“You can leave the kids here, if you guys want to go to the hospital. We’ll have dessert and watch the Charlie Brown special on TV,” Mom told Cal and Shelly. “We’ll save you some pie.”
“That’d be great, Mom,” Cal said, walking over to give her a kiss on the cheek. “You comin’, bro?” he asked me.
“Yeah, just let me go wash up and I’ll be ready,” I replied, pushing back from the table and grabbing my plate.
“I’ve got that, Craig,” my mother said. “You go get ready and get to your friends.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I said, then went to give her a kiss on the cheek myself.
My parents’ house wasn’t that far from the hospital, so it didn’t take us long to arrive. We’d been at the same hospital when Shelly and Gaby had gone into labor, so we knew exactly where to go. When we got to the waiting room, Sasha and TJ were already there, along with Brendan and a very frantic-looking Brady.
The waiting room was comfortable, with couches, chairs, a small table with tiny chairs in the corner, presumable for waiting siblings, and a TV in the corner. The walls had Anne Geddes pictures covering them, so there was a calming yet exciting feeling that always came from being there.
I said hi to the others, then went over to where Brady was sitting, his leg bouncing as he tore a napkin to shreds in his lap.
“You okay?” I asked as I sat next to him.
Brady and I had gotten to know each other over the years, while I was working for Brock. Brady was his right-hand man and helped him run the painting company. He was closer to Cal’s age than mine, but we’d always gotten along.
He looked up at me, his dark eyes worried, and said, “We were having dinner, you know, and all of a sudden, Tori doubled over in pain … One minute she was eating fried turkey, and the next, her water broke.”
“Is this your first time?” I asked, trying not to smile over how freaked he looked.
“You mean being around someone who’s having a baby, or sitting next to someone when their water breaks?” Brady asked, starting to see the humor in the situation and looking a little less green. “Cause it’s a yes to both.”
I chuckled, at the same time totally understanding his panic.
“I get it, man,” I assured him. “With Sophie, Cal and Shelly’s first, I had no idea what to expect. I’d never been around someone giving birth before, and I made the mistake of going in the room. Once she started screaming like she was being murdered, I was out of there.”
“You couldn’t pay me to go in the room,” Brady said seriously. “It’s just,” he began, looking toward the doors leading to the back, tearing at the napkin again. “She’s so tiny, you know … And Brock’s a fucking beast of a man…”
“They’ll all be fine,” I promised.
Brady nodded and replied, “Thanks.” Then he stood up abruptly and said, “I need to go for a walk. I’ll be back in a bit.”
“Sounds good. If anything happens, I’ll let you know.”
I watched him walk out into the hall. Two seconds later, Gwen, Gaby, and Scott walked in.
I stood up and Gwen’s eyes met mine. She gave me a small smile, then I watched as she greeted everyone with a hug and a kiss. A knot formed in my stomach, getting tighter as she moved stiffly around the room.
When she finally got to me, I pulled her in for a hug and asked, “Everything alright?”
Gwen pulled back and said, “I’m working on it.”
I opened my mouth to ask her what she meant, but she stopped me with a shake of her head.
“Not now, Craig, tonight’s about Victoria,” she said.
I wanted to argue that it was never the right time for her to talk, but I knew she was correct. Tonight needed to be about Brock and Victoria’s baby, not about us, and not about what happened at the bar.
I gave her a quick nod, unable to trust myself to speak yet, as the knot pulled tighter and tighter.
We sat down and she took my hand, squeezing it tightly as if to reassure me that she was there … Then why did it suddenly feel like she wasn’t there at all?
Chapter Thirty-Four ~ Gwen
Present Day (20 years old)
What is wrong with me? I wondered as I sat quietly next to Craig, absorbing his confusion as if I were a sponge.
After talking with Gaby and finally saying out loud everything that I’d been through, I felt raw. Exposed. Like my insides, my heart, my feelings, were on display and everyone could see them. Could see what I’d been through. And would somehow look at me differently.
I wanted to talk to Craig. To explain everything that happened, and how it made me feel, then and now, but I was afraid. And that fear was making me mute.
I’d latched on to the fact that we were here for Brock and Victoria, and gave that to Craig as an excuse as to why we couldn’t discuss what happened at the bar, and after, right now. It was a flimsy excuse, just like the excuses I’d used every other time were. But I knew Craig wouldn’t call me on it. He was too good of a guy to push me into doing something that would make me uncomfortable or unhappy.
And I used that against him.
I was a bad person, taking advantage of Craig’s innate goodness in that way, but I couldn’t control myself. I felt safer that way.
Still, as we sat in the waiting room eagerly anticipating either Brock, or a doctor’s, arrival, I could feel the tension and hurt emanating off of him, and knew he was probably worried that I was shutting down again.
I guess in a way I was, but I’d committed to meeting with someone on Monday morning, and I fully planned on talking about everything with Craig afterword. No matter how scared I was that he’d look at me differently, or feared that he wouldn’t want to date me anymore, after I did, I owed it to him. Especially after everything I’d put him through over the years.
But until then, until I had a chance to lay it all out with a professional and get their opinion on me, and my issues, I was going to keep withholding what Craig wanted the most. The truth.
I just hoped he’d give me a couple more days.
“It’s a boy!” a tired, rumpled, deliriously happy Brock shouted from the doorway, causing a chorus of “Hooray!”, “Yay!”, “I knew you could do it!” to go around the room.
“Everybody’s healthy?” Brady asked as he rushed to his brother. I thought it was sweet how protective he always was. First of his brothers, then Victoria, and now his new nephew.
Brock’s eyes misted up as he pulled his brother in for a hug.
“Perfect. You would have been proud. Victoria was a beast in there,” Brock added, causing us all to laugh. “They’re going to wash him up and then you’ll be able to see him in that big glass window around the corner. Victoria just needs a few minutes to freshen up before she sees anyone.”
He started to barrel back out, but Brendan called after him.
“What’s his name, brother?”
Brock turned around and said with a grin, “Declan Antonio O’Malley,” then rushed out.
“That’s a kick-ass name,” Craig said from next to me.
I turned to him, my eyes brimming with tears and a big happy grin on my face, and leaned in to hug him to me.
“I love seeing Brock so happy, and can’t wait to see Victoria, but … do you want to go see the baby?” I asked, my voice a little muffled by his shirt.
“Yeah, let’s go,” Craig replied, pulling me up with him and leading me out to the big baby window.
“Shit, that’s big kid,” TJ said when he got to the window ahead of the rest of us.
“No doubt,” Brendan replied with a pleased grin.
When I got up I looked in the direction they were, and found O’Malley on one of the index cards in front of a bassinet.
“He’s beautiful,” I said on a sigh, a dreamy smile adorning my lips.
And he was. A big, beautiful, healthy boy, with dark hair sticking up all over the place, and long fingers and toes, all swaddled up in a perfect package.
“He look
s just like Victoria,” Scott said as he held Gaby against him and they gazed in at the baby.
“No way, he’s one-hundred percent Brock.” This came from Cal.
They started arguing back and forth, but I figured they were just doing it for fun, because little Declan didn’t look like anyone. He looked just like a perfect newborn baby.
Brock entered the nursery wearing a gown over his clothes, and a cap. He gave us all an exaggerated thumbs up and a huge grin as the nurse took Declan out of the bassinet, then placed him gently in Brock’s arms.
I hugged Craig close to my side as I watched Brock staring down at his son with wonder, the moment almost too personal to witness.
“Want to go check on Victoria?” I turned and asked Gaby.
“Yeah, let’s go,” Gaby responded with one last wistful glance at the nursery.
“Uh-oh,” I said as we started down the hall. “Someone getting baby fever?”
“Maybe,” she said with a laugh. “I miss that time.”
I nodded, remembering how sweet Emma was, then requested, “Could you at least wait until I’m back home to have another one? I don’t want to miss anything else.”
Gaby laughed and linked her arm in mine. “I’ll see what I can do.”
When we got to Victoria’s door we knocked and waited to hear Victoria say, “Come in,” before entering.
“Hey, Mommy,” I said as I rounded the curtain to see Victoria sitting up in her bed.
Her hair was pulled up into a bun, her makeup was perfect, and she was wearing a silky nightgown/robe combo.
“What the hell? Gaby asked, looking around the room, then back at Victoria. “Did you actually give birth in here or are you just on vacation?”
Victoria laughed and touched her hair.
“Oh, stop, I’m sure I look a fright,” she argued with a wink.
“And did they just issue you back your pre-pregnancy body after Declan pranced out?” Gaby continued sarcastically. “Jeez, woman, I don’t even look that put together on a normal day.”
We all laughed and I agreed, “You do look amazing, Tori, and Declan is absolutely gorgeous.”
“Oh did you see him?” she gushed, all jest gone as pleasure took over her face. “Isn’t he perfect.”
“He really is, you did great,” Gaby agreed. Then she lifted the gift bag we’d brought and handed it to Victoria. “Here, Gwen and I got you a little something.”
“Oh, you didn’t have to do that,” Victoria said as she took the pretty pink and silver bag.
“I know how it can get after the baby is born, and everything becomes about them … and rightfully so. But we wanted you to remember that you need to take care of yourself too, and deserve some pampering.”
Victoria squealed when she pulled out the gift certificate to the day spa that Gaby and I had picked out.
“Thank you so much.”
“And if Brock’s busy with work, don’t hesitate to ask me to watch Declan for you so you can go,” Gaby offered.
“Thank you,” she said again.
“Congratulations,” I said as I leaned in to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
We went back out toward the waiting room, giving the others a chance to go in and offer their congratulations to Victoria, and Craig put his hand on my arm to pull me aside.
“How’s Victoria?” he asked. Now that we were no longer caught up in the baby fever, he was back to looking nervous.
“She’s great. Amazingly so,” I replied, giving him a small smile. I tucked my hair behind my ear nervously and added. “We’re about to go, so I’ll call you tomorrow?”
His eyes searched my face, then he said, “Okay.”
I didn’t know if he was hoping I’d go with him and talk tonight, or what, but he seemed disappointed that I wasn’t offering up anything other than a promise to call.
“Okay,” I replied dumbly, then turned to catch up with my sister.
Chapter Thirty-Five ~ Craig
Present Day (20 years old)
“I have an appointment on Monday morning, so I’m not going to ride back with you to school,” Gwen had told me on the phone yesterday.
“I can stay,” I’d suggested. “We can ride up together after your appointment.”
“No, that’s okay,” she’d replied softly, and I wished so badly that she was telling me this in person, rather than over the phone, so I could see her expression. “You have class and practice; I don’t want you to miss it. Gaby’s taking the day off and bringing me up. I’ll see you when I get there.”
“You promise?” I’d asked, feeling like a clingy fool, but wanting to make sure that she wasn’t going to keep blowing me off. I thought back to my conversation with Brock and added, “I’ll give you the time you need, but, Gwen, you can’t keep brushing me off. Monday night, we will talk.”
“Yes, I promise.”
The trip back had been long and boring without Gwen to talk to and fight over music with, and the night in my bed had been lonely. It was my first night in my apartment without her since we’d started going out, and I didn’t like it. Not one bit.
“Dude, it’s gonna be fine,” Liam said when I scuttled back in from the kitchen with a bag of Doritos.
It was almost six. I’d gone to class and practice, and when I’d come home, still no Gwen. Not Gwen in the flesh, not a text, not a missed call. Nothing.
“He’s right,” Aliyah said from her place on the couch next to Liam. “Gwen will be here. I know you said there’s stuff going on that she has to figure out, but I really don’t think you need to worry about things going bad again. I’ve seen you guys the last few weeks, and anyone with eyes can see that you love each other. Relax.”
I nodded, not just because I wanted to believe my friends, but because I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. She’d either show up tonight, or she wouldn’t. I was going to stop thinking about it.
I picked up my phone and turned it to look at the screen.
Yup, it was still on. No missed calls, no texts.
“Jesus,” Liam muttered. “This is getting pathetic.”
I pretended I didn’t hear him, or see Aliyah poke him in the side. Instead I turned my attention to the TV.
There was some girl lying in a hospital bed while her ghost hovered over her and some guy walked in.
What the fuck were we watching.
I got up and was about to leave the two of them alone to watch their movie while I went to bed, when the door opened and Gwen walked in.
She looked terribly young with her hair pulled back into a ponytail, her face free of makeup, and some sort of Nike training pants on. Her face was streaked with tears and her eyes were puffy. She stood there for a moment, her eyes haunted, just looking at me, and I was suddenly at a loss as to what I should do.
Go to her?
Wait for her to come to me?
Ask her if she was okay, which she obviously wasn’t?
We were saved from acting when Liam and Aliyah stood and turned off the TV.
“We’re gonna give you guys some privacy,” Aliyah said, gathering her things quickly and moving to pull Gwen in to a hug. She whispered something I couldn’t hear into her ear, then left the apartment. Followed by Liam.
Suddenly we were alone, yet still standing in the same spots.
“Hey,” I said, unable to stand the silence anymore. “Are you … Um … Do you wanna sit?”
Why did it suddenly seem so awkward? Like I couldn’t cross to her and take her into my arms like I wanted to.
Gwen stepped forward, biting her lip as she nodded at my question, then crossed to sit on the couch where Liam and Aliyah had just been. I crossed to join her, then stopped, unsure if I should sit next to her or give her space.
“Craig,” Gwen said, putting her hand on my wrist and causing me to look at her.
She bridged the gap and walked into my arms, so I held her tightly, my cheek resting on the top of her head.
“Imissed you,” I said
, feeling courageous after she made the first move.
“I missed you too,” she replied, her voice choking up.
She pulled back and motioned to the couch. “Sit, we need to talk.”
I sat, and watched as she eased down next to me, playing nervously with a thread that was hanging off her long-sleeved shirt.
“If you don’t mind, I’d just like to get it all out,” she began. “I met with a therapist friend of Gaby’s this morning, and we had a really great conversation. She’s going to set me up with someone that I can see up here on a regular basis, which I think will help a lot.”
“Okay, that sounds great, whatever you need,” I said, happy that she’d felt good about her appointment, and hopeful that it would help her work through whatever she needed.
“I need you to listen,” Gwen said, her green eyes intent on mine. “I’m going to tell you everything that happened with Brad and Dave, why I think I bottle things up, and why it’s been so hard for me to talk about it with you. You’ll probably want to ask questions, but just let me get it all out, okay? I’m afraid if I don’t say it all at once, I’ll freeze up and never do it.”
“I’m here for you, Gwennie, you know that,” I replied, hoping to assure her.
She took a deep breath and blew it out. Then her eyes welled up and she proceeded to break my heart.
“After talking with Gaby, and the therapist this morning, I think the reason I’ve kept everything bottled up stems back to my dad. When he left, I was an emotional wreck, and when I saw what my reaction was doing to my mom, Gaby, and even to him, I decided it was better for everyone if I kept my feelings to myself. And I didn’t like hurting in that way. The crying, the fear … so I stopped allowing myself to recognize those feelings and just locked them away. So I wouldn’t have to deal with them,” she chuckled dryly and brought her eyes to mine. “I’m not sure if I’m saying it right, or if it makes sense…”
I nodded, wanting her to know that I did understand, without interrupting.
I took her hand in mine, hoping that wouldn’t break her train of thought. She just looked so fragile that I had to touch her. To feel like I was offering some sort of comfort.