The sun was coming up over the heartland, warming the earth; the corn had done well this year and the milo and soybeans. The cattle were grazing with the early morning fog on their backs and the calves nursing their momma’s. Gus Roger’s farm was the pride of Howard County, two thousand nine hundred and sixty acres of prime farm land set right in the middle of God’s country with its amber waves of grains, rich green pastures and one of the finest herds of Black Angus cattle in the Midwest. The old farmhouse stood like a relic from the past with its ten two story pillars guarding the old house like English guards in front of Buckingham palace. The fences were straight and mended and the out buildings all wore a fresh coat of bright white paint. This was Gus’s way. Some chickens pecked at he ground while the rooster strutted around the farm yard as if he owned the place. There was a dog on the front porch and horses out in the fields. Once, this had been paradise.
A pickup truck clamored up the gravel road, pulled into the drive and came to a stop. There were no lights on in the house. The only sign of life was the lamp post in the yard. The house that once glowed a warm welcome now stood cold and dark. The icy winds of winter blew and the old farmer sat in his truck. Even the creatures on the farm sensed a great change had taken place. The dog on the porch had hardly moved all day although she was young and spry; she already missed the familiar routine of the old farmer’s wife. There were no dog biscuits from the nice lady who had lived in the house handed out today. The dog was unaware there would never again be any more biscuits or tummy rubs from the lady Gus called his wife. The dogs instincts told her something wasn’t right as she stepped off the porch and headed for the truck. She sat down outside the truck and patiently waited as if to say, take all the time you need and when you’re ready, I’ll be here.
When the tired old farmer finally opened the door, she stood up and wagged her tail, she was happy to see her buddy. The farmer knelt down on one knee to pet the pup, happy to see his dog, it brought him some relief. The dog stood firm as if knowing her job was just to be there for her master.
The grieving old farmer knew he could not go inside the house; there would be too many reminders of his late wife. He stood there among the dog woods and redbuds which his wife had planted so carefully all those years ago and the stately Silver Maple tree towering over the yard she planted when it was just a twig and now is as fine a tree as there ever was. The white picket fence that ran along the road was put there for the lady of the house. She always wanted a white picket fence and her husband saw to it she got one. The man would go out there and paint that little fence every year whether it needed it or not.
The farmer and the dog began to walk and were soon between rows of last years cut corn stalks. Suddenly a rage filled the farmer; he raised his fist towards the heavens and cursed God with a scream that echoed over all of Howard County. He demanded to know why his beloved wife had been taken from him. The dog was frightened but stood her ground next to her master. The farmer sank to the dirt of Howard County and pounded the black ground with his fist. And there, on a cold day on all fours in a corn field wrestling with God, his beloved wife spoke to him from the beyond. His rage was gone; exhausted he stood and breathed the clear cold air of Howard County. Grace Rogers had once again saved the man she had so dearly loved.
After a long day of cutting hay just a few months ago, Gus walked into the kitchen and found his wife washing dishes in the sink. She hadn’t been feeling well and had gone to their family doctor who had sent her to see a specialist. Of course Gus had been thinking about this all day. “Well,” said the old farmer. His wife replied with, “Not good,” still keeping her composure. This was so like her, she had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and it was Gus she was worried about. The husband said nothing knowing there was more and waited. After a little silence he went to his wife. She turned and put her soapy hands on either side of Gus’s face, her green eyes met his blue. The farmer pulled her to him and enveloped her body in his arms. She began to cry; after a moment she gathered herself enough to say, “Oh Gus, I’m dying.”
Sitting down at the kitchen table Grace told Gus about the test and how they had double checked the results. She explained how she had had a sensation that something was very wrong but was unable to put her finger on it. The old man’s mind was whirling with stunned disbelief. He began at once to come up with a plan, he would take her to the finest doctors and they would beat this. But she was way ahead of him; she was already past denial and knew it was a phase her husband would have to go through for himself. She knew this was not something he was going to easily accept.
He rose from his chair and banged his way out the screen door onto the porch. His wife could hear him pacing back and forth as she began to prepare supper. The dog greeted the man on the porch hoping to go for a ride in the truck. Gus’s mind raced, he was trying to figure out what he could do, he felt he had to fix this somehow.
She could see him from the window, her heart was breaking but she didn’t know what to do.
He would take her to the ends of the earth if that’s what it would take. He would pray to God, surely he could do something.
Gus could hear a sound in the distance getting louder and then louder when slowly he realized this sound was coming from the kitchen.
Gus stood 6’ 2” but it was his wife who was standing tall. He was ashamed when he realized he was thinking only of himself and had abandoned his woman. He breathed a couple of deep breaths, gathered himself and marched into the kitchen. He took his wife’s hand and without a word he led her out the door onto the porch to the swing where they sat down. He put his big arm around her petit shoulders and pulled her close. They rocked back and forth with only the sounds of the creaking chains breaking the silence.
This is exactly what Grace was hoping her beloved husband would do. He was her man and what a damn fine man he was. She was going to miss him. The woman did not fear death; it was living without her partner she feared. She knew arrangements were going to have to be made. She knew over the next few months they would have many tough conversations but right now sitting there with her sweetie on her own porch on her beloved farm was the only place in the world she wanted to be.
No words were said, none were needed. The sun set that evening as if everything was right with the world although this husband and wife’s world had been turned upside down. They sat on the porch swing that evening like they had thousands of times over the years and watched the sun turn the day into night. The crickets sang their song and the whippoorwills and still no words. Finally, it was the woman who broke the silence. That night, they lay in th
eir bed trying not to keep the other awake by crying. Both were hoping tomorrow morning they would wake to find that this had all been just a bad dream.
When it finally got light enough to see Gus got out of bed and started breakfast. His wife soon joined him in the kitchen. They silently ate their bacon and eggs interrupted only by the roosters crowing. The farmer was debating what his next move should be. Should he stay with his wife today or go about his business as usual. It was Grace who solved this dilemma for him.
“What’s the forecast?” the woman asked. Gus looked at her blankly. “Is it supposed to rain?”
The man looked out the window trying to get a read of the sky. This was his hint of what to do; he would go about his business as usual. Gus realized that Grace asked him every morning what the forecast was and today was no different. Today he would farm. Only today he did something slightly different, after he put on his boots but before he walked out the door he kissed his wife twice, not the usual once and this did not go unnoticed by his wife of nearly fifty years.
The next few months were strange times on the farm. Grace got weaker by the day as the cancer did its evil on her body. Her faith in God was never questioned, not even cancer could take her spirit. There was hardly a day when folks weren’t dropping in on the Rogers farm to check on them. There were stacks of get well cards piling up and through it all she insisted Gus go about his business as usual. She had accepted from the beginning that she was going to be with the Lord soon, it was Gus she worried about. She knew him too well to know having him sitting around the house was not what he needed, it was hard work that would bring relief. Of course he thought of her every minute of every day but keeping his hands busy helped to keep the depression at bay.
As the cancer took over her body, Grace became frail and thin, she had good days and bad days. Gus hired a nurse over her objections and he himself was spending a lot of time at home now. The farmer thought it odd they never really talked about the cancer, guessing it was as if just saying the words would make it happen sooner.
One day he came home for lunch and found Grace sitting out on the porch swing wrapped in a blanket. This woman was once strikingly attractive. When she was younger she had flaming red hair. Now it was grey and thin and tossed. She had had a perfect hour glass figure and now was cancer ravaged and barely weighed ninety pounds. The belle of Howard County was nearing the end of her walk through this world.
The man sat down next to his wife. Grace knew she was going to die soon but never felt sorry for herself until the very end. Those last few days were tough for her. She knew she had had a good life with Gus on the farm and was going to miss it terribly. But mostly she was going to miss her husband. She worried about him, he had put up a good front for her but she knew her dying was going to be traumatic.
Grace took Gus’s well worn hand and placed it in her lap. She took a deep breath and began.
“My love, you have given me a wonderful life and I shall be forever grateful to you, our time together has meant more to me than words can possibly express.”
She paused to take a drink of water and began again. “I shall burden you with only one more request.”
The man’s blue eyes were fixed on her; he sensed this meant a lot to her. The suffering woman took another labored breath and smiled a weak smile. “I want you to promise me that you will be okay.”
Gus’s eyes watered as he looked away. He knew this was the one promise that he could not make to his wife. Lately, he had found himself questioning if he could make it one single day without her. The woman squeezed his hand, he also knew this was not the time to let her down, and so he told himself to hang on a little longer. Gus knew it was important for her to die with all her affairs in order and if this was her final wish, so it would be. There was a single tear on his leathery cheek. This was all so very sad for the woman but there were no more tears and she was no longer questioning dying. For a moment the old fire was burning in the eyes of the farmer’s wife.
Drawing on some inner strength he told her how much he was going to miss her and that he would be okay. The farmer and his wife sat on the porch looking out at the blue skies of Howard County, holding on to each other. The old woman exhaled and closed her eyes.
A few days later she died. Gus had been sitting in the recliner he had moved into the bedroom looking out the window when suddenly he noticed the room had grown quiet. There were no more sounds of dying, only a calm quiet. Hesitating for a second or two to look, fearing the worse had finally happened. He was amazed how peaceful she looked and how beautiful she was even in death. Gus was strangely relieved it had finally happened. He didn’t know how this was going to feel or how it would affect him. He had feared the worst but now he only felt numb and strange. There was no more suffering and this was his only thread to cling to. He felt incredibly alone. He went to his beloved wife and sat on the bed beside her. He stroked her hair and after a few moments he dialed the doctor’s number. A half an hour later an ambulance pulled into the drive. The arrangements were all in place and everyone knew what to do, except Gus. Within an hour people were showing up at the farm and the phone was ringing. The farmer took it like a man. He’d had plenty of time to rehearse and was gracious and grateful for everyone’s support. As they told him how sorry they were he hugged them and thanked them for caring. He knew this was how she would have wanted it.
It was a cool, overcast day and Gus was grateful it didn’t rain. As Grace’s Pastor said the final goodbyes the old farmer scanned the skies of Howard County and wondered if she were up there somewhere looking down on them. The grieving old man thought if there was indeed such a place as heaven, Grace would be there.