“I get it. I think.”
“You do?” She tipped her head back to stare into his eyes.
“Yeah. Some things are easier now.”
“Yeah. Exactly.” She snuggled in again. “Especially with you in my life.”
He was quiet for a moment. “At some point, we need to have a talk.”
“I really don’t want to do that tonight.”
“That’s why I said at some point.”
“Don’t ask me to make you a promise I don’t know I can keep, Sir,” she quietly said. “Because I don’t want to lie to you. I honestly don’t know how I’ll react and, dammit, I told you I didn’t want to have this conversation now.” She poked him in the ribs. “Don’t harsh my mellow.”
He chuckled. “That’s my line.”
“Yeah, well, I like it. I’m claiming it.”
“Sorry, love.”
She laid her hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. “I promise to enjoy every minute of time we have together. How’s that?”
He nuzzled her head again. She loved it when he did that. “It’s all I can ask, love.”
Chapter Ten
Then…
Leah loved Seth for giving her the weekend alone with Kaden after the banquet…but even Kaden had assured her he didn’t resent her wanting to get back home to Seth.
It just didn’t feel right if it was only two of them. It only felt right, complete, when all three of them were together. And not simply in bed, either. Seth wasn’t merely a friend or a lover—he was a life partner to both of them.
She knew she’d have to eventually get used to being alone with Seth, but that wasn’t something she wanted to contemplate yet, and wasn’t something she’d spend time thinking about now.
There’d be plenty of time for that—later.
Too much time, in fact.
Sunday morning she lay in bed with Kaden, snuggled against him, her ear pressed against his chest and listening to his heartbeat as he played with her hair.
“I want to talk, love,” he said.
She closed her eyes. “Yes, Master?”
“I know I promised to keep these discussions to a minimum, but I need to be sure. I need to have an honest talk with you, Leah. Are you all right with what I’ve arranged?”
A deep breath to give her time to hold back the choking sobs that struggled to break free. “I’m never going to be okay with you dying, Kade. I’m still angry with you for not wanting to at least try chemo or radiation. But I get it. I didn’t watch your father die the way you did.”
She finally opened her eyes and tipped her head back so she could look up into his grey gaze. “I’m never going to be okay with losing you. Ever. And while I know Seth’s strong enough to be there for me, what happens if he’s not strong enough for himself? What if…at some point in the future he gets me through it and I lose him because I’m not strong enough for him?”
He palmed her cheek. “You’re strong enough for each other. If I didn’t think that…” He stroked her flesh. “I know it in my heart. You guys love each other. If I could make it twenty-plus years with you, he’s strong enough to get you through this, and you’re strong enough to be there for him.” He offered her a sad smile. “Neither one of you might be strong enough for yourselves, but you’re strong enough for the other. That’s why I know this is going to work. Both of you need to trust me.”
“I don’t want to disappoint you,” she whispered.
“Love, you’ll never disappoint me as long as you don’t give up. On him, or on yourself.”
* * * *
Later that evening, once they were home and settling back in with Seth, Kaden walked out to the kitchen to get a drink of water. He stood there, staring out at the pool in the waning light and closed his eyes.
A vision came to mind, of Seth and Leah standing in the kitchen, making breakfast together, a bright, sunny late morning from the look of the light outside.
Alive. Happy.
Together.
He opened his eyes and found himself still standing in that same spot in the kitchen and darkness creeping up outside. He’d had quite a few of these “daydreams” lately. No doubt his brain trying to help him through this, imagining them going on and being okay, together.
Because he knew he could never be at peace unless he knew the two people he loved most in the world would be okay once he was gone.
* * * *
Now…
Late the morning after the banquet, Seth and Leah spent that bright, sunny Saturday morning cooking breakfast together. Now the next “big” event would be the Christmas play party next Saturday night.
“You don’t think anyone will be irritated if I win again, do you?” Leah asked.
“No. Why would they?”
“It’s our house. Last time, it was at Gilo and Abbey’s. You don’t think they’ll claim home-court advantage?”
She could tell Seth was humoring her. “No, babe. It’s secret ballot, just like last time. No one will know how anyone else voted.” He leaned in to kiss her. “I know Justin’s happy about you asking him to be your partner. Frankly, so are my balls. Besides, Glen and Wade are looking forward to seeing you string their boy up.”
She giggled. “Yeah. They told me about their plans. Kind of a kinky Christmas gift to him.”
Seth pulled her in for a kiss. “Maybe one of these days I’ll enter a rigging contest with you as my bunny and give you a flying fuck.”
Rubbing her hips against his, she stared up into his eyes. “Maybe I’ll let you, Sir.” Hell, he rarely let her play naked at the club now. Only at home or the private parties, or if they were teaching a class where clothes got in the way of the demo.
At the private parties, though, Seth had come into his own and felt more free. Including one time a few months earlier, where Seth had taken Max, Sean, and Cali up on their offer to use one of their bondage frames at a party at Tilly’s. Seth had given Leah a heavy spanking and fucking on it that still made her hot just thinking about it.
“That reminds me,” he said. “I need to e-mail Tony and Ross about the play furniture situation and the final RSVP count.”
She smiled. “Going to be a full house.”
“Sometimes those are the most fun.” He grinned. “Especially with this crowd.”
“I can’t wait to see what people bring for the gift exchange.”
“Did you already get ours?”
“Of course. Two discount dildos from the bargain bin at the adult store up in Sarasota.”
He snorted. “I thought we were supposed to get gag gifts?”
She held up a finger and walked out of the kitchen to retrieve them. She returned, holding them up, enjoying Seth’s look of shock.
“Um…what the hell?” He took one from her, staring at it.
“Apparently they weren’t big sellers.”
“I can’t imagine why,” he drawled as he wiggled the dildo, which was wrapped in a plastic bag with a cardboard label stapled to the top. “What is it supposed to be?”
“I think a tentacle.” Leah shook the other one. The one Seth held was neon orange and chartreuse, while the one she held was neon green and blue. “I mean, can you see trying to clean them?”
He returned it to her. “Just goes to prove the point.”
“What point, Sir?”
“Rule 34. If there is something, there’s porn of it. Or, in this case, a sex toy.”
* * * *
Tuesday afternoon, Leah and Loren met Shayla for lunch after their fundraiser meeting ended.
“So how did it go?” Shayla asked. “Any trouble?”
“Better than expected,” Leah said. “I was a little worried we might not get our numbers back up so soon after Karina did her level best to sink the whole event, but we pulled it out.”
“She’s too modest,” Loren said. “Leah kicked ass.” She pointed at her friend. “Singlehandedly, she pulled in some corporate sponsors Karina never would have managed to snag.”
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“She would have if she’d just followed my project plan,” Leah snarked. “Not like I didn’t learn how to be a control freak from the best.” She took a bite of her salad. “I left her a complete and detailed project plan, week by week, with contacts for all our past donors, especially the corporate sponsors. I don’t think she even looked at the damn thing.”
“I know she didn’t,” Loren said. “I even made a point of being bitchy that first year and calling her out at one of the first meetings that your plan covered everything she was trying to reinvent. She shot me down. I had a copy open on my tablet at the time.”
“Well, it’s a moot point now.” Leah smiled. “George told me at the banquet that he’d be suggesting to Karina, if she tried to volunteer again, that they appreciated her offer but already had a full slate of volunteers for the planning committee.”
“Yeah, good luck ever getting out of this gig now,” Loren said. “You’d have to d—hey, how’s your salad?” She shoved a bite into her mouth.
Leah stared at her before she burst out laughing. “Honey, it’s okay.”
Shayla looked unsure and sat there with her mouth shut.
“Me and my mouth,” Loren muttered once she’d chewed and swallowed. “Sorry.”
“Guys, I’m okay. Honestly. It’s not like it was before. It’s okay.”
“I wish I’d known him,” Shayla softly said. “He sounds like he was an amazing guy. Sir always talks about him.”
Leah smiled. “He was.” She pointed at Shayla. “You’ve got yourself a damned good one, too. Kaden talked to Tony back then. If Kaden hadn’t been able to get Seth to agree to it, Tony said he’d help out.”
She took a deep breath, knowing the only way to desensitize herself to the pain was to keep working through it. “The only reason Seth was able to get any sleep those first few days…after…was because of Ed and Tony taking turns watching me. Literally sitting there and watching me. I think it was Tony’s idea to hide all our knives. I mean, it felt like the logical part of my brain had checked out and locked itself up. I was staring out at the world and…just not there. My heart and emotions were totally in control. Like there was no filter and no brakes. Like I was willing to run myself right off the cliff. And I would have, if it hadn’t been for them.”
Leah smiled at her friends when she realized they looked a little uncomfortable. “Come on, don’t be depressed. That’s not what he wanted.”
“Sorry, sweetie,” Loren said. “I didn’t mean to make you go back there.”
“No, I’m serious. It’s all right. I’m glad I can talk about it now. I got to this point because of Seth and our friends. And because of the plans Kaden made for us.” She smiled as she shook her head. “Some people say being a control freak is a bad thing, but in this case, it not only saved my life, but it might have saved Seth’s, too.”
“How?” Shayla asked.
“Because if he hadn’t had me to take care of, Seth might have killed himself, directly or indirectly. I believe that with every cell of my body. I wasn’t the only one Kaden was trying to protect, and he damn well knew that when he set this up.”
Chapter Eleven
“Crap. Love, is there another propane tank in the shed?” Seth called to Leah.
“Yes, Sir,” Leah called back through the open kitchen sliders. “I told you that I got it refilled.”
He breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, love.” Of course she had. It felt like he’d forgotten his brain today, though. He disconnected the nearly empty propane tank from the grill and carried it out of the lanai to the shed.
Realizing he’d need keys to open the lock, he set the tank down and turned, flinching as he stared at the part of the Christmas display that wrapped around the side of the house. He’d swear he saw a shadow of someone walking through it, then realized it was just one of the moving inflatables.
I really need to get hold of myself. No booze for me tonight.
He’d felt jumpy all afternoon, like someone was watching him even when Leah wasn’t home. Despite checking the house and outside several times, he couldn’t shake the sensation.
Finally, he’d decided to willfully ignore it. He’d slept fitfully the night before, his dreams plagued with memories of Kaden. Not bad dreams to have normally, but at this time of year, so close to when he’d died, and with the Christmas display and other Christmas trappings all over the place…it was too much.
He hadn’t said anything to Leah about it, either, not wanting her to worry about him.
He could deal with it. He just needed to work his way through it.
One more milestone, of sorts.
A night spent chilling with his friends, talking and laughing, watching kinky activities, maybe even some play with Leah later—he’d wear himself out and it’d be fine.
He just needed to get through it.
After retrieving his keys to unlock the shed, he swapped the nearly empty tank for the full one and returned to the lanai to hook it up and get the grill started. He wanted to start roasting some of the veggies now, and he could keep them warm in a metal dish on the back of the grill. The chicken and beef wouldn’t take too long to cook.
Leah stepped outside. Since it was relatively warm tonight, she was decked out in a sexy Mrs. Claus outfit—a teeny bikini top and a short, matching red skirt, in the theoretical sense of the term, trimmed with white faux fur. She wore a leopard-print Santa hat, and her red velvet collar was trimmed with little jingle bells that merrily tinkled as she walked.
“Did you find it, Sir?”
“Yes, love. Thanks.” He test-fired the grill and then shut it off again. “Okay, that’s ready.” The sound of a car rolling up the driveway reached him through the open windows in the house. “Someone’s a little early.”
Leah walked back to the sliders. “Oh, Ross and Loren. They probably have the frame and benches.”
“Okay.” He walked past her, leaning in for a kiss as he did. “Get the vegetables ready to grill. I’ll go help him.”
He passed Loren on the front walk and she kissed his cheek in passing. She carried a casserole dish and two small gift bags. “She inside?”
“Yep. Go on in. No kinky accoutrements yet?”
“Yet being the key word. Sir Stinkeye packed a whole bag of goodies to string on me for the contest.”
“That’s Master Stinkeye to you, wench,” Ross called from where he stood at the back of the truck. “And don’t you forget it.”
Ross was driving Kel’s truck, since Mal and Kel couldn’t get out of family plans tonight. He’d sent his portable suspension frame and a couple of benches from the club. Ross had the tailgate down and the topper hatch up and was leaning in.
“Let me help,” Seth said.
“Thanks. I don’t know if this shit’s getting heavier, or I’m getting older.”
“Probably a little of both. Shame they couldn’t come tonight.”
“Well, Kel confided in me something that they’ll be announcing later, but said I could tell people here tonight. They didn’t want to miss dinner with his mom and Chelbie’s family because Mal’s pregnant and they wanted to tell them.”
Seth froze, turning to look at him. “She is?”
He nodded, smiling. “Three months along. They wanted to wait to say anything to anyone until they were sure everything was okay. She’s due in early June.”
“That’ll put a crimp in Kel’s wild side for a while.”
“Yeah.” Ross smiled, but it looked sad. “I don’t think he minds.”
“I didn’t think he wanted kids.”
“No, they hadn’t really decided one way or the other yet. Apparently, it was an oopsie situation that got decided for them. She was on the pill and everything. But he’s not unhappy about it, from the way he sounded. And neither is she.” Seth didn’t realize he’d sighed until Ross patted him on the shoulder. “You and I are in the same boat,” Ross softly said.
“It’s not that we can’t,” Seth said. “That
’s not what upsets me. It’s that Leah’s choice was taken from her. That’s what pisses me off. What she had to suffer back then. I totally get why Kaden did what he did early on to protect her. It’s probably a good thing I was overseas, because if I’d known what she’d been through back then, I would have been begging Kaden for us to track the fuckers down and do something. Well, at least to her foster brother. Her father was already in jail.”
Ross squeezed Seth’s shoulder before releasing him. “Like I said, we’re in the same boat.”
Seth had actually tracked down Leah’s birth father, although he didn’t tell her he’d done it. Kaden had left Seth information about the man, as well as the information he’d gathered about the foster brother who’d raped Leah repeatedly when she was fourteen, abuse that had gone unreported by her for fear of her ending up on the streets.
The father was still in prison, his last two parole requests refused.
He was due up for another next year.
The foster brother was also in jail for—no shocker—sexual assault. He would be eligible for parole in three years.
Seth wasn’t sure how, but he planned to be at the parole hearings to testify against them. Ed promised to keep him apprised.
They got the frame inside and assembled, including placing the MMA mats under it that they’d also borrowed from the club. Then the benches. Cali, Sean, and Max would be bringing two of their benches as well.
Seth had already propped the playroom door open, so people could use the equipment in there.
“It still feels like we’ll turn a corner and see him standing there,” Ross said.
“Yeah.” Seth let out a sigh. “You ain’t kiddin’.”
* * * *
Tony and Shayla were the next arrivals, soon followed by others. As the large box for the white elephant gifts started to fill, Leah smiled.