Ian Williams is a 38 year old childish idiot who lives in Chorleywood, however by the time you read this he may well be either in San Francisco, Dubai, South America…..or somewhere else.
Acknowledgements
Firstly to you, the reader, or more importantly the purchaser of this book. Its not often you can get a warm glow of righteousness and a feeling you have made the world a better place before you have even started to read the first page.
Therefore if you get half way through this nonsense and think, why am I wasting my time with this amateurish rubbish before grumpily closing and deleting this book from your kindle, iPad, laptop or whatever else you may be reading this on, just remember you may well have helped to save a child’s life, conserve the Earths rainforests, build hospitals in Asia or save the lives of pregnant women, now if that isn’t worth the meagre cost of this book I don’t know what is.
Here is a link to the charities you will be helping
https://www.msiziafrica.org.uk/
https://comeridewithme.org/donate/
To me
It’s taken me four years to do this. I could probably have messed about with it for another four as well but in the end you just have to think ‘ that’s it, get it out there and stop procrastinating.’
I realised when writing this that it is not an easy task. It takes a long time as sometimes you sit at your computer and nothing comes out, what should take a whole page of enlightening and constructive prose ends up as ‘he died’. So I learned that if you are not feeling creative go back downstairs, put the television on and make yourself a cup of tea…..I drank a lot of tea.
To my friends
I would like to thank Mr Benjamin Fitzsimmons, a.k.a. Blue Nose, a.k.a. grumpy and also Mr Mark Smith for reading the first draft and providing valuable feedback and suggestions which went further than ‘what the hell is this rubbish, delete it, stop wasting your time and get on with your life…..’
To everyone else, you are all in here somewhere, only a mixture of your names have tended to be used, no character traits have been linked to the names so please do not be offended if you have been shot, knocked unconscious, labelled an alcoholic or told you have got nice boobs…..you see you have to read the book now just to see who I am talking about.
The bad news
I already have an idea and mind map for my second book………
Table of Contents
Prologue - Gus Gus ‘David’
Chapter 1 – ‘Sorry red shite’
Chapter 2 - Nice set of cans as well
Chapter 3 – ‘Andguibh‘
Chapter 4 - and now Bacchus was concerned
Chapter 5 – Ian hated Jeremy Kyle
Chapter 6 – ‘Nice one McGeorge see you later on’
Chapter 7 – ‘So what's the plan then?’
Chapter 8 – ‘But why don’t you know who did this’
Chapter 9 – ‘Sorry Chief’
Chapter 10 – ‘Would you like another drink?’
Chapter 11 – ‘Wake up lazy bones we’re here‘
Chapter 12 – ‘It’s pronounced Shemek you idiot’
Chapter 13 – ‘Sorry darlin’
Chapter 14 – And that included David Holmes
Chapter 15 – ‘Hello police’
Chapter 16 – ‘Not far now…..come on’
Chapter 17 – ‘Please forgive me’
Chapter 18 – ‘Hello Spotty, where’s Superted?’
Chapter 19 – ‘Okay I like it’
Chapter 20 – ‘Roger that guv’
Chapter 21 – ‘GO GO GO GO GO’
Chapter 22 – ‘Shall I continue?’
Chapter 23 – ‘She wants what?’
Chapter 24 – ‘Oi Ayrton…you wanna slow it down a bit’
Chapter 25 – ‘I’m okay, I’m okay….’
Chapter 26 – ‘I was going to wait until tonight but I can’t’