Rabbit Redux
John Updike
Contents
I. Pop/Mom/Moon
II. Jill
III. Skeeter
IV. Mim
LIEUT. COL. VLADIMIR A. SHATALOV:
I am heading straight for the socket.
LIEUT. COL. BORIS V. VOLYNOV, SOYUZ 5 COMMANDER:
Easy, not so rough.
COLONEL SHATALOV:
It took me quite a while to find you, but now I’ve got you.
I. POP/MOM/MOON
MEN emerge pale from the little printing plant at four sharp, ghosts for an instant, blinking, until the outdoor light overcomes the look of constant indoor light clinging to them. In winter, Pine Street at this hour is dark, darkness presses down early from the mountain that hangs above the stagnant city of Brewer; but now in summer the granite curbs starred with mica and the row houses differentiated by speckled bastard sidings and the hopeful small porches with their jigsaw brackets and gray milk-bottle boxes and the sooty ginkgo trees and the baking curbside cars wince beneath a brilliance like a frozen explosion. The city, attempting to revive its dying downtown, has torn away blocks of buildings to create parking lots, so that a desolate openness, weedy and rubbled, spills through the once-packed streets, exposing church façades never seen from a distance and generating new perspectives of rear entryways and half-alleys and intensifying the cruel breadth of the light. The sky is cloudless yet colorless, hovering blanched humidity, in the way of these Pennsylvania summers, good for nothing but to make green things grow. Men don’t even tan; filmed by sweat, they turn yellow.
A man and his son, Earl Angstrom and Harry, are among the printers released from work. The father is near retirement, a thin man with no excess left to him, his face washed empty by grievances and caved in above the protruding slippage of bad false teeth. The son is five inches taller and fatter; his prime is soft, somehow pale and sour. The small nose and slightly lifted upper lip that once made the nickname Rabbit fit now seem, along with the thick waist and cautious stoop bred into him by a decade of the Linotyper’s trade, clues to weakness, a weakness verging on anonymity. Though his height, his bulk, and a remnant alertness in the way he moves his head continue to distinguish him on the street, years have passed since anyone has called him Rabbit.
“Harry, how about a quick one?” his father asks. At the corner where their side street meets Weiser there is a bus stop and a bar, the Phoenix, with a girl nude but for cowboy boots in neon outside and cactuses painted on the dim walls inside. Their buses when they take them go in opposite directions: the old man takes number 16A around the mountain to the town of Mt. Judge, where he has lived his life, and Harry takes number 12 in the opposite direction to Penn Villas, a new development west of the city, ranch houses and quarter-acre lawns contoured as the bulldozer left them and maple saplings tethered to the earth as if otherwise they might fly away. He moved there with Janice and Nelson three years ago. His father still feels the move out of Mt. Judge as a rejection, and so most afternoons they have a drink together to soften the day’s parting. Working together ten years, they have grown into the love they would have had in Harry’s childhood, had not his mother loomed so large between them.
“Make it a Schlitz,” Earl tells the bartender.
“Daiquiri,” Harry says. The air-conditioning is turned so far up he unrolls his shirt cuffs and buttons them for warmth. He always wears a white shirt to work and after, as a way of cancelling the ink. Ritually, he asks his father how his mother is.
But his father declines to make a ritual answer. Usually he says, “As good as can be hoped.” Today he sidles a conspiratorial inch closer at the bar and says, “Not as good as could be hoped, Harry.”
She has had Parkinson’s Disease for years now. Harry’s mind slides away from picturing her, the way she has become, the loosely fluttering knobbed hands, the shuffling sheepish walk, the eyes that study him with vacant amazement though the doctor says her mind is as good as ever in there, and the mouth that wanders open and forgets to close until saliva reminds it. “At nights, you mean?” The very question offers to hide her in darkness.
Again the old man blocks Rabbit’s desire to slide by. “No, the nights are better now. They have her on a new pill and she says she sleeps better now. It’s in her mind, more.”
“What is, Pop?”
“We don’t talk about it, Harry, it isn’t in her nature, it isn’t the type of thing she and I have ever talked about. Your mother and I have just let a certain type of thing go unsaid, it was the way we were brought up, maybe it would have been better if we hadn’t, I don’t know. I mean things now they’ve put into her mind.”
“Who’s this they?” Harry sighs into the Daiquiri foam and thinks, He’s going too, they’re both going. Neither makes enough sense. As his father pushes closer against him to explain, he becomes one of the hundreds of skinny whining codgers in and around this city, men who have sucked this same brick tit for sixty years and have dried up with it.
“Why, the ones who come to visit her now she spends half the day in bed. Mamie Kellog, for one. Julia Arndt’s another. I hate like the Jesus to bother you with it, Harry, but her talk is getting wild and with Mim on the West Coast you’re the only one to help me straighten out my own mind. I hate to bother you but her talk is getting so wild she even talks of telephoning Janice.”
“Janice! Why would she call Janice?”
“Well.” A pull on the Schlitz. A wiping of the wet upper lip with the bony back of the hand, fingers half-clenched in an old man’s clutching way. A loose-toothed grimacing getting set to dive in. “Well the talk is about Janice.”
“My Janice?”
“Now Harry, don’t blow your lid. Don’t blame the bearer of bad tidings. I’m trying to tell you what they say, not what I believe.”
“I’m just surprised there’s anything to say. I hardly see her any more, now that she’s over at Springer’s lot all the time.”
“Well, that’s it. That may be your mistake, Harry. You’ve taken Janice for granted ever since – the time.” The time he left her. The time the baby died. The time she took him back. “Ten years ago,” his father needlessly adds. Harry is beginning, here in this cold bar with cactuses in plastic pots on the shelves beneath the mirrors and the little Schlitz spinner doing its polychrome parabola over and over, to feel the world turn. A hopeful coldness inside him grows, grips his wrists inside his cuffs. The news isn’t all in, a new combination might break it open, this stale peace.
“Harry, the malice of people surpasses human understanding in my book, and the poor soul has no defenses against it, there she lies and has to listen. Ten years ago, wouldn’t she have laid them out? Wouldn’t her tongue have cut them down? They’ve told her that Janice is running around. With one certain man, Harry. Nobody claims she’s playing the field.”
The coldness spreads up Rabbit’s arms to his shoulders, and down the tree of veins toward his stomach. “Do they name the man?
“Not to my knowledge, Harry. How could they now, when in all likelihood there is no man?”
“Well, if they can make up the idea, they can make up a name.”
The bar television is running, with the sound turned off. For the twentieth time that day the rocket blasts off, the numbers pouring backwards in tenths of seconds faster than the eye until zero is reached: then the white boiling beneath the tall kettle, the lifting so slow it seems certain to tip, the swift diminishment into a retreating speck, a jiggling star. The men dark along the bar murmur among themselves. They have not been lifted, they are left here. Harry’s father mutters at him, prying. “Has she seemed any different to you lately, Harry? Listen, I know in all probability it’s what they call a crock of shit, but – has she seemed any, you know
, different lately?”
It offends Rabbit to hear his father swear; he lifts his head fastidiously, as if to watch the television, which has returned to a program where people are trying to guess what sort of prize is hidden behind a curtain and jump and squeal and kiss each other when it turns out to be an eight-foot frozen-food locker. He might be wrong but for a second he could swear this young housewife opens her mouth in mid-kiss and gives the m.c. a taste of her tongue. Anyway, she won’t stop kissing. The m.c.’s eyes roll out to the camera for mercy and they cut to a commercial. In silence images of spaghetti and some opera singer riffle past. “I don’t know,” Rabbit says. “She hits the bottle pretty well sometimes but then so do I.”
“Not you,” the old man tells him, “you’re no drinker, Harry. I’ve seen drinkers all my life, somebody like Boonie over in engraving, there’s a drinker, killing himself with it, and he knows it, he couldn’t stop if they told him he’d die tomorrow. You may have a whisky or two in the evening, you’re no spring chicken anymore, but you’re no drinker.” He hides his loose mouth in his beer and Harry taps the bar for another Daiquiri. The old man nuzzles closer. “Now Harry, forgive me for asking if you don’t want to talk about it, but how about in bed? That goes along pretty well, does it?”
“No,” he answers slowly, disdainful of this prying, “I wouldn’t exactly say well. Tell me about Mom. Has she had any of those breathing fits lately?”
“Not a one that I’ve been woken up for. She sleeps like a baby with those new green pills. This new medicine is a miracle, I must admit – ten more years the only way to kill us’ll be to gas us to death, Hitler had the right idea. Already, you know, there aren’t any more crazy people: just give ’em a pill morning and evening and they’re sensible as Einstein. You wouldn’t exactly say it does, go along O.K., is that what I understood you said?”
“Well we’ve never been that great, Pop, frankly. Does she fall down ever? Mom.”
“She may take a tumble or two in the day and not tell me about it. I tell her, I tell her, stay in bed and watch the box. She has this theory the longer she can do things the longer she’ll stay out of bed for good. I figure she should take care of herself, put herself in deep freeze, and in a year or two in all likelihood they’ll develop a pill that’ll clear this up simple as a common cold. Already, you know, some of these cortisones; but the doctor tells us they don’t know but what the side effects may be worse. You know: the big C. My figuring is, take the chance, they’re just about ready to lick cancer anyway and with these transplants pretty soon they can replace your whole insides.” The old man hears himself talking too much and slumps to stare into his empty beer, the suds sliding down, but can’t help adding, to give it all point, “It’s a terrible thing.” And when Harry fails to respond: “God she hates not being active.”
The rum is beginning to work. Rabbit has ceased to feel cold, his heart is beginning to lift off. The air in here seems thinner, his eyes adjusting to the dark. He asks, “How’s her mind? You aren’t saying they should start giving her crazy pills.”
“In honest truth, I won’t lie to you Harry, it’s as clear as a bell, when her tongue can find the words. And as I say she’s gotten hipped lately on this Janice idea. It would help a lot, Jesus I hate to bother you but it’s the truth, it would help a lot if you and Janice could spare the time to come over tonight. Not seeing you too often her imagination’s free to wander. Now I know you’ve promised Sunday for her birthday, but think of it this way: if you’re stuck in bed with nobody but the idiot box and a lot of malicious biddies for company a week can seem a year. If you could make it up there some evening before the weekend, bring Janice along so Mary could look at her – ”
“I’d like to, Pop. You know I would.”
“I know, Jesus I know. I know more than you think. You’re at just the age to realize your old man’s not the dope you always thought he was.”
“The trouble is, Janice works in the lot office until ten, eleven all the time and I don’t like to leave the kid alone in the house. In fact I better be getting back there now just in case.” In case it’s burned down. In case a madman has moved in. These things happen all the time in the papers. He can read in his father’s face – a fishy pinching-in at the corners of the mouth, a tightened veiling of the washed-out eyes — the old man’s suspicions confirmed. Rabbit sees red. Meddling old crock. Janice: who’d have that mutt? In love with her father and there she stuck. Happy as a Girl Scout since she began to fill in at the lot, half these summer nights out way past supper, TV dinners, tuck Nelson in alone and wait up for her to breeze in blooming and talkative; he’s never known her to be so full of herself, in a way it does his heart good. He resents his father trying to get at him with Janice and hits back with the handiest weapon, Mom. “This doctor you have, does he ever mention a nursing home?”
The old man’s mind is slow making the switch back to his own wife. Harry has a thought, a spark like where train wheels run over a track switch. Did Mom ever do it to Pop? Play him false. All this poking around about life in bed hints at some experience. Hard to imagine, not only who with but when, she was always in the house as long as he could remember, nobody ever came to visit but the brush man and the Jehovah’s Witnesses, yet the thought excites him, like Pop’s rumor chills him, opens up possibilities. Pop is saying, “... at the beginning. We want to hold off at least until she’s bedridden. If we reach the point where she can’t take care of herself before I’m on retirement and there all day, it’s an option we might be forced into. I’d hate to see it, though. Jesus I’d hate to see it.”
“Hey Pop –?”
“Here’s my forty cents. Plus a dime for the tip.” The way the old man’s hand clings curlingly to the quarters in offering them betrays that they are real silver to him instead of just cut-copper sandwich-coins that ring flat on the bar top. Old values. The Depression when money was money. Never be sacred again, not even dimes are silver now. Kennedy’s face killed half-dollars, took them out of circulation and they’ve never come back. The metal got sent to the moon. The niggling business of settling their bill delays his question about Mom until they are outdoors and then he sees he can’t ask it, he doesn’t know his father that well. Out here in the hot light his father has lost all sidling intimacy and looks merely old – liverish scoops below his eyes, broken veins along the sides of his nose, his hair the no-color of cardboard. “What’d you want to ask me?”
“I forget,” Harry says, and sneezes. Coming into this heat from that air-conditioning sets off an explosion between his eyes that turns heads around halfway down the block and leaves his nostrils weeping. “No, I remember. The nursing home. How can we afford it? – fifty bucks a day or whatever. It’ll suck us right down the drain.”
His father laughs, with a sudden snap to retrieve his slipping teeth, and does a little shuffling dance-step, right here on the baking sidewalk, beneath the white-on-red BUS STOP sign that people have scratched and lipsticked to read PUS DROP. “Harry, God in His way hasn’t been all bad to your mother and me. Believe it or not there’s some advantages to living so long in this day and age. This Sunday she’s going to be sixty-five and come under Medicare. I’ve been paying in since ’66, it’s like a ton of anxiety rolled off my chest. There’s no medical expense can break us now. They called LBJ every name in the book but believe me he did a lot of good for the little man. Wherever he went wrong, it was his big heart betrayed him. These pretty boys in the sky right now, Nixon’ll hog the credit but it was the Democrats put ’em there, it’s been the same story ever since I can remember, ever since Wilson – the Republicans don’t do a thing for the little man.”
“Right,” Harry says blankly. His bus is coming. “Tell her we’ll be over Sunday.” He pushes to a clear space at the back where, looking out while hanging onto the bar, he sees his father as one of the “little men.” Pop stands whittled by the great American glare, squinting in the manna of blessings that come down from the government, shuffling
from side to side in nervous happiness that his day’s work is done, that a beer is inside him, that Armstrong is above him, that the U.S. is the crown and stupefaction of human history. Like a piece of grit in the launching pad, he has done his part. Still, he has been the one to keep his health; who would have thought Mom would fail first? Rabbit’s mind, as the bus dips into its bag of gears and surges and shudders, noses closer into the image of her he keeps like a dreaded relic: the black hair gone gray, the mannish mouth too clever for her life, the lozenge-shaped nostrils that to him as a child suggested a kind of soreness within, the eyes whose color he had never dared to learn closed bulge-lidded in her failing, the whole long face, slightly shining as if with sweat, lying numbed on the pillow. He can’t bear to see her like this is the secret of his seldom visiting, not Janice. The source of his life staring wasted there while she gropes for the words to greet him. And that gentle tawny smell of sickness that doesn’t even stay in her room but comes downstairs to meet them in the front hall among the umbrellas and follows them into the kitchen where poor Pop warms their meals. A smell like gas escaping, that used to worry her so when he and Mim were little. He bows his head and curtly prays, Forgive me, forgive us, make it easy for her. Amen. He only ever prays on buses. Now this bus has that smell.
The bus has too many Negroes. Rabbit notices them more and more. They’ve been here all along, as a tiny kid he remembers streets in Brewer you held your breath walking through, though they never hurt you, just looked; but now they’re noisier. Instead of bald-looking heads they’re bushy. That’s O.K., it’s more Nature, Nature is what we’re running out of. Two of the men in the shop are Negroes, Farnsworth and Buchanan, and after a while you didn’t even notice; at least they remember how to laugh. Sad business, being a Negro man, always underpaid, their eyes don’t look like our eyes, bloodshot, brown, liquid in them about to quiver out. Read somewhere some anthropologist thinks Negroes instead of being more primitive are the latest thing to evolve, the newest men. In some ways tougher, in some ways more delicate. Certainly dumber but then being smart hasn’t amounted to so much, the atom bomb and the one-piece aluminum beer can. And you can’t say Bill Cosby’s stupid.