This book is in honor of the birth of Zoë Evans Lieb
Contents
Title Page
Dedication
1 Blarin’ Karen
2 Good and Bad
3 Bully Bobby
4 The 3 Musketeers + 1
5 Amanda Delaney
6 Bobby’s House
7 Moving Day
8 The 3 Musketeers + 2
9 Saving Andrew
10 Taking Sides
11 The Fight
12 S’mores
13 “Where Is My Fish?”
14 Lucky Duck
15 “Is Your Toilet Running?”
16 The Underwear War
17 Minnie Mouse
18 Andrew
19 Snake Attack
20 Andrew and Alicia
About the Author
Also Available
Copyright
Blarin’ Karen
I am Karen Brewer. I am seven years old. And guess what. I am married. My husband is Ricky Torres. He is seven, too, but he is a few months older than me. (Of course, we are just pretend married.) Ricky and I are in the same second-grade classroom at Stoneybrook Academy. Our teacher is Ms. Colman. She is gigundoly nice. I just love Ms. Colman.
Here is one bad thing about Ricky. His best friend is Bobby Gianelli. Bobby is a pest and a bully. He can always find something to tease me about. When I got glasses, he used to say, “Karen is a four-eyes!” Then Ricky got glasses too, so Bobby stopped saying things about four-eyed people. He did not want to hurt his best friend. After that, Bobby started to call me Blarin’ Karen. I guess I do have sort of a big mouth. But I do not think I blare.
Oh, well. Mostly I try to ignore Bobby the bully.
For instance, today on the playground I was busy with my best friends, who are Nancy Dawes and Hannie Papadakis. (They are in Ms. Colman’s class, too.) Nancy and Hannie and I were sitting on the ground inside the jungle gym. The jungle gym was a castle and we were three trapped princesses. We would not be able to escape unless triplet princes rode up to the castle on dragons and broke the evil spell that the Bad Witch of the World had cast upon us.
In order to alert the princes I had to lean out the castle window and yell, “Heeeeeelp! HEEEEEELP! Come rescue the princesses!”
I did not expect anyone to answer me, but someone did. Bobby Gianelli yelled back, “Hey, Blarin’ Karen! BE QUIET! I cannot concentrate on my marbles when you are making so much noise!” (The boys in my class have mostly only played marbles for the last ten or eleven days.)
I ignored Bobby. “Who will rescue us?” I shrieked.
Bobby left the game of marbles. He marched over to the jungle gym. He stood by it with his hands on his hips. “Be … quiet … Blarin’ … Karen,” he said. Then he began to run around the jungle gym. “Blarin’ Karen! Blarin’ Karen! Blarin’ Karen!” he sang.
Darn it. The princesses would never be rescued now.
I looked out the window at Ricky, my husband. He was still shooting marbles. He was ignoring Bobby and me. It is hard for Ricky to be my husband and Bobby’s best friend.
The bell rang then and recess was over. So the princesses were never rescued and it was all Bobby’s fault.
My classmates and I lined up and waited for Ms. Colman to walk us back to our room. I stood with Hannie and Nancy. We stick together most of the time. We call ourselves the Three Musketeers. In front of us stood Bobby and Ricky and Hank Reubens. They were counting their marbles. Behind us stood Pamela Harding, who is my best enemy, and her friends Jannie Gilbert and Leslie Morris. They stick together all the time too, but they are too mean to be musketeers. Behind them stood the twins Terri and Tammy, and behind them stood Natalie Springer. Natalie always has droopy socks. When she talks, she lisps. Here is how she says her own name: Natalie Thpringer.
My classmates and I filed inside. While we were walking down the hall Bobby turned to look at me. “I lost half my marbles today, Karen,” he said. “And it is all your fault.”
Well, it was Bobby’s fault that the princesses were not rescued.
I stuck out my tongue at Bobby. He does not scare me.
Bobby frowned. Then he said, “You think you are so great, Karen Brewer. Just because you have two families. But I think you are weird!”
Good and Bad
Bobby Gianelli was right and wrong. I do have two families, but I am not weird. I think Bobby is jealous. I bet he wishes he had two families.
Why do I have two families? Because my parents are divorced. They got divorced a few years ago when I was just a little kid. See, I used to live in a big house here in Stoneybrook, Connecticut, with my mother and my father and my little brother Andrew. (Andrew is four now, going on five.) Then Mommy and Daddy began to fight all the time. They said they loved Andrew and me very much, but they could not live together anymore. So Mommy moved out of the big house and into a little house, which is also in Stoneybrook. (Daddy stayed in the big house. He grew up there.) Mommy took Andrew and me to the little house with her. The good part was that the fighting stopped. The bad part was that I missed the way our family used to be.
After awhile, Mommy and Daddy got married again, but not to each other. Mommy married Seth. Seth is my stepfather. Daddy married Elizabeth. Elizabeth is my stepmother. Most of the time, Andrew and I live at the little house with Mommy and Seth. But every other weekend, and on some holidays and vacations, we live at Daddy’s with our big-house family. And that is how we got our two families, one at each house.
Here is who lives at Mommy’s: Mommy, Seth, Andrew, me, Rocky, Midgie, and Emily Junior. Rocky and Midgie are Seth’s cat and dog. Emily Junior is my rat.
Here is who lives at Daddy’s: Daddy, Elizabeth, Andrew, me, Charlie, Sam, David Michael, Kristy, Emily Michelle, Nannie, Boo-Boo, Shannon, Goldfishie, and Crystal Light the Second. Charlie, Sam, David Michael, and Kristy are Elizabeth’s kids. (Elizabeth was married once before she married Daddy.) Charlie and Sam go to high school. David Michael is seven like me. (He sometimes calls me Professor, because of my glasses.) And Kristy is thirteen. I just adore Kristy. She is the best, best big sister ever. Plus she is a gigundoly wonderful baby-sitter. Emily Michelle is my adopted sister. She is two and a half. Daddy and Elizabeth adopted her from a faraway country called Vietnam. (I named my rat after her.) And Nannie is Elizabeth’s mother. (That makes her my stepgrandmother.) All the others are pets. Boo-Boo is Daddy’s cross old cat. Shannon is David Michael’s puppy. Goldfishie and Crystal Light the Second are (what else?) goldfish. They belong to Andrew and me. (Andrew was the one who named Goldfishie.)
I made up special nicknames for my little brother and me. I call us Andrew Two-Two and Karen Two-Two. (I got the name from a book Ms. Colman read to my class. It was called Jacob Two-Two Meets the Hooded Fang.) Andrew and I are two-twos because we have two of so many things. We have two houses and two families, two mommies and two daddies, two cats and two dogs. Plus, I have two bicycles, one at each house. Andrew has two tricycles, one at each house. We have books and clothes and toys at each house. (This is so we do not have to pack much when we go from one house to the other.) And I have my two best friends. Nancy lives next door to Mommy. Hannie lives across the street from Daddy and one house down. I even have twin stuffed cats. Goosie lives at the little house and Moosie lives at the big house. Of course, Andrew and I do not have two of everything. For instance, I used to have only one Tickly, the special blanket I sleep with. I kept forgetting and leaving Tickly behind at one of my houses. Finally, I had to cut Tickly in two, so I could have one half at the big house and the other half at the little house.
There are good things and bad things about being a two-two, but mostly good things. So I did not understand why Bobby Gianelli teased me about having two families.
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Bully Bobby
On most afternoons when school is over, Nancy and I ride home together. Then we play outdoors or at my little house or at her house. Sometimes we let Andrew play with us. Sometimes not.
Here is some exciting news. Nancy’s mother is going to have a baby. Then Nancy will have a little brother or sister. So far, Nancy is an only child. But she is very glad she will be a big sister soon. Something else exciting is that Nancy gets to name the baby. Honest. Her parents said she could. They told her so over the summer, and ever since, Nancy has been trying to think up just the right boy and girl names. Now school has started again and she still has not decided. Choosing a name must be a hard job.
“What do you think of Rachael?” Nancy asked me.
It was a Wednesday afternoon. Nancy and I were sitting on the front stoop at Mommy’s house. Andrew was playing in the yard.
“Rachael is a nice name,” I answered.
“And for a boy, how about Alexander?”
“That’s nice, too.” I paused. Then I said, “You know what I really think you should name the baby if it’s a girl?”
“What?” asked Nancy.
“Karen.” (Nancy giggled.) “No, really,” I said.
“But I would get confused if my best friend and my sister were both named Karen. I know. How about something beautiful and fancy and old-fashioned. Like Patience Jane.”
“Patience?” I squawked. “Patience is not a name.”
“It was in the olden days. So were Faith and Hope and Charity — ”
Nancy was interrupted when someone yelled, “Yo!”
I looked up. I held my hand over my eyes to keep the sun out. Then I saw who was standing in my yard. I almost had a heart attack.
“Bobby Gianelli!” I cried. “What are you doing here?”
“It’s a free country,” he replied. (That is something my brother Sam says a lot.) “I can be here if I want.”
I jumped to my feet. “No, you cannot! This is private property!”
Bobby stuck out his tongue. But he stepped back to the sidewalk. And Andrew ran to Nancy and me. He looked scared.
“Who is that?” whispered Andrew. (He tried to hide behind us.)
“That is Bully Bobby Gianelli,” I told him. Then I yelled again, “What are you doing here, Bobby?”
Bobby smiled. “I am moving to your street. I mean, my family is. We are going to be your neighbors soon…. So you better watch out.”
“Why do we have to watch out?” Andrew asked me. He was whispering again.
“Oh, do not pay any attention to Bobby,” I told my brother.
But just then Bobby said, “Hey, Andrew! I remember when you visited Karen at our school. I know who you are. Just wait until I move here.”
I frowned. Then I thought of something. “I bet you are not really moving to this street, Bobby!” I yelled. “You are just saying that.”
“Wrong!” replied Bobby. “We are moving into that house.” He pointed down the street. He pointed to a house with a For Sale sign in the yard. Pasted over the sign was the word SOLD.
Uh-oh.
“See you soon, you dweebs!” cried Bobby. He ran toward the house.
Andrew crept out from behind Nancy. Then he sat on the steps with us.
“Bullfrogs,” said Nancy.
“Yeah, no fair,” I added. “We have to see Bobby every day in school. Soon we will have to see him after school, too.”
“Bully Bobby is scary,” said Andrew.
The 3 Musketeers + 1
That weekend was a big-house weekend. On Friday, just before dinnertime, Mommy drove Andrew and me to Daddy’s. So when I woke up on Saturday morning, I was in my bedroom in my old house.
I peeked out the window. The sky was blue. The air felt warm. It was going to be a perfect September day. I decided to invite all my friends over.
Later that morning Hannie, Nancy, and I were in my playroom with Melody Korman. Melody lives near Daddy, too. She lives across the street, and two houses away from Hannie. Guess what. Someone else used to live in Melody’s house. Her name is Amanda Delaney. Amanda is my friend and Hannie’s enemy. (Nancy does not know her very well.) When the Delaneys moved away, the Kormans moved in. Melody is gigundoly nice. But she does not go to Stoneybrook Academy. She goes to a different school. So I do not see her very often.
Anyway, Hannie and Nancy and Melody and I had gotten dressed up. We had put on long slips and big high-heeled shoes and aprons and gloves and floppy hats. We were Lovely Ladies.
“Let’s play outside,” I said. “The Lovely Ladies should go for a stroll.”
“Charming,” replied Hannie.
And Nancy said, “We need parasols. We must protect our skin from the sun.”
“Hmm,” I said thoughtfully. “I do not think we have any parasols. We will have to use umbrellas instead. We can pretend.”
We had just found four umbrellas and were tiptoeing around my yard, when Kristy called, “Karen! Telephone for you!”
“For me?” I replied. Who could be calling? All my friends were with me in the yard…. Oh, maybe Ricky, my husband, was calling.
I ran into the kitchen. Kristy handed me the phone. “Hello?” I said.
“Hi, Karen! It’s me, Amanda.”
“Amanda!” I shrieked. “Hi! Kristy, it’s Amanda Delaney!”
“I know,” said my big sister. “But, shh. Remember to use your indoor voice.”
“Sorry,” I whispered. “Amanda, guess what.”
“What?”
“A bully is going to move in right near the little house. His name is Bobby Gianelli, and he is in my class at school. Soon the only place I will be safe from Bobby is here at the big house.”
“Boo,” said Amanda.
“Yeah, boo…. How come you are calling?”
“I miss you,” Amanda replied.
“I miss you, too. When will we see each other?”
“I don’t know. Mommy and Daddy have not said anything about driving to Stoney-brook. I hope we will come soon.”
“Maybe you could come and stay here at Daddy’s house.”
“Maybe for a weekend, a whole weekend. I mean, if Hannie would not care,” said Amanda. “Would we have to play with her?”
“Amanda, of course we would! Hannie is my friend. But listen, if you came to stay with me, you know what else we could do? We could go to your old house. A girl just your age lives there now. Her name is Melody. I have told you about Melody. We could visit her and then you could see your house.”
“Excellent,” said Amanda.
Amanda’s mother needed to use the phone then so we had to hang up. I ran outside to tell my friends about the call.
“Awesome,” said Nancy and Melody.
“Not,” said Hannie. She was frowning.
Oh, well. I was excited.
Amanda Delaney
I am reading a very excellent book. I have read it before and I will probably read it again. It is called Sarah, Plain and Tall. After supper that Saturday night I found my copy of the book. I sat down to read it. I sat in the living room where it is quiet. But I could not keep my mind on the story. I thought of Amanda instead.
I remembered the fun Amanda and I used to have when Amanda still lived across the street. Amanda was the person who started the game of Lovely Ladies. It was her idea.
Then I thought of her phone call that morning. I bet Amanda missed her old house. I bet she would want to see it again, and meet Melody. And I knew if she came for a visit, we would have lots of fun.
I put down Sarah, Plain and Tall. Then I ran to the den. Daddy was there. He was playing Chutes and Ladders with David Michael, Andrew, and Emily. (Boo-Boo was watching the game. His tail was twitching.)
“Daddy? Do you think maybe Amanda could come for a visit sometime? I miss her so, so much. And she misses me. We have waited very patiently for a visit.”
“I think a visit could be arranged,” said Daddy.
“Really? Could Amanda c
ome here? To the big house? For a weekend?”
“An entire weekend?” repeated Daddy. “Well, I suppose so.”
“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!”
“Yuck,” said David Michael. “A weekend of girls.”
I ignored him. (You have to ignore boys pretty much.) “Could she come in two weeks? For my next weekend at the big house?” I asked.
“I don’t see why not,” Daddy answered. “If it is okay with Elizabeth and Nannie. And if it is okay with Amanda’s parents.”
Elizabeth said the visit was okay! So did Nannie!
“Yea!” I cried. I telephoned Amanda right away. “Guess what, guess what, guess what! Daddy said I can invite you for a visit! So do you want to come in two weeks? You can stay for the whole weekend!”
“Really?” exclaimed Amanda. “Sure!”
“Daddy says you have to ask your parents if it is all right.”
“Oh, okay.” I heard a thunk as Amanda dropped the phone. A few minutes later, she picked it up again. “Hi, I’m back. My mother and father both said I can visit. They will drive me to your house on Saturday morning and pick me up on Sunday afternoon. Also, they want to talk to your parents. They have to ask them some questions.”
So the grown-ups talked for awhile. When they were finished, I said, “ ’Bye, Amanda. I will see you in fourteen days!”
“ ’Bye, Karen! I can’t wait.”
* * *
On Sunday, I spread the good news to Nancy, Melody, and Hannie. Hannie was the only one who did not think the news was good.
Nancy said, “Cool! I would like to see Amanda again.”
Melody said, “Cool! I can’t wait to meet the girl who lived in my room before I did. I hope she likes the way her room looks now.”
But Hannie groaned. Then she said, “In two weeks? She will be here that soon? And she will be staying overnight? I wonder if I will be here then. Maybe my family will go away or something.” Hannie checked. Her family was not going away. “Bull-frogs,” she said.
“Oh, Hannie. It will not be so bad. You and Amanda used to play together sometimes. Remember?” I said.