Falling in love is easy, staying in love is hard.
Dedicated to all those who have stayed in love.
Acknowledgments
To the best agent a writer could ever ask for, Amy Tannenbaum, and to the whole Jane Rotrosen Agency team—I can’t thank you enough for your wonderful guidance and encouragement; to my fantastic editor Micki Nuding and everyone at Gallery Books, including Kristin and Jules for their excitement and dedication. Thank you to the amazing Enn Bocci, for knowing just what to say at the right time and for always swinging for the fences. Endless appreciation to each of my online friends and to all the bloggers whose enthusiasm helped so many discover and fall in love with Drew Evans and Kate Brooks.
To my readers, for understanding and enjoying and having as much fun reading about these characters as I do writing them.
And I’m so very grateful for my brilliant husband and two beautiful children—thank you for your patience, love, and support, and for giving me a reason to smile every single day.
Prologue
Women walk a fine line.
Prude.
Slut.
Bitch.
Doormat.
Defining who you are to the outside world is a constant balancing act. It’s exhausting. But for some women there is an occasional out. An excuse that lets them say what’s really on their minds, allows them to forgive even if they know they shouldn’t, and pushes them to indulge all those nasty little fantasies—without the scarlet consequences.
Alcohol.
It can give the courage to talk dirty and the permission to go home with the bartender.
It’s the alibi. The cover story.
It wasn’t really you—you were possessed by Captain Morgan and the Grey Goose.
Unfortunately, I have a very high tolerance for alcohol.
Sucks to be me.
In all our years together, Billy was never able to drink me under the table. Not once. Maybe it’s because I started drinking at a young age. Maybe I was just born that way.
Regardless, it takes a lot to get me buzzed and even more to get me drunk.
That’s why, back in the day, I preferred pot.
Much more efficient.
Yep, you heard me right. Kate Brooks—pothead extraordinaire. Me and the Grateful Dead? We could’ve been bestest friends. Weed courage is what made me brave enough to get my tattoo.
But, sadly, those days are over. As I started business school, I realized the consequences of getting caught with a controlled substance were just too high.
So now I stick to legally sanctioned drugs only. Mostly wine.
Drew and I drink it nightly, just to unwind. And once a week we have kind of a date night—a special night. We cook together. Drew is a big fan of the fajitas. We drink and talk and drink some more.
Tonight we drank a bit more than usual. So, even though I’m not wasted in the literal sense, my limbs feel loose. Relaxed. Just like my inhibitions.
Have I got your attention? Excellent.
Open a window, ladies and gents—it’s about to get hot in here.
We’re in bed.
I’m on my back. And Drew is between my legs.
Well—his face is, anyway.
“I love your pussy.”
I moan, and he reinforces his words with actions. He’s big on actions.
Wet, worshipful actions.
“I could fucking live down here.”
He picks up his pace, and before you can say “Slap me with a riding crop,” I’m pulling on his hair and screaming his name.
Moments later, Drew smirks proudly and crawls up my body. My limbs are lazy from the wine—and the orgasm, of course. All around, there’s a pleasant haze, a mist of numbness, making everything seem dreamlike.
And then we’re kissing. And heat spreads throughout my body like an electrical current, bringing me back.
Making me feel how real this is.
I rip my mouth from his and whisper—the alcohol making me brave—“Drew . . . Drew, I want to try something.”
That gets his attention. “What do you want to try?” His tongue glides over my nipple.
I smile and bite my lip. “Something new.”
He raises his head. His lids are adorably heavy. “I like new.”
I chuckle and push him off me, then stand up and make my way toward the dresser—bumping into the nightstand as I go.
“Excuse me.”
I open the top drawer and pull out two pairs of handcuffs. Delores got them for her post-wedding bachelorette party, but she already had a pair.
Don’t ask.
I swing one around my finger. My sexy strut back to the bed is almost ruined as I stumble on my four-inch heels, and I giggle.
Drew rises up on his knees. He looks hungry, like a starving lion eyeing up a juicy steak that’s just out of reach.
He moves to take the cuffs from me, but I push him away.
“On your back, big boy.”
I know what he’s thinking. Can’t you almost hear him?
“Mmm . . . Kate wants to run the show? Interesting.”
He backs up and brings his wrists to the posts of the headboard. I circle his wrists and lock the half moons in place.
Click.
Click.
He gives each one a tug, testing it out, as I rest on my heels beside him, my eyes smoothing over the rippling naked perfection that is Drew Evans.
Beautiful.
“You plan on doing something? Or are you just going to stare at me all night?”
I look up at him. And his eyes are eager, daring me to bring it on.
Oh, I can bring it. Don’t ever doubt that.
I lift my chin proudly and bring my hands between his thighs. Rubbing and massaging his balls slowly. I slide my hand up his already hard cock, gripping it tight—the way I know he likes—before giving it a few firm pumps.
Drew’s chest starts to rise faster.
Interesting indeed.
And before you ask, no, I wasn’t always this way. This adventurous.
Bold.
My entire sexual relationship with Billy involved two levels: shy and mundane. Hesitant and rote. And that’s just where it stayed. It was only after Drew that I realized how much Billy and I were holding each other back.
In sex—in life.
In each other’s eyes, we would always be Katie and Billy. Immature. Dependent. Forever young—like that Tuck movie about the fountain of youth.
Then Drew Evans came into my life, and the outspoken, demanding, and yes, horny woman who had been growing inside me for a decade was set free. At least in bed.
His bed.
I bend at the waist, ass in the air, and take his length in with my mouth. He jerks at the contact. The alcohol must have numbed my gag reflex, because I’m able to take him all the way down my throat.
And I do.
Four, five, six times. Then I bring my eyes to his. During a blow job? Guys love eye contact. Don‘t ask me why—I have no idea.
“You like it when I suck your cock, Drew?”
He likes dirty talk too. Actually, there’s not much Drew doesn’t like.
His eyes roll back. “Fuck, yes.”
I go back to work, letting my tongue get into the action.
His voice is breathy, panting. “God, baby—you give the best head. You could teach a frigging class.”
Ha—that’s funny! Dick Lick 101.
After almost two years together, I’m an expert at reading Drew’s body language. So when his hips start to lift and his hands clench in the air, I know he’s close. His appreciative grunts and groans almost make me abandon my plan.
But I don’t.
At the last second, just before he comes, I pull away. And sit up. Drew’s eyes are squeezed shut, waiting for the explosion that’s not coming.
He opens his eyes and they’re bewildered.
I smile, feeling empowered.
And naughty.
I yawn dramatically. “You know, that wine really took a lot out of me. I’m kind of tired.”
“Wh . . . what?” he pants.
“I think I need a breather. You don’t mind, do you?”
Drew growls, “Kate . . .”
I swing my leg over him, sliding his massively impressive hard-on between my legs. Sitting on it, but not letting it slip inside.
“I’m kind of thirsty too. I’m going to get a glass of water. You want some?”
“This isn’t fucking funny, Kate.”
Oooh, he’s mad.
Scary.
I slide my finger down the middle of his chest. “Who’s laughing?”
He pulls at the cuffs—harder this time. When the locks hold, I giggle. Who knew poking a lion with a stick could be so much fun?
“Relax, Drew. Stay put like a good boy and I’ll come back . . .” I shrug. “Eventually.”
I kiss his nose quickly, hop off the bed, and scurry from the room as he calls my name.
Don’t look at me like that; I’m just teasing him a little. You know he deserves it. No harm in that, right?
I skip down the hall to the kitchen, proud of myself. When I step onto the cold tile floor, goose bumps rise up my legs and down my arms. I really am thirsty, so I get a glass from the cabinet and fill it with cold water.
Standing at the sink I take a nice long gulp, closing my eyes as the cool liquid soothes my dry throat. A drop trails down my chin, over my collarbone, and down my breast.
Without warning, a hard chest presses up against my back, shocking me. I squeak and the glass drops and shatters in the sink.
I don’t know how he got free, but the handcuffs are dangling from his wrists. Rough hands pull me back, trapping me.
I shiver as seductive warm breath scrapes my ear.
“That wasn’t nice, Kate. I can be not nice too.”
His voice is low—not angry, but firm. It’s incredibly arousing.
One hand grips my hair at the nape and pulls, making me arch my back and press my pelvis against the rim of the sink. He jerks my head to the side, and then he’s kissing me—plunging his tongue into my mouth as I race to keep up.
The kiss is possessive.
Dominating.
A moment later he pushes easily inside me and starts a pounding rhythm, his lower abdomen slapping against my ass with each push.
It’s exhilarating.
I hear myself moan. The counter bites into my stomach, but I don’t care. All I can feel is Drew.
Controlling me. Driving me. Owning me.
His free hand grips mine and brings it around front to my clit. Pressing my fingers down, compelling me to pleasure myself.
Guys have a thing for masturbation. I’ve come to realize it’s a huge turn-on—like throwing a match into a barrel of gasoline.
He releases my hand, but my fingers continue to move like he wants them to. Like I’m a puppet on a string, and Drew is the master puppeteer. And then he leans back, taking the heat of his chest away.
The pace of his thrusting slows. And I feel his hand slide down my spine. Between us.
To my ass.
His hand kneads and rubs, then his fingers glide around the mounds of flesh. Back and forth over the hypersensitive hole between them.
And I tense up.
This is new territory for us. Well—for me. I have no doubt that Drew has, at one time or another, been inside every available orifice of the female form.
But for me it’s unknown. And a little nerve-racking.
His fingers make several harmless passes until I relax. Until the tension drains from my shoulders, and I’m once again distracted by the intense pleasure the rhythm of his hips invokes.
And then he slides one finger inside.
There’s no pain. No discomfort. Double penetration is a lot like skydiving. To truly appreciate it, you have to experience it. Words don’t really do it justice.
But I’ll try: delicious.
In a forbidden, naughty kind of way.
Slowly Drew moves his finger in and out, catching up with the pace of his cock.
And I’m moaning, low and deep and uninhibited. My own fingers rub faster—harder—in front. Then I gasp as he stretches me wider, making room for the second finger he just slipped in.
His movements are unhurried. Torturous and teasing.
And I want to open my mouth and beg for more.
More friction, more heat.
Faster. More. Please.
Drew compels me forward gently. Bending me over, so my hair brushes the bottom of the sink. And then he’s gone—out of my body.
And I ache with the loss of it.
Until I feel the head of his cock, wet with my fluids, stroking back and forth over the opening his fingers just occupied.
“Drew . . .”
It’s a keening moan, half pleasure, half pain.
All pleading.
“Say yes, Kate. Fucking Christ . . . please say yes.”
His voice is raspy. Raw.
With need.
For me.
And suddenly I feel powerful.
Strange, considering our current position, but still—I’m the one in control. He may as well be begging at my feet.
Waiting and hoping for my command.
I don’t think. I don’t weigh the options or contemplate the consequences. I only feel, submerged in rapturous sensation.
I let go.
And I trust.
“Yes . . .”
Ever so slowly, Drew presses forward into me. There’s a moment of pain—a stretching burn—and I inhale sharply. He pauses. Until I release my breath. Then, gently, he continues forward, until his most intimate flesh is fully ensconced in my own. Then he stays completely still. Letting my body adjust to the intrusion.
I feel his hand slide across my hip and down my thigh, coming around to my front. His hand goes under mine, his fingers rubbing in a circular motion. In that sensuous, magnificent way, before dipping inside me. Over and over and over again.
I always thought of anal sex as the ultimate show of domination, forceful, maybe humiliating.
But this doesn’t feel that way.
It’s primal . . . unexplored . . . but beautiful too. Sacred.
Like I’ve just given him my virginity. And in a way, I guess I have.
I move first, pushing back against him.
Giving Drew permission—wanting to know, to experience these new sensations. Needing to cross the finish line. With him.
It’s more than erotic. Beyond intimate.
Drew’s lips press against the skin on my back. Kissing and cursing and whispering my name. And then he’s the one moving. Taking back control. Gliding in and out—tender but steady.
It’s divine.
My hand clasps over his at my clit. My legs tremble and I know I’m getting close. So close. Like climbing a mountain and realizing the peak is just mere steps away.
Our breaths come in deep, open-mouth pants with each drive of Drew’s hips.
“Yes . . . yes . . . yes . . .”