SWASHBUCKLER
A Heroic Comedy in 5 Acts
Mikel Etcheverry
Copyright 2012 Mikel Etcheverry
Cover picture by Otto Stundner (extract)
Table of Contents
Dramatis Personae
Act I – Scene 1
Act I - Scene 2
Act I - Scene 3
Act I - Scene 4
Act I - Scene 5
Act II – Scene 1
Act II - Scene 2
Act II - Scene 3
Act II - Scene 4
Act II - Scene 5
Act III – Scene 1
Act III - Scene 2
Act III - Scene 3
Act III - Scene 4
Act IV – Scene 1
Act IV - Scene 2
Act IV - Scene 3
Act IV - Scene 4
Act IV - Scene 5
Act V – Scene 1
Act V - Scene 2
Act V - Scene 3
Act V - Scene 4
Act V - Scene 5
Act V - Scene 6
Act V - Scene 7
Act V - Scene 8
Vocabulary
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
Armand de Bayonne aka Swashbuckler, 32, chevau-léger (light cavalry)
Colin Puget, 24, musketeer
Henry MacHale, 37
John Morgan, 36
Patrick Murphy, 27
Aquarius – An old alchemist, genius, doctor, quacksalver
Jacques Moineau – Pirate
Tew aka One-eye – Pirate
Avery aka One-sack – Pirate
King Louis XV
Etienne François Duke of Choiseul
Joseph II of Austria
Ethelfleda, Marchioness Grey / Robin Moore – 18
Maria Carolina of Austria – 20
Irina Rubcov aka Krasota (Beauty) – 35
Five anarchists
Two gravediggers
A conspirator
Traitors
Guards
The scene takes place in various locations in both Paris and Prague, in April 1770.
Author’s note : Some of the words in the text are defined in the ‘Vocabulary’ section at the end, which you can reach by clicking on each of these words. The links in that last section send back to the first instance in the play where these words have been used.
Act I
We find ourselves in one of the rooms of the Palace of Versailles, at night. The King of France, Louis XV has been woken up a few minutes earlier and is pacing the luxurious apartment back and forth in his royal undergarments. Also present is his Prime Minister, Etienne François Duke of Choiseul, who took the time to dress up before bothering the King. A third man, Armand de Bayonne, aka Swashbuckler, chevau-léger, is standing still after he broke the bad news to the King.
Scene 1
LOUIS XV
In Prague, you say?
SWASHBUCKLER
Yes, Sire.
LOUIS XV
During the party?
SWASHBUCKLER
We can only surmise, but ‘tis the most likely.
From what I have been told, many a crowned ruler,
Plenty of noblemen, women of great power,
And all sorts of soldiers, merchants, peasants and drolls,
Will gather there in Prague, a city she extols.
Maria Theresa, distinguished sovereign,
Is throwing a party there to entrench her reign,
As well as her title, Empress of Austria.
CHOISEUL
Archduchess, Armand. She is Queen of Croatia,
LOUIS XV
And Hungary.
CHOISEUL
But Archduchess of Austria.
LOUIS XV
‘Tis already a lot!
CHOISEUL
And Queen of Bohemia,
I never remember.
LOUIS XV
Move on, Choiseul, move on.
We have serious matter, maybe revolution,
To tackle this evening. Let us skip the details.
Armand, please recount what happened, all your travails,
To apprehend the traitor and make him confess.
SWASHBUCKLER
I need apologize : even under duress
The spy was unsettled and poorly gave away
Useful information, which will no doubt delay,
Our uncovering of this foul conspiracy.
CHOISEUL
‘Tis not the time, Armand, for an apology.
SWASHBUCKLER
As soon as the English gave us his whereabouts,
We warned all the soldiers of his possible routes.
We barely caught him at the Barrière de Reuilly,
Brought him for questioning at the Conciergerie.
He had nothing on him, not a single paper.
He must have contacted a co-conspirator
On his way to Paris. ‘Tis all we know for now.
Fear not, Sire, I will do better. This I vow.
I was meant to extract much more from the felon,
But his resolve was strong, stronger than my weapon.
LOUIS XV
We are not here to blame, rather to understand
How secret documents, could fall in the wrong hand.
CHOISEUL
Not many of us knew, the upcoming treaty.
Now we are all suspects, all those who were party.
For our diplomacy, it is not a nightmare,
‘Tis a catastrophe, a casus belli fair.
What did the English envoy tell you?
SWASHBUCKLER
Nothing new,
Compared to what, Sire, he already told you.
It was four days ago, that the treaty – it’s draft –
Disappeared from St James’s Palace.
CHOISEUL
Rather with craft,
Since there was a number of soldiers who stood guard.
SWASHBUCKLER
The envoy did not voice, yet we cannot discard,
The idea that it was…
LOUIS XV
Yes?
SWASHBUCKLER
Not so much willful…
LOUIS XV
Go on.
CHOISEUL
Say it, Armand.
SWASHBUCKLER
For us, it is doubtful
The thief acted alone, and the English concur.
Some people must have talked, some people who prefer,
To the peace in Europe, a war and a bloodshed.
LOUIS XV
Who would be so foolish to wish for that instead?
CHOISEUL
Alas, Sire, the list is long.
SWASHBUCKLER
Our time precious.
The little we suspect is uncertain, specious.
The longer we do wait, the more we leave to chance,
To turn our fate around, and save Europe and France.
Which is why I propose, if you, King, would agree,
To go now. Else, there is a possibility
We will fail in our task, which is to recover
The stolen document.
CHOISEUL
More than that uncover
The whole conspiracy.
LOUIS XV
I want names and results,
I want arrests and deaths. One cannot throw insults
At many a king and queen and just walk away.
SWASHBUCKLER
We will not disappoint, Sire. Without delay,
I must journey to Prague, with my men, like I told.
CHOISEUL
Are you sure it is there that the plot will unfold?
SWASHBUCKLER
When the English first told, of the purloined letter,
We thought of the best
way, to expose the matter.
Our conclusion is clear : ‘tis the ceremony,
Taking place in a week, where gather so many,
Who have a stake in this. If it is made public,
It would spell disaster.
LOUIS XV
‘Tis most diabolic!
Many of my cousins – that’s how we call ourselves –
Will make the trip to Prague. They will attend themselves.
I will be suspected of plotting their demise.
Seeing how I stay hid, they will think I devise,
A most cunning scheme to hasten their undoing.
SWASHBUCKLER
Why not prove them wrong then? Why aren’t you going?
CHOISEUL
‘Tis not your place Captain, to question our motive.
LOUIS XV
Paix, Choiseul. He is right to be inquisitive.
I have nothing to hide. As you are well aware,
Captain, my esteemed son will be wed to the fair,
The precious, the promising – not to say the whet –
And very much Austrian Marie-Antoinette.
It was five years ago, that first this betrothal
Was envisioned.
CHOISEUL
She’s nice, cute, and useful withal.
LOUIS XV
In two weeks, they are to be married by proxy.
One month later we’ll hold a ceremony,
The official one. No mean feat to accomplish.
I have decisions to make, details to polish.
CHOISEUL
It has to be done well, with great pomp.
LOUIS XV
Taste.
CHOISEUL
Style.
LOUIS XV
So, be on your mission, I’ll be busy meanwhile.
CHOISEUL
Versailles is abuzz with rumors, stories, gossip.
More than a thousand guests are marked to make the trip.
We have to feed, lodge, entertain, accommodate
Friends.
LOUIS XV
Enemies.
CHOISEUL
Spongers.
LOUIS XV
Many a head of state.
CHOISEUL
Hence we have no time to waste in a simple dance,
Even if it involves the future Queen of France.
LOUIS XV
(He pauses a few seconds to think)
Who are you going with? Who is your company?
SWASHBUCKLER
A Musketeer, Sire.
LOUIS XV
Not from the cavalry?
SWASHBUCKLER
(He nods ‘no’)
And several others, all patriots, loyal.
LOUIS XV
Do not trust anyone, not even a royal.
Everyone is your foe, every single player.
(He pauses some more, looking thoughtful)
What was his name? The English betrayer?
SWASHBUCKLER
Butler.
It was Butler did it, but he wasn’t alone.
CHOISEUL
He must have friends in high places, like…near a throne.
LOUIS XV
I am going to bed. I won’t probably sleep,
But I need it. Choiseul, do follow up and keep
Us informed.
(Exit Louis XV)
CHOISEUL
Armand,
SWASHBUCKLER
Yes?
CHOISEUL
Under no circumstance,
You may repeat those words if you want to advance
In your bold enterprise. Do I make myself clear?
SWASHBUCKLER
I swear, Monsieur. I swear on my life and career.
As a proud capitaine of the chevaux-légers
I will remain loyal, true, and will not betray
Your words.
CHOISEUL
‘Tis the least we expect. Now, to explain
What this is all about. In order to maintain
A lasting peace in Europe, several crowned heads
Wanted a binding deed, a contract that imbeds,
In complicated terms, rights and obligations,
But that also entails swift retaliations.
The idea was an economic alliance
Predicated by military compliance.
To put it in few words, tariffs would be lowered
as your army grew smaller. Simple.
SWASHBUCKLER
Who answered?
CHOISEUL
George III, King of England, and out of Prussia
Frederick the Great. We meant to include Russia,
With Catherine the Great, and Austria. Alas,
The treaty was not done, we were at an impasse.
We needed to agree, between the founders three,
Before adding further names. It is a pity!
The point was to include, as many possible
For the alliance to work and not be feeble.
Imagine, Armand. If we reduced our army,
Not only would we save our fair share of money,
We could apportion our men to produce, export,
And trade. Tariffs being lower, every town, port,
Townlet, would benefit. The winner is Hermes,
God of Commerce, and not his half-brother Ares,
Infamous God of War. A virtuous cycle
Could kick off for Europe. Now it’s a debacle.
SWASHBUCKLER
So if the treaty is revealed now, they will think
You wanted them excluded.
CHOISEUL
Now we’re on the brink
Of a renewed European conflict. Whether
Frederick, Maria, Catherine, any other,
They will never forget. They will never forgive.
Never. As long as they breathe, as long as they live.
SWASHBUCKLER
(He ponders Choiseul’s words for a few seconds)
Do you know why she would choose Prague over