I reached out to her exactly three times. The next morning, I texted, saying, I’m sorry.
The day after that, I added, I love you.
And on day three, I wrote, I still trust you. I trusted her to learn all this shit about me and not break my heart by leaving me. But my fucking trust had been sorely tested, and shredded.
I reminded myself, she just needed time. She’d get over this, and she’d come back to me.
Yeah, I repeated that over and over in my head, not really believing any of it, while I clung to the hope of it anyway.
Caroline fucking hated me now, and she was done with me. My life was fucking over.
She didn’t even show up at Forbidden the next Friday to watch Hart’s band, and she always came to cheer on Non-Castrato.
After the bar closed, I was putting away the last bottle of liquor, when I just stopped and stared at it, tempted to drown all my sorrows like a typical brokenhearted douche.
I was still standing there like a complete dumbass, staring at the bottle, when Lowe paused beside me and leaned his forearms on the bar. He watched Hart and his band pack away their equipment before shaking his head. “I swear that one guy in Asher’s band, the one with the Mohawk, drops even more f-bombs than you do, Ten.”
I snorted, tipping my head to the side as I considered the bottle of tequila from a different angle. “Not even fucking possible,” I said before I shrugged and flipped over a shot glass to pour myself a drink. Then I downed the shot with a single swallow.
“I think he’s more crude than you are, too.”
“Good for him.” I poured myself another.
Lowe finally looked at me, frowning. “You doing okay tonight?”
Shot three, down the hatch. “Just fucking dandy. How’re you?”
He lifted his eyebrows. “Uh…Asher,” he called.
Hart looked our way and then jogged over. “What’s up?”
Lowe hooked his thumb in my direction. “What is wrong with him?”
Hart studied me for a second, and then returned his attention to Lowe. “Women trouble. What else?” Then he grinned and patted the bar. “Why don’t you take care of this one?”
Lowe snorted. “As if I know what to do with a depressed Ten. That’s outside my scope of reality.”
With a chuckle, Hart seated himself on a stool. I started in on my fifth shot…or was it my sixth? Shit, I’d already lost count how many I’d downed while these two were talking about me right fucking in front of my face.
“So last time I saw you, you were asking Noel if you could date his sister,” Hart murmured, thoughtfully.
“I wasn’t asking for permission,” I bit out.
“Whatever.” He didn’t seem to care. “Noel said no, you argued back, and then he threatened to tell Caroline about all your past…women, if you tried anything with her, so…I’m guessing he told her anyway.”
“No.” I swallowed more and hissed through my teeth as that one burned on the way down. “I told her.”
“You did what?” both guys shouted in unison.
“Oh, you stupid idiot.” Lowe sat his hand on my shoulder in commiseration. “Please don’t tell me you told her about all the women you’d ever been with.”
“No.” I gave a harsh laugh. “She walked out before I could get through the entire list.”
Lowe winced. Hart snickered. I shot them both a glare. “It was either I tell her or Gamble tell her. I thought it’d be better coming from me.”
“How long ago did this happen?” Hart asked.
“Last Saturday,” I uttered, feeling the pain of missing every little part of her: her voice, one of her cute little sexy texts, her arms around me, her smile.
“Shit.” Lowe shook his head. “Give her at least a week.”
I looked up at him. “What happens if she hasn’t talked to me within a week?”
He shrugged. “Then give her two weeks.”
“Then what happens if—”
“Just give her some time, man.”
I buried my face in my hands, abso-fucking-lutely miserable. Time was going to tear me apart if I had to spend too much of it away from her. “I’m such an idiot,” I ranted. “The last words my sister ever said to me before she died were not to turn into a man-whore, and what’s the first thing I did? I turned into a fucking man-whore to fight back the bad memories, and now it’s coming back to bite me in the ass.” Cupping the sides of my face in my hands, I looked up at Hart and Lowe, who gaped back at me as if I’d grown horns. Somewhere in my head, I realized I’d just spilled a bunch of shit about my sister, but at the moment, I couldn’t even care. There was more important shit going on. “What if I lose her?”
Unable to take the weight of this pain, I sank to the floor and rested my elbows on my knees as I concentrated on not falling apart.
“That’s it.” Hart tugged on my arm, trying to get me to stand. “I’m driving you home.”
I shook my head. “No. Can’t go home,” I mumbled. “My sheets still fucking smell like her.” I hadn’t been able to sleep at all most of the week because of that. I probably should’ve washed them, but then they wouldn’t smell like her anymore, and that would’ve broken me even more.
“Then you can crash on my couch. Let’s just get you out of here.” The next time he tried to pull me up, I let him.
On Saturday, Lowe’s advice of waiting a week came. And then it passed. With no word from Caroline.
The next morning, the beginning of day eight, that was it. I knew everything was over. Caroline hated me, and I would never be allowed back into her life again.
Miserable, unshaven, and two days without a shower, I lay slumped on my bed, watching Child of Glass on my laptop because she’d left her DVD in my computer.
I hated the stupid movie.
“This has to be the cheesiest fucking thing ever made,” I grumbled aloud to myself. “Awful fucking acting, worst fucking music, and not a single fucking curse word in the entire fucking thing.”
Yet this was probably the third time I’d watched it today. I couldn’t seem to stop watching it.
“Wait!” the movie ghost called out. “Do not go, Alexander. I need your help.”
I snorted. “And that has to be the fakest fucking ghost ever created.”
I turned the volume up to hear the ghost’s accent, the one Caroline had loved so much. “It is a damn cute accent though,” I had to admit on a grumble.
And just like that, agony rippled through me. My chest felt full and raw as if metal claws had raked across my lungs.
Turning my face to the side, I breathed in the scent that was still barely clinging to my pillow.
God, I missed her.
“Hey, Ten.” Quinn knocked on my open doorway and peered in at me with a sympathetic cringe. “Do you want to ride with us to the picnic or drive yourself over?”
I paused the movie and frowned at him. “What picnic?”
“Uh…” Quinn scratched the back of his head before shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “The one at Noel’s…to celebrate Aspen getting her new job at the high school.”
“Gam’s throwing a party?” I said slowly. I pushed the laptop off my lap so I could slide off the bed.
“Yeah…didn’t you get the text invite?”
I stared at him a moment before shrugging. “It must’ve gotten lost in the mail. I think I’ll drive myself over.”
“You mean, he really didn’t—” Ham cut himself off before slicing me a worried glance. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? If he didn’t invite you...”
“What?” I asked. “You don’t think I should crash the party? I think that’s a great idea.” I rummaged through a pile of jeans on the floor, picking a few up and sniff testing them before deciding which was the cleanest. “See you guys there, okay? I’m going to shower first.”
Stalling, Ham kept watching me. “Hey, just…” He glanced toward the doorway and moved closer to me. Lowering his voice, he said, “Please
don’t cause a scene or do anything that might upset Zoey. Any emotional distress for her right now—”
I patted his arm. “Don’t worry, Dad. I would never do anything to hurt your baby.”
Hamilton blew out a breath and nodded, but his eyes were still full of worry. And they should be, because I was so in the mood to cause a scene.
Half an hour later, I strolled into Gam’s backyard. Everyone else had already arrived. Most of the woman were gathered around Zwinn and talking baby shit. Blondie cradled her midsection like she did every time I saw her these days, and I noticed Caroline was next to her. Her back was to me as Milk Tits and Buttercup chattered at them, laughing about...fuck, who knew what.
“Ten.” Gamble’s surprised voice made me glance to my left where he was slowly walking my way.
“Hey.” My voice was fairly pleasant for how nastily I glared at him. “Thanks for the invite, asswipe.”
I brushed past him and went to his wife, where she was fretting over the food table. “Shakespeare,” I greeted with a smile. “Congratulations.” I pulled a round block of red wood from my pocket and handed it to her.
“Aww,” she said, taking it. “An apple figurine. Thank you, Ten.”
“And it doubles as a pencil holder.” I pointed out the holes.
She studied it, smiling appreciatively. “That’s so sweet. You didn’t have to get me anything.”
I just shrugged and without my permission, my gaze strayed across the yard.
“Yeah, Ten,” Gamble said from behind me. I whirled back to find him slipping an arm over Shakespeare’s shoulders. “You didn’t have to get her anything, especially if you thought buttering her up would convince her to talk me into doing something I’m not fucking going to do.”
I narrowed my eyes. “I told you I wasn’t asking for your permission.”
“And I told you what I’d do if you went anywhere near her.”
“Oh...so first I couldn’t ask her out, but now I can’t even go near her, huh? Pretty soon you’re going to kick my ass if I even think about her.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t think about her, then,” he suggested, grinding his teeth.
“Maybe you should stop being such a dick,” I snarled back.
“Or maybe we should eat now,” Aspen broke in too brightly, wringing her hands as she glanced between us. “Did you hear that, everyone?” She lifted her voice to gain the crowd’s attention. “The food’s ready, so just…dive in.”
Gamble and I shared one last glare before backing away from each other to let his brothers get to the table and start piling their plates.
I wasn’t hungry, but I didn’t exactly move away from the food line. Caroline was approaching with the women, so I wasn’t going anywhere.
I’m not sure where Lowe and Hart came from, but I found them flanking me as they started a conversation with each other about fuck knows what. I didn’t listen to a word they said. I didn’t look at Caroline directly either. I stared at the ground in front the food table, and settled for focusing on her from the corner of my eye. When she had to walk right past me after filling her plate, she didn’t look at me, though. I lifted my eyes in that split second she moved by and she completely fucking ignored me.
I drew in a long breath, but I don’t think I got any air. I felt like I inhaled only a lungful of agony.
“Ouch,” Hart murmured quietly beside me.
I ignored him and turned to Lowe. “A week?” I said, lifting my eyebrows.
“Two weeks,” he revised, glancing after Caroline and wincing. “Definitely two weeks.”
“Fuck.” I wasn’t going to survive this.
“Oh crap,” I heard Caroline’s voice. “I forgot my fork.”
Darting to the table, I snatched the first plastic fork I saw and extended it her way. She jerked to a surprised halt when she turned and found me there.
“Oh!” She sucked in a breath and pulled back.
“Here you go,” I offered quietly.
She immediately lowered her gaze. “Thank you.” When she went to reach for it, I refused to immediately let it go. Her face veered up, flaring with panic. “Oren. What’re you doing?” She tugged the fork free.
As she started to turn away, I asked, “Are you not even going to say hello to me?”
She froze before slowly glancing back. “You can’t do this here,” she whispered the warning. But I couldn’t not do it...anywhere. I needed to talk to her; I needed my woman back. I needed to know she was going to forgive me...if not today, then someday.
“It’s been eight days,” was all I could think to say. I couldn’t help the way my gaze pleaded. I’d get down on my knees and beg if that’s what it took.
Understanding filled her expression. “I...” But she didn’t say anything else.
I was on the brink of losing my shit. “Does this mean you’re done then?” I asked.
She shook her head, confused. “Done?”
I jabbed a finger into my chest. “With me?”
“Hey, what’re you two talking about over here by yourselves?” Gamble asked as he strolled toward us. His voice sounded casual and curious enough, but I could still detect the censure.
Caroline jumped at his voice and immediately turned his way, but I couldn’t take my gaze off her, not until she answered me. Still ignoring Gamble, I hissed, “Caroline?”
Nervous and jumpy, her eyes darted my way. “No,” she breathed out so quietly, only I could hear. “Of course, I’m not done with you.” Then she returned her attention to her brother and flashed him a big smile. “Maybe we’re telling secrets about you,” she teased.
“Secrets?” he repeated. When his gaze slid my way, I just stared back, daring him to even start.
The fucker must’ve accepted my challenge because he wrapped an arm around Caroline’s shoulder and smiled. “Oh, I could give you all kinds of secrets...about Ten here.”
“Gam,” I said under my breath. The warning clear. I wouldn’t just stand here and take this shit. Caroline’s face had already drained of color and she looked stiff and upset. “Don’t.”
He shrugged. “Don’t what?”
I glanced around at everyone who’d paused what they were doing to watch us, all of them extra alert. “Don’t tell her about any of your secrets? Not even about Tianna?” After a low whistle, he spoke directly to Caroline. “I don’t know what he did to that poor girl, but I’ve never seen anyone hate a guy as much as she hates him, and Tianna loves all the guys.”
“Noel,” Aspen called, hurrying our way. “Do you think you could help me carry out more potato chips?”
“In a sec,” he answered, not taking his gaze off me. “Oh, and do you remember Faith McCrown? Didn’t you pop her cherry our sophomore year?”
With a quick glance at Caroline, I gritted my teeth. She kept her chin high, though, and that made me proud. But still pissed as hell.
Nodding, I sent my good ol’ buddy ol’ pal a hard smile. “Yeah, you know, I do remember her. I remember how you took her over after I gushed about how flexible she was.”
Gamble’s mocking smirk died cold. I cocked my head to the side. “Wasn’t she the one who got so hooked on you she became damn near suicidal after you dropped her cold for her best friend? Or was it her archenemy you fucked? I can’t recall which.”
Beside him, Aspen started to cough, and I glanced at her, suddenly remembering she was right there.
Shit.
Pressing her hand to her chest, she batted her eyelashes like crazy and stepped in reverse away from us.
“Aspen?” Gamble reached for her, but she darted another step away.
“I...I...I’m sorry. I think I have some dust in my...” She coughed again when tears filled her eyes. Whirling away, she murmured, “Excuse me.”
As she hurried off, Gamble shot me a murderous glare. “You fucking prick.” And then he hurried after his wife.
I squeezed my eyes shut. “Shit.” I’d fucked that up.
When I opened
my eyes, an incredulous Caroline was in my face. “Why the hell did you do that to Aspen?”
“I wasn’t thinking about her,” I admitted. “I didn’t mean to hurt her. I was just so...pissed at him.”
“Well, you did hurt her. You hurt her a lot.”
“The fucker needed to shut up, so I shut him up. He was hurting you, and I couldn’t handle that. I didn’t think it through; I was too focused on getting him to stop upsetting you to think about anyone else. I’m sorry.”
“But he didn’t know what he was doing to me.”
“Then maybe he should,” I snapped. “No, there’s no maybe to it, anymore. He...should...know. It’s past fucking time. Everyone else knows. Even my parents. He is the only person who doesn’t know.”
“But—”
I grabbed her shoulders and shook her lightly. “Why don’t you want him to know?”
She shoved at my chest and yelled, “Because I’m scared.”
I didn’t believe her. Still worried she just wanted to drop me after what I’d told her, I shook my head. “He won’t take anything out on you. You’re his sister. He’ll always love you, no matter what. I’m the one at risk of losing my best fucking friend. So what’re you so scared of?”
I just wanted her to admit she was over me if that was the case, but instead she shrieked, “I’m afraid he’ll do or say something that’ll convince you I’m not worth the effort. Okay?” Tears flooded her eyes. “What if he breaks us apart? I’m not ready to lose you.”
Pummeled in the chest by her words, I gaped at her. She wanted to stay with me. She wanted...fuck. I inhaled sharply. My anger instantly oozing from me, I stepped close and cupped her face in my hands. “Baby, there’s nothing he could say or do to keep me away from you.”
“Is that so?” Noel asked from behind us.
I spun around to find Gamble only ten feet away, his face flushed red, lips curled back in a snarl, and his eyes narrowed in hatred.
“You son of a bitch.”
He charged, and about twenty things happened at once. Pick, Lowe, and Hart shouted for him to stop as they leapt on him, catching his arms and chest and keep him from getting to me.