King Toot:
Revolting Rhymes for Little Monsters
By Rusty Fischer, author of Upon Halloween
* * * * *
King Toot
Rusty Fischer
Copyright 2014 by Rusty Fischer
* * * * *
This is a work of fiction. All of the names, characters, places and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or, if real, are used fictitiously.
Disclaimer: The lesson plans suggested in the “Bonus Chapter” of this book are meant merely as a guideline in your home or classroom. Try them out first to see if they are appropriate for your class level or age group. For that matter, preview the poems in this collection to make sure they are appropriate for your “little monster” as well.
Cover credit: © get4net – Fotolia.com
* * * * *
Author’s Note:
The following is a FREE Halloween poetry collection edited by the author himself. If you see any glaring mistakes, I apologize and hope you don’t take it out on my poor little monsters, who had nothing to do with their author’s bad grammar!
Happy reading… and Happy Halloween!
Enjoy!
* * * * *
Introduction
It struck me recently, as I was writing yet another Halloween poem for little ones, how much fun I had trying to find words that rhymed with, oh, you know… snot and boogers and snot and fart and gas and poop and snot. (Did I already say snot?)
I did, I know, but… it’s just such a great word. And so I got the idea to try and write a few dozen poems that were, well… gross. Grody. Silly. Rude. Crude. Gassy, not quite classy, and totally fun!
In a word: revolting!
And here they are: dozens of Revolting Rhymes for Little Monsters! I hope you enjoy one or two, or four or five, or a dozen or more, or hopefully ALL of them with your little monster.
And if you’re a teacher, or know one, or a parent, or know one, and just want to use these poems to inspire your students or kids to enjoy poetry more often, or even write their own, I’ve even included a bonus chapter called “31 Spooky Ways to Bring Halloween Poems to Life” to help you do just that.
And you don’t have to wait for Halloween to read these “revolting rhymes,” or teach a few lessons. Little monsters are everywhere, all year long!
Happy Halloween,
Rusty Fischer
* * * * *
King Toot:
Revolting Rhymes for Little Monsters
Goblin boogers…
Goblin boogers,
Werewolf spleen;
What monsters give
On Halloween!
* * * * *
Wolfman farted…
Windows blown out,
Driver cussed;
Wolfman farted
On the bus!
* * * * *
Say goodbye…
When a bat
Flies in your hair;
Say goodbye to
Clean underwear!
* * * * *
Brain fruit…
Brains, brains,
Not quite fruit;
But they sure make
Zombies toot!
* * * * *
When monsters sleep over…
When monsters sleep over,
Don’t be so surprised;
When the Wolfman makes off,
With one of your thighs!
* * * * *
Farty party…
The ghosts were all grumbly,
And the werewolves quite farty;
At Dracula’s annual
Halloween slumber party!
* * * * *
On Witch Road…
Eye of newt
And leg of toad;
Trick or treating
On Witch Road.
* * * * *
Bathroom break…
For mummies this
Is not an issue:
Running out of
Toilet tissue!
* * * * *
Monster appetizers…
Piles of bat droppings
And ghost poop;
Monsters love ‘em
By the scoop!
* * * * *
And to all a good night…
Visions of arteries
Danced in their heads;
As the vampires slumbered
Tucked in their beds…
* * * * *
Monster Party…
The Monster Party
Ended early.
(Wolfman got
A little surly.)
* * * * *
Witch tea…
One pinch of arsenic,
Two of wart dust;
A little more poison?
Why yes, it’s a must!
* * * * *
Good monster…
The monster seemed lovely,
Gentle and sweet;
Little did I know,
I was his “treat”!
* * * * *
Witches in the kitchen…
Hair of horny toad,
Pinch of fresh allspice;
Add a few fresh boogers
Stir it once or twice.
* * * * *
Monster’s ball…
The bat flew down,
The witch threw up,
Too much potion
In their cup!
* * * * *
Lost in translation…
Croak and slobber
Stomping feet;
Monsters saying,
“Trick or treat!”
* * * * *
Vampire High…
Halloween dance,
Sure was a dud;
Too much garlic
Not enough blood!
* * * * *
Kissed a witch…
Kissed a witch,
On Halloween;
Now my lips
Are neon green!
* * * * *
That’s no witch…
Moldy teeth and
Forehead blister;
That’s no witch,
It’s just my sister!
* * * * *
New underwear…
Howls and shrieks,
Fill the air;
Time for some
New underwear!
* * * * *
Bare dare…
Trick or treat,
If you dare;
Wearing just
Your underwear!
* * * * *
Creepy compliments…
Your skin is green,
Your nose is bent;
To witches it’s
A compliment!
* * * * *
Poor Fred…
Frankenstein
Once lost his head;
Borrowed one
From a kid named Fred.
* * * * *
One left foot…
Frankenstein
Once lost his shoe;
(Of course, his foot
Was in there, too!)
* * * * *
Nose toes…
Frankenstein
Once lost his nose;
Replaced it with
A couple toes!
* * * * *
Knee glee…
Frankenstein
Once lost his knee;
Borrowed one
From little old me!
* * * * *
Never take candy from a werewolf…
Goblin boogers,
Franken-snot;
Gee, Wolf
man,
Thanks a lot!
* * * * *
Wolfman shedding…
Cupcakes covered
With brown hair;
Wolfman shedding
Everywhere!
* * * * *
Fred…
Kept my pumpkin,
Named him Fred;
Now he’s rotting
Beneath my bed.
* * * * *
Two left feet…
Monster lurches,
Down my street;
Frankenstein has
Two left feet!
* * * * *
Not snot…
Crunchy crust and
Slime that glistens;
Mention “snot” and
No one listens!
* * * * *
Cut the cheese…
Frankenstein once
Cut the cheese;
Lost one butt cheek
And both knees!
* * * * *
On Zombie Street…
Check for fingers
And cold feet;
When seeking treats
On Zombie Street!
* * * * *
Monster treats…
Here’s my haul,
After one hour:
Boogers sweet and
Snot so sour!
* * * * *
No room in there…
Costume’s tight,
No room in there;
For pesky things
Like… underwear!
* * * * *
Boxers or briefs…
According to the
News reports;
Monsters prefer
Boxer shorts!
* * * * *
Bad timing…
Skin of green
And tongue of blue;
Not my costume,
Just the flu!
* * * * *
Secret recipe…
Monster sweat and
Goblin slime;
Add a dash of
Cauldron grime.
* * * * *
Lunch rush…
Road kill stew and
Vulture guts;
Drives the goblins
Extra nuts!
* * * * *
Runny tons…
Toilet filling
By the tons;
Wolfie went and
Got the runs!
* * * * *
On Halloween…
Six rows of teeth,
Nose warts of green;
Everyone’s welcome,
On Halloween!
* * * * *
Bless shoe…
Frankenstein once
Blew his nose;
Lost his head and
Half his toes!
* * * * *
Nose toes…
Frankenstein needs
Extra toes;
Uses them to
Pick his nose!
* * * * *
Werewolf worries…
If you think his
Bark is bad;
Wait’ll you smell
That gas he had!
* * * * *
Vampire breath…
Werewolf gas and
Vampire breath;
Might just “smell” you
Half to death!
* * * * *
You might be a zombie if…
Hair falls out
And bad B.O.
Nails that will
No longer grow…
* * * * *
Puzzling pee…
How many times
Do zombies pee?
Something that
Still puzzles me!
* * * * *
Running start…
If you hear
A werewolf fart;
Better get
A running start!
* * * * *
Beware wolf…
Here is someone
To avoid:
Werewolf with
A hemorrhoid!
* * * * *
Ghost tip…
Here’s a ghost tip,
You’ll find neat:
Before they fart,
They lift their sheet!
* * * * *
Vampire vapors…
Oh, what vapors
Will escape;
When Dracula
Lifts up his cape!
* * * * *
Mummy tummy…
Oh the smells,
That will resume;
When mummy opens
Up his tomb!
* * * * *
That’s a wrap…
Mummy wraps are
Rather handy;
After they
Digest their candy!
* * * * *
King Toot…
Oh the toots
That left King Tut;
When they first
Unwrapped his butt!
* * * * *
Which witch…
Witches may
Fair maidens be;
But belch and fart
Quite merrily!
* * * * *
Stand clear…
Mummies poop
But once a year;
So when they do
Best to stand clear!
* * * * *
The werewolf did it…
I waited till
The werewolf roared;
To cover up
Those farts I stored!
* * * * *
Good goblin…
Good to have a
Friendly goblin;
Pick your nose and
Wipe it on ‘em!
* * * * *
Bigger boogers…
Goblin mask
Sits on the shelf;
Made from boogers
I picked myself!
* * * * *
I’d rather snot…
Take a bath?
In water hot?
Mother dear,
I’d rather snot!
* * * * *
When witches go shopping…
Spider legs and
Warts that hiss;
Just a witch’s
Shopping list!
* * * * *
Graveyard trembles…
Zombie in a
Tattered suit;
Graveyard trembles
With each toot!
* * * * *
Goblins poo…
Goblins poo and
Werewolves, too;
Tell me true:
Don’t you, too?!?
* * * * *
Out of order…
Werewolf’s patience,
Growing shorter;
Bathroom sign says,
“Out of order!”
* * * * *
When you have to go…
The bathroom’s haunted,
With ghosts aglow;
But I really, really
HAVE to go!
* * * * *
For the mummy…
For the mummy,
You will shout;
When toilet paper
All runs out!
* * * * *
Monster Party…
This Monster Party,
I must escape;
Blew my nose in
Dracula’s cape!
* * * * *
Mummy farts…
Mummy farts,
Are just the worst;
When ancient butt cheeks
Almost burst!
* * * * *
Mummy snot…
Those aren’t fossils,
That you got;
Just petrified
Mummy snot!
* * * * *
Another stitch…
Frankenstein’s
Nose did itch;
Squeezed and bl
ew
Another stitch!
* * * * *
Like you and me…
Mummies are just
Like you and me;
Except we’re not
Covered in TP!
* * * * *
Werewolf waiting…
Werewolf in
The waiting room;
Sat upon a
Witch’s broom!
* * * * *
Hold your breath…
Hold your breath
Until you burst;
Hope Wolfman’s gas
Won’t kill you first!
* * * * *
Sonic bum boom…
That was not
A sonic boom;
(But goblin gas
Sure clears a room!)
* * * * *
Noisy neighbor…
Werewolf moved in
Right next door;
Keeps us up nights
With his roar!
* * * * *
Dear Wolfman…
Dear Wolfman
I beg of thee:
Point those farts
Away from me!
* * * * *
Powerful potion…
Skin of green and
Scales so itchy;
Drank a potion
From a witchy!
* * * * *
Boo Beans…
Monster Party
Didn’t last;
Ghost’s “Boo Beans”
Gave them gas!
* * * * *
Our vampire lacks…
Putrid punch and
Moldy snacks;
Cooking skills
Our vampire lacks.
* * * * *
Boogers green…
Snot so bright and
Boogers green;
Finest sneeze
I’ve ever seen!
* * * * *
Bus fuss…
Windshield wipers,
Smeared with puss;
Witch ran into
Our school bus!
* * * * *
Vampire menu…
Heart soufflé and
Bloody Mary;
Vampire menu
Just got scary!
* * * * *
Bonus Chapter:
31 Spooky Ways to Bring Halloween Poems to Life!