Now Taking a Lover
Michelle Toussaint
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Copyright © 2014 Michelle Toussaint
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the author.
ISBN 978-1511672436
DEDICATION
To everyone who believed I could, even when I didn’t.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Special Thanks to Kimolisa Mings and Jamila George, my ever steadfast proofreaders/cheering section.
Thanks for putting up with me guys.
How it Starts
Introduction
What do you do in the face of betrayal?
Anger?
Rage?
Vengeance?
If you are Her,
You take a lover
Then another
And another and another
But who would think that in getting even,
would lead Her where it did?
Or that the path would be paved with
Tyrone, Nate, Robert and James?
Distant
Don’t say it gentle lady
Keep it in and sigh softly
Speak only with your eyes and your body
To his constantly turned back.
Don’t say it gentle lady
That you want him deeply
To touch and taste you
Sweetly holding
Being present in that moment
Don’t say it gently lady
Don’t speak of the sacrifice
Of resisting temptation
Even when the evidence of his forays into passion
Mark his skin.
All while you are left wanting for his touch
Don’t say it gentle lady
Don’t speak those words that are brewing
In your mind’s eye
The confession of you ire
Don’t make audible your longing
For what is it to want alone?
To not, yourself be wanted?
Don’t say it gently lady
Ugly words like Lonely and betrayed
Like unrequited and unsatisfied
It’s not your place Gentle Lady to be less than satiated
On the scraps from Affection’s table
Don’t say it gentle lady
Because you’re not ready to be alone.
Tell Me
Tell me who you smile for
Because your smiles don’t live here anymore
Who captivates you?
Wraps you in her spell
And dances in your mind’s eye.
When you look of into the distance,
Tell me who you fell for in the moment I wasn’t looking
In the time this went from a relationship
To a hostage situation
Tell me where your kisses went
Because they no longer grace my lips
And all the things that came with them
Are sorely missed
Tell me why I can’t leave you
And why you won’t let me be
Why you haunt my presence
With romantic recollections.
I’d love to have my lover back
When you fall back from your stars
Tell me why you won’t tell me
Tell me how to do this
Tell me why I can’t need you anymore.
And then He said Sorry
He told me heartily that she meant nothing,
Her tender nothings, reciprocated by him meant nill,
“See ‘cause he had been lonely
And her most appealing quality was that she was needy,”
And he proceeded to explain reverently that… you see,
That she had peppered her rhetoric,
With tender compliments and subtle tributes to his ego,
Finally she had been so bold
As to utter through lips blushed with loving smiles
“I love you”
And while he utilized the tool of any player’s trade
And uttered the same,
It was just that, a game.
A soft seduction with no emotions giving it fuel
But like a moth to flame or a fly to waste
In his oneness he was attracted to this half thing
That needed…
For the justification of her being his affection.
And he continued saying
“See ‘cause baby, I don’t mean to call you cold,
But you abandoned me,
In your haste to give chase
To a dream I never fathomed even in my sleep.
I needed to be needed and you,
For all your strength needed nothing,
I was emasculated
And she was too pathetic to notice that she was a stand in,
A stop gap mannequin holding a place only you could fill”
And in my mind it was so obvious
How could this have happened to us?
Maybe he was misinformed
In the misunderstanding failing to understand
That I needed to need, as he needed to be needed
It was so profoundly uncomplicated
It was ethereal and aesthetic
Cause I had built my life a temple, a shrine to him,
But in the building and the praising
And the passionate communion of our fornication
He had lost the crux of the matter
That when his heart started beating in my chest,
I became him
Or more rather I became she who existed for him
And with every lofty profession, every sweet nothing
Every fear and insecurity,
Every tear that soiled the trust between us,
Filed effortlessly as they left his lips in his
Folder marked “I don’t give a shit”
He had killed us softly,
But there he knelt in front of me saying
“Baby I’m sorry”
It could have been one or two, five or three
All blended into a mural of verbal mental infidelity
His saving grace for his abuse of me
“I’m sorry”
Now taking a lover.
Seeking eligible male for sexual rendezvous only.
Please forward photo and current certified STI/STD panel to:
1-268-722-????
Serious inquires only
Tyrone
The Meeting
If he licks his lips again
I will take him here and now
I will decimate barriers of cotton and denim
And whatever else he may be wearing
Keeping me from warm things
And smooth things
And hard things
And things crafted by the hands of the almighty,
To please a woman
If he licks those lips again
Those cherry lips
Full and firm and strong and plump and moist
I will take him here and now
I will discover the taste of caramel skin
Stretched over muscle and sinew
Heated by the sun and respiration
I’ll taste as he moans and melts
As I take him and make him candy
If he licks those lips again
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I will take him here and now
In full view of everyone watching
No more talk of resumes and scheduled meetings
Of qualification and availability
No more civility
In the making of arrangements
That will end in heat and sweat anyway
If he licks those lips again
Like he don’t know that there is moisture pooling
In intimate places
A fragrant dew made for loving
Content to flow without my bidding
Because he keeps licking his damn lips
The doing
Let’s talk about raw heat
Unbridled lust and sexual tension
Let’s talk about hands roving flesh
And hungry lips
And skin on skin
Let’s talk about It
Let’s talk about the entry
The deep intake of breath
And satisfied groans of knowing that this is new land conquered
A new path ventured all in the pursuit of pleasure
Let’s talk about It.
Let’s talk about setting a pace
And the rock of the rhythm
Let’s talk about the hard drive of hips like pistons
And the meeting of base and clit
Let’s talk about
Riding out
Turning out
Screaming out
In abandon
Let’s talk about It
Let’s talk about the moment when G spots
Make G-forces
White hot sensation blurs vision
Coherence flies out the window
And coarse vocalizations,
Semblances of praise or encouragement
Let’s talk about
Those blue sparks that explode
Behind lids cemented shut by the satisfaction on the horizon
Let’s talk about It
Or let’s not talk at all
In the aftermath
More than This
There is more to this that the friction of bodies
There is more to it than pants and moans
And legs intertwined
Or splayed or wrapped around hips
There is more to this than
The pressing together of precious things
To bring about pleasurable things
In near anonymity
There’s just more to it.
There is a missing in this doing
That leaves the spirit hungry
A hole in need of filling
That makes it all so incomplete
There is more to this than the meeting of lips
The curling of toed
The swaying of hips
There is so much more to this.
But what is it
This something missing
Missing in the kissing of bits
Discreetly kissed for the love of indulgence
There is a piece missing
A soul gone missing
There is more to this than just this
Now taking a lover.
Seeking eligible male for sexual rendezvous.
Romance Unnecessary
Please forward photo and current certified STI/STD panel to:
1-268-722-????
Serious inquires only
Nate
A Chance meeting
There you are suddenly
Just there
Just us
Just like that
You say and I say
A quip, your wit
And I’m caught
Just like that
Like song and tune
Joined together perfectly
A symphony of noise
Something beautiful in the chaos
Simply that
Just like that
It happens in a whirlwind
Of getting-to-know you moments
Smiling genuine in unexpected moments
Innocently intimate
And inappropriately candid
‘Cause it’s easy
You know?
The way this is happening
Unexpectedly comfortable
Just there
Just us
Just like that
Lay me Down
“Now I lay me down to sleep”
Let me lay you down,
Let me rape your abundance with my eyes
Raking sight over ass and hips
and lips and tits
Let me breathe you in,
The scent of sex and your sweet things
“I beg you lord my soul to take”
And beg you will
For the touch of experienced hands
On your heated skin
Let me trace the lines of my longing
On the trails of your being
Let my fingers explore
And exalt like you have never been praised
Let me read my brail tale
Of bountiful breasts, and wide hips,
Let my fingers dance a path of feeling
Along the erogenous fault lines of you
“If I should die before I wake”
I’ll lead you to it,
Follow the path my tongue will trace
From the curve of your jaw
To the peak of each tit,
swirling pleasure around each tender nip
Let me skim the sweet cream of your stomach
On the way to the meeting of my lips and your lips
The ones between your hips
And end the journey in flat tongued licks
Ending at the apex of your clit
And there I shall linger,
And savor your wet hot offering
Your last as the little death takes you over, but is it over?
“I beg you lord my soul to take”
And take I will as it will be freely given
‘Cause your addicted now to the feel of my skin on your skin
Of eager digits inside and upon and around your center.
Has anyone ever taken such glory in your form?
Kept you so well in their arms?
Made you sing without voice
Or painted the back of your eyelids
With these northern lights?
And when the day is won and all is said and done
Has your body ever been left to hum
The tune I hummed when your womanhood
was my delicacy?
“Amen”
The end…the end of you without me.
Dangerous
He invited himself in
Using everything I wanted
As bait for the trap I set
I set
Made myself open to this
Predatory creature
For the want of being wanted
I did this
And it was good for time
To be his obsession
This one and everything
To let him taste me
I wanted him
But obsession is a burden
Too heavy for a casual lover
For a weekend pretender at
Clandestine loving
I let me be overwhelmed
Because he knew his game well
And I had constructed the wed
And trapped myself
In the cycle of his
Menace
I allowed it to become real
And I cowered in the dead of night
Letting fear in for company
Only to be a slave of caution
Giving of my freedom
To avoid what I let it
This vicious stranger
I had contracted
For the physicality I was missing
I did this
And now it ends with me
Now taking a lover.
Seeking eli
gible male for sexual rendezvous,
must be unattached and not seeking romantic entanglement
Please forward photo and current certified STI/STD panel to:
1-268-722-????
Serious inquires only
Robert
Kindred
I don’t even remember her smile sometimes
It’s been so long since she gifted it to me
I don’t know when she sent it into exile
I miss it
The smell of vanilla on my pillow haunts me
It’s been so long since the smell was
Mixed and intertwined with passion
Swirling around us
Intoxicating me
A small part of the spell she would weave
Even as she was impaled upon me
And we heaved together
Towards those lights
You know the ones
She made me see lights
I miss them
Now it’s sometimes maybe
And then it’s cold and reluctant
Why bother?
Now it’s half hearted good mornings
Awkward evenings
And lonely nights
With her right there with me
I don’t know when the hearth died
But there is nothing as frigid as the ashes of us
And now there is him
This new spark stoking the flame that went out for me
And it hurts because
I miss her
I’ve said as much
Done more than enough and still
Still we are strangers in the passing
Never crossing on the common ground of interest
I’m just tired of this
But I’m not ready to be alone.
This Thing
This will not be gentle
This ain’t a love thing
This will be a raw thing
A downright dirty thing
Raw and nasty
The right kind of thing for the mission we are on
This will be thing of
Hard hands and battering hips
A solid thing
The slapping sound of bodies colliding over and over again
Striving towards the purpose of explosive surrender
Dragging us under into a cocoon of nothing
Which is better that the world we walk awake
It’s the meeting of tip and cervix
Forcefully introduced repeatedly
The thrum of the friction on alphabetical spots
Causing words to catch for the lack
Of breath to birth them
Oh yes this is a dark and sensual thing
This thing of brutality for the sake of satisfaction
Or what semblance of it we can find
This will not be gentle
This will not be serene and adoring
This will not be worship or a tribute to you
This will be darkest of hungers sated
This will be motivations set on by an evil purpose
This will be a sin of the flesh
Begotten by a sin of the heart
This will not be gentle
Not for us.
Dear You
Dear you,
How would you categorize what we do?
This vengeful thing we do
For them
Without them knowing
How do we hold moral?