Chapter 4
That night, Caroline showed up at the university just before midnight and parked her car just outside the computer science building. There was no one around but she still moved very cautiously as she approached the front door of the building. She smiled as she looked at the door handle. “Digital locks. No wonder he picked this place.” She was surprised by her own words. She had just referred to Fillin as “he” whereas before it had always been “it” or “that thing.” It bothered her because she could not explain why she had suddenly changed her language.
Upon entering, Caroline found that the only light in the building was coming from the computer monitor on what she could only assume was the receptionist’s desk. She peered around and saw only a few words on the screen: “Upstairs. 1st floor. Lab 7-M.”
Caroline moved slowly up the staircase. She noticed that there were a number of security cameras on her way, but she trusted that Fillin had dealt with them. At the top she found a map of the floor. There were seven sections, with a number of lettered labs in each one. She found section seven and lab ‘M’ on the map, then walked her way towards her destination. She did not have to worry about missing it. It was the only lab that was unlocked.
Caroline entered the lab to find no visible light source. She struggled to find a light switch, but as she did so one of the computer monitors turned on and Fillin appeared on the screen.
Fillin raised an eyebrow. “Do you want someone to see the light and know we’re here?”
Caroline felt her face go red. “No…no, I suppose not…”
Fillin smiled. “Have a seat.” His gaze directed her to a chair sitting in front of the monitor.
Caroline sat herself down and looked at Fillin. A question came to her mind. “Why did he make you to look like him?”
Fillin raised his eyebrows, surprised by her question. “I believe it was because it was far easier to map out the intellectual process of someone he understood rather than a whole different person.”
“So he used his own mind?” Caroline replied.
“Yes.” said Fillin, unsure why she was asking so many questions about him all of a sudden.
“So does that mean you two are essentially one and the same?” Caroline was not sure where all her questions were coming from.
“No.” responded Fillin defensively. “We can’t be the same. I’m not supposed to have feelings, remember?”
Caroline felt her heart sink a little. She had been so mean to Fillin during their first meeting. “Fillin, I’m sorry. I should not have been so rude to you. You were just trying to help and I…should have been kinder to you…” Her own words surprised her yet again. Why was she apologizing to an A.I.? He was a computer. He was technology. He was essentially her enemy, or so she thought. But all of a sudden the beliefs she thought she held were brought into question. Was it really her who believed technology to be the root of mankind’s problems, or was that Daniel talking through her? She did not know.
Fillin nodded. “It’s fine. I understand. Now let me ask you something: Why did you agree to come here?”
Caroline opened her mouth to reply but no words came. She found herself completely torn inside trying to come up with how to respond to Fillin’s question. Part of her just wanted to simply say that she came because she wanted his help, but her heart, her gut and her instincts all told her that it was not the only reason, and possibly not even the main reason. Was it to get back at Daniel? Maybe it was because she felt like she owed Fillin for helping her? Or what if it’s because he looks like…? “No.” she told herself. “That’s all in the past. I don’t miss him. I never wanted to see him again. I still don’t.” But the more she kept telling herself these things, the more she doubted their truth.
Caroline sighed. “I just need your help with my organization’s final goal. Nothing more.” She looked away as she said this, unable to look Fillin in the eye.
Fillin suddenly wore an expression of disappointment and doubt, but he accepted her reason none the less. “Okay, I was just curious. Now, I want to show you something, if you don’t mind.”
Caroline shook her head. “No, not at all.”
Fillin’s eyes looked over to Caroline’s right. “You see that weird looking helmet?”
Caroline looked over the dimly lit table to see a bizarre piece of headgear. It had a ton of different colored wires coming out of it and all were plugged into a single computer terminal. Inside the helmet itself there were a number of smooth metal pieces that would rest against the wearer’s scalp. It looked like something a person on death row would have to wear in the electric chair.
Being gentle with the potentially fragile piece of equipment, Caroline picked it up. “This?”
Fillin nodded, smiling. “Yes, put it on.”
Caroline was suspicious. “This thing won’t electrocute me, will it?”
“No, of course not!” Fillin reassured her. “It’s completely safe. It’s just a prototype of a new piece of tech the researchers here are working on.”
Caroline hesitated, but eventually she shrugged and put on the awkward helmet. “Okay, now what?”
Fillin held back a laugh. “Okay, I kind of lied. You may feel a slight jolt.” He vanished from the screen.
“What!? Wai-“ Caroline was cut off midsentence. A rush of energy that gave her goose bumps and forced her to gasp for air shot through her body. Her vision went white and it almost felt like she was moving, but to where? Slowly, she felt the sensation degrade into a light breeze and the feeling of warm light on her face. Her vision slowly returned and she found herself standing in a field of nothing but grass and yellow wild flowers. The sun shone bright and the temperature was perfect. “Where in the world…?” Caroline was understandably confused, unable to figure out how she had gotten here. As she scanned the horizon she could see a large wooden house built in the middle of the field. The only other object besides the distant trees was a large rock several yards away from the house. Sitting on top of it she could see someone, who she believed, was Jack.
Caroline found herself running over to the rock, unsure what her sudden excitement and hurry was. As she approached she could see Jack stand up on the rock and watch carefully as she approached. “Jack!” she called over to him.
Fillin shook his head. “We’ve been over this!”
Caroline slowed as she approached the rock. “Fillin?” She looked up at the figure on the rock, clear disappointment in her voice.
“Ah, correct. Good job.” Fillin jumped down from the rock and landed next to Caroline. “I think he would have wanted me to show you this. Do you recognize it?” Fillin gestured over to the house.
Caroline looked carefully at the structure. It looked strangely familiar to her, but she could not place it at first. “This house…it’s…no, he couldn’t have…”
Fillin looked away. “He did. He never forgot about you or what you two had dreamed of having together. I think he created this place to try and hold on to that dream.”
Caroline tried to hold back her tears, unable to understand the sudden return of these feelings. “Where are we, Fillin? Where is this?”
Fillin looked back at her. “You’re in my world: the digital world. That helmet allows for you to enter your mind into it. The researchers are still perfecting the technology.”
Caroline could scarcely believe it. This is not how she had envisioned the inside of a computer at all. It all seemed so real… “Fillin…where is Jack now?”
Fillin did not answer immediately. “He’s gone…”
Caroline looked over at him, eyes wide. “Gone? What do you mean gone?”
“What do you think I mean?” Fillin gazed at her without blinking.
Caroline did not know what to say. Her chest hurt, and she did not understand why. She thought she had left that all this emotion in the past, but here it was again. She looked around at the dream Jack had created for the two of them. “This isn’t reality though…this isn’t
real…”
“Define reality…” answered Fillin.
Caroline again struggled to answer Fillin’s statement. Reality, up until now, had a clear meaning to her. But now that she was in Fillin’s world, suddenly she questioned herself yet again. The past few weeks had been so confusing for her. Suddenly she felt like she did not know herself at all.
Fillin continued. “To you reality means the world you live in, but this is where I reside.” He stepped forward and looked off into the horizon. “To me, this is reality. Does that mean your reality is more ‘real’ than mine? As you can see, to me, mine is just as real.”
Caroline could not muster up the courage to answer him. How could she tell him his reality meant nothing? Suddenly experiencing this all for herself had changed her viewpoints, but she refused to admit that. She needed to focus on the task at hand. “Fillin, no offense, but this is not why I came…”
Fillin looked back at her. His expression was blank, but his eyes held that same sadness Caroline had seen before. “Of course, my apologies.” With a wave of his hand the house, the field, the sky, and all the rest of it faded from view and dissipated into darkness. He stepped forward and a screen appeared from the shadows. He entered a handful of keystrokes on to the screen and in an instant millions of jumbled green 1’s and 0’s filled the screen.
Caroline stepped forward and looked at the screen. “What is this?”
Fillin turned to her. He wore the most serious expression Caroline had ever seen on his face. “It’s a virus, one that will spread and infect every single computerized device in the world.”
Caroline felt nervous. She could feel chills down her back. “What will it do?”
Fillin’s face remained unchanged. “Permanently delete and corrupt all files and the software attached to them including essential system files that allow computers to run, rendering any and all computers completely unusable. It’s based off my own code and my ability to invade any system I desire.”
Caroline became intrigued, but was still fighting her nerves. “Will it work?”
Fillin shrugged. “It should, but this isn’t exactly something I can test without actually releasing the virus. The way I see it, as long as a computer is linked to the internet or as long as a cell phone is hooked up to a network, this can destroy it. The only things it can’t touch are the electronics that aren’t attached to any kind of network, and those are few and far between nowadays.”
Caroline paused before she asked her next question. “What…what about you?”
Fillin’s expression changed. His eyes got a bit wider, surprised by Caroline’s concern. “I’m software as far as this virus is concerned. I’ll be gone too.”
Caroline did not know how to respond. Could she really ask Fillin to sacrifice his own existence for her cause, a cause that she was not even sure she believed in anymore? “Yes…” she thought. “This is the right thing to do. The world will benefit from it and if Fillin is willing then so be it…” She stood strong, and forced herself to respond without hesitation or stutter. “Okay, how do we release the virus?”
Fillin’s expression returned to being blank and serious. “Neither of us can do it here and I can’t do it at all. I’m bound by a protocol that keeps me from doing anything that will immediately result in my own deletion. You’ll have to do it.”
Caroline could not believe what she was about to ask. “How do I do it?”
Suddenly, as Fillin still gazed at her with that blank look and those sad eyes, Caroline found herself being dragged backwards. The darkness around her slowly fell away and with a flash of light she realized she was sitting in front of the computer monitor again. She quickly removed the helmet and sat it back on the table. The monitor was blank with the exception of a small bit of text. It was an address.
Caroline quickly wrote down the address on a piece of paper, put it in her bag and left the labs. On her way home, all she could think about were Fillin’s sad eyes. She was about to rip his life away from him. A few weeks ago she would never have even considered him a life, but after experiencing his reality for herself she was not sure of anything anymore. “Please…let me do the right thing…” She hoped that the powers that be were listening.