The Hawk: Part Two
By Anna Scott Graham
Copyright 2015 by Anna Scott Graham
This is a work of fiction. Names and characters, incidents and places are either products of the author’s imagination or are used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
For my husband. And for my Father.
Chapter 22
On Lynne’s last work day, she was surprised by a cake and several cards, wishing her the best in…. Some sentiments read Happy Retirement, others said Bon Voyage, as if she was leaving for an extended vacation. She was gracious, even to those who wore false smiles. A few doctors offered their congratulations, but she wasn’t sure for what; did they know her husband had come home, although Lynne had yet to see him. Or were those physicians glad to be rid of a competent but mysterious nurse who, for the last five months, had filled their hospital with tantalizing drama. When Lynne left, on a rather pleasant late November day, she felt some relief. At least she would never again have to face those people on a daily basis.
She drove straight to the Aherns’, where she had been staying since Saturday. No one was home; both Sam and Renee were at the Snyders’, but Renee was mostly there for moral support. She had seen Eric briefly just yesterday, and all she had told Lynne was that Eric was making slow progress. Sam had forbade her from sharing more details, but he had called that night, telling Lynne that as soon as he felt it was appropriate, he would let Lynne come home.
The secrecy was for Lynne’s benefit, which she understood, on a basic level. As she unlocked the front door, using the Aherns’ spare key, Lynne wondered for how long might she be sleeping in their guest room, while Sam caught cat naps on her sofa, or in a chair in the Snyder master bedroom. In March, it had taken Eric a day to alter, but that had been after just seven weeks. This was nearly five months, and it had been three whole days since Eric had returned. From Sam’s cautious tone last night, no real end to the transformation was in sight. Lynne wondered if something had happened; maybe it was from seeing his father. What if Eric never turned back into….
The phone rang, and Lynne flinched, then picked up the receiver. “Ahern residence.”
“Lynne, did you just get home?”
Renee’s tone was hard to gauge, but it didn’t sound morose. “Yeah, is everything all right?”
“Sam’ll be over in a few minutes.”
Lynne still couldn’t discern Renee’s mood, but due to the party line, nothing could be stated aloud, as none of them wanted Eric’s return discerned until he was well. “I’m here. Tell him I’m….” She had a weak smile. “Waiting for him.” She had no idea if anyone was listening, but now that she was through with work, let the gossips run wild. As long as Eric’s presence was undetected, Lynne didn’t care what anyone said.
Renee had a soft giggle. “I’ll tell him. Did you have a good last day?”
Lynne relayed the small send-off party, their words innocuous. Then Lynne heard Sam tell his wife that he loved her, and would be back soon. Those words stuck fast in Lynne’s heart, what she ached to tell Eric. But what, if anything, did he understand?
“Lynne, Sam’s on his way. I’ll be home later tonight, okay?”
“Uh-huh. Sounds fine. I’ll talk to you tonight.”
“Yup. Bye Lynne.”
“Bye-bye.” Lynne hung up, then stared at the black telephone. She wasn’t sure how many shared the Aherns’ line, but it was a small town, and within hours, those who cared to know would be aware that Renee was at the Snyders, while her husband and Mrs. Snyder were at the Aherns. Lynne shook her head, then went into the guest room, ready to hang up her nurse’s uniform for good.
When Sam stepped through the front door, the first thing he saw was the blue barn. He heard Lynne in the kitchen, playing cards, probably Solitaire, he assumed. Quickly he gazed at the hawks, staring into the golden-pink sunset. Sam inhaled, then headed into where the slap of cards was the only noise.
Lynne was dressed casually, her brown hair loose, resting a couple of inches past her shoulders. At the time Sam hadn’t given her new style much thought, but now he realized she had started a process with that haircut. It wasn’t only work she had been preparing to quit, but perhaps another role as well.
“He’s asleep,” Sam said, sitting beside her, careful not to disturb her card game. “He hasn’t wanted me to leave, but he knew I needed to talk to you, and he doesn’t mind just Renee there, if he’s unconscious. She won’t disturb him, although I guess if he does need something, he’ll let her know.”
“Is he, can he….” Lynne struggled, then lost the battle to stay composed. Sam hadn’t seen her for more than a few moments in passing since Saturday morning. Lynne gripped his hands, then let go, needing to wipe her face. He didn’t have a handkerchief to give to her, but she pulled one from the pocket of her slacks. She blew her nose, took some deep breaths, then bunched all the cards, regardless of how they were facing, into a pile, pushing them to the side of the table. Then she grasped Sam’s hands again. “When can I see him?”
“I don’t know. He’s….” Sam had to keep Lynne in the dark; Eric wanted it that way, and the men had agreed to spare Lynne when possible. Until Sam woke that morning, he hadn’t been certain that Eric would change. The last two and a half days had seen little progress, but while much remained, now Eric nearly had his voice back, although it was weak and at times squawky. But as for the rest of him…. “Eric can talk, he just started this morning. It’s not completely clear, but….”
“Just this morning? Oh my God!” Lynne burst into tears, and Sam pulled her close. Eric’s few words had broken Sam’s heart, for Eric only mumbled about his wife, asking if she was all right, then exacting Sam’s solemn promise to not permit Lynne to see him until he was well. Or at least until his eyes were….
Eric’s beady eyes unnerved Sam Ahern, but he had nodded, staring right at his friend, who was not yet a human being. “Lynne, it’s okay. Oh Lynne, I’m so sorry.”
She moved away, then stood from the table. She stepped to the sink, running the water, splashing it on her face. Sam joined her, giving her a clean dishtowel. She nodded, then wiped her face, blowing her nose. Then she sighed. “Is he a man yet?”
Sam inhaled, then exhaled. “It’s coming, but very slowly.”
“Can he walk, is he….”
Sam led them back to the table, where they sat, Lynne with a plop, Sam more steadily. But his voice cracked as he spoke. “Until this morning, I really wasn’t sure, because he hadn’t actually talked, and seemed very much still like a hawk.” Sam had trouble with that word; saying it seemed to confirm the odd creature unable to move from the Snyders’ bed. But it was Eric, Sam knew that without a doubt. It was similar to when Josh had died in Sam’s arms, not as the wisecracking buddy who had seemed impervious to injury, but a bleeding shell of a soldier turning into nothing more than a corpse within Sam’s grasp.
“He doesn’t want you to see him like this Lynne. This morning he made me promise not to let you see him until….”
“Until when? He molts, gets his legs and arms back, what? I’ve seen it happen Sam, I’ve watched him….”
“But not like this. You’ve seen it occur in the blink of an eye, but this is….” Torture, Sam thought, unable to keep Eric’s eyes from his mind. They hadn’t been like Josh’s, bright lights until finally they were dead orbs, but still peering out at a world in which Josh no longer dwelled. If Sam had stared into Josh’s stilled eyes, might he have seen where Josh went, and if so, would Sam have willingly done anything to follow him there?
Where Josh had gone was safe, where no pain or death existed. Where Eric had gone was…. “Lynne, to tell you the truth, until this morning,
I wasn’t sure he would change. He hadn’t made any progress all weekend, and it was scaring the hell outta me. But he slept last night, he’s barely been sleeping. When he woke, he could talk. And I’m hopeful that if he gets a good nap now, when I go back over there, maybe I can get him on his….”
“Feet, but he doesn’t have feet right now, does he?”
Sam shook his head. Five months as a bird had taken a toll; perhaps Eric Snyder would never fully be human again. Or maybe Sam would return and Eric would have quickly altered like he always had in the past. Even in spring, it had taken Eric just hours to change. When Sam wasn’t caring for Eric, or catching forty winks, he was asking God to spare this man, and this woman, any more agony. All Sam wanted was to lead Lynne up her own stairs, into her bedroom, placing her at Eric’s side. But until Eric was again the man Lynne loved…. “All I can tell you is that he’s not human yet. And until he is….”
“I have to stay here.”
Sam nodded. “It’s for the best, it really is.”
“Is that the soldier talking or….”
“It’s me as Eric’s friend, and as your friend.” He gripped her hands. “I wouldn’t betray a fellow vet if he asked the same, and I can’t betray Eric. I know how hard this is on you, believe me Lynne, I really do understand. But like Renee couldn’t heal me, you can’t help him, not right now. We don’t do this to punish you, we just don’t want you seeing us so….”
“Weak, compromised.” She wore a tight smile. “Well fine Sam. Go back and tell him I’ll stay right here until he wants to see me.” Then she began to cry again. “But also tell him that I don’t care how he looks or what he is because regardless of his physical appearance, he’s the man I love, even if he isn’t a man.” She rolled her eyes, then had a wild cackle. “My God, this’s crazy. But this’s also all I have, him, however he is. You tell him that Samuel. And when you do, remember what Renee did in the hospital. You men think you have to be so strong for us, so perfect. But none of us are perfect, we’re all messed up in one way or another. You tell him that for me. Tell him that no matter how he looks or what he is, I will love him till the day I die.”
She huffed, then stood, again walking to the sink. Then she took a deep breath, keeping her back to Sam. “And tell Renee to bring me three containers of boysenberries. I don’t have to work anymore, so I’m gonna make some pies. I’m still craving pumpkin, you can tell him that too. Tell him that I’m making pies, and I’ll be happy to share them when he’s feeling like solid food.” Now she faced Sam, hands on her hips. “I know he probably can’t keep anything down yet, but one of these days he’ll be my husband again. Maybe you’ve run out of faith Sam Ahern, but I’ve been praying, believe it or not. And you can tell him that also. He came home, and he damn well better change back into my spouse. I’ll love him no matter what, but you tell him Sam. Tell him there’s pie. All he has to do is ask for some.”
Sam had never seen Lynne so riled, and he permitted a small chuckle. “Can I have some of this pie when it’s done?”
“Yes,” she said tersely. Then she grinned. “Eat a piece in front of him. Maybe that’ll turn him around.”
On Wednesday, Lynne baked pies in the Aherns’ kitchen while Renee worked at the hospital. Renee stopped at home after her shift, sharing tidbits of gossip; some of the more licentious nurses thought that Lynne, Renee, and Sam were, well, you know. Or that the women were together, in lieu of Sam’s injury. Lynne laughed, picturing those who would spread such nonsense, then she thought about Stanford and Laurie. Then Lynne sighed. “Well, while I like you just fine Renee, redheads really aren’t my speed.”
Renee giggled. “And I prefer bald guys.” Then she grew quiet. “Sam told him that you’d cut your hair. That was after he told him everything else you’d said. I wasn’t there, in the room, but Sam leaves the door open, that’s his way of telling Eric that he can’t hide forever. Anyways, I could hear Eric, he was chuckling, as Sam told him how mad you were, and about the pies.” Renee forked herself a bite of pumpkin, then studied it. She ate it, swallowed some water, then gazed at Lynne. “Then he mentioned your hair. Eric was quiet for a few seconds, then he sighed, mumbling something about having wanted to paint you with your long hair.”
“Well, maybe if he gets his keister out of bed, I’ll grow it back.” Lynne ran a hand through her tresses. “How did he sound?”
Renee looked away, shaking her head.
“Can’t you even tell me how he sounds?”
“He sounds like, well, not like Eric. I mean, the cadence is the same, but not the voice. But it’s stronger, much stronger, and who knows what it’s like today. And speaking of which….” Renee quickly finished her pie, then stood. “I’d better get over there, give Sam a break. I’ll take some pieces of these.” She motioned to the pumpkin on the table and the boysenberry on the counter. “Depending on how it’s going, I’ll be back for dinner.”
Lynne nodded, then slumped in her seat. “They just don’t understand how much we love them.”
Renee had been at the doorway, but she turned back, kneeling next to Lynne. “Maybe they do, we just don’t understand how much they love us.”
“What do you mean?”
“When I slapped Sam, it wasn’t just because he was acting petulant. I mean, he was, but I had a lot of anger too, at him for leaving, at the bastard who shot him and ended all our dreams. I was angry at our government, at the Koreans, at just about anyone I could be mad at. Why did some idiots have to start a war, and why did our country have to get involved, and why did my husband volunteer to go over there? And when he did, why did he have to get wounded where he did, why? But I couldn’t say that, especially not in a VA hospital, and he couldn’t tell me everything he felt, and instead I hit him. I hit a partially paralyzed man all because he was feeling sorry for himself, and I couldn’t take his oh-poor-me attitude. But it wasn’t just oh-poor-me, it was I’m sorry Renee that I’m not man enough to make a child with you now, or take care of you, or even use the toilet by myself. Because they’re men, Lynne, they have pride, they can’t help it. The same way Eric can’t stop changing into a hawk is the same way he doesn’t want you to see him so unlike the man you married, even if you married him knowing he turned into a bird. Because now, he’s not sure he’ll turn back into a man, and while Eric’s not a brute, he’s also not the gentle loving husband he wants to be for you. We’re different species, and I don’t mean humans and birds, but men and women. And no matter how much we love those men, we can’t get inside their heads, just like they’ll never get inside ours.”
An eerie quiet loomed. Then Lynne nodded, but she didn’t speak. She kissed Renee’s forehead, then hugged her. Renee stood, and left the kitchen. While she was gone, Lynne sliced pieces from both pies, putting them in an empty tin. She covered it with foil, then put the tin into Renee’s basket. When Renee returned, Lynne wore a thankful smile, telling Renee to give both Sam and Eric her best.
Lynne spent much of Thursday running errands for Sam; he needed new sheets and groceries, but Renee had to work. Lynne purchased those items, returned to the Aherns, then she called her house. No one answered, but ten minutes later Sam called, asking if she could drive over. Lynne replied that of course she could, but she said nothing else. She took care on the roads, but since Eric’s return, the weather had been mild.
She parked in the driveway, but left the engine running. Then she turned it off. Sam hadn’t instructed her about how to deliver her purchases, and while she ached to step inside the gate, she didn’t want to antagonize her husband. If Eric didn’t want her to see him right now, she needed to respect his wishes. Renee’s words still rumbled through Lynne’s head.
But how would she tell Sam she was there? She stepped from the car, taking a bag of cold items from the trunk. If nothing else, these groceries needed to be refrigerated, and with hesitant steps, Lynne approached the gate, letting herself inside. The house looked unchanged, but smoke rose from the chimney. The scent of burni
ng wood warmed her, then she headed for her front door.
It was locked, so she used her key, making plenty of noise as she did so. The only sound she heard was the crackling fire, so she quietly put the groceries into the fridge. As she reached the door to leave, she heard someone coming down the stairs. She knew it was Sam, from how he plodded differently than Eric.
He entered the kitchen with a finger to his lips. She nodded, and he joined her at the door. “He’s asleep. I tried calling the house, but obviously you were on your way. Need some help?”
She nodded, and they wordlessly stepped outside. They gathered all the bags in one trip, but remained hushed while walking toward the house. Once inside, they stayed quiet; Sam took the new sheets into the living room, while Lynne put away the sundries. Sam returned, then motioned for her to follow him. They went to the furthest corner of the living room, but Lynne noticed her bedroom door was open, Eric’s familiar snores drifting along the landing.
Her heart raced, but she stayed where she was, heat from the fire coiling around her, as if trying to keep her there. “How is he?”
“Better,” Sam smiled. “I think he’s turned a corner. He ate some pumpkin pie earlier, has kept it down. I wasn’t sure about it, but he said that if he couldn’t eat some of your pie, what was the point in living?”
Sam’s whisper was lighthearted, and while Lynne was grateful for it, and for the news, she couldn’t stay in that house for much longer. “Well, that’s good. Is Renee coming over later?”
He nodded. “She gets off around six. She felt bad that she couldn’t get out for the groceries, but….”
“It gave me something to do, so it was no trouble.”
“Well, that’s good. I imagine you’re getting a little stir-crazy.”
“I’m finally winning some games of Solitaire, so there’s that.”
He smiled, then grasped her hands. “Maybe, if he continues to improve, sometime this weekend you can see him. He woke this morning looking so much better and….”
“Sam, you know, I’ll just go, I don’t wanna….” Lynne forced a smile, but started walking toward the kitchen. Passing the stairs was the hardest part, but as she reached the kitchen doorway, her heartbeat eased, no longer the throbbing ache that had nearly forced her up those stairs, just to see him. She just wanted to….
“Lynne, wait.”
She stopped at the table. “No Sam, you’re right, I should go. I can’t be here.”
“His eyes are the worst of it, but he’s dead to the world, so to speak. Actually, I’d like to show you something, if you can take it.”
“What Sam?” Renee had been right, and so had this man. Eric was better in Sam’s capable hands, even if he wasn’t a nurse. Eric didn’t need someone trained in human physiology, but schooled in life’s more precarious traumas. “Just tell him I love him, that I’ll wait for him Sam, please?”
Only days ago Sam had been pleading with her to leave. Now Lynne cringed at the thought of seeing Eric still in flux. Five days had passed; before he would have been fully transformed, even his eating habits back to normal. Before… Lynne bristled at that word. All she had was that moment, nothing in their past mattered.
“Lynne, actually, I need your opinion. I think his left foot’s better.” Sam quietly cleared his throat. “He told me what happened, we’ve had a lot of time to talk, as you can imagine. I didn’t know what to say, I mean, I almost couldn’t listen to him. This morning his legs were normal, but his left foot wasn’t….”
“It wasn’t what?”
“Well, it’s still misshapen, but it doesn’t look as bad as before. Not that I’d ever seen his left foot exposed, but the shoe he wears is pretty big. I was looking at it right before I heard you downstairs. I was trying to determine if his shoe was as big as his foot is now, and I don’t think it is.”
“Are you serious?”
“Can you come up, just to see it?”
“Well, I…I don’t wanna wake him.”
“No, I can tell when he’s deeply unconscious. I think that’s when his body makes the most progress. That was the problem for the first few days. He couldn’t sleep, which meant he couldn’t transform. I think he was too worried about you, but now, well, Renee gave him an earful last night and….”
Lynne had a hard time considering all this news; Renee had talked to Eric and Sam knew how Eric’s foot had been damaged and now Sam was telling her that Eric’s foot didn’t seem as bad as before. Before made Lynne clench her teeth, then she nodded. “All right, I’ll look but….”
Sam had a small smile. Then he led her up the stairs, both stepping quietly. Eric’s snores made Lynne shiver, then she closed her eyes, feeling dizzy, as Sam walked her to the couple’s bed. The room didn’t smell of bird, which allowed Lynne to open her eyes. Feathers dotted the floor, but Sam didn’t try to move them away. Instead he lifted the blanket over Eric’s legs. He was curled on his right side, his left foot exposed. Lynne kept her gaze from his head, mostly concealed by the sheet. She stared at that foot, which to her utter amazement looked nearly healed.
Nodding frantically, she glanced at Sam. He nodded back, then she gazed more closely at her husband. Eric’s toes were no longer gnarled, and while scars remained, they were faint compared to previously. His skin was jaundiced, but Lynne wasn’t repulsed, for that was how he had looked in March, and it had taken days for that to fade. His legs were also free from feathers, but his flesh seemed to still be forming. She again examined his foot, then smiled, gripping Sam’s hand. Some manner of healing had occurred.
Back in the living room, Lynne asked if Eric had noticed it yet, and if he had put any weight on it. Sam said that Eric had walked around the room late last night, but it had been dark, and Sam hadn’t seen if Eric was walking on feet or claws. Eric hadn’t said anything about it that morning, but when Sam had checked him over, he’d noticed that Eric did indeed have feet, and that the left foot wasn’t much different than the right. Lynne verified Sam’s suspicions, then they embraced. Lynne glanced up to her bedroom once more, then she led Sam into the kitchen. He walked her to the gate, but their words were few. Perhaps that weekend, Lynne might get to see Eric, if his recovery continued in this vein.
As Lynne drove back to the Aherns, she thought about Eric’s foot, then she pondered other details; that Renee had spoken to Eric pleased Lynne, then Lynne wondered how Eric had told Sam how his foot had been injured. She reached the Aherns’ street, parking in front of the house. She wanted to cry, many emotions teeming within her. She had been so close to him, but he had been unaware of her, how deeply unconscious had he been? What remained left to alter, and why was Sam so leery of her seeing Eric’s eyes?
Maybe his face was still misshapen, although tufts of his hair had poked out from the blanket. He was still a towhead, and she took deep breaths. Getting out of the car, Lynne noted a cool breeze, but it wasn’t as bitter as last week. A week ago, she didn’t know where he was. Now she had seen him, although not touched him. His foot was improved for all his sufferings, but what about his mind? She let herself in the house, then flopped onto the sofa. Then Lynne wiped tears from her cheeks, gazing across at the blue barn. What was actually inside it, or what had Eric imagined the interiors were when he painted it? Perhaps, in a matter of days, she would get to ask him in person.
Chapter 23