cup.
I’m bruised enough to
Be no more used too much,
And… if I’m to blame,
Do you remember who I am?
Do you remember my name?
I guess I’m to blame.
If I am, If I’m to blame,
I’ll push it away again and
Into the holes in my veins
Where my blood has spilled to nearly kill me
Once and for all, for all of the same,
Because I’m the one to blame, I guess
I’m the one to blame, so,
If I’m to blame,
So be it as it may, because
If I’m to blame,
It no longer matters what I say.
To meet file size requirements, I have added additional works.
Again Alone
I have nowhere to go
No place to be
The only home that I know
Is an empty place
Of Misery
The one that I lost
Was the best one for me
I let her leave
Because of my jealousy
I just could not compete
If that was reality
Why would she want me
If she could have
Someone who wouldn't
Melt from the heat
So alone
I'm turning to stone
The blood in my veins
Just spilled on the ground
And no one's around
But pain I caused
For us both
It's a demon whose face
Has already shown
I thought being grown
Meant making mistakes
But taking the blame
And erasing the pain
And when that seed's sown
Knowing that all that's known
Is a lesson to learn
About how not to be
And what from yourself
Never again to condone
But a lesson that's learned
Can come with a loss
The prize you hold onto
Slips out of your hands because the cost
Is more than you feel you can pay
But at the end of the day
The regret you let creep in your way
Is that you've let someone else become burned
So alone
I'm turning to stone
The blood in my veins
Just spilled on the ground
And no one's around
But pain I caused
For us both
It's a demon whose face
Has already shown
On the road to the unknown
This scar I'll have on my hand
Isn't half as hard as the one I'm bearing inside
From messing up the greatest thing
I ever tried
What maybe just could've been
Is going to be a thought that
Comes with the memory
Of the way this all had to end
And the lie that I will pretend
Doesn't get me down
And make me drown in my sin
So alone, more broken and frozen,
I'm turning to stone
The blood in my veins
Just spilled on the ground
Spots and drops of red
Staining as it surrounds
And no one's around
But pain I caused
For us both
It's a demon whose face
Has already shown
And I know I'm at fault
For being again alone
I can't get how
What was maybe almost love
Was at best just a loan
Recalled and repossessed and cutting
/> Straight to the bone
And when both wounds heal
I won't have her hand to hold
Because I am again alone
Lost It All
I know that you've been waitin
Hopin for someone to come
Sweep you off your feet
Dreaming of the day
When you could finally
Start to feel some kind of complete
All the ones that came along
Did everything all wrong
Treated you like
You were never anything
To take seriously
If you give me the chance
I'll be more than just some circumstance
And try to give you just what you need
I could be the one to cherish you
To always let you know I'm there for you
To be the rock to hold you up
When you feel like you'll fall
If you're not afraid you'll fail
You might find Heaven in your Hell
In these arms that'd carry you
If you think you've lost it all
I'm not tryin to make you think
I'm movin fast
Just to help you make a future
That lets you forget your past
Knowing that the worst parts
Of your life are gone
If you let me be the one to hold you
It could be just like I told you
A fairytale come to life before too long
I could be the one to cherish you
To always let you know I'm there for you
To be the rock to hold you up
When you feel like you'll fall
If you're not afraid you'll fail
You might find Heaven in your Hell
In these arms that'd carry you
If you think you've lost it all
If you get yourself down
And start to thinkin
That there are no good guys around
Maybe you should
Look to me then
Maybe I'm not the kinda guy
You're used to
The ones that used you
Maybe with me, you'd never wonder why
I didn't abuse you
And you'll not need new
Ones to let throw you around
Never let you be you
It could be that my mama raised me better
To at least try to respect a woman
And never let her
Have to feel I'm some unreal
Loser that can't keep it together
I could be the one to cherish you
To always let you know I'm there for you
To be the rock to hold you up
When you feel like you'll fall
If you're not afraid you'll fail
You might find Heaven in your Hell
In these arms that'd carry you
If you think you've lost it all
Or at least lost a lot
Lost so much that everything is not
Anything like you needed
If it's me that makes it seem more
Than just a little, maybe that's
Just the middle
And if you believe in me
You'll see, in the end,
That I really treated
You the way a real woman like you
Needs to be treated
Not Wanting You, I Just Cannot Pretend
Forgive me
For ever caring
But there is no one else
So good
Comparing
Anything they are to you
You are so perfect it scares me
You make me breathe just barely
And now you're leavin
Treatin me unfairly
I thought we knew
That sometimes forever just can't be forever
When two people can't be together
Without tellin each other the truth
You hoped that you found real love
So you could really feel loved
But I was holdin back my fears
And lyin, sayin I shed no tears for you
So, now I can only ask
Why did we get caught up
In somethin so good it could not be thought of
And then let it slip away so fast
You want to still be friends
But I don't think I can take it
My heart, I didn't tell you yet is breakin
So everything with you must end
I only wanted your friendship
No matter how much you meant, and
You took it beyond, so shocking
But then we almost altogether just stopped talking
Not wanting you, I just cannot pretend
Maybe after we give some time
It might be alright to find
Each other once more and begin
Back where we started
Forgetting that we parted
Back when I liked you as more than a friend
But I couldn't speak it
You left me so very weak, it
Felt like I stretched the truth
So much, it bent
Love crept in
But it only lasted
So little and went so fast, it
Got used up and spent
You want to still be friends
But I don't think I can take it
My heart, I didn't tell you yet is breakin
So everything with you must end
I only wanted your friendship
No matter how much you meant, and
You took it beyond, so shocking
But then we almost altogether just stopped talking
Not wanting you, I just cannot pretend
Every second since then
Feels like a brand new sentence
Sentencing me to a life of bein lonely without you
I don't think that I can serve it
But maybe I deserve it
What did I do
If I wasn't perfect
I'm sorry I didn't make it worth it
And you're probably better off
Now that we're through
But if I dream
I hope that it will seem
Like the reality I thought I had with you
You want to still be friends
But I don't think I can take it
My heart, I didn't tell you yet is breakin
So everything with you must end
I only wanted your friendship
No matter how much you meant, and
You took it beyond, so shocking
But then we almost altogether just stopped talking
Not wanting you, I just cannot pretend
If you ever pass by me
Please do not deny me
The chance to finally try to be your friend
But I can only be hoping
That I'm finally coping
And that not wanting you, I can pretend
If you liked this, make sure to check out my author page for great deals on my books, funny pics, and more.
https://www.facebook.com/thepageofauthorjasonwallace
Or, follow me on Twitter: @authorjwallace