Dear diary it's a long time since I have written in you last and I'm sorry for that but I have made so much until now, my life has just been a way down to the underworld for my brain. I actually haven’t had it so bad since my dad died, I'm 18 now. I don't know why I did like to write In you again but I just did, I just Thought it would help me to get somethings written down on paper. but know to something I have written in you before I'm still a boy and I still would love to be a girl, but I haven't told my mom although I have had 8 years to do it. It's maybe because I still are afraid for what she would say. And yes fear is still my biggest problem. I have been afraid my entire life always afraid I think it's one of the things my dad did pass on me he was always so afraid. And because of there were so many things I wasn’t allowed to do, like swimming my dad never did it because he did thought that when you did go in the water then you would die. But I still did swim when I was on the beach whit my friends or just my mom, and that was the reason my mom and I did survive the car crash, when my mom did drive in to the water. But anyway my dad did speak the truth when he said you would die if you go in the water, it just wasn’t me it was him he was the one how died because of it, but if I think about it then I think that he had survived if he just had learned to swim. I'm sorry that he didn’t but it was his problem not mine.
23-03-2230
Today I made a new Friend her name is Alice she is 17 years old she is as broken as I am. I don't know why she did start to speak to me, when she did start on my school but I'm glad she did because she is sweat. She did tell me that she did lose he mom and he uncle when he dad did drive in to another car. She and he dad was the only ones how survived because they where the only ones to use seat belts. In the other car where to boys and there mom.
29-03-2230
Today Alice and I where out swimming and I told her about how my dad passed away. She started to crying but I told he that I had passed on. But I knew I haven’t but of course it's only 4 years ago now. Se did tell me that she did lose he mom as only 11. and because of that I did become crying to.
01-04-2230
Today has been a hell. first of all my mom did find my girl clothes and she did ask me way I did have it I did tell he. The only thing she say back was go to school and sleep at a friend and then we will talk about this tomorrow. But when I did come to school. Alice told me that she had thought about killing he self I did begin crying and told he that I love he and I always would be there for he. She began crying to. Then she did ask me if I wanted to sleepover whit her house. And I sad yes.
02-04-2230
Today Alice and I did eat breakfast together all thought we didn’t had time to do it because we had talk the night away. And didn’t get op at 7 am as we was supposed to do. We did get to the school 20 minutes late. But whatever we did just laugh about it. She has a very pretty home he dad is an architect so it was a very very pretty home. when I did come home my mom sad that I was supposed to tell me somethings like that and the reason she did freak out so much was because she got a shock. And she sad that if It would help me to be a girl then she would help me to become one.
04-04-2230
Today I told Alice about my curse or what ever people what call it to feel like a girl when you are a boy she did tell me to become one if it would help me and if I promised that it wouldn’t chance me and Alice's friendship.
05-04-2230
Today I start my sex change. By taking pills.
28-06-2230
Today Alice and I was out shopping clothes to me and he and I found a very pretty red dress.
07-10-2230
I have been on the pilles for 6 mounts now I know I haven't written I you as I did go thought my sex chance but the pilles are draining me for power. But now I have only 2 mounts back. And yes I am a girl now :) and I’m happy now because Alice still are my best friend and she acceptes me like I am and my mom does to.
05-12-2230
I'm finally finished with the pills now and it makes me happy. Today me and Alice did kiss I don't know why or how but we did. And she asked me if I wonted to be he girlfriend and I sad yes. I had never thought about it before but she is the only person in my life I really love. She's so pretty too. And I really love he so much.
21-02-2231
I thought I never would write in you again since my life has been so good until now but something came up and now I'm beginning to be scared because I found some old books of my dads. The books titles is “The Roots of the Salem Witches” and “Hexfoks Book Of Shadows”. The first book “The Roots of the Salem Witches” is about the history of some very power full witches. The second book has passed on a very long time in my family. I think its about 600 years old because it seems very old. On the first page my Dad has written. “Jimmy If you every find this me am gone and for that I'm so sorry I never wonted you to no about this. because I know you would start practice it how every it's very dangerous I think. I never did practice it my self I actually never did read in this book because I belief it's very dangerous but I want you to see for you self. bay the way you grandmother did practice it. She would be proud if you did became a Witch or Wiccan as she was. bay the way the witches of the religion Wicca is called Wiccans or in single form Wiccan”. But now I have to sleep it's 2 am in the morning.
22-02-2231
Today I read about the persecucions of witches around the world. It isn’t fun to read about in any why. try think about it do you think that because of how you are then you should die. (a random man: He I'm a football player – the stupid people: You should die) I would mean it's very stupid. By the way I have read more in Hexfoks Book Of Shadows and I found out that it holds the beliefs I have myself and bay the way I do belief in witches. And i never believed In Christianity so why shouldn’t I be a witch.
29-02-2231
Today is my birthday an I have been 19 years old today. It's the first birthday since I became a girl and it's the first birthday I have been a Wiccan and the first birthday I have been happy in my life. Me and Alice made birthday cake. Then my mom did give me a very pretty pentagram because I had told her that I was a Wiccan now. Alice gave me a pretty dress and then I said thanks and gave them a hug. And then we ate the cake.
08-03-2231
Today has been a brake down for me. And what I’m about to write might shock you it did shock me and made me scarred but because I love her. I will try to live whit it. But her comes the think. To day I did cut myself on a knife when I was cooking with Alice. And then Alice got a very scary face and then did begin to drink my blood. And I began screaming. She did go back from me and sad sorry. Then my mom came in and asked what was wrong I told he that I had cut myself on a knife then see looked at it and sad it was okay and that it should just heal by it self. Then she went bag to the living room again. Then I asked Alice way she did drink my blood and then she told me. “I am a bloody Vampire it's my nature I couldn't do any think to stop” and then I asked are you then killing people to get blood and she sad “no I normally drink animal blood from animals I hunt in the woods”.
20-04-2231
It has been a big deal to overcome but I finality stopped to be scared of Alice because she sad to me “Ann I love you I will never ever hurt you” since then I have accepted he. She also told me when she became a Vampire. It was when he dad did drive in to the outer car. And then she was dying and because of that then he dad turned he. The reason he dad didn't turn he mom or he uncle was because they had told he dad that they never ever should be turned. They had told him that they nor would die than be a Vampire.
The things from my own life
I'm a Wiccan
myself I believe In the Goddess and God. And I believe in reincarnation and I believe in the other world. If you want to know more about Wicca then you can click the link below. Or just read the Wikipedia definition.
https://bujudia.site90.net/en/
Wicca an old word for witch is a modern pagan religion. Developed in England in the first half of the 20th century, Wicca was popularised in the 1950s and early 1960s by a retired British civil servant named Gerald Gardner, who at the time called it the "witch cult" and "witchcraft", and its adherents "the Wica". From the 1960s onward, the name of the religion was normalised to "Wicca". There are many different theological positions within Wicca, such as monotheism, goddess worship (such as in Dianic Wicca), polytheism, and atheism, and followers are encouraged to choose what they wish to seek, it being a form of mystery religion. The religion also involves the ritual practice of magic, largely influenced by the ceremonial magic of previous centuries, often in conjunction with a broad code of morality known as the Wiccan Rede, although this is not adhered to by all Wiccans. Another characteristic of this religion is the celebration of seasonally-based festivals, known as Sabbats, of which there are usually eight in number annually. There are various denominations within Wicca, which are referred to as traditions. Some, such as Gardnerian and Alexandrian Wicca, follow in the initiatory lineage of Gardner. Others, such as Cochrane's Craft, Feri and the Dianic tradition, take primary influence from other figures and may not insist on any initiatory lineage. The application of the word Wicca has given rise to "a great deal of disagreement and infighting". Gardnerian and Alexandrian Wicca are often collectively termed British Traditional Wicca, and many of their practitioners consider the term Wicca to apply only to these lineaged traditions. Others do not use the word "Wicca" at all, instead preferring to be referred to only as "Witchcraft," while others believe that all modern witchcraft traditions can be considered "Wiccan." Popular culture, as seen in T.V. programmes like Buffy the Vampire Slayer tends to use the terms “Wiccan” and "Wicca" as completely synonymous with the terms “Witch” and “Witchcraft” respectively.
Source | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wicca
I also believe in Vampires and yes I know it sounds stupid and I may sound like a freak but I do believe in Vampires. I don't know why I just do.
inspiration for this story
My inspiration for this story has been “The Secret Circle” and ”Vampires Dairies”.
The Secret Circle | https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1837654/