Chapter nine
Form
Classes started at ten and ended at four with an hour of lunch break at one, but Kalli woke up at six anyway. After nine years of school she still got nervous on the first day of school; she pulled herself out of bed as quietly as she could with the squeaky floors.
"What the...? What in God's-green-earth are you doing awake at this hour?" Lupe was a light sleeper apparently.
"Can't sleep, go back to your dreams Lupe," Lupe groaned and turned over. Kalli picked up her things and headed to the bathroom.
She let the quiet of the early morning and the warm water calm her anxious nerves. She towel dried her hair and took her time getting herself ready, getting her long hair perfectly straight before putting it into a sloppy bun. It was counter-productive, but it gave her shaky hands something to do. It was close to eight before she left the bathroom, by which time Lupe was dragging herself off the mattress.
"Do you mind explaining why you were in any state other than deep sleep at six this morning?"
"I couldn’t sleep, I never do before the first day of school," Kalli said very matter-of-fact and watched Lupe's face turn incredulous.
"You’re kidding right? I thought we were supposed to get over that after year four. Then the first day is supposed to become annoying and monotonous."
"It never got boring for me. I always get nervous and wake up hours before I need to. It’s not something I choose. It’s instinct, involuntary."
"That stinks for you," she said, shrugging and easily opening a new subject. "So--why do you keep speaking French in your sleep? I though Percy was the French native among us," one eyebrow flicked up.
"What have I been saying? In my sleep I mean?"
"You just keep repeating ‘Je t’aime, Je t’aime'. I didn't know you were that way..."
"That's something Percy said. I don't know what it means. Wait...what way?" Kalli's voice was suddenly demanding; she had a gut feeling Lupe knew what it meant.
"Percy said that? Are you sure you heard right? Was he talking to you, or did you overhear him?"
"Positive. He refused to tell me what it meant, you know. Tell me."
Lupe pursed her lips. "Hmm...Interesting, this is a new development," Lupe ignored her demands. "I didn't expect this as soon as it came. Good for you Percy," she ended her comment on a high note. The new freshmen never failed to amaze her; they were so...dramatic, in an endearing way.
"Are you gonna tell me what it means or not? I’m dying to know!"
"Why don't you go ask him what it means?"
"He won’t tell me! Don’t you think I thought of that? That’s why I’m asking you dummy!" There was a short rap on the door. “We will continue this argument later," Kalli said--feeling like her mother--and going to answer the door.
"Good morning Kalli! Is Lupe awake yet? I was going to take her for coffee..."
"I'm here! Bye Kalli!" Lupe rushed away from their argument and into Masashi's arms. Kalli grabbed her jacket as she was running out.
"We will talk later," she said severely before shoving it into her arms.
"Fine. But the ball's in his court on this one, I have no part in it," she said quietly before running to be with Masashi.
Kalli shut the door and looked around the blank room; she really needed to get some color in here. She sat on the bed and thought about what Lupe said. What did she see that she couldn’t? What did Je t’aime mean? What’s so significant? Why didn’t she remember anything from her year of French? She remembered learning that phrase, but she couldn’t remember--there was a light knock on the door. She knew immediately it was Percy. Everyone in Data Venia had their own individual knock; Percy’s was light and rhythmical. “One moment!” She called, checking her hair in the mirror before opening the door. His eyes brightened when he saw her face.
“Good morning. How are you this day?” he asked pleasantly.
“I’m fine. And yourself?” the polite answer to the question.
“I am doing well,” he smiled and stepped inside to hug her, a move that caught Kalli off guard. He usually held out his arms and waited for her to come to him, to avoid bubble issues, but oddly enough, she didn’t mind.
“Well this is unexpected.”
“Oh, I’m sorry..." he began to pull away but Kalli held onto him.
“No, I don’t mind, it just caught me off guard is all. It’s nice though, thank you,” she looked up into the ocean of his eyes; they had almost a silver tint in them, like liquid mercury. He hugged her even closer but it wasn’t close enough for her.
“That’s my girl,” he stroked her face lightly. Kalli was taken aback. This type of behavior was unlike him.
“Stop that,” she whispered, afraid any louder noise would break time and space.
“Stop what?” he asked just as silently watching her face, how beautiful it was, feeling the lines of her non-existent smile, imagining it was there.
“That,” she said backing away two steps but he filled the new space with one.
“Why?” he asked.
“What?”
“Why should I stop?”
“Because…It’s just…awkward..."
“Who’s making it awkward? I don’t feel any odd atmosphere.”
“Well I do. So please...just...please,” their eyes locked. He saw the utter fear in her eyes. He sighed and stepped away nodding. “Thank you.”
“Shall we then?” He asked.
“Yeah, sure.”
“Where would you like to go?”
“The gardens? The flowers will be opening. A good way to start off a day,” she smiled reassuringly showing him she wasn’t angry with him, but his behavior was still odd, somber somehow.
“Okay,” he turned and left. Kalli stood still. Percy turned back to her, his face perplexed. “Are you coming?” Kalli had gotten used to Percy taking her hand to lead her places; she had begun to rely on it. Something stable and constant in an ever-changing life. But just now he had turned and left without her. At least he had turned back for her. But his hand still remained shoved in his uniform pants.
“Yeah, I guess,” she said her voice soft and her eyes directed to the floor. She watched his black shoes step towards her and felt his warm pale hand lift her chin to meet his eyes.
“What did I do now?”
“You started to leave. But you normally take my hand first.”
“I thought you didn’t like that..."
“I didn’t. But I got used to it, and now I like it. It’s comforting.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” His eyes were searching hers
“I didn’t know you wanted to know.”
“I do. I want to know everything; every thought you have, every sight you see, every story that touches your heart, everything that you like and dislike, everything.”
“That’s a little creepy, but...ok. I can deal with that. So you want to know everything about me?”
“Yes,” Percy was sure there was no aspect of her that he didn’t want to know more about.
“Ok, then starting today, I will try to be more open with you. But you have to respect that there are some questions I won’t want to answer fully so if you catch me on that you might have to work or wait for a full answer.”
“Understandable. Shall we?” he took her hand and led her outside, asking her any and every question that came to his mind. Asking her to expand on every answer. She seemed willing enough, slightly embarrassed to answer some but her hesitation was slight so he didn’t ask why. But then he got to deeper questions. She seemed happy to answer these as well but she took more time to decide her answer.
“What do you feel right now? Describe everything and how it makes you feel.”
“I feel the cool early fall breeze running against the back of my neck and hair. It makes me feel free and I almost want to take my hair tie out and let my hair go free. I feel the stony path under my shoes. I hear them shift under my weight and it makes me feel careful but I feel your hand holding min
e and the cool warmness of your skin. It makes me shiver and feel safe and protected, and also weightless and happy.”
“Shiver? I don’t know that word, can you describe it?” It was hard for her to remember that even with how fluent Percy seemed to be, English was his second language.
“Umm--it’s like, that cold sensation running up and down your spine. It can make your body shake. It can be from being cold, or from uneasiness, or from happiness, or discomfort, shiver.”
“Interesting, and I make you...shiver?”
“Of happiness usually,” Kalli smiled up at him. What she had said was the truth. His very presence made her so happy she sometimes shook of pleasure. He flashed a smile and continued his questioning.
“So--Percy and Kalli? I guess it’s to be expected.”
“How so?”
“It was kind of obvious how he felt. I am not sure of her feelings though. Here,” Masashi handed her a coffee and took the black tea for himself.
“I guess so. You don’t have the insane advantage of being her roommate. She talks in her sleep.”
“Really? What has she said lately?” His face was all business.
“Oh no," Lupe shook her head. "That’s confidential, girl-code. If you want info ask someone else. I’m not saying anything, it would be wrong,” Masashi was shocked but nodded; he knew it was useless to try to convince her to talk. “What about Percy? Other than his obvious actions are there any other clues as to his feelings?”
“No way, I get the Percy advantage if you get the Kalli advantage,” he thought of Percy’s sketchbook, filled with drawings of her.
“Fair enough,” Lupe shrugged and dropped the subject.
“So, which classes do you have this morning?”
“Mostly my core credits. At least after this year I am done with regular classes. Next year it will all be about the music.”
“Lucky, I can’t believe I have three more years of academics,” Masashi complained quietly.
“Hey! If I can survive it, you can. With your brains..."
“Let’s not make this about brains; you are just as clever as I am. I just find it really stupid we come to a music school to learn the same crap we would learn in a regular college.”
“Yeah, but with cooler teachers.”
Masashi laughed. “I guess you’re right.”
“Always am.”
“How are you?” Percy continued his questions through breakfast and the walk to the gardens.
“I’m not sure I understand the question.”
“You always say that you’re fine, but most days I’m not sure that’s completely true. I mean, I don’t understand how you could be fine. I don’t mean to be rude or overstep my bounds but you ran away from home just months after your father died, you were attacked in the place you ran to, when people should have been there to protect you. Right after you got out of the hospital from the attack, your boyfriend, your last thread of hope from home, leaves you in the dirt. And all the while you are in a new place trying to start a new life. How can anyone be ‘fine’ after all that?” His last sentence was barely a whisper. He didn’t like remembering all that she had been through. It was painful for him to remember that she was almost…hurt in town because he was careless. He wouldn’t make the same mistake again. He wouldn’t lose her.
Kalli sighed. “You’re right, I haven’t been fine. To be quite honest I have felt like I’ve been falling. Like I’m falling through oil, but there’s nothing, no feeling. But,” her voice lifted. “Every time I see you, I feel like I’m on a beach warming my toes in the sun. No pain--just like in the oil--but there’s happiness; a certain warmth that your presence emanates. A weightless feeling, does that make any sense?”
Percy was awestruck. “Not really, I don’t understand what I’m doing. But if it helps….”
“I don’t think it’s something you can think about. It’s just the way you genuinely care about people, about what you are doing in the moment,” she looked up into his deep blue eyes. They were vulnerable today. “It’s a rare quality.”
“I care about you,” he meant it, truly he did, but she still thought she was only a friend to him.
“I care about you too. You are the best friend I have ever had, and I have only known you for three weeks,” she thought back to when she had met him. She thought he was so cocky and full of himself, just like all the other guys she knew. But he changed--or her view of him did--he was sweet, considerate, and truly cared about what was happening in people’s lives.
Percy wanted to tell her so much, but she wasn’t ready to accept his affections yet. She needed to get her bearings first.
“No more questions?” Kalli asked. His silence worried her, made her feel self-conscious.
“Only a million,” he flashed a sideways smile. “What was your father like? If you are alright answering of course,” he wanted to know, but it wasn’t worth upsetting her.
“I’m fine. How can I even describe him? He was my father, my rock, my fan-club. He took me to all my lessons. He came to all my performances and competitions. He was just there all the time, right up to the end. He had dark brown hair, tall--like your height. He was funny, charming, kind, considerate, and loyal to those he cared about. He was the best daddy a girl could ask for,” Kalli paused. “But then, four years ago, my parent’s divorced and a few months later he was diagnosed with brain cancer. He was still active and happy though. He made a point of not letting the cancer get in the way of his life. Just before he passed, he sent in my application. He told me that if I got accepted I had to go no matter what. He had even bought the plane ticket for me and left it for me in his will. So he is the only reason I’m here. After he died I never wanted to play piano again. That first time you heard me play, was the first time I had played since he passed away. I only came here to honor his memory, but it turns out it was one of the best actions I’ve ever taken.”
“I wish I could thank him. You belong here,” he smiled. “He sounds like an amazing person.”
“He really was.”
“What did you call him? I mean for my father, I called him Papa,” Percy’s eyes remembered his father, but he was no father.
“I won’t let him hurt you again Percy,” Kalli assured him but he turned and grabbed her shoulders speaking very softly and quietly.
“He won’t get within a kilometer of you, and you to him. Do you hear me? I will keep you safe,” His eyes were severe. “He won’t touch me. But you aren’t going anywhere near him!” His sudden mood change surprised Kalli. It made her happy that he cared so much for her safety, but disturbed her how much hatred he was capable of.
“You know I can take care of myself. Can I at least have my arms back? You’re gonna give me bruises,” the irony of her statement made Percy chuckle, but his eyes were still serious. He dropped his arms and stepped away slightly, but Kalli didn’t want the space. She stood so close to him she had to look straight up. “I’m fine Percy, and you don’t have to worry about me getting hurt. I’m a big girl. I can handle things,” His eyes sparked a blue fire; he closed them slowly so he wouldn’t have to look at her sure, beautiful face.
“You don’t understand. You don’t…even know what he is capable of. I do. I lived with him for the first nine years of my life, and then he came back every once and a while since then. Remember that man in town? He was a wimp compared to my father’s strength. I haven’t seen that man in a year and a half. I’ve grown since then and I still don’t even know if I can hold him off. You wouldn’t stand a chance.”
“Me being a girl, and therefore weak?” Kalli pointed out offended by his sexism.
“Yes…Wait, no! It’s just that you’re you and.…” He had been near a shout but his voice caught.
“And what?!” She was about to blow a gasket if he kept this up.
He closed his eyes again. “And I can't bear the thought of losing you again!"
“Again?” Her eyes squinted against the sun in confusion. Percy f
ell to the ground and Kalli knelt next to him. His face was whiter than normal, which was even odder against his pitch black hair, “Percy are you feeling alright?” she compared his forehead to the temperature of her own. He wasn’t running a fever.
He shook his head, “I cannot believe I said that. But it’s true, I couldn’t stand to lose you again,” he wasn’t looking at her but she knew he was trying to tell her something, but his meaning was lost to her.
“What do you mean ‘again’? When did you lose me?”
“I have lost you two times since I met you: when you got…lost in town,” Kalli shuddered, “And when Drake broke up with you,” both Kalli remembered. They were unpleasant memories. “I don’t want to lose you for good this time,” he leaned in closer to her, his voice barely a whisper. “And that, is why you will never meet my father,” Kalli pouted but she knew it was time to back down.
“Ok, fine. I will do all in my power to avoid your father,” his face was only inches from hers, but she didn’t care. Suddenly the look in his face changed from concern to something else. She couldn’t really tell but it looked like he might kiss her! He began to lean in ever so slowly, conflict in his eyes. Then suddenly there was a resolution. He leaned towards her faster this time. He broke eye contact and tilted his head, placing her cheek on his and whispered into her ear. “Thank you,” he broke away after a moment and stood quickly pulling her up with him, leaving her knees flimsy and weak. She tripped slightly, but Percy caught her and held her against his chest smiling. “We should get to class.”
***