***
He backed the truck up to the ledge and killed the engine. He slipped out and opened his arms to lift her down. Their bodies clash with electricity. The kiss he gave her was smothering and desperate. When they broke they were breathless and the first of many tears were sliding down her face. He kissed them away gently.
“Not yet, Princess. I can't see those yet today.” Though the look on his face was just as heartbroken and sad. He led her to the back and let the hatch down then lifted her up. They sat looking out over the same chasm he had shown her the first night they'd known each other.
“I can't see it.” She squinted.
“Yeah, only at night.” He laughed brushing back her hair gently. She looked away shyly for a second before he spoke again. “Let's get ice cream!” He looked excited.
There was a time, about four days ago, she'd never in a million years have eaten food, forget about ice cream, in front of a guy, especially one as good looking as Darren. But he seemed excited for it and she was starting to believe her worth was more than just whether she denied herself everything good she'd ever liked in order to look a certain way. So she nodded and laughed enthusiastically at his smile. He hopped down and kissed her quickly.
“Vanilla. No chocolate right?” She nodded again. He never forgot any details about her, not that she ever forgot any details about him, either. “Don't move.” She sat still like a statue and he laughed out running back to her for one more kiss. “Right back.” He breathed against her lips before really leaving.
They ate the cones in the heat. The cream melted down their fingers and occasionally their faces and they took turns laughing and kissing away the sweet mess from each other’s chins. When they were finished, the silence engulfed them again. She held his sticky hand massaging it, memorizing the distance her fingers spread to interlace with his, the exact weight of it resting on top of hers. He caressed her cheek gazing at her adoringly.
“What are you thinking?” She finally asked.
He turned half way to her tucking one leg around her, the other still dangling with hers. He put his free hand on top of their intertwined hands. His gaze was intense shining out from clear eyes.
“I need you to do something for me.” There was a lump in her throat even though she had no idea what he was going to say. “I need you to stop being so mean.” Her brow furrowed. Had she been mean? Sometimes people could be mean and not even realize it. Had she done that? He kissed her. “That's what I’m talking about. Stop. You think it’s you I’m talking about. That you’ve been mean to someone. Well, you have, but only to you. Stop thinking all that mean stuff you think about yourself. You even say it out loud sometimes to get people to agree with it. Feeding right into Sara’s kind. Stop. Laura, you're like this light and it shines from inside out. Promise me.” She looked down wanting to make the promise, knowing he hadn't been around long enough to instill her with that much confidence, yet. She felt his finger cup her chin and bring her gaze back up to him. “For me.”
She gave a hesitant smile before he wrapped both hands around her neck and lowered his mouth to hers. It was long and deep and filled with angst. The kiss broke but she kept her eyes closed with a blissful smile. When she opened them his expression was pained. He placed his forehead to hers softly.
“I have something for you.” He said after a while.
“You do?” She blushed at his nod. “I don't have anything for you.”
“You already gave me everything I want.” Her expression turned tearful again. He shook her playfully. “No, stop. We're not going to cry all day.” He leaned back to dig into his pocket and pulled out a square box with a pink ribbon.
She smiled at the telltale sign of jewelry. She held the box in her hands reverently, not wanting to open it and wanting to tear it open all at once. She decided on opening it slowly in-between kisses. Two interlocking gold circles hung from a delicate chain. They were cube like, modern looking, tastefully elegant. “I love it.” She wiped her eyes before looking up with a laugh. “I'm not crying.”
He kissed her fully before asking, “really?” She nodded. “See?” He held up the circles to reveal in one was engraved ‘you’ and the other ‘and me’. “I wanted to add more but then I thought this was it. This was what I wanted to say. You really like it?” He asked again and she loved his vulnerability. It wasn’t something he would ever show easily to most people. She knew that. So she nodded vigorously. He kept rambling, “’Cause you know I wanted to get you one with diamonds but…” His voice trailed off and he looked away embarrassed.
She turned his face back to her to assure him, “I love it.” She kissed him then and held it out. “Put it on.”
He did in-between her kisses. When it was locked, he situated it on her neck fingering the pendant resting on her collar bone staring at it seriously.
“You have to go on living your life, Laura. Don't stop because of me.” He put a finger over her lips to silence her protests. His finger trailed down to the circles again. “And if you fall in love again.” His voice cracked and he grabbed her face to stop it from shaking away his words. He pressed the side of his face to hers and whispered in her ear, “if you fall in love again, keep it. Everyone should have something to remember their first love by.” She sobbed throwing her arms around his neck. He gathered her into him. Both pressed the length of their bodies to each other for so long.
When she pushed back, she wiped the wet spot on his shoulder asking, “how will you remember me? An Apple Watch? It'll be gone in a few years.”
He tapped his temple with a finger. “I'm never going to forget you, Laura.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck again and buried her face in his neck. There in the safety of his strong arms she whispered, “I'll never forget you.”
“C’mon, let’s go swimming. At least when you’re crying then I won’t be able to tell as much.”
They parked down the cottage lane to avoid being noticed. They didn’t really want company this time. They were at the cave and she was in her two piece about to jump in when he stopped her. “We're going to go under today.” She looked unsure. He laughed, “yeah I already know. You don't know. Well I do. You're going.”
Her heart was racing with adrenaline already. Hadn't John said that it was deep, not easy? The indecision and fear must have radiated from her because his next words were cajoling. “C’mon baby, you can do it,” he said softly gathering her in by the side. Her shoulders slumped because she couldn't say no to that.
“Ok.” Bounced timidly around the cave walls.
They swam to the wall. “Now, practice taking deep breath. No, like, from your belly. Better. Do it ten times.” He did it with her and by the ninth time she felt silly. “Next one we go. Kick hard. Follow me. Use your arms to pull you through on the flat part. Then float up letting your air out because you'll be burning by then. He counted to three and they went. She swam hard to keep up and they reached the mouth faster than she thought. She started to relax thinking this wouldn't be so hard after.
Then they went through the tunnel. Her hair caught in a ragged edge and she struggled frantically to get free. Darren came back to help her but in her desperate thrashing she kicked him in the face. Horrified she wanted to make sure he was ok but could feel her lungs starting to burn. She got confused and started swimming the wrong way until his hand circled her ankle and yanked her back with a point. By then she was sure she would die. The air was already leaving her lungs and her head felt like it wanted to explode. Darren must have felt the same because he was pushing frantically at her back and bottom. The tunnel broke and in her relief so did the nervous gas from her belly, just as he was pushing on her bottom again. There was no way he could have mistaken what those bubbled were.
At that point, she wanted to die. But she didn't. She made it to the top sputtering and coughing. He was sputtering and coughing, in-between roaring with laughter. He pushe
d her up to the ledge by the bottom again. She no longer thought his hand there was such a wonderful thing. She crawled up and flopped on her back still coughing. He crawled up behind her and hovered next to her.
“That was awesome, Princess!” She swung at him ruthlessly with both hands as he defended himself still laughing.
“I almost died,” she cried mortified by her body’s betrayal.
He flopped next to her. “Yeah but you didn't, baby.”
“Don't call me, baby.” She hit him again a couple times for good measure before throwing her arms over her eyes. “I could just die.”
He rolled over and pinned her holding her hands above her head probably to defend against another attack. “Oh you're always worried about the wrong shit. You did it!” He looked elated for her. She breathed heavy looking into his eyes. They were filled with every good emotion and just for her. She nodded returning his smile finally. “I told you. You can do anything you want. Stop saying ‘I don't know’.” Then he kissed her deeply his wet mouth seared to hers and their bodies melting into each other.
She was looking at him with glowing eyes when he let her breath again. “You've gotten awful bossy today.”
He caressed her jaw gently with his knuckles. “I don't have much time to get some things through your pretty head.” Her face dropped immediately with the reminder. “Stop, no, stop. We’re going back now. Focus on that,” he said with a laugh. She knew he was laughing at the fresh terror on her face. “C’mon.” He pulled her up.
“There's no other way back?”
“No way, baby. You got this. We can dive from this side. Then hard and fast.” He counted to three and she followed him realizing she'd pretty much follow him anywhere.
The afternoon went on and on, swimming and talking and kissing and gazing for forever moments trying to say everything all at once with a look. Finally, as they were hanging from a rocky ledge half in the water half out he dropped his head to his forearms in resignation.
“I have to go, Princess,” came his muffled words. He had night duty again that night.
It hit her all at once and suddenly all the tears she’d cried that afternoon seemed nothing like the tsunami that was about to hit her. She pushed away from the wall and sunk below the surface using her arms to push her down, down, down. Her hair floated around her like a witch as the damn broke. The tears were hot against the cool pond water and they streamed without regard for the fact that they could not be noticed down there. Finally, she choked on water when her body involuntarily gasped for air after a sob. She broke the surface sputtering and crying. So much for hiding her tears. He was there to fold her in and share her sadness.
When she quieted again her voice was froggy and tired, “I never thought I could have so many tears inside of me.”
He didn’t joke this time. He nodded grimly and kissed her hard. “Let’s get dressed.”
It felt like the walk of a convicted person on the way back. Her mind raced with how tomorrow might look not seeing him, not having plans. They’d exchanged numbers and addresses. They weren’t so poetic as to assume to see each other by chance sometime later in life. No, she wasn’t going to take that kind of whimsical gamble on him. She needed to know that if he wanted to, he could find her. And they were going to try but distance, well distance was distance. Just as they reached the lane to the cottage he brought her into his arms hard and kissed her in a way he hadn’t yet. It was overpowering, suffocating. A tree conveniently appeared and she was grateful because her legs had given out. He finally let her breath and rested his forehead to hers.
“I don’t know how I’m going to walk away from you right now.” He whispered with conflicted sadness.
“Don’t,” she begged quietly, knowing that was an impossible request. Her hands splayed around his neck holding it, caressing the short stubble as she softly kissed every inch of his face. “Stay,” she whispered raggedly pressing her thigh deep between his legs to feel the real measure of his desire firm against her soft skin.
His moan came from deep as his hand ran down her body molding every curve until it slipped into her shorts and then her bikini bottom to rest with what felt like scalding heat on the center of the aching pulse that was radiating through her entire body. Then he started that perfect magic of his and her legs buckled. It didn't matter. He held her firmly not stopping. Her body built higher and higher and her lips only tore away from his long enough for her desperate gasps before resealing to meet the thrust of his tongue. She knew no one would ever kiss her like that again. Then like before, only even better somehow, her body exploded in pure joy. Her giggle was heavy with sadness especially when his hand moved around to cup one side of her bottom fully.
She could feel him try to let go but she clung to him. “Stay with me Darren. Just quit. Now that you're free you don't have to go. There are other choices.” Her eyes were pleading with his.
“No, baby. I may have joined thinking I didn't have any other options. But because of the Marines I figured out who I was. I met you. I owe them.”
She hated his loyalty right then. “But what about me?”
He looked like he had been punched in the gut. “You're everything. Everything. I wasn't looking for this. Didn't really want it. Care I guess. I never thought I could have this. I mean look at me. Look at you.” He stopped so he could in a long, searching gaze, his body still holding her up. “I never even dreamt about it. It’s probably why I've screwed up everything like this before. But...but,” he struggled with his words. Then he cleared his throat as his fingers traced her face and his eyes seemed to be trying to memorize every crevice and curve of her face. “I have to, Princess. If I want to walk back to you someday, then I have to walk away right now. There are things I have to do.” Then she sobbed because she knew he was right.
Eventually they continued their walk, hand in hand. He gathered her close once more at her steps and place a long, sweet kiss to her cheek. Then he let go and walked away backwards. She was rooted trying to keep the tears at bay so that the last thing he saw of her wasn’t her crying face but it was hard. He was half way down before he trotted back. Her tears broke immediately. He gathered her in and whispered in her ear. She could feel the warmth of his breath, the flex of his arm muscles holding her. His arm wrapped around her waist and his other hand snaked into her hair with a firm almost painful grip. His powerful body enveloped her.
The words were echoing in her head as he spoke so softly pressing the whole of his body to hers both of them ignoring the fact that they probably had an audience from inside. Some of his word felt like a sword piecing her skin with agony and then somehow some brought her smile. She clung to him for life. When there was no more to say, his arms reluctantly slid away from her body. He caressed her face once more before trotting away with his back to her never looking back. She heard his car start down the lane and pull away. Her legs buckled and she backed up enough to find the first step before she cried.
It was only a few minutes before she felt her mother’s arms around her and she turned into them willingly like a child needing to be comforted. She felt her stroking her hair and cooing quietly. And the lady was prudent enough not to say such things as “we’ve all been there” or “there will be others”. No, she was quiet, there as a vessel to help capture some of her daughter’s sadness.
And when Laura calmed all her mother said, after wiping her tear streaked face lovingly, was, “Let’s go open that box of See’s we got at the mall the other day.” Because only chocolate could make even the saddest heartbreak a little less painful.