Chapter 1 - Olivia
“Where’s Em?” I ask as I pull the Jeep door shut, then glance over my shoulder. There’s no one in the backseat, though really I always expect my best friend to call shotgun and sit in the passenger seat. She knows I tend to get carsick but she doesn’t really care.
My best friend is kind of selfish sometimes yet I still manage to adore her.
Dustin, my other best friend, smiles in my direction before he puts his car into reverse and backs out of my driveway. “She said she’ll meet us there,” he tells me as we pull out onto the road.
Huh. We always go to parties together. That’s just how we roll, especially during the summer. This is my last party before I leave for Dad’s house in Oregon and I really want to spend my last few hours in town hanging out with Em and Dustin.
“She better,” I mutter, keeping my gaze locked on the window. It’s just past eight-thirty and the sky is twilight blue streaked with varying shades of pink and purple. Normally I wouldn’t notice, but without Em’s constant chatter to distract me, I’m already feeling a little sad.
A little lost.
“Hey.” Dustin rests his hand on my bare knee, giving it a squeeze. I turn my head to look at him, our gazes meeting. His eyes are a warm, dark brown that I usually find comforting but right now, he seems so serious. I drink in his familiar features, a face I’ve stared at for what feels like forever. He’s actually a pretty good-looking guy and yeah, we might’ve fooled around a time or two in the past.
In the not so distant past…
And I’m not sure how I feel about it. We’re cruising into different territory and it scares me.
It also excites me.
“What?” I finally ask, hating how my voice cracks. I clear my throat, try to smile at him and he squeezes my knee again, his hand creeping a little higher up my thigh. I shove his hand off my leg and he shakes his head, laughing.
“Don’t act all down and out because your twin isn’t here. She’s going to be at the party, I promise. She knows how important tonight is to you and I’m sure she won’t leave your side all night,” he reassures, keeping his gaze on the road.
He sounds almost…jealous. Em and I drive him crazy half the time and I know sometimes he feels like the third wheel in our friendship. Other times, it’s like Em’s the third wheel when Dustin and I would rather be alone. It’s hard. I don’t like feeling torn between them.
And I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
“How is she getting a ride to Tuttle’s house?” Jordan Tuttle is the most popular boy in our class, probably the entire school, though most of the time he’s aloof and kind of an asshole. Everyone knows who Tuttle is. He has the most epic blow out parties since his parents are never home. Plus, he’s rich as hell and his house is amazing.
“She got her car back.”
I frown, fighting the irritation that threatens to take hold. Em is constantly getting her car taken away by her parents. Her grades for the last quarter were awful so they took it away for the entire summer, supposedly.
Looks like that idea fell apart after approximately two weeks.
“And you know this how?” I cross my arms in front of my chest, sinking low in my seat. The back of my thighs stick to the soft leather and I grimace, irritated. This is what I get for wearing such short shorts.
“She told me.” He shrugs and my gaze snags on his broad shoulders bared by the tank he’s wearing. I’ve never really been a fan of tanks on guys-or so I thought. I can’t help but notice how defined Dustin’s arms are, the skin smooth and already a warm golden brown from the sun. “She wanted it to be a surprise for you, so put on a good show when you see her next, okay?”
“Weird surprise, but I’ll roll with it,” I say, hating that I feel a little put out. I know how Em usually operates. She’s spontaneous. Erratic.
She’s usually fun. I’m the steady one who needs to plot and plan. Not Em. She’s up for anything, anytime. She needs me to hold her back. I need her to push me forward.
It’s the perfect friendship.
“You leave tomorrow, right?” Dustin asks after a few minutes of no talking, the only sound filling his Jeep coming from the radio. Some obnoxious song that they can’t stop playing is blaring out of the speakers and I’m ready to suggest we hook up my phone playlist or even Spotify, which is my favorite obsession.
“Yeah.” I pluck at a loose thread unraveling from the leg of my jean shorts. They’re so short my pockets show and the hem is completely frayed. “I fly out in the morning.”
“Extra early?”
“Not till nine.” Though that feels early since I’d been sleeping in since school ended. “Knowing my mom, she’ll make us leave by six-thirty in order to get to the airport on time.”
“You can sleep on the plane.”
“Sort of.” Planes are uncomfortable and Dad doesn’t put me in first class so I suffer in the cramped seats sitting next to weirdo strangers who send me sympathetic looks when they figure out I’m traveling alone.
It sucks.
And my attitude sucks even more, I swear. I need to get over myself. Focus on tonight. Focus on the party, spending time with my friends. I need to soak it all up as much as possible before I leave for the rest of the summer.
“I’ll miss you.” Dustin’s voice goes soft and it has the same effect on my heart. He meets my gaze once more and I smile at him, reaching out to touch his knee this time around.
“I’ll miss you, too,” I tell him. It’s the truth. Dustin is my best friend, my everything. We’ve been through a lot, we’ve known each other for what feels like forever, and there is no one else I’d rather have by my side but him.
And Em, too-the three of us against the world is how we’ve always played it.
“You won’t run off with Em all night, will you?” He settles his hand over mine. “I want to spend the last night you’re here together.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be back,” I tease, trying to pull my hand out from his, but he tightens his grip, not letting me escape.
“I know you will, but I want to-be with you.” His fingers curl around mine but he never says anything else. I guess he doesn’t have to.
Because he sounds serious and I know what he’s implying. Yes, we’ve messed around. Yes, I’ve never stopped it. Yes, I’ve even enjoyed it, though sometimes I feel guilty afterward, which is stupid, right? Or sometimes it just gets…weird between us, because we’re friends and I know he wants more, and I sort of do, too. But maybe I want something different.
Truth? I’m scared, afraid I might end up stuck with Dustin forever. I know that sounds mean and awful, and I’m a horrible person for even thinking that way, but I can’t help it. I’m only seventeen, and I know there’s more out there. More to explore, more to see, more people to meet and things to do…
And I want to experience all of it.
Just not always with Dustin?
Yeah, fine. I sound like a total bitch. I do love him. He’s always there for me, no matter what. I need to be there for him. I need to let go of my fears and insecurities and focus on the good stuff. How good Dustin and I are together.
Because we really are so good together…
He drops my hand and I glance up, watching him as he scowls. The Jeep slows and he hits the blinker, turning left.
“Shit, it’s already packed,” Dustin murmurs as he pulls into Tuttle’s long gravel driveway, which is lined with cars. Vehicles fill the field next to his house as well, and Dustin steers into the field, parking so far out I already dread the long walk just to reach Tuttle’s front door.
We get out of the car and silently head toward the house. There’s a cluster of girls huddled together not too far from w
here we parked, and while I recognize their faces, I don’t really know their names. I wave and they wave too before they resume talking.
“Friends of yours?” Dustin asks.
“Not really. I think they’re a bunch of sophomores.”
“Juniors now,” he corrects.
“Right.”
“And we’re seniors.” He grins and I smile in return. “Can’t freaking believe this will be our last year in school.”
My smile fades. I can’t believe it either. The great unknown stretches before us and it scares the crap out of me. I don’t know what I want to do, where I want to go, or where I can afford to go. I have decent grades but I’m not an honors student or anything like that. I want to go to college just to get out of here and live on my own, but where exactly would I go?
“Stop thinking about the heavy stuff.” Dustin grabs my hand and lifts it to his mouth, dropping a light kiss on my knuckles. “Let’s have fun tonight.”
I nod, trying to muster up more enthusiasm so he won’t worry about me. “You’re right,” I tell him, my smile reappearing. “I’m ready to have fun.”
He swings our linked hands together as we walk. “Fun as in ‘let’s get wasted’?”
I tilt my head back and laugh, staring up at the twinkling stars for a brief moment before I return my gaze to his. “Totally wasted. I need to get lit tonight.” God, I really do.
“Your wish is my command,” he says, his voice low and full of promise.
*
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Chapter 2 - Dustin
She makes me fucking crazy.
Olivia Hudson, my best friend, my first kiss, the first girl who ever touched my dick, the first girl I ever made come, the first and only girl I’ve ever been in love with, doesn’t love me back.
Not in the way I want.
I try my damnedest to play it cool with her, but that rarely works. I always end up revealing my hand, revealing my feelings when I’m in her presence, and she either acts like she’s completely oblivious or that she doesn’t want to know.
And that sucks.
So here we are at this stupid party at Tuttle’s house, the night before she leaves for her dad’s for like, six weeks. There are so many people everywhere, the front yard and back, the pool, the hot tub, it’s like I can’t avoid anyone even if I tried. They’re all people I know, most of them I’m friends with or at least know, but shit. I want a moment of quiet. I want privacy. I want Livvy in my arms, my mouth locked with hers and my hands roaming all over her hot body…
“Have one of these.” A cold beer is suddenly shoved into my hand. “Looks like you need it.”
I smile in relief and crack the can open, the satisfying hiss still sounding when I bring it to my lips and drain half of it in record time. “Thanks,” I say as I wipe the back of my hand across my mouth.
Jordan Tuttle sends me an unreadable look, nodding toward Livvy, who’s already wandering off. “What’s the deal between you two?”
“I have no clue.” I sound disgusted because damn it, I am disgusted. And frustrated. So sexually frustrated I feel like I could blow the next time someone accidentally touches my dick.
“Isn’t that Olivia Hudson?” Tuttle asks, his brow lowered in confusion.
Give me a break. He knows exactly who she is. We’ve all been going to school together for what feels like forever and our high school isn’t that huge. He only has a select group of friends and he’s fairly standoffish with everyone, including those so-called friends, so I guess I should consider myself lucky Tuttle talks to me at all.
“Yeah, it’s Liv.” I grimace, hating how her name leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I can’t be angry with her. It’s a waste of time and emotion. If I had any balls, I’d go to her and tell her how i really feel.
But I’m fairly certain she’d freak out, so I keep my mouth shut.
“I haven’t talked to that chick since eighth grade.” He frowns. “Maybe even longer. Maybe not since sixth grade.”
“She isn’t your type.” Meaning if they don’t easily spread their legs and give him what he wants, then they’re not Tuttle’s type at all. He’s a screw ‘em and leave ‘em type of guy.
I’ve contemplated more than once about trying to adopt his attitude. Tuttle seems to move through the halls at school like he’s untouchable. The girls know his game, know that he’ll never give them what they really want.
And that’s every bit of himself. Where I’m like a jackass ready to give it all up to a girl who’s blind to whatever I’m willing to offer.
“I assume you’re hitting that?” Tuttle asks.
I laugh, then stop when I realize I sound bitter as hell. “Nah. We’re just friends.”
He laughs too, tipping his beer to his lips after he drawls, “Right.”
Scowling, I walk away, not in the mood for Tuttle’s shit anymore.
But when am I ever?
I push my way through the crowd, the music loud, the bass making the floor vibrate. A group of girls say my name, waving at me when I make eye contact and I wave back, offer up a little smirk. They giggle as they turn away, one of them squealing over how tall I am and I’m tempted to go join them. I’m looking to flirt. Looking for that adoration I suddenly feel the need for. I want to let go tonight.
Hell, I need to let go.
“Baby cakes!” Thin arms wrap around my neck as a slender body presses against mine from behind. I recognize her scent, her voice, the way her nails scratch my neck, just sharp enough to make me worry she might draw blood.
“Em.” I turn to face her and she readjusts her hold so she’s gripping my shoulders, smiling up at me seductively. “What are you doing?”
“What’s it look like? Let’s dance, D.” She starts to move right there in the middle of the room to the beat of the music, her hips thrusting, her boobs bouncing beneath the stretchy fabric of her top. I don’t think she’s wearing a bra.
And I can’t help but stare.
Em smiles and tosses back her head, laughing as her hips somehow bump against mine. She knows exactly what she’s doing and she loves it. Honestly? So do I.
I shouldn’t, but I do.
“Don’t be so stiff,” she chastises, her lips curled in a dirty smirk. “Though I probably would prefer you stiff…”
“Em.” My voice is a warning but she ignores it. She’s been playing this flirtatious game with me for months. Practically our entire junior year, not that she ever acts this way when Liv’s around. I don’t know what her deal is, but I’ve never mentioned it to Livvy either, because I don’t want them to fight. It’s mostly harmless anyway. Em likes to flirt. It’s just her way.
But those two girls can be so jealous of each other. I know they are, though they’d never admit it out loud. They’re supposedly best friends, but sometimes I wonder if they’re more like best enemies…
“Oh, stop being such a downer. She’s not around. Not like she wants you anyway.” She shifts closer as the song changes to a slower beat and we start to sway to the music. “You’re not a bad dancer, D.”
I hate dancing. I’m not any good at it. “Is that what we’re doing right now? Dancing?”
“We could do more if you want,” she whispers, leaning in so close. “I’m always willing, unlike someone else we know.”
Is it wrong that I’m tempted? I’m not even drunk yet, but I wonder what would happen if I took Em up on her offer. If we could keep it our little secret and mess around behind Livvy’s back. I bet Em would let me do just about anything I
wanted to her.
Anything. And everything.
“We can’t,” I tell her. It’s my usual protest. She’s heard me say those two words more than a few times.
“Says who?” Her smile is pure seduction. The way she sinks her teeth into her lower lip, her dark hair falling into her eyes. She blinks up at me, working it. Working me hard.
And I’m half falling for it, I swear to God.
“Says me.” My voice is firm. I won’t back down. I can’t sneak around behind Livvy’s back with her best friend. It doesn’t matter that Livvy won’t give me what I want-a relationship. I can’t be disloyal to her like that. I’d feel like I was cheating on her if I messed around with Em.
Stupid, I know. But I can’t help the way I feel.
A sigh escapes her and she tucks her hair behind her ear before she reaches for my face, her fingers drifting across my lips for the briefest moment. A ghost of a touch that makes me go completely still. “We’re going to be alone all summer-just the two of us. She’s leaving us tomorrow and not coming back until school practically starts.” Em hesitates, pouting for a moment. “We’re going to get awfully lonely.”
“You think?” Em is hot-most of the time a hot mess, but there’s something attractive about her messiness. She’s not what I would call stable. She likes to party. Get drunk, get high, it doesn’t really matter. She’s a major flirt and I’ve heard rumors that during the last few months of school, she became somewhat of a BJ queen.
The rumors I heard claimed she was pretty damn good at it, too.
“I know. And I know something else, too.”
“What?” I touch her hip, my fingers sliding just beneath the hem of her shirt. I shouldn’t do this, but her skin is soft. Warm. And she’s letting me touch her, not pulling away, not making a big deal out of it like Livvy would. It’s like she doesn’t even want me to touch her in public.
I could probably feel Em up right here in the middle of the living room and she’d let me.
“You need to know that I’ll always be here for you, Dustin. We could spend the summer together, just you and I, doing whatever you want, and she’ll never have to know.” She rises up on tiptoe and kisses my jaw, her lingering lips soft against my skin. “Just remember that,” she whispers close to my ear.