Once he was alone again, he turned back to the mirror. Obviously, what he thought he’d seen earlier had been a trick of the light, of his imagination, worry about his friend.
Maybe even a premonition. Who knew?
One thing was certain—he had a very happy wife, now that the one person she wanted to be there besides himself would be able to attend.
And if Leah was happy, he was happy.
Especially where Seth was concerned.
* * * *
Kaden wasn’t sure what made him happier, seeing how happy Leah now acted to know Seth would be coming to dinner that night—without Paula—or just the mere fact that Seth was coming to dinner tonight.
Without Paula.
As Seth’s best friend, Kaden had been careful not to push too hard. That was the woman Seth had claimed to love.
Then again, he’d also loved Kelly…and they’d gotten divorced.
This time, I need to step in sooner and make sure I say something.
Kaden still wasn’t sure how to broach that, but until Seth was single, it didn’t matter.
Seth arrived before the other guests did, and Leah’s happy squee as she hugged him warmed Kaden’s soul. He waited for his own hug from Seth, and then Seth handed Leah a small, wrapped box. Inside, a delicate, colorful blown glass Christmas tree.
“It’s beautiful! Thank you!” She hugged him again before hurrying over to a shelf in the living room to make room for it, where it would be prominently displayed.
“I know how much you two love to do Christmas up big. I thought it could be a little something to have year-round.”
“I love it!” She smiled as she turned, meeting Kaden’s gaze. “What do you think?”
Kaden patted Seth on the shoulder. “I think it’s perfect.”
Later on, after the other guests arrived and they’d had dinner, Seth and Kaden were standing out on the lanai and talking, out of earshot of the others.
“Sorry Paula isn’t feeling well,” Kaden said, testing the waters.
Seth snorted. “Yeah.”
Kaden turned to him. They stood on the other side of the small pool. One of the things Kaden wanted to do when they eventually built their new house was make sure the pool was larger, large enough for Leah to do laps in, and that it was isolated enough he could practice with his whips outside without worrying who heard.
“Tell me the truth,” Kaden softly said.
Seth’s shoulders slumped. “She’s not sick. She’s pissed off at me for calling her out.”
“About what?” Kaden suspected, but wanted Seth to say it out loud, give voice to it.
Recognize it on his own.
“Remember when I had to cancel because she said we had plans?”
“Yes?”
“So…I was wondering about that. She hadn’t mentioned any plans until I told her you’d invited us. I didn’t poke her or say anything else, either. This afternoon, I asked her. I said, ‘So, when are we leaving and what do I have to wear tonight?’ And she looked at me like I was crazy and asked what I was talking about. I reminded her of what she’d told me when I’d accepted the invitation tonight, and…” He sighed. “Blank stare. Totally. She was grasping at straws.”
Kaden nodded but didn’t interrupt.
“Finally, I said, ‘Leah’s birthday party is tonight. When Kaden first invited us, I told you I’d told Kaden we were coming, and you told me we already had plans, so I had to call him back and cancel. What are the damn plans?’ I said it just like that, too. And she got really quiet before going off on me, accusing me of accusing her of lying. I asked her again what our plans were, and she said she didn’t know what I was talking about. So I said fine, then I was going to see if I could still come tonight. She asked me about her coming, too, and I told her I didn’t think that was a good idea. Then she kept at me and I put my foot down and told her no, I’m coming without her, she could go do whatever the hell she wants tonight because frankly, I didn’t care.”
When he didn’t continue, Kaden finally broke the quiet. “And?”
“She was pissed. But I knew if I brought her with me, she’d make me miserable and she’d want to leave early.”
Seth glanced over to where Leah was currently talking with some of their friends. “I hoped Leah would like it. I wanted to be able to give it to her and smile and relax and not worry about being grilled over every little reaction I had to her reaction on my way home tonight.”
Kaden patted him on the shoulder, leaving his hand there. “You always have a place to stay with us, if you ever need it. Day or night. Any time. I’d be upset if you didn’t knock on our door.”
“Thanks. I might have to take you up on that. Paula…she’s pissed. Really pissed. Kind of threatened me if I came without her tonight.”
“What kind of threat?”
“The kind of threat that means when I get home she’ll be issuing me ultimatums, and I’ll probably be calling Mike on Monday morning and finding out what I need to do next. I don’t want to be married to someone like that.”
Kaden knew exactly who Mike was—Seth’s attorney, a friend of Kaden’s, and who’d handled Seth’s divorce from Kelly.
“Stay as late tonight as you’d like, man. Or if you want to just sleep here, the guest room is always open for you.”
“I might take you up on that. I don’t feel like dealing with her tonight.” Seth stared out at the small backyard. “Might just get myself more than a little drunk and text her I’m sleeping it off here. Sad thing is, it’ll be the truth. Because I’d rather get drunk than go home. What does that say about my marriage?”
Kaden didn’t have any sage wisdom to offer that wouldn’t make Seth feel worse or tip his and Leah’s hand prematurely. “You’re family,” Kaden said. “That means you always have a place here.”
* * * *
Now…
“I don’t know why I’m so nervous,” Seth muttered as he finished shaving. “These are our friends. It’s just dinner.”
“Exactly.” Leah hugged him from behind, meeting his gaze in the bathroom mirror. “They are our friends. Family.”
Left unspoken, they’d also been Kaden’s friends. Many of them Seth had known, met through Kaden and Leah. But Seth hadn’t known they were kinky until…
He didn’t want to go there in his head tonight. Not now. Even if part of tonight’s purpose was to raise a glass in Kaden’s memory while celebrating Leah’s birthday early.
Tonight’s dinner was just that—dinner and reminiscing. Ed and Hope, Pat and Lyla, Tony and Shayla, Ross and Loren, Walt and Holly, Derrick and Marcia, Mason, Cole, and Kim, Gilo and Abbey, and Scrye and June. They were the ones who could come to this private dinner. Tilly, Cris, and Landry had been invited but couldn’t make it because of their schedule, as had a couple of others.
This was…the core.
The start.
The birthplace of the Suncoast Society.
Well, some of the people, their partners hadn’t been around back then.
Tonight was casual, barbecue and memories, a toast.
The only reason Seth was doing this was Leah had asked him to. She’d wanted a quiet, peaceful, relaxing evening with their friends.
“I’m okay,” she said, echoing his thoughts.
“That’s spooky, babe.”
“I could see it in your face. I’m okay. I feel strong. That’s why I wanted to do this.”
“I know.” He patted her hands, where they’d settled on his midsection. “Let me finish shaving.”
In all honesty, he…just wasn’t feeling Christmasy this year. Not really. Not in a social kind of way. He just didn’t have the energy to be…chipper. He hoped he was putting on a good enough front for Leah, but maybe it was finally having survived the fallout, now he was experiencing a long-delayed reaction.
Absolutely he wanted to decorate the yard and house, yes.
But he wanted to cocoon himself with Leah within its walls, stare, and reminisce. He di
dn’t want to…people.
It was a feeling he knew would come and go, too. Because he might wake up the next morning eager to get their holiday play party plans finalized.
This, too, shall pass.
The sad melancholy.
Christmas had been Kaden’s holiday, and Seth would always honor it and his friend.
There were too many good memories embedded in his brain not to.
Yet now he’d hit a point where with Leah solidly grounded and doing well in a way even she admitted she never believed possible, and with their financial and personal lives in order…
It allowed him to finally notice the gaping void in his soul.
He could and would fake it. He’d been doing that.
Until his dying day, he’d carry Kaden’s final words in his memory, the sound of his best friend taking his final breaths.
The feel of curling up next to him in bed, Leah on Kaden’s other side, both of them holding him as the ultimate control freak finally released his tenacious grip on this plane and…continued on without them to whatever came next.
Seth wished he believed in heaven or reincarnation or any other number of religious ideologies where he could pretend Kaden was frolicking with a whip and rope bunnies and enjoying the hell out of himself.
Seth had nearly talked himself out of believing that the Halloween sights at the party they’d thrown last year had been spectral visions of the man.
Even though he wouldn’t tell Leah that. If it made her feel better to think that, so be it.
Maybe I need to go to the doctor. Maybe I’m depressed.
As he looked into the mirror once more, for a brief moment he thought he saw Kaden’s grey gaze peering at him.
Closing his eyes, he counted to three. When he opened them again, it was just his own face staring back at him.
Okay, I definitely need some time with friends to take my mind off things. Obviously, I’m exhausted and too deep in my own head.
* * * *
Leah knew Seth had only gone along with this for her sake.
There was a secret she’d held back from him, though. One of the few cards left by Kaden for her alone, given to her by Ed before they’d even thrown the first Halloween party following Kaden’s death.
Instructions for her about Seth.
Love,
Once Seth knows you’re okay and he’s not obsessing over you, he might get depressed. Maybe, if you feel up to it, have a private dinner at the house with the old gang. The original gang. You know who I mean, love. The old-timers. God knows they heard enough about Seth from me that they might be able to gently help him refocus and center himself. Ground him.
I can’t tell you exactly when to do this. That’s up to you based on how he’s doing. But I know that man nearly as well as I know my own mind, and I know if our positions were reversed, I’d be feeling like that. If you don’t have the strength to do it, I understand, but I think it’d really help him.
Don’t give up on him, sweetheart. If you’ve made it this far, I know you’ll be okay with him. Let him know he doesn’t have to be strong all the time. I know I can’t change what’s happened, but I wish I’d said something to him years ago, when he split with Kelly. I should have, and you were right. I did the best I could back then, love. Perhaps I tried to control things too much. Too exacting.
Do what you feel is best, but please, don’t let my best friend slip away from life and living. Don’t let him dwell too long or deeply. Help him see there are others who can be there for him now, who he should lean on when he needs to. Tell them that. Tell them why you need the dinner for him. Tell them that I asked them to please do this for Seth.
I love you, Leah. I know you can do this. I know you’re strong enough. And I know you’ll always make me proud.
At the time, she’d sat in Ed’s office and sobbed as she read it, because…well, she knew.
Kaden was right. So, so right. With Seth feeling confident knowing she was okay, and with their college classes now behind them, and their real estate management doing well…
The void in their life was now unavoidably there for Seth. How many times had she caught him unconsciously turning Kaden’s wedding band on his finger? The one Kaden himself had put there just before he died.
But until now, she really hadn’t felt it was the right time, or that Seth was hitting a deep enough low, that she needed to do this. He’d always bounced back before she’d given serious thought to holding that dinner.
Now, with the anniversary of Kaden’s death rolling up on them again, it was time to do this.
For Seth.
And when she’d personally called everyone to invite them, she’d done just as Kaden asked and told them why she wanted to have this dinner. Told them what Kaden had asked of her.
The ghost of Kaden past helping out in the present.
Or would that make it the ghost of Kaden present helping in the future?
In retrospect, they realized everything he’d prepared, he’d done so in the early months right after his diagnosis, completing them and getting them out of his way so he didn’t have to worry about anything.
Kaden the control freak.
Even with everything Leah had to do for the banquet, this was no burden for her. Not really.
Seth was now her Master and husband. These people were her true extended family. The ones who’d been there as much as they could for them when they needed them the most.
The ones who’d understood.
The ones who’d keenly felt Kaden’s loss in their circle, not just his death but his absence, and who had strived to carry on his philosophy to the next generation of people finding their way to the lifestyle.
To welcome newbies, to help educate, to teach safety and fun and finding their own way without guilt and without saddling themselves with preconceived notions.
Extend hospitality and kindness to those who were struggling to come to terms with their truths, sometimes following years of self-denial.
To make sure they always had a place to feel like they were at home.
Tonight would be about embracing that, and the people she loved.
All while remembering the man who was the reason they were all there to start with.
Chapter Seven
Then…
“Do you think many people will come?” Leah asked Kaden.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. This has been a format that works well in other places, from what people have told me. I don’t see why it wouldn’t work here.”
They’d reserved the back room of a Sarasota bar and put out a couple of Internet ads that it was the start of a munch. Something Kaden had learned about in his travels to other cities, something kinky people did to come together in a safe, vanilla way, in public, so they could meet without worrying about exposing themselves literally or metaphorically.
A man walked in, hesitating as he glanced around.
She watched as Kaden took point as he smiled and walked over. “Here for the Suncoast Society?” He’d opted to call it that for efficiency, and so that it sounded innocuous, nonthreatening.
The newcomer smiled. “Yeah.”
“Kaden.” He extended his hand.
The man shook with him. “Tony. We’re the first ones?”
“Looks like it. This is my wife, Leah.”
Tony nodded to her, but made no move to shake with her. “Nice to meet you.”
“It’s okay, love,” Kaden told her. “You may shake hands tonight, if you wish.”
She stepped forward, extending her hand. “Nice to meet you, Tony.”
Another couple entered, and after the introductions to Ross and Loren, more people arrived, singly and in couples.
By the time Leah and Kaden left that night, they’d met twenty people who’d shared their kinky interests and agreed they’d like to get together again. E-mail addresses had been exchanged, and Ross had volunteered to help Kaden e-mail everyone before next month, as well as offered to let people
give out his e-mail address to anyone else who might be interested in getting together.
Leah had known she and Loren would become close friends and had spent much of the evening together talking. Tilly, who’d come with her Master, Cris, would likely become another fast friend.
“Did you feel it, love?” Kaden asked, breaking the comfortable quiet in their car.
“Master?”
He wore a pleased smile. “Something new, something big. Something good. We need something like this in this area. Remember how we fumbled through things? This is great. We can help people avoid the pitfalls and be safe.”
“We can’t keep meeting in bars, though.”
“No, I agree. We’ll move to a restaurant in a couple of months. Maybe switch to different ones.”
“There were quite a few single women.”
“I noticed that. Even more reason to keep things safe.” He glanced her way. “Maybe we can eventually start having private dinners after we get to know people.”
“I’d be okay with that.”
“Loren and Tilly seemed nice.”
Of course he’d noticed that. He always paid attention to Leah even when she thought maybe he wasn’t. “They are.”
“Ed and Pat had mentioned possibly stopping by tonight but I guess they decided not to.”
That surprised her. “Our Pat and Ed? Really?”
“Really. Ed and Hope aren’t quite like us, but I told him a long time ago about us so he didn’t think badly. He’s the one who found out Pat and Lyla are in the lifestyle, too.”
“Well, Pat’s a judge. He’ll probably have to be very careful.”
“Oh, I’m sure.”
Quiet settled over them again.
“Master?”
“Yes, love?”
“Thank you for doing this. I know I was…hesitant at first, but thank you for being patient with me. This was fun. I feel better to know others like us.”
He reached over and squeezed her hand. “Me, too, love. Me, too.”
* * * *
Now…