Zombie Apocalypse Survivor: the Office Worker
by Jason R. Thornton
Copyright © 2010 JASON R. THORNTON
This is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters, and events are fictitious in every regard. Any similarities to actual events and persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental. Any trademarks, service marks, product names, or named features are assumed to be the property of their respective owners, and are used only for reference. There is no implied endorsement if any of these terms are used. Except for review purposes, the reproduction of this book in whole or part, electronically or mechanically, constitutes a copyright violation.
Zombie Apocalypse Survivor: the Office Worker
Copyright © 2010 JASON R. THORNTON
the OfficeWorker
Jared Kincaid was sitting on the toilet when the zombie apocalypse arrived. His friends were having a zombie apocalypse survival party at his buddy Eric's house, but Jared's boss had convinced him to coming in to work instead. He told Jared and the other employees that their job was “vital to the strength of the nation and by coordinating the shipping and receiving of the Yellow Red National Shipping Company, supplies would get to where they were needed to combat to go in order to stop the advance of the zombie hordes.” That's what his boss had told them. He also told them that their building would provide a safe and secure location if the zombie hordes did arrived locally.
In truth Jared only wanted a chance to get to know Sheila better. Sheila was the hot chick three phone stations away. She had immediately stood up and said in that bright, chirpy and soulful voice of HERS, “I will do my part to keep this county safe. I'll come in tomorrow.” With the world about to end and everyone else taking the government suggested zombie apocalypse furlough day, Jared decided he would give it a try and get to know her. If it worked out, maybe she'd join him later at his BUDDIES’ APOCALYPSE party.
During the day not a single person had called in needing help with anything at all to do with their shipping and receiving needs at the Yellow Red National Shipping Company. Sheila completely ignored him AND PLAYED solitaire on her office computer. Early in the shift she went into the bosses office for about 10 minutes and then came out with a disgusted look on her face.
Six hours into his shift Jared had drank much coffee and eaten too many donuts. He preferred the maple bars, but they were all good when they came from the locally owned grocery store. It was time for a much needed bathroom break. Jared left his desk and made a call to the bathroom. He had his favorite seat and took time to make sure it was pristine before settling in for business.
He was in the middle of his business when the screaming started. Really it was just two screams since Jared, Sheila and the boss were the only people in the building. He heard both of them run past the bathroom door. Then came moans and the shuffling of the feet as what could only be the beginning of the zombie apocalypse followed Sheila and their boss past the bathroom door.
Careful to not make any loud noises in the process of doing his business, Jared finished up as quickly as he could. Pulling his pants up, stepped out of the stall and crept to the door. Listening, he could still hear shuffling and strange sloppy wet noises moving past just on the other side.
The bathroom door was built to swing inward and any random zombie stumbling past could bump into it. Jared looked around for anything in the bathroom he could use as a barricade. The only thing in there that wasn't bolted down was a large fifty gallon trash can. Jared grabbed it and realized that it was empty and wouldn't be able to stop the door from opening.
He set it against the door anyway and then tried to figure what he could do to make it heavier. There were plenty of loose paper towels, but they didn't have any weight at all. He got an idea. The sinks were right next to the door and the trash can was practically touching them. If he could fill it with water, it would weigh enough to stop random zombies from accidentally wandering into the bathroom. He figured the numbers in his head, 50 gallons of water times 8 pounds for each gallon of water equaled about 400 pounds.
It took him a little while to figure how exactly to fill the can with water. Jared knew there was a hose in the building, but it was kept in the janitor's closet down the hall. He could use the paper towels like a sponge and ring wet towels into the can, but he concluded that it was a stupid way to fill a trash can with water. He could fill the sink full of water and splash it in, but that would probably make too much noise. He searched the bathroom again for any other ideas and finally found the solution in the very last place he looked. In the bottom of the trash can, underneath the bag that was already in place, were several replacement bags. Jared took one out and ripped a hole in the bottom of it. Holding one end to the sink and the other in the trash can, he slowly let the water to trickle into the can. He made sure to run the water along the sides of the can to avoid splashing water into the bottom.
Four hours later, the zombies were still scuffling around outside the bathroom door, but trash can was finally full.
The bathroom stank pretty bad since Jared had decided not to flush the toilet when he had finished, since the living dead were right outside in the hallway. He didn't plan on flushing it either, regardless of how nasty the smell was. It was a smell he'd have to live with.
Out of boredom that comes with hiding from zombies in a bathroom, he began exploring the bathroom. He quickly realized, even though he already knew it, that there was absolutely nothing to do in a bathroom besides what it is intended for. The bathroom had two sinks, two soap dispensers, two towels dispensers, two urinals, two regular toilet stalls, and one handicap toilet stall. The floors were made of one inch by one inch porcelain tiles in various shades of gray. Jared quickly discarded the idea of counting the individual floor tiles.
Walking to the mirrors he began checking his face for blemishes. As he was leaning over the sink to get a closer look, a loud blast of flatulence erupted from his back side. “Brappp!” Jared was not only shocked at the loudness, but was slightly embarrassed.
His embarrassment was quickly tempered by the loud moaning and croaking that started from the other side of the bathroom door. This was followed immediately by pounding on that same door. Jared was relieved to see that the mass of the water filled trash can was holding back this zombie assault. At least he was relieved until he noticed that the water in the can was starting to slosh over the sides. As it sloshed, it lost water. As it lost water, it got lighter. As it got lighter, the door started to give more. As the door gave more, the water sloshed more. Jared can see that his barricade was going to fail. The can was still very full when he realized that it was going to fail. Just how long he had, Jared didn't know.
In desperation he looked around the bathroom again. There were no ventilation ducts or drop-tile ceilings that he could escape through. The only possible way in and out of the bathroom was through the door. He looked in the first stall and didn't see anything. Looking in the second stall he saw...gross. In the third stall, the handicap stall, he saw a three foot long handicap rail fastened to the wall. Bracing his feet on the wall, he tried to pull it off the wall and failed. It was fastened securely to into the studs of the wall. Frustrated and desperate, he stepped up onto the toilet seat and then climbed up onto to handle. He was balanced precariously. Trying to maintain his balance, he began jumping up and down on the rail. With his full wait on it, he could feel it beginning to rip free.
Finally one side snapped loose and he landed on the floor in a crash. Getting up, he yanked on the loose end and managed to rip the other end free from the wall. Now he had a nic
e 3 foot long aluminum rail to use as a weapon.
Stepping out of the stall, Jared swung the rail to get a feel. With the curved ends facing him it was awkward to hold and swing, so Jared adjusted his grip to face the curved ends away from him. Swinging it again, he felt better about the grip. He stepped to the bathroom door and prepared to confront his attackers.
The trash can was only half full now and each time the door was bashed from the outside Jared got a better glimpsed of who was trying to get at him through the door. There were at least three, maybe four, of the undead zombie bastards pounding on the door. They looked fresh, the blood on their angry faces and hands still a bright red and their skin hadn't turned to leather or rot.
A hand slipped inside the ever increasing gap between the door and the wall. Jared smashed it hard with the aluminum rail. The fore-arm broke and hung limply inside the door. The dead man on the other side of the door didn't pull it back instead, it forced its head into the gap, its gauzy eyes glaring and teeth clacking hard as its ragged mouth snapped at Jared. Jared smacked the man's head with the rail. He hit it so hard it vibrated back up into his hands, causing instant