To Mom and Dad: Every word.
Every single one belongs to you.
You always light the way.
And my sister, Jennie,
who always has the right words.
Contents
Part I
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Part II
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Preview
Acknowledgments
Part I
There’s rosemary, that’s for remembrance;
Pray you, love, remember.
–OPHELIA, HAMLET, ACT 4, SCENE 5
Chapter One
I release you…
I release you, Lenah Beaudonte.
Believe…and be free.
Those were the last words I could remember. But they were formless, said by someone whose voice I did not recognize. It could have been ages ago.
When I awoke, I immediately felt a cold surface on my left cheek. An icy shiver rushed down my spine. Even with my eyes closed, I knew I was naked, stomach down on a hardwood floor.
I gasped, though my throat was so dry I made an unearthly animal sound. Three heaving breaths, then a thump-thump, thump-thump—a heartbeat. My heartbeat? It could have been ten thousand fluttering wings. I tried to open my eyes, but with each blink there was a flash of blinding light. Then another. And another.
“Rhode!” I screamed. He had to be here. There would be no world without Rhode.
I writhed on the floor, covering my body with my hands. Understand that I am not a type of person who usually finds herself naked and alone, especially where sunlight shines down on my body. Yet, there I was, bathed in yellow light, sure that I was moments away from a painful, fiery death—I had to be. Soon flames would erupt from within my soul and turn me into dust.
Only, nothing happened. No flames or imminent death. There was only the smell of the oak in the floor. I swallowed and the muscles in my throat contracted. My mouth was wet with…saliva! My chest rested on the floor. I pressed down on my palms and craned my neck to look at the source of my torment. Luminous daylight streamed into a bedroom from a large bay window. The sky was a sapphire blue, no clouds.
“Rhode!” My voice seemed to swirl in the air, vibrating out of my mouth. I was so thirsty. “Where are you?” I screamed.
A door somewhere near me opened and closed. I heard a wobbling step, an uneven shuffle, then Rhode’s black, buckled boots stepped into my eye line. I rolled onto my back and looked up at the ceiling. Gasping. My God—was I breathing?
Rhode loomed over me, but he was a blur. He leaned forward so his hazy features were within inches of my face. Then there he was, as though coming out of a mist, looking as I had never seen him before. The skin over Rhode’s cheekbones stretched so tight it looked as though his bones would break through. His usually full and proud chin was now a thin point. But the blue of his eyes—they were the same. Even in the haze of that moment they pierced me, down to my soul.
“Fancy meeting you here,” Rhode said. Despite black bruises that ringed his eyes, a twinkle, from somewhere deep within, looked back at me. “Happy sixteenth birthday,” he said, and extended a hand.
Rhode gripped a glass of water. I sat up, took it from him, and finished it in three large gulps. The cold water trickled down the back of my throat, flowed down my esophagus and into my stomach. Blood, a substance I was used to, trickled, but its absorption into the vampire body was a lot like a sponge soaking up liquid. It had been so long since I’d had a drink of water….
In Rhode’s other hand was a piece of black cloth. When I took it from him, the cloth cascaded out to reveal a black dress. It was lightweight cotton. I pressed up from the floor and stood up. My knees buckled, but I steadied myself by throwing my arms out for balance. I stood there for a moment, until I was firmly planted to the ground. When I tried to walk, a small vibration shook me so hard that my knees touched.
“Put that on and then come into the other room,” Rhode said, and lumbered unevenly out of the bedroom. I should have noticed that he had to hold on to the door frame when he walked, but my knees and thighs trembled and I had to try and find my balance again. I let my hands fall back to my sides. My brown hair unfurled and, like seaweed, strands stuck to my naked body. Longer strands reached my breasts. I would have given anything for a mirror. I took a few breaths and my knees wobbled again. I looked around for a corset, but there was nothing. How curious! Was I meant to walk around this place with nothing to hold me in? I slid the dress over my head and it stopped right above my knees.
I didn’t look a day over sixteen, yet if someone had calculated on that particular day—I officially turned 592.
Everything was so crisp and bright—too bright. Beams of light trickled minute rainbows across my feet. I looked around the room. Despite waking up on the floor, there was a mattress in an iron bed frame covered by a black comforter. Across the room a bay window looked out at full leaves and swaying branches. Beneath the window was a seat covered in blue, plush pillows.
I ran my fingertips against the textured wood of the walls and couldn’t believe that I could actually feel it. The wood was layered and I felt the raised and jagged parts under my smooth fingertips. My existence as a vampire meant that all my nerve endings were dead. Only by remembering what things felt like as a human would my vampire mind understand whether I was touching something soft or hard. The only senses a vampire retained were those that heightened her ability to kill: The sense of smell was linked to flesh and blood; sight was super sight, detailed down to the minutiae, its sole purpose to find prey within an instant.
My fingers fluttered over the wall again—another rush of shivers rolled up my arms.
“There will be time for that,” Rhode said from the other room.
My heartbeat echoed in my ears. I could taste the air. As I walked, the muscles in my thighs and calves seemed to burn, twitch, and then relax. In order to stop shaking, I rested my body weight on the doorway and crossed my hands over my chest.
“What century is this?” I asked, closing my eyes and taking a breath.
“The twenty-first,” Rhode said. His black hair, which reached halfway down his back the last time I saw him, had been cut short and now stood up in a spiky hairstyle. Around his right wrist was a white medical bandage.
“Sit,” he whispered.
I sat down on a pale blue couch that faced the lounger. “You look terrible,” I whispered.
“Thank you,” he said with the barest glimmer of a smile.
Rhode’s cheeks were so sunken that his once masculine, carved features now clung to his bones. His usual golden skin had yellowed. His arms quivered as he lowered himself into the chair, holding on to it until he was almost fully sitting down.
“Tell me everything,” I commanded.
> “Give me a moment,” he said.
“Where are we?”
“Your new home.” Rhode closed his eyes. He leaned his head back onto the chair. He gripped the armrests and I noticed that the rings that had once adorned his fingers were now gone. The curling black snake with emerald eyes and the poison ring for emergencies (which meant it was always filled with blood)were missing. Only one ring remained on his pinkie finger. My ring. The ring that I had worn for five hundred years. Only then did I notice that my own hands were bare. It was a tiny silver band with a dark, black stone—onyx. “Never wear onyx unless you want or know death,” he once told me. I believed him. Besides, up until that moment, I was confident no vampire enjoyed creating death more than I did.
I tried to avoid his gaze. I’d never seen Rhode so weak.
“You’re human, Lenah,” he said.
I nodded once in acknowledgment, though I looked at the lines in the hardwood floor. I couldn’t respond. Not yet. I wanted it too much. The last interaction I had with Rhode, before waking up in that bedroom, was about my desire to be human. We had an argument, one that I thought would last for centuries. It did, in a way; the argument had happened a century before that moment.
“You finally got what you wanted,” he whispered.
I had to look away again. I couldn’t stand the cool blue of his eyes appraising me. Rhode’s appearance was altered as though he were withering away. When he was at his fullest health his square jaw and blue eyes made him one of the most beautiful men I’d ever seen. I say man, but I am not sure of Rhode’s age. He could have been just a boy when he was made into a vampire, but through the years he’d clearly seen and done so much it had aged him. Vampires as they move into the maturity of their existence become so ethereal in appearance that it is nearly impossible to guess their age.
Making sure to keep my eyes away from his, I examined the living room. It looked as though he had just moved in, though the atmosphere of the room felt like Rhode. Despite a few boxes piled next to the door, everything seemed to be in its proper place. Many of my possessions from my vampire life decorated the apartment. Specifically, items from my bedchamber. On the wall, an ancient sword was held to a metal plate by golden clasps. It was one of Rhode’s favorite pieces, his longsword from his days with the Order of the Garter, a ring of knights under King Edward III. It was a special sword, one that was forged by magic, outside of the brotherhood. It had a black leather grip and a thick base that tapered down to a deadly and distinct point. The pommel, the wheel-shaped counterweight on the top of the sword, had an engraving circling its perimeter: Ita fert corde voluntas, the heart wills it.
On the wall, on either side of the sword, iron sconces made to look like roses linked by vines and thorns held unlit, white candles. White candles should be burned in a house wishing to dispel evil spirits or energy. Every vampire had them for protection against other darker magics. Yes, there are worse things in the universe than vampires.
“I forgot your human beauty.”
I looked back at Rhode. He wasn’t smiling, but his eyes sparkled in a way that I knew he meant it. Seeing me now in my human form was a personal fulfillment. He had done what he had set out to do hundreds of years before.
Chapter Two
HATHERSAGE, ENGLAND—THE PEAKS
OCTOBER 31, 1910—EVENING
My house was a stone castle. There were halls with marble floors and painted ceilings. I lived in Hathersage, a rural town known for its rolling hills and gorges. My castle was offset from the road and watched over endless fields. That night was Nuit Rouge or, in English, Red Night. Once a year, vampires would come from around the globe and occupy my home for one month. For the thirty-one days in October, Nuit Rouge brought vampires of all races to my home. Thirty-one days of opulence. Thirty-one days of pure terror. This was the last night before everyone returned to their respective hauntings.
It was just after dusk. Above me the stars sparkled in the twilight—they glinted gold light off glass goblets. I pushed past guests sipping on blood and dancing to a string quartet. Rhode followed me out from the back of the castle and onto the stone terrace. Men and women, dressed in top hats, corsets, and the finest silks from China, laughed and crowded Rhode’s way. At the back of the house, a set of stone steps led down into the gardens. Two white candles stood tall on either end of the steps, their wax dripping tiny archipelagoes onto the stone. The yard spread out wide and then down, out into the sweeping countryside. I was wearing an evergreen silk gown adorned with gold piping, and a matching corset beneath.
“Lenah!” Rhode called, but I was darting through the crowd. I was walking so fast that for a moment I thought I would spill out over my corset.
“Lenah! Stop!” Rhode called again.
It was just after dusk. I ran the length of the gardens down the sloping hill into the start of fields.
I led Rhode down the hill, out of sight of the vampires in the castle. I stood at the foot of fields that spread out for countless miles into the distance. Back then, I looked different. My skin was pale white, no shadows under my eyes or wrinkles on my skin. Just white, clear skin, as if my pores had been buffed away.
At the crest of the hill, Rhode looked down at me. He was dressed in an evening suit, with a top hat and black silk lapels. He held a cane in his right hand. When he stepped down the side of the steep hill, the wispy grass that stretched for hundreds of miles bowed under his feet. I turned to look out at the fields.
“You have not said a word to me all evening,” Rhode said. “You’ve been completely silent. And now you run out here? Care to share with me what the hell is going on?”
“You don’t understand? If I uttered a word I would not be able to conceal my intentions. Vicken is unnaturally gifted. He could read my lips from five miles away.”
Vicken was my last creation; that is, the last man I made into a vampire. At fifty, he was also the youngest vampire of my coven, though he didn’t look a day older than nineteen.
“Dare I think that this might be a moment of clarity?” Rhode asked. “That perhaps you realize Vicken and your band of ingrates are more dangerous than you anticipated?”
I said nothing. Instead, I watched the wind trace patterns over the grass.
“Do you know why I left you? My fear,” Rhode spat, “was that you had truly lost your mind. That the prospect of infinite time had started to eat away at you. You were reckless.”
I spun around, our eyes meeting immediately.
“I will not let you fault me for creating a coven of the strongest, most gifted vampires in existence. You told me to protect myself, and I did what I had to do.”
“You cannot see what you have done,” Rhode said. His strong jaw clenched.
“What I have done?” I stepped closer to him. “I feel the weight of this existence in my bones. As though a thousand parasites are eating away at my sanity. You told me once that I was what kept you sane. That the curse of emotional pain released you when you were with me. What do you think happened to me for the 170 years you were gone?”
Rhode’s shoulders fell. His eyes were the most blue I had ever seen—even in five hundred years. The beauty of his slim nose and dark hair always shocked me. The vampire essence heightened a person’s beauty but for Rhode it radiated from within and lit up his soul—it made my heart burn.
“The magic that binds your coven is more dangerous than I would have ever thought possible. How did you expect me to feel?”
“You don’t feel. Remember? We’re vampires,” I replied.
He gripped my arm so hard, I was sure he would break a bone. I would have been frightened had I not loved him more than I could articulate. Rhode and I were soul mates. Linked in a love bound by passion, the lust for blood, death, and the unfaltering understanding of eternity. Were we lovers? Sometimes. Certain centuries more than others. Were we best friends? Always. We were bound.
“You left me for 170 years,” I said through gritted teeth. Rhode had only returne
d from his “break” from me the week prior. We had been inseparable since his return. “Do you not know why I brought you down here?” I asked. “I can tell no one else the real truth.”
Rhode dropped his arm and I turned to face him directly.
“I have nothing left. No more sympathies,” I whispered, though there was an edge of hysteria in my voice. I could see my reflection in Rhode’s eyes. His dilated pupils overwhelmed the blue, but I stared into the blackness. My voice quivered, “Now that I know you have the ritual…Rhode, I cannot think of anything else. That my humanity—that it might be a possibility.”
“You have no idea how dangerous this ritual is.”
“I don’t care! I want to feel the sand beneath my toes. I want to wake up to the sunlight pouring through my window. I want to smell the air. Anything. Anything I can feel. God, Rhode. I need to smile—and mean it.”
“We all want those things,” he replied in a calm manner.