The Machine
By Jason Wallace
******
Published by:
The Machine
Copyright © 2014 by Jason Wallace
I used to think
That I could ever speak
Any words to anyone
That would mean anything
More than just to me,
Just to me
Every single time that I start to blink,
My eyes begin to twitch, and I lose my edge,
And it all seems that I freeze, unable
To come back down to a place where
I’m smart enough never to dream
Or try to be more than I am,
More than me,
More than just me
I’ve fallen down, so I’m falling in,
Right into line where they all want me to be
The all numbing sin is to give up the piece
That you fight so hard to find, grasping to seize,
Ever to keep, building up to get torn back down,
Burned and drowned, whitened like the masses of sheep,
And the only thing I have left is the drain from my skin,
The cut of the flesh, the wound that never ceases to bleed
I’m living off of the hand, the emplacing one, the un-embracing one
That is the only part of that machine that gives one damn to feed
Because you have to do what you’re told but be kept alive
Just long enough so they can suck away all the energy and product they need
You’re only what they make of you, so get ready to be
The restrained, damaged, demanded little scrap of meat,
Festered and blistered, shredded, bludgeoned, beat
Be like them; be like them, the others chosen for a life
Given away under the control of the whole of the ones
Holding your all til they eat, spit you out as some crumb, then repeat
Bonus Material
Product
I’m worn out, worn down, torn down;
I’ve got a warning for you.
The hardest thing you’ll ever do
Is live through
All the pain, all the strain
Of being you.
Simply put, you’re simply put
Into a place that you never would choose,
Beaten like you intended to
Be what they want,
What they can’t be…
But you don’t fall in line,
So they can’t see
That you’ve got a life to live,
Got a lot to give
Before all your all is taken away
And spewed back at you.
You get a load of shit
That they manufactured for your mouth
To eat and repeat
And never spit it out.
So, just ask for more,
And leave it alone.
What do you try to be anyone for
When being nothing but a clone is all you own?
The numbing of the nothing that you’ve become
Is something for someone, but only for you
If you can’t try trusting,
Then you’re of no use
Because they have to fill you with their filth
And fit you with their noose.
If you don’t believe, then you have no excuse.
You didn’t accept their guilt and their gifts and their refuse.
You didn’t swallow their swill and follow their will.
Take note that the remote that controls your soul
Is in someone else’s hand; take that pill;
Choke on their lies; walk with blinded eyes.
You always have; you always will.
You’re nothing but a sorry story to sell,
A product to be bought up and bottled and remodeled,
And you buy in all the time, so, oh well.
Dead Inside, Deep Inside
*I wrote this when I was 18 or 19. Bear that in mind when reading.
I hope you hurry
Before I piss my pants.
Oh shit!
I messed up
And missed my chance.
I didn't realize it would be like this.
I still can't see
Why it turned out like it did.
I've scattered my ashes and shed my tears,
Tattered my clothes and said my fears
To the one who made me trust her,
The one that said she loved me
While she said fuck you
To the world she ran through
And stole my innocence in return
And rekindled a swindled heart in turn.
Did she ever feel the way it burned,
My pain disguising itself
To hide the help I headed for
And deride the dead deeds done no more.
I know no noble notions.
I am facing unforetold fears.
I am swimming among oceans of pass-me-by years.
I wish I would wash away the way it was
And go back to a time
When I wasn't living for lust.
My mind is a torment I represent.
It tells me my heart is no longer a must.
Scratch that.
Erase the trust.
Don't fret or fuss
Over bullshit stuff.
It's only there to lead you down,
Gone to a hurt of personal hell,
A sin within that you can't foretell
To a teller trying to sell her soul for pennies.
My mind is gone.
I've had it off more than I've had it on.
My blind eye is drawn to envy.
I don't sell it,
But I smell it,
And I felt it,
All the bullshit that we see.
I can never tell
What all is well,
But it's not so well for me.
I'm dead inside,
Deep inside,
Unable to see the selfish side.
Don't set me
A pretty petty
Weak and weary
Shitty gritty
Greeting from beyond.
I walk a wild and worn out path
Past a person impersonating
The idiosyncratic psychopathic personalities
Of a drastic spastic penalty
Purged on people finding very little love
In an uncaring world of hate undebatable.
There is no comfort zone in a broken home.
Don't you hear my god **** tone?
I can't lend a loan
From what's not my own.
I move slow, alone
And fast afraid.
We got it made
For the few moments we stayed
And played away
So the sour could say
Curses against the day
But wouldn't go away
And wanted to make us pay
With money we couldn't raise
As forced out slaves.
I wish I wasn't so fuckin sober so often.
I need some shit to ease my constant coughin’.
I'll be in a coffin sooner than I wanna be
If I don't get some shit to help me see
The struggles I'm gonna see.
I'm altering the free things
That are here for us all.
Life is a strife to let you ignore the fall.
I am an underachiever,
A false believer.
I am never home to receive my calls.
I'm sure we could reach a preacher to deceive us all.
Thank you for not thinking of me.
&
nbsp; Remember the mind-bender
Beginning from me.
I'm bathing in a taking
That's sickening me,
Making me drunk
On hellhole telltale tolerances
Of habits remaining
In the morning sun's appearance.
I'm shaking shitfaced shallow showoffs
And igniting the ticking time bomb about to blow off
I'm dead inside,
Deep inside,
Unable to see the selfish side.
Don't set me
A pretty petty
Weak and weary
Shitty gritty
Greeting from beyond.
I walk a wild and worn out path
Past a person impersonating
The idiosyncratic psychopathic personalities
Of a drastic spastic penalty
Purged on people finding very little love
In an uncaring world of hate undebatable.
Say you're sorry
For what you've done.
We lost the fun
We thought we had.
It all went bad
When we sunk to sad.
It makes me glad
To see my enemies mad
Cuz I don't give a fuck.
The game is up.
My name is stuck
On some absent luck.
I don't get a suck.
Go suck a rock.
You can't suck my cock.
I never knocked her off.
The shit she's got
Is just the flu.
I never penetrated through
The thickass slip
Of her in between the pussylips.
Don't talk like a little kid.
I know the bad shit you did.
It ain't hid from me.
I'm running a race
To hide this face,
But she don't run me.
I gotta ride
Far from pride
And be alive inside
And get powered past her bitching.
She best not make a sound.
I want only silence.
I prayed it wouldn't lead to violence.
But regrets forget the shit I get
From the times she tried to beat me down.
I sent her the center of my being.
She fucked it up and slammed it down,
And she's repeating.
The outstretched hand
From this broken man
Was caught bleeding.
She's still feeding into the lies she told me.
I despise her more mostly.
Fuck her for her fastly forwarding fronts
Of deceit and corruption.
I will corrupt her confusion.
The contusion I got with my concussion
Is the newest point of our discussion mentioned.
I don't believe her true intentions.
I'm dead inside,
Deep inside,
Unable to see the selfish side.
Don't set me
A pretty petty
Weak and weary
Shitty gritty
Greeting from beyond.
I walk a wild and worn out path
Past a person impersonating
The idiosyncratic psychopathic personalities
Of a drastic spastic penalty
Purged on people finding very little love
In an uncaring world of hate undebatable.
I'm so dead inside,
Not as deep inside,
That I can't at least sometimes see my selfish side.
Just don't set me
Any pretty petty
Weak and weary
Shitty gritty
Greetings.
I walk on a wild and worn out road,
Never knowing what's owed.
I'm dead inside,
Deep inside,
Unable to see the selfish side.
Don't set me
A pretty petty
Weak and weary
Shitty gritty
Greeting from beyond.
I walk a wild and worn out path
Past a person impersonating
The idiosyncratic psychopathic personalities
Of a drastic spastic penalty
Purged on people finding very little love
In an uncaring world of hate undebatable.
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