“Anyway,” she began again, flexing her hand under mine. “That’s why I think I bottle things up and don’t like to talk about my feelings, I don’t want to burden anyone else … or something like that. And why I didn’t want to tell you specifically everything that happened that night, even though you were the one that found me, helped me, and avenged me, was that I didn’t want you to see me differently.”
Gwen must have known I wanted to argue, because she squeezed my hand tightly and kept my attention on her.
“I love you, Craig, and I always have. Even back then. I knew that I wanted to be with you romantically, and later, when I was able to process what had happened, I was mortified that it was you that walked into that bedroom and found me.”
She cleared her throat, then looked me dead in the eye and said, “I never would have told you, if you hadn’t walked in that night. I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t have. I didn’t want you to see me as a victim, Craig. As someone who was broken, or changed in some way.”
“Gwen,” her name slipped out unintentionally, and even I could hear the pain in that one word.
Gwen shook her head to stop me from saying more, and continued.
“I was raped,” she said softly, then began to cry. Not big, sobbing tears, but quiet, devastating ones. “I didn’t want to admit that, even to myself, but I can’t hide behind my fear any longer. I didn’t chose to lose my virginity to Brad that night. I didn’t chose to have sex when I was so drunk I could barely understand what was going on. I was naïve for a sixteen-year-old girl, I know that, but I never expected a kiss to lead to sex. I really didn’t.” She choked back a sob, and it killed me not to be able to hold her in my arms, but I knew she needed to let it all out. To purge herself of the grief she’d been holding on to for the last four years.
“I didn’t choose to lose my virginity to Brad, who I barely knew, while that asshole Dave watched and jerked off.”Her words caused an inner war between rage and devastation within me. I felt a white-hot flash, combined with a burning that began in my chest and moved its way up my throat. It was so fierce that I couldn’t contain it within myself, I had to let it out.
I moved my free hand to cover my mouth, but a sound somewhere between a wail and a protest came out.
I hated this. I hated this with such a passion that I didn’t know what to do with myself. I wished that I’d killed those motherfuckers, rather than just beating the shit out of them, and I didn’t care what kind of person that made me.
My sweet, beautiful, innocent Gwen had been violated by two men, in two different but equally disturbing ways, and I was there. I went with her to that party, we were in the same house, and while I was engaging in consensual sex just down the hall, she was having her virginity taken from her.
I didn’t realize I was crying until Gwen’s soft hand was wiping the tears from my cheek.
“I’m okay,” she said softly, and I couldn’t control myself anymore, I pulled her to me and hugged her tightly, as we cried in each other’s arms.
When we were both still, holding each other close, but cleansed of all our heartache, I pulled away to look down into the face I’d loved forever.
“You’re an amazing, strong, kindhearted, talented, and sexy as hell woman, Gwendolyn, and I could never look at you differently, or think of you as broken,” I promised, caressing her face as I held it in my hands. “I’m here for you. Always. I’ll support you in any way that I can while you do what you need to do. I’ll drive you to appointments, or go with you to them if you want. Anything.”
A sweet smile bloomed across her face, and she simply said, “Thank you.”
“I love you, Gwen,” I replied as I bent to kiss the lips that I planned to kiss for the rest of my life. “I’ve loved you for ten years, and nothing will ever change that.”
“I love you too. Forever.”
Chapter Thirty-Six ~ Gwen
(10 years old)
“You’re my friend too, okay?” Craig stated, causing my heart to flutter sweetly in my chest. “You don’t have to be afraid to come up to me at school, or sit with me at lunch. Anything you need, I got you.”
I smiled shyly at his words.
We were sitting next to each other on the swings, while his brother, my sister, and their friends all laughed nearby.
I couldn’t believe that the boy I’d watched play baseball during recess at school was actually here and talking to me.
And he was nice.
Then he surprised my by taking my hand in his as he started pumping his legs. I started pumping mine too, eager to keep up, and soon we were swinging high, laughing as our stomachs dipped with each descent.
When his brother called out to tell Craig that it was time to go to the batting cages, we stopped moving our legs, letting the swings begin to slow. Once we were almost stopped, Craig jumped off the swing, flying through the air and landing on his feet in front of us. He turned, his longish sandy hair tousled from the jumped, and flashed me a big grin.
“See you at school, Gwen.” Then he turned and hurried toward his brother.
As I watched him walk away, my tummy all aflutter and a dreamy smile on my face, I thought, I’m gonna marry him some day!
Book 6 in the Time for Love series, 3 Seconds, will be released in 2015.
Please keep reading for an excerpt of Indelible, which is available now…
Chapter 1
Samantha
I’m twenty-two years old, wear a size twelve, and am a single mom – things that don’t make me the most popular girl on campus.
I live in family housing. It’s cheap, has a washer and dryer, and makes it a little easier to juggle going to school full time while raising a two-year-old daughter.
Her name is Karrie, and she’s the smartest, funniest, and sweetest child I’ve ever met. I never imagined I’d be pregnant at nineteen, let alone raising a kid by myself. But I guess life doesn’t always go according to plan.
At least, that’s been my experience so far.
When I went away to school, I was your typical first-time-away-from-home, irresponsible, and crazy party girl. I had a blast my first year. Didn’t go to many classes, and partied way too much. You’d think that was when I got knocked up.
Nope.
My sophomore year I straightened up. After a series of long lectures from my parents and the arrival of my final grades for my freshman year, I realized I was making a lot of mistakes. I actually started going to my classes. I stopped partying every night and only went out with my friends on the weekends.
Things were going great, until one night I met this hot guy at a frat party and we hooked up.
That was all.
No great love story, no blossoming relationship.
Just a one-night stand.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was scared and devastated.
It had been six weeks since the party that changed my life. I’d been feeling nauseous and extremely tired. It wasn’t until I got lightheaded in the shower that I decided to go to the doctor and see what was wrong.
I wasn’t prepared for the diagnosis.
I felt a myriad of emotions that day: disbelief, anger, sadness, and finally terror.
I worried about what I’d tell my parents, and what it would mean for my future. But first I had to share my terror with the one person that I assumed would feel my pain. I went to the frat house and told my hookup that he was going to be a father.
He laughed and said I was mistaken. He had no intention of being a father to anyone.
I had expected disbelief, and possibly anger, but I’d never expected that. He said no matter my decision, he didn’t want to be a part of the baby’s life. He told me not to even put him on the birth certificate.
I eventually told my parents and they were surprisingly supportive.
“Don’t worry, Sam,” my mother had said as she cradled me in her arms. “Everything happens for a reason. Your father and I are here for you and our grandbaby. You aren’t
alone.”
My mom took me to all of my doctor’s appointments and helped me get on the waiting list for family housing. By the time Karrie was born, I had our small home in order and ready for her arrival.
I thought I was ready and knew what to expect.
I was wrong.
The past two years have been the most challenging years of my life. I’ve learned a lot, and am a better mother and person because of it. But I’m tired…and lonely.
The friends I used to hang with are living the single life. I’ve made some new friends here, but we all have kids and they're our top priority.
About once a month my mom takes Karrie for the weekend and I get the opportunity to have some alone time. I usually clean up the house and take advantage of the quiet to do homework, but sometimes I go out.
I learned my lesson though. I haven’t had sex since I found out I was pregnant with Karrie. Not only am I still carrying around some excess baby weight, but the thought of getting pregnant again is terrific birth control.
I’m not saying I never date or anything, because I’ve gone on a few. But I never go past a couple dates with the same guy, and I’ve never introduced any of them to Karrie. No way am I bringing random guys into her life.
I’ll hook up. I love that feeling that comes from first kisses and anticipation, but any real satisfaction comes from my own hand. Unfortunately, I’ve gotten really good at pleasing myself.
I missed the touch of a man, but on the upside, I found my G-spot the other day.
This was one of the weekends where Karebear was with my mom. I’d cleaned the house as much as possible and got caught up on all of my homework, so I had no excuse not to go out with my friend, James. Her parents wanted her to be a boy, hence her name, but it actually fits her perfectly.
I met James in my Religious Exploration class last semester. We sat next to each other on the first day, and have been hanging out sporadically ever since. She’s a hard person to tie down. She doesn’t like making plans or having relationships that involve commitment or planning. She’s my polar opposite, and that’s probably why I enjoy hanging out with her. She brings out a totally different side of me. When I’m with her I’m free of responsibility, it’s a nice feeling.
When I pulled on my tight jeans and low-cut blouse, I smiled at the way my assets were displayed. I certainly never filled out jeans this well when I was a size four. I kind of enjoyed the ass and boobs that came from bearing a child. Some of the perks, I guess.
After my eyes were perfectly smoky and my hair was flat-ironed until it couldn’t get any straighter, I headed out the door to meet James.
Acknowledgements
Thanks to the readers for allowing me to write the kind of books that I need to write. This one was the most difficult book I’ve ever written. It was an emotional journey for me, thanks for sharing it!
Thanks to the Rockin’ Ladies who Beta read this book for me: Kristi Strong, Megan Toffoli, Erin Danzer, and Autumn from the Autumn Review.
To the people I can’t without: Kristina Circelli my editor, Karen at White Hot Formatting, my formatter, and to the incomparable, Allie Brennan at B Design, for coming up with the concept for the Time for Love series covers. They’re perfect!
Thanks to Raine, for helping me through this one. Not just technically, but emotionally.
Hugs and a Big Thanks to my Street Team, Bethany’s Bombshell. Thanks for all the support.
Finally, to my family, who even though they sometimes have to pry me away from the computer, always show me their full love and support.
About the Author
Award-Winning Author Bethany Lopez began self-publishing in June 2011. She's a lover of all things romance: books, movies, music, and life, and she incorporates that into the books she writes. When she isn't reading or writing, she loves spending time with her husband and children, traveling whenever possible. Some of her favorite things are: Kristen Ashley Books, coffee in the morning, and In N Out burgers.
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Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Other Titles
Note to Reader
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty One
Chapter Twenty Two
Chapter Twenty Three
Chapter Twenty Four
Chapter Twenty Five
Chapter Twenty Six
Chapter Twenty Seven
Chapter Twenty Eight
Chapter Twenty Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty One
Chapter Thirty Two
Chapter Thirty Three
Chapter Thirty Four
Chapter Thirty Five
Chapter Thirty Six
Excerpt Indelible Chapter One
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Bethany Lopez, 10 Years
(Series: Time for Love # 5)
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