Chapter Three
Bradley strolled in while everyone was eating cake, flashing his charming smile and slapping my father on the back. Olivia immediately forgave him for being late and ran over to give him a cake-covered hug. I tried to find a quiet moment to talk to Bradley discreetly, but he always seemed to be somewhere else when I went to look for him.
Then the party was over, and there was cleanup, and my parents hung around for a while, and then it was dinnertime and we called for delivery, and then there was bath and stories and pajamas and kissing the kids goodnight, and then finally, finally Bradley and I were alone and could sit down together and talk.
“So,” I said, pouring myself a glass of wine as we stood in the kitchen, “what exactly was wrong with the car? How much is it going to cost to fix it?”
“Don’t worry about that,” said Bradley.
“But-“
“No, I mean it, don’t worry,” he said. He sat down heavily at the table. “Can you sit down with me, Julia?”
Something was wrong. All of my instincts were tingling as I sat down across from him. Julia? He almost never called me Julia unless it was a hugely momentous occasion. And he looked too upset to be sharing the news of a promotion, or- oh, no, he hadn’t lost his job, had he? Suddenly I felt sick. What if he’d been fired this morning? That was it. He’d been fired and had been too upset to come home right away, so he’d made up the story about the car. He’d had to come back to see the show of excess in his backyard. Birthday parties like that were something we couldn’t afford anymore. I could go back to work at a daycare again. We could sit down and update his resume together. I’d start clipping coupons and only buy groceries on sale. We could-
“There’s not easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it,” said Bradley. “I think that we’ve both noticed that things have been rough between us for a while now. The thing is- I’ve met someone else.”
I didn’t understand what he was saying at first. Had he met someone else who could offer him a new job?
Bradley was watching me closely. “Julia, did you hear me? I’ve met someone else. I didn’t mean to- I didn’t set out to do it, but I’ve fallen in love with her.”
There was a rushing in my ears. It did not make sense. Bradley, and someone else? No. He’d been in love with me since we were sixteen years old. We had our old prom photo framed on the mantle, not far away from our wedding picture. When we had graduated high school, he’d given me a promise ring and told me he’d love me forever. How could that boy I’d fallen in love with have turned into this man sitting across the table from me, telling me he’d met someone else?
“No,” I said flatly. “I don’t believe it.”
He looked taken aback. “What do you mean?”
“Fourteen years, Bradley! That’s how long we’ve been together. You don’t just meet some floozy at the bar or whatever and decide you’re in love with her after a few days.”
“That’s not how it happened,” said my husband. “It was just- well, you work with someone every day, you get close to them...it was hard to talk to you about work stuff. You changed. All you cared about was your photography, or trying to get Henry into the same karate class as his friends, or baking the best holiday treats for Olivia’s preschool class- there was nothing to talk about anymore, you turned into someone else.”
I bristled. “Well, God forbid I actually care to spend time raising our children,” I said sarcastically. “I’m so sorry that the time I spent caring for our kids made you want to run elsewhere to get it. Those nights you worked late- you were fucking that slut while I stayed home feeding our kids and tucking them into bed, weren’t you? God!” I pushed myself away from the table in disgust. “Who are you, anyway? Who did I even marry?”
“It’s not like that!” he protested. “I haven’t...done anything about it. I just know I love her and to stay married to you would be living a lie. I can’t do that. It’s not fair to you, to me, to the kids.”
“What’s her name?” I asked. “Tell me her name. Have I met her? Has she been here?”
“You don’t know her,” he said quickly. “You might have said hello to her at the office Christmas party, I don’t know. Nothing had started then. It wasn’t until we worked on the big Fleischman project together this winter and started spending time together...”
“What’s her name?” I repeated. “God, it’s not your secretary, is it? Because that would be too much, really.”
“No, it’s not her,” said Bradley. He hesitated, then said quickly, “Her name is Nikki. Nicole Wilson.”
“And does she feel the same way?”
Bradley looked down. “Look, Julia, I know this is hard. It’s not what I would have chosen, but it just happened. I think we should get a divorce.”
I actually staggered backwards and had to grab on to the wall for balance. At least it could offer me some unwavering support. “Are you crazy?” I whispered. “A divorce? We can’t do that to the kids! I’m sorry you’re having a midlife crisis, Bradley, but you have two children to think of. You can’t just throw your family away because some girl at the office suddenly understands you. Look, I know our marriage has stalled a bit. I really wanted us to have a chance to get away this summer together, to reconnect...maybe go to Chicago for a weekend. Or even a cruise or something like that. Just get away, the two of us. Counseling, maybe we can try that. I’ll do some research tomorrow and see if I can find someone, we can find ways to start communicating better. Fourteen years, Bradley! We’ve been together that long. Almost eight years of marriage. You can’t just throw that away.”
“Look, I’m sorry, Jules,” he said softly. “But I wouldn’t have said anything if I didn’t know it was what I wanted. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now.”
He just had to twist that knife in my chest a bit, didn’t he?
“We can still do counseling,” he offered. “With the kids, to get them used to the idea. It’ll be tough for all of us, but we’ll help them through it.”
I just stared at him. Who was this man I’d married?
Bradley got nervous when I didn’t say anything. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “I mean, I’m sorry, Julia, I know this is a shock. But just- I’m just not happy.”
“Then tell me,” I said. “Tell me you’re not happy and we’ll fix whatever is broken. I know there are some things we can work on. Please, for the kids. Remember how happy we were? We can get there again, I know we can.” I could feel the tears about to spill down my cheeks and I ducked my head down, embarrassed.
“It’s not going to happen like that,” said Bradley. “I’ll- look, I’ll give you whatever you want. We can do this amicably. I’ve been thinking about our separation- you can keep the house, okay? I’ll get an apartment in the city at first. You’ll have to go back to work eventually but I’ll give you some money to help out so the kids don’t have to go without. I’m trying not to be a jerk about this, honestly, Julia. I just- I just don’t want to live a lie anymore. And I’m in love with someone else. I don’t love you the way I love her. Maybe we were too young, maybe we never had the chance to really get out there and see what else was out there- I don’t know. But I’m going to be filing for divorce.”
My body was shaking. Was this what shock felt like? I considered throwing a chair at his head, flipping the table over, taking the wine glass and smashing it on the floor. My hands itched to throw something (preferably at Bradley), but then I remembered Henry and Olivia asleep upstairs- waking them by throwing a chair at their father, and having to explain, and calm them down, when I really just wanted to scream and cry.
“Fine,” I hissed. “Go to hell, and take her with you.”
I turned and made a mad dash for the door, grabbing my keys and purse off the side table as I went. I held my breath until I was safely buckled up in my minivan, in the garage. I rested my forehead on the steering wheel for a minute and let out a sob. How could he do this?
Out of th
e corner of my eye I could see the door out to the garage start to open. I wasn’t going to let him catch me like this. I hit the garage door opened button, turned up the radio as loud as it would go, and peeled out of the driveway as fast as I could. There was only one place I knew I could safely go.