Sasha
Marita L. Kinney
Copyright ©2013 by Marita Kinney
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publishers, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review to be printed in a newspaper, magazine or journal.
All Scripture quotation, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House.
ISBN: 9781311731289
Dedication
This book was written for anyone who has ever felt defeated and may have lost their hope somewhere in their circumstance. There is someone right now who feels that life has treated them unfairly and seeks to hand their burden or to God, but cannot figure out a way to do so. This book is written for you. This book was written for me.
Disclaimer
Attention reader you are about to read a Christian book. Although some content in this book may be entertaining, I challenge you to ponder on the message being revealed within the storyline. Please be advised that some topics mentioned may be a sensitive and disturbing to some readers. However with that being said, sin is ugly, nasty, and leave people scarred while struggling to cope with life. Although the characters are fiction, they identify with the same pain of real life people, events, and maybe even you. The purpose of my literary work is for ministry purposes only. May God be glorified and the reader be blessed in Jesus Name, Amen.
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Table of Contents
Introduction
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-one
Chapter Twenty-two
Conclusion
About the Author
Books by Marita:
Introduction
Sasha
“I know that you must think I’m crazy. But I have a lot to say and I haven’t been given much time with you. I’m sure that you think that you know everything. Well, you don’t know as much as you think you may. In fact, I’m certain that you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing. A lot of you women are playing games with your lives and, to be perfectly honest, I don’t have time to waste on you. But I pray that one of you will digest my words and feels my heart as I share my story with you. I used to be like some of you. Believe it or not, I was a ‘hot commodity.’ That’s right. A lot of men used to desire me. Fact is, I could have had any man I wanted. They would do anything for me, anything. Soon I realized, however, that they were merely using me and I was guilty of using them. They would meet me and instantly undress me with their eyes; I could tell from their demeanor. I didn’t mind being their eye candy either. At first it offended me, until the offense turned into a compliment. Every woman wants to feel desired. Every woman wants to feel admired. Right? See, I know. A lot of you are smiling and agreeing with me right now. I see you reminiscing. It’s cool, but you see, those men had their agenda’s and I had mine. I was trying to find a husband. While they were fantasizing about having sex with me, I was saying their last name in my head to see if it flowed well with my own name.
We were sizing each other up and had paid no attention to our incompatibility. I know what you’re thinking, and no, this is not a love story. This is a story about how my life was taken from me and given back. I have two older sisters who seemed to live in another world. Their life was about church or earning money. I admired them and wanted some combination of their lives. I wanted a husband, money, and desired a relationship with God, as long as it didn’t include going to church. The funny thing is I was doing everything wrong, trying to make everything right. I soon realized that the more I tried to fix my life, the more I messed it up. I had to hit rock bottom before I surrendered my life to God. I will begin by introducing myself. My name is Sasha, and this is my life…”
Sasha took a deep breath and closed her eyes gracefully.
Chapter One
Seventeen Years Earlier
The Black Sheep Randi
“I can’t believe that she did that,” Russell muttered as he walked into the bedroom to remove himself from the children’s presence. Randi followed behind him with the intent of calming him down.
“Baby, you know how my sister can be. Please don’t allow her to get to you like this,” Randi said as she tried to defend her sister’s behavior.
“What kind of woman is embarrassed of her family?” Russell asked rhetorically.
“Embarrassed? Baby, she’s not embarrassed of us. Why would you say something like that? She just doesn’t want any kids at her Grand Opening. I understand and it’s not a big deal,” Randi explained, hoping not to add fuel to the fire.
“You can think whatever you want to, Randi. Stacey is mean and hateful. She stays in our pockets and thinks that she can count our money. She assumed that we wouldn’t be able to afford a babysitter. I personally don’t want anything to do with her or her selfish ways. You’re one of her biggest supporters and she didn’t invite you to her Grand Opening because you have kids, who just happen to be her nephews. She didn’t invite you because she thought you would bring the kids,” Russell added, becoming more and more frustrated as he reflected on Stacey and how she belittled him and his family.
Randi touched his arm. “Baby, I understand your frustration; I really do. At the end of the day, Stacey is going to be Stacey. She’s always been the way she is and I don’t expect anything different from her.”
“Sister or not, I’m not going to allow anyone to disrespect my wife,” Russell fumed while he sat on the bed and began to remove his shoes.
“Aw baby, you’re sticking up for me,” Randi giggled, not bothered by her oldest sister’s request. She sat down on the bed next to Russell and pulled his feet onto her lap. She dreaded her husband being upset and wanted to change his mood immediately. She began to massage his feet and remained silent as he continued to vent.
Randi’s phone rang, interrupting Russell mid-sentence. She stopped what she was doing and walked towards her purse to retrieve her phone before the annoying ringtone sounded again. She was tempted to hit ignore, but noticed that it was her younger sister, Sasha. Knowing that Sasha was infamous for repeat calls, she decided against her better judgment just to answer the phone.
“Hello?!” Randi answered in her sarcastic enthusiastic voice.
“Hey, Boo! Are you going to Stacey’s Grand Opening?” Sasha asked as she fumbled around in her make-up bag.
“No. I won’t be attending her event tonight, but please send her my love,” Randi replied.
“What? Why? Ok, I didn’t think that you weren’t actually going to be there,”
Sasha said, confused as to why her sister was not going. Sasha took a deep breath.
“Randi, why don’t you want to go?” she asked, wanting a more detailed explanation.
?
??It’s not that I didn’t want to go. We just won’t be going, Sasha, that’s all. Please stop asking so many questions,” Randi replied as she grew more and more frustrated, feeling rejected by her sister Stacey.
“That’s not why, Randi. Tell her that you WEREN’T INVITED!” Russell yelled, hoping that Sasha would hear him in the background.
“Did he just say that you weren’t invited? Oh h.., I mean heck no, I mean heck no Randi,” Sasha said vehemently. She was disgusted that Stacey did not invite both of her sisters to the event.
“Calm down, Sasha before you keep cussing; it’s cool,” Randi explained.
“No, it’s not cool, Randi. That’s just trifling and please excuse me for cussing, but that’s crazy and you know it,” Sasha answered.
“YOU DON’T HAVE TO STOP CUSSING. SASHA, I THOUGHT I WAS ABOUT TO START CUSSING, TOO. BUT THANK GOD FOR THE HOLY GHOST!” Russell yelled from across the room as he began to laugh at himself.
“Tell Russell that I’m on the same page as he is,” Sasha replied.
“Ya’ll need to stop. It’s all good,” Randi said, not finding any humor in the controversial conversation regarding her oldest sister Stacey.
“Well, if you’re ok with it then that’s on you, Randi. However, I wish that she would do something scandalous like that to me. Shoot, I have a baby too.”
Randi remained silent and kept her thoughts to herself.
“Since you’re not going and obviously don’t care, can you watch Tia for me?” Sasha asked, relieved that she had found a babysitter.
“That’s probably why you called me in the first place, isn’t it?” Randi guessed.
“No! Not at all ,Boo,” Sasha giggled.
“Yeah, right. Hurry up and bring her before I change my mind,” Randi suggested. She began to laugh to keep from crying.
“Ok, you don’t have to tell me twice. I’m on my way,” Sasha answered and hung up the phone without saying good bye.
Randi looked down at the phone in disappointment, and then returned it to her purse. She felt Russell staring at her and dreaded what he had to say. She knew that he would definitely have something negative to say about Sasha dropping off her eighteen month old baby. He always frowned upon her parenting and didn’t have much respect for her maternal instincts.
“What?” asked Randi, as Russell stared at her.
“Nothing, nothing. Actually, I do have something to say. Aren’t you tired of your sisters treating you like crap? And then you wonder why I don’t like being around them. I can’t stand it, Randi. They make fun of your weight, make jokes about us having a big family, and Stacey treats us as if we’re beneath her. We may not have a lot of money, but we’re richer than they are. Stacey and Larry don’t have a marriage, they have a business relationship. Can’t you see that they’re jealous of you, Randi? You’re everything that they wish they could be,” Russell lectured as he walked closer to Randi in compassion.
“Baby they’re not jealous of me. They’ve treated me this way since before I can remember. It has nothing to do with our marriage, Russell. They treat me like the black sheep of the family because I’m not skinny and pretty like them. Russell, you were my first boyfriend…” Randi mumbled.
“Let me stop you right there. I know that they’re your sisters, but baby, you are beyond pretty. You’re beautiful and that’s why I married you. God saved you just for me and protected you from men who would have scarred and abused you otherwise. Stacey and Sasha look up to you, even if they never admit it,” Russell added while putting his arms around Randi’s voluptuous waist.
Randi did not say another word. Instead, she rested in her husband’s confidence in her. As Russell continued to embrace her, there was a knock at the door. Randi kissed Russell and headed towards the door. It was Sasha, and her niece Tia. With the cell phone glued to her ear, Sasha failed to speak to anyone. Sasha took off Tia’s coat and continued her conversation with the person Randi assumed was Stacey. Randi ignored Sasha’s rudeness and assisted Tia.
“Here,” Sasha said, as she handed Randi her cell phone.
“Who is it?” asked Randi, pretending to be oblivious.
“It’s Stacey,” Sasha replied abruptly.
“Hello, Stacey,” Randi answered in a charismatic tone.
“Please don’t get on the phone as if you’re delighted to speak with me. Why would you tell Sasha that I didn’t invite you to my Grand Opening?” Stacey asked, not holding back that she was highly offended.
“Well Stacey, I wasn’t invited. Sasha got upset once she realized that I wasn’t going. I’m perfectly fine,” Randi explained as she rolled her eyes at Sasha and picked up her tired niece.
“First of all, I never thought that I had to invite you to anything. Randi, you’re my sister and you should have known that you don’t need an invitation. You got your feelings hurt for assuming. But whatever, Randi, it’s so like you to play the victim. Although you weren’t formally invited, I knew that your excuse would be that you didn’t have a babysitter anyway,” Stacey babbled.
“Stacey, that’s also an assumption. I was never given an option to find a sitter. You failed to give me detailed information regarding your opening and assumed that I wouldn’t have made it or you were afraid that I’d bring the kids,” Randi replied.
“That wasn’t the case, but you can think whatever you want. I’m inviting you now. If you can make it, that’s great. I’m sure Russell will watch the kids for you. Oh, and if you decide to come, make sure you send me a picture of what you’re going to wear,” Stacey insisted.
“A picture of what I’m wearing?” Randi asked, to verify that she heard her correctly.
“Yes, a picture, because this is a classy event. You’re my sister and you represent me. There is no way that I want you coming to my event looking like a hot mess,” said Stacey.
Randi’s heart became heavy and she could not utter a word. Politely, she handed the phone back to her baby sister, and walked away holding her niece, who had fallen asleep on her shoulder.
“Randi? Randi?” Sasha said. “I’m sorry.” Randi continued to walk towards her bedroom, ignoring Sasha and trying to hold back her tears.
“RANDI!” Sasha yelled.
“THANKS, SASHA FOR RUNNING YOUR BIG MOUTH. I SAID THAT I WAS FINE!” Randi yelled as she opened her bedroom door and tears began to flow down her faceinstantly. Russell stood up with concern.
“You were right,” Randi said as she laid Tia on her bed and dashed to the master bathroom to hide her sorrow.
“I was right about what?” Russell asked. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“She’s ashamed of me,” Randi said through the bathroom door. Russell closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He hated seeing Randi so upset and there was nothing that he could do. She did not usually care what anyone thought of her, but when it came to her sisters, their words cut through her like a razor sharp blade. Russell left the bedroom in anger and stormed down the hallway to confront Sasha for instigating. Before he could reach the living room, he heard Sasha slam the door. Deciding not to make matters worse, he chose not to follow her.
In the meantime, Randi removed her clothes slowly and ran herself a hot, soothing bubble bath. She stared at herself in disgust as she looked herself up and down in the oversized bathroom mirror. She ran her hands across her stretch marks and pulled on her unwanted belly fat, extending its elasticity. Randi then turned towards the tub, trying to dismiss the thoughts of drowning herself. She sat in the bathwater and watched it rises lowly. Her tears began to fall into the water like rain drops falling into a puddle in an abandoned alley. Her body disgusted her and was camouflaged by her fabricated smiles and pleasant demeanor. She was ashamed that, at thirty-six years of age, she had never learned to love herself.
Chapter Two
Sasha the Irresponsible Sister
Sasha woke up and realized suddenly that she had overslept. Pulling the sheet up to cover her exposed breast, she glanced over at Lance, her
“friend with benefits,” with whom she sometimes hooked up to satisfy her sexual craving. She really liked Lance, but only pretended to agree with their casual sexual arrangement. Sasha wanted to be loved and yearned for a real relationship. She was pregnant with Tia when her last relationship ended on mutual terms. Sasha hated that Tia’s father was sent to prison and she resented being a single mother. Lance seemed to be good for her, but was not very interested in Tia.
As Sasha continued to lie in bed, she imagined what life would be like with Lance. The more she pondered the fantasy, rather than feeling joy, she became more disappointed. Her good looks always seemed to bring her fleeting passions instead of love. She was desperate to change, but could not figure out what was wrong with her. She had thought for sure that she would be married by now.
“Good morning Lance!” Sasha cooed seductively, flirting with Lance as he began to open his eyes.
“Hey, Boo!” Lance answered groggily, not impressed by Sasha’s demeanor. Rubbing the sleep from the corners of his eyes, he sat up in bed.
“I have to leave to pick up Tia from my sister’s house,” Sasha said, realizing she had little time to do so before Randi left for church.
“I was wondering where little momma was,” Lance replied, not convincing Sasha that he was genuinely concerned.
She began to get dressed and hoped that Lance would take the hint that he needed to leave. Without having to say a word, he began to get dressed as well, but with a noticeable attitude. Sasha knew that he wanted a quickie and did not care that she needed to leave. Further annoyed by his silent tantrum, Sasha stopped in the middle of getting dressed and gave Lance what he wanted. Feeling belittled and helpless, she gave herself to him once more. As usual, she felt conflicted with wanting to be desired and being able to recognize true love.
Meanwhile, at Russell and Randi’s house.
“ANT ANTANTANT ANT…ANT ANTANT.”
“Randi, are you going to turn off that alarm clock?” Russell asked with his tooth brush hanging out of his month as he peeked his head around the bathroom door.
“Ok! I’m up, I’m up,” Randi whined.
“Shhh! I’ve been up with Tia all night. Please don’t wakeup that child,” Russell begged.
“Aww, look at you babe,” Randi mumbled sleepily as she scooted Tia over, moving her closer to the middle of the bed.