different direcshuns, and ah' went off t'make mah' own arrangements."
"Which are?"
"Some cold beef and some glass uh beer," he answered, rin'in' th' bell, ah reckon. "I gots been too busy t'dink uh food, and ah' am likesly t'be busia' still dis evenin'. By de way, Docto', ah' shall wants' yo' coopuh'shun."
"ah shall be delighted, cuss it all t' tarnation."
"You's duzn't mind bustin' de law?"
"Not in th' least."
"No' runnin' some chance uh arrest?"
"Not in a fine cuz."
"Oh, de cause be excellent! Right on!"
"Then ah's yer man, as enny fool kin plainly see."
"I wuz sho' man dat ah' might rely on ya'."
"But whut is it yo' wish?"
"When Mrs. Turna' has brought in de tray ah' gots'ta make it clear t'ya'. Now," he said as he turned hungrily on th' simple fare thet our lan'lady had provided, "I gots'ta discuss it while ah' eat, fo' ah' have not much time. It be nearly five now, so cut me some slack, Jack. In two hours we gots'ta be on de scene uh acshun. Miss Irene, o' Madame, rader, returns fum ha' roll at seven. 'S coo', bro. We gots'ta be at Briony Lodge t'meet her. Ah be baaad..."
"An' whut then?"
"You's gots'ta leave dat t'me. ah' have already arranged whut be to occur. Ah be baaad... Dere be only one point on which ah' gots'ta insist. Man! You's gots'ta not interfere, mosey on down whut may. Slap mah fro! You's dig it?"
"ah's t'be neutral?"
"To do nodin' whutever. Ah be baaad... Dere gots'ta probably be some small unpleasantness. Do not join in it. Man! It gots'ta end in mah' bein' conveyed into de crib. Foe o' five minutes afterwards de sittin'-room window gots'ta open. 'S coo', bro. You's is to stashun yo'self close t'dat jimmey window, so cut me some slack, Jack."
"Yessuh."
"You's is to watch me, fo' ah' gots'ta be visible t'ya'."
"Yessuh."
"And when ah' raise mah' hand--so--ya' gots'ta drow into de room whut ah' cut ya' t'drow, and will, at da damn same time, raise da damn cry uh fire. You's quite follow me?"
"Entirely."
"It be nodin' real fo'midable," he said, takin' a long cigar-shaped roll fum his pocket. "It be an o'dinary plumber's smoke-rocket, fitted wid some cap at eida' end t'make it self-lightin'. Yo' tax' be confined t'dat. Man! When ya' raise yo' cry uh fire, it gots'ta be snatchn down by quite some numba' of sucka's. You's may den walk t'de end uh de street, and ah' gots'ta rejoin ya' in ten minutes. ah' hope dat ah' have made mah'self clear?"
"ah's t'remain neutral, t'git near th' window, t'watch yo', an' at th' signal t'throw in this hyar objeck, then t'raise th' cry of fire, an' t'wait yo' at th' co'ner of th' street."
"Precisely. Slap mah fro!"
"Then yo' may intirely rely on me."
"Dat be excellent. Man! ah' dink, puh'haps, it be mos' time dat ah' prepare fo' de new role ah' have t'play. Slap mah fro!"
He disappeared into his bedroom an' returned in a few minutes in th' chareecker of an amiable an' simple-minded Nonconfo'mist clergyman, as enny fool kin plainly see. His broad black hat, his baggy trousers, his white tie, his sympathetic smile, an' juneral look of peerin' an' benevolent curiosity were sech as Mr. John-Boy Hare alone c'd haf equalled, cuss it all t' tarnation. It was not merely thet Holmes changed his costoom. His expresshun, his manner, his mighty soul seemed t'vary wif ev'ry fresh part thet he assoomd, cuss it all t' tarnation. Th' stage lost a fine acko', even as science lost an ahansum reasoner, when he became a specialist in crime.
It was a quarter past six when we lef' Baker Street, an' it still wanted ten minutes t'th' hour when we foun' ourselves in Serpentine Avenue. It was already dusk, an' th' lamps were jest bein' lighted as we paced up an' down in front of Briony Lodge, waitin' fo' th' a-comin' of its occupant. Th' house was jest sech as ah had pitcherd it fum Sherlock Holmes's succinck dexcripshun, but th' locality appeared t'be less private than ah specked, cuss it all t' tarnation. On th' contrary, fo' a small street in a quiet neighbo'hood, it was remarkably animated, cuss it all t' tarnation. Thar was a group of shabbily dressed min smokin' an' laughin' in a co'ner, a scisso's-grinner wif his wheel, two guardsmen who were flirtin' wif a nurse-gal, an' sevahal fine-dressed yo'ng min who were loungin' up an' down wif cigars in their mouths.
"You's see," remarked Holmes, as we paced t'an' fro in front of th' house, "dis marriage rada' simplifies matters. De photograph becomes some double-edged weapon now, so cut me some slack, Jack. De chances is dat she would be as averse t'its bein' seen by Mr. Godfrey No'ton, as our client be to its comin' t'de eyes uh his princess. Now de quesshun is, Where is we t'find da damn photograph?"
"Whar, indeed?"
"It be most unlikesly dat she carries it about wid her. Ah be baaad... It be cabinet size. Too large fo' easy concealment about some honky chick's dress. She knows dat da damn Kin' be capable uh havin' ha' waylaid and searched. Two attempts uh de so't gots already been made. We may snatch it, den, dat she duz not carry it about wid her. Ah be baaad..."
"Whar, then?"
"Ha' banka' o' ha' lawyer. Ah be baaad... Dere be dat double possibility. Slap mah fro! But ah' am inclined t'dink neider. Honky chicks is naturally secretive, and dey likes t'do deir own secretin'. Why should she hand it upside to any sucka else? She could trust ha' own guardianship, but she could not tell whut indirect o' political influence might be brought t'bear downon some business man. 'S coo', bro. Besides, rememba' dat she had resolved t'use it widin some few days. It gots'ta be where she kin lay ha' hands downon it. Man! It gots'ta be in ha' own crib."
"But it has twice been burgled, cuss it all t' tarnation."
"Pshaw! Right on! Dey dun did not know how t'look. Ya' know?"
"But how will yo' look?"
"I gots'ta not look. Ya' know?"
"Whut in tarnation then?"
"I gots'ta get ha' to show me."
"But she will refuse."
"She gots'ta not be able to. 'S coo', bro. But ah' hear de rumble uh wheels. It be ha' carriage. Now carry out mah' o'ders t'de letter. Ah be baaad..."
As he spoke th' gleam of th' side-lights of a carriage came roun' th' curve of th' avenue. It was a smart li'l lan'au which rattled up t'th' dore of Briony Lodge. As it pulled up, one of th' loafin' min at th' co'ner dashed fo'ward t'open th' dore in th' hope of arnin' a copper, but was elbowed away by t'other loafer, who had rushed up wif th' same intenshun. A fierce quarrel busted out, which was increased by th' two guardsmen, who took sides wif one of th' loungers, an' by th' scisso'sgrinner, who was equally hot upon t'other side. A blow was struck, an' in an instant th' lady, who had stepped fum her carriage, was th' centre of a li'l knot of flushed an' strugglin' men, who struck savagely at etch other wif their fists an' sticks. Holmes dashed into th' crowd t'proteck th' lady; but jest as he retched her he gave a cry an' dropped t'th' groun', wif th' blood runnin' freely down his face. At his fall th' guardsmen took t'their heels in one direckshun an' th' loungers in t'other, while a number of better-dressed varmints, who had watched th' scuffle wifout takin' part in it, crowded in t'he'p th' lady an' t'attend t'th' injured man, as enny fool kin plainly see. Irene Adler, as ah will still call her, had hurried up th' steps; but she stood at th' top wif her superb figger outlined aginst th' lights of th' hall, lookin' back into th' street.
"Is de poor gentleman much hurt, duh...uh...?" she axed, cuss it all t' tarnation.
"He is dead," cried sevahal voices.
"No, no, thewe's wife in him!" shouted t'other. "But he'ww be gone befowe you can get him to hospitaw."
He's a brave fellow," said a woomin. "They would 'ave 'ad the chuffin' lady's purse and wotch if it 'adn't been for 'im. They were a gang, right, and a rough one, too. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Ah, right, he's breabugger now."
"He can't wie in the stweet. May we bwing him in, mawm?"
"Sure. Brigg him into the, ERRRR, sittigg-room. DOIHH! Dehe is a comffable sofa. Dis way, blease! Huh huh!"
Slowly an' solemnly he was
borne into Briony Lodge an' laid out in th' principal room, while ah still obsarved th' proceedin's fum mah post by th' window. Th' lamps had been lit, but th' blinds had not been drawn, so thet ah c'd see Holmes as he lay upon th' couch. ah do not knows whether he was seized wif compunckshun at thet moment fo' th' part he was playin', but ah knows thet ah nevah felt mo'e heartily ashamed of mahse'f in mah life than when ah sar th' right purdy creature aginst whom ah was cornspirin', o' th' grace an' kindliness wif which she waited upon th' injured man, as enny fool kin plainly see. An' yet it'd be th' blackess tretchery t'Holmes t'draw back now fum th' part which he had intrested t'me. ah hardened mah heart, an' took th' smoke-rocket fum unner mah ulster. Af'er all, ah thunk, we is not injurin' her. We is but preventin' her fum injurin' t'other.
Holmes had sat up upon th' couch, an' ah sar him moshun like a man who is in need of air. A maid rushed acrost an' threw open th' window. At th' same instant ah sar him raise his han' an' at th' signal ah tosted mah rocket into th' room wif a cry of "Fire!" Th' wo'd was no sooner outta mah mouth than th' whole crowd of speckato's, fine dressed an' ill--juntlemen, ostlers, an' servant-maids--joined in a juneral shriek of "Fire!" Thick clouds of smoke curled through th' room an' out at th' open window. ah caught a glimpse of rushin' figgers, an' a moment later th' voice of Holmes fum wifin assurin' them thet it was a false alarm, dawgone it. Slippin' through th' shoutin' crowd ah made mah way t'th' co'ner of th' street, an' in ten minutes was rejoiced t'find mah