Chapter 5
After breakfast the next morning, Buddy and Mandy walked together to the barn. Together they saddled the horses, mounted them and rode toward the eastern side of the ranch. The morning air was cooler than usual as they left the main ranch house and headed east. The ground became hilly and they climbed gradually over a small outcropping of rolling hills. After riding about thirty minutes, Buddy guided Buck up a steeper trail. Thunder followed behind him. Mandy breathed in the pungent aroma of pine and cedar trees.
“We have a nice forested area here,” Buddy said. “In the summer, one of my favorite places to come is up here. It is quiet and peaceful. There is a small stream that crosses our ranch near here that has water all year. One spot along its length formed a natural pool. The water is always crystal clear, cool and inviting on a hot summer afternoon. The end of the pool has large boulders that are perfect for sitting or lying on. The ones in the sun, feel warm and cozy after a swim. The ones in the shade provide coolness that refreshes the body and soul. As kids we used to come here and play for hours. Now, I’m the only one who comes here. It is my peaceful, happy place. I haven’t ever brought anyone except family members here before, but I wanted to share it with you. Maybe in the summer when it gets warmer, we can bring a picnic lunch and spend the day here,” Buddy suggested.
“You make it sound so wonderful, but I don’t know where I will be in the summer. Now that I see it with my own eyes, it is even more beautiful and inviting than you described it. Would it be all right to stop here for a little while?” Mandy asked quietly.
“That would be fine with me. We don’t have any work left that we have to do today. It’s too cold to swim now, but I’d love to share it with you,” Buddy agreed.
They dismounted and tethered the horses close to the water near a large patch of green grass. Hand in hand, Buddy led Mandy over to the edge of the pool. He stood beside her in silence as she took in the site’s natural beauty.
Mandy turned and looked at Buddy. “I’ve seen a lot of places, but this is the most beautiful spot I have ever seen. I wish I could paint it or memorize the look, the sounds, and the feel of this amazing spot. No millionaire in his most luxurious estate and swimming pool could ever be as rich as you having this in your own land. This is a magical place. Thank you for showing it to me,” Mandy sighed.
“I hoped you’d like it the way I do. That’s how it makes me feel when I am here. I am the richest, most blessed man alive. Seeing it through your eyes is amazing. I always felt like something was not quite right here, but I couldn’t figure out what was missing. Now I know. It was you. Being here with you makes this beautiful place perfect,” Buddy admitted humbly. He put his arms around her and held her close.
Mandy closed her eyes and settled into his embrace. She felt the cool breeze drifting around her while she felt the strong warmth of his arms and body against hers. She laid her head against his chest and listened to the strong heartbeat and sighed deeply. When she opened her eyes and looked up at his face, she saw there were tears in his eyes, too. Without thinking about anything, she put her arms around his neck and pulled his face down close to hers. She felt herself being drawn deeper and deeper into his warm brown eyes. With a moan, she drew his lips down and kissed him.
Buddy turned her against his body and kissed her. Her lips parted and invited him inside to taste the sweet freshness of her kiss. Buddy opened his mouth and felt her tongue brushing his. Startled he hesitated, rejoicing in the newness of the moment. Slowly, he explored her mouth. He had heard about this kind of kissing, but, except for the one amazing kiss by the corral, he had never kissed anyone that way before. He felt stirrings deep inside that were unfamiliar to him. He knew that what he was feeling was the most incredible experience of his life. He felt a rush of emotion and realized he had fallen in love with Mandy. Each day as he got to know her better, Buddy knew he wanted to be with her forever.
“I love you, Mandy. You are so beautiful, so perfect, so alive and warm in my arms,” Buddy whispered.
Slowly Mandy drew back. Suddenly, in her mind, she was back in Montana, and she felt the world closing in around her. The warm embrace changed to a feeling of being trapped in a vise. She was confused and suddenly afraid. “Perfect,” the word screamed in her mind. She closed her eyes and memories of Montana came unbidden. In the beginning, before she and Jerry got married, he had said she was ‘perfect’ and that their life together would be ‘perfect,’ but she shivered remembering the horror that had followed. The painful memories flooded over her. She struggled out of Buddy’s arms and walked away.
Buddy watched her walk away and felt a deep emptiness inside him. He followed behind her, but he didn’t try to pull her back. Confused, he sensed that something was wrong, terribly wrong. He swore under his breath as he felt her retreating from him emotionally as quickly as she was moving away from him physically.
After he caught up to her, he gently touched her arm and turned her to face him. When she turned, he saw that she was shaking and tears were pouring down her face.
“Mandy, darling, what’s wrong? Tell me and I’ll do whatever you need me to do. Just, please, don’t walk away and lock me out. All I want is for you to be happy? Please tell me what to do?” Buddy begged earnestly.
Mandy gulped in a deep breath and tried to compose herself. “You,… you didn’t do anything wrong,” she gasped. “It isn’t you. It’s me! I am so messed up inside, and I am afraid I may never recover. I’m not perfect. Nothing is perfect. I can’t live with ‘perfect.’ It’s why I am running away from the guilt and memories of my private hell looking for a place to belong, but I don’t think I can ever get rid of the demons from my past,” Mandy sobbed.
“Please don’t shut me out. I can’t help you if you won’t let me in. Talk to me, please, tell me what is bothering you, Mandy. I will listen and accept whatever you say. Share your troubles with me, and I will help you carry them. Please trust me. Let me be your friend. I won’t touch you. I’d never hurt you. I promise I will just listen and pray for you and with you. Don’t turn away from me,” he cried.
Mandy heard the raw pain and emotion in his voice, and she looked into his eyes. She saw only love and concern in them. Mandy shivered and sank down onto one of the boulders along the water’s edge. Buddy sat down beside her. He reached out and gently held her hand.
“I don’t know how to explain what I am feeling. Terrible things are locked inside me, and I’m afraid to let them out. I can’t hold them back any longer, but I am terrified of facing the memories. Terrible things I’ve never told to anyone,” Mandy stammered.
“Let me help you. ‘Dear Father, I ask for your wisdom and your loving help for Mandy. She is in great pain that I can’t understand without your help. Open her heart; give her courage to release these things that are hurting her. Use me to help ease her pain so she can rid herself of these things that are destroying her peace. Fill her with your courage and peace, In Jesus name, Amen,” he prayed.
Mandy bowed her head and began speaking slowly, “It is hard knowing where to start. For nearly 8 years, I was trapped in an ever worsening hell. After my father died, I started going to college in Montana. I felt terribly lost and alone after he died. One day while studying in the college library, I noticed a man watching me. I knew he was in one of my classes, but we had never talked. He introduced himself, and he started talking to me each time class met. He was about 8 years older than me. He dressed in nice clothes, was confident, nice looking, and soft spoken. As the weeks passed, we began going for coffee, and we became friends. He told me his wife had run off with another man, abandoned their children, and he was raising their two young children alone. He had finally divorced her, and he was sad and lonely. I felt sorry for him and for his children. I remembered growing up after my mom died. When I met his children, we got along very well. In time, he asked me to marry him, and I
accepted his proposal. He lived in eastern Montana on a ranch next to his parent’s land. They were very influential people in the area. After I graduated, we eloped and returned to live at his ranch. His parents were very upset that he and I had married. They were wealthy and thought no one was ‘good enough’ for their ‘perfect’ son, especially a ‘poor nobody’ like me. They were furious that he had not married the daughter of one of the ‘prominent social families.’ Apparently, they had not approved of his first wife either, but they definitely hated me!” Mandy paused struggling with what to tell next.
“That sounds like a terrible situation for you. Did your husband defend you or did he go along with his parents?” Buddy asked.
“I guess you could say that he did neither. He was their only child, and they had given him everything, except Christian love and values. When he was around, they barely tolerated me. When he was gone, they didn’t hide their hatred of me. I came to realize that all he really ever wanted was a wife to ‘show off’ like a trophy on his arm at social functions and someone to raise his ‘perfect children’ in his ‘perfect house’ in his ‘perfect life’. I was kept like a ‘perfect’ china doll to be trotted out to impress his ‘perfect friends’. I lived a ‘perfect life’, except I had no friends, no car, no freedom, no warmth or affection from him, and no real life. All he cared about was keeping up the illusion of his ‘perfect world.’ All I was supposed to do (or was allowed to do) was keep his house ‘perfectly’ clean, make sure his ‘perfect’ kids dressed and acted ‘perfectly’ when we were out in public, and be a ‘perfect wife’, a beautiful trophy on his arm. That was what my life was like,” she said sadly.
“Was it really that bad?” Buddy asked.
“It was so much worse than anyone knew. I came to hate the word, even the idea of ‘Perfect.’ When you called me ‘perfect’, it was as if I was back in that living hell. What I’ve told you was just the tip of the iceberg,” Mandy said. “It was a nightmare existence, an illusion of perfection that hid a lot of dirty secrets. Jerry insisted that everything look perfect, perfect children, perfect wife, and perfect life. He was very well-known in that area. He came from an old prominent family and appearances were more important or valued than truth.”
“Why was that a problem? Don’t most people want to look good in public?” Buddy asked
“The problem was it was a total lie! It was a bizarre, twisted illusion! When Jerry was out in public, everything was staged to look perfect. He put on a great show. He had everyone fooled! He was what my friend called a ‘street angel and a house devil’. When he was at home with us, the real Jerry showed up. He drank heavily, and we never knew when the devil inside him would come out and hurt us. His kids, James and Jenny, and I were terrified of him then. If they misbehaved or didn’t move quickly enough, he’d shake them, hit them, yell obscenities at them, or lock them in their rooms. When I tried to calm him down and reason with him, he got even more violent with me and them. I tried so hard to be the ‘perfect’ wife and mother so he wouldn’t lose his temper and torture us, but nothing I did was ever good enough for him. He told me it was all my fault that he hit me and the kids. If I were a better wife and mother, he said he wouldn't punish the kids or hurt me. In time, I lost myself and cowered in fear of saying or doing anything except praying he would not hurt us anymore.”
“”Why didn’t you tell someone or leave him?” Buddy asked horrified.
“When you are in that kind of crazy situation, you begin to believe the lies. He threatened me and punished me so severely if I upset him. Besides, he was Mr. Perfect! Who would believe me, ‘a nobody’, a worthless nothing that I had become? I felt trapped and helpless, too scared to leave and too scared to rebel. His parents never liked or accepted me. They blamed me for anything that wasn’t right in his life. I had no friends, no support group there and no way to escape. People who met me thought I was shy and incredibly clumsy, because I frequently had bruises on my arms, legs, and face. Jerry would just laugh and tell them how I kept falling and hurting myself. Most of the time, he tried to make sure the bruises didn’t show, but when he was really drunk and angry, he would do terrible, savage things. He knocked me against walls, choked me senseless, and then say he was sorry and force me to have sex with him. He was never loving to me. He brutally raped me and threatened to kill me if I ever told anyone. Later, he would hold me and say it would never happen again if I could just be a better wife and mother. After a while, I didn’t know who was crazier—him or me,” Mandy sobbed.
“Mandy, why didn’t you just run away from him?” Buddy asked angrily.
“I wanted to leave him, to take the kids, and run away, but he kept me isolated, without spending money or a car to drive, or close friends. I can’t explain. I think you have to be trapped in an abusive situation to really understand it. Near the end, he began telling me I was a such a terrible wife that I was worthless to him, that no one would ever care about me. He began hinting that he had killed his first wife. The story he told others was that she had run off with a man who had worked at the ranch. One day he told me that if he ever got tired of me, I would just ‘disappear’ like his first wife Jane. ‘She ran off and left her two kids behind” he would ramble, ‘but I know for sure she will never come back to find her kids—not where she went’ he would gloat. “You could be next,’ he’d say with a cold laugh.”
Buddy listened in horror as the story poured out of her like a flood that rushes over everything when a dam breaks. “How did you finally get away from him?” Buddy asked angrily.
“”I didn’t really get away from him. One day he had been drinking heavily. I don’t remember exactly what set him off. He was screaming obscenities at the kids. I tried to pull them away before he got physical and hurt them, but he became enraged and turned on me instead. He dragged me into the living room. I felt his hands tightening around my neck, and he began squeezing. I struggled and tried to get away, but then I started blacking out. It’s strange, but for a moment, I thought maybe that would be the best thing—to just drift away into nothingness. I fell to the ground unable to move. Through the blackness, I heard the phone ringing. When I came to, he was talking on the phone. He had forgotten we were supposed to be at his friend’s housewarming party. He yelled at the kids to hurry and get dressed. He pulled me up and hugged me, and promised he wouldn’t hurt me again if I just went to this one party and behaved properly. Like a robot, I got up and stumbled to our bedroom, grabbed a dress from the closet, quickly dressed and we climbed into his car. On the way, he kept yelling and cursing instructions to us on how to behave, what to say and what he would do to us if we disobeyed him or didn’t please him. When he looked over at me, he noticed fresh bruises on my neck. I had just grabbed any dress to wear. I hadn’t realized that the dress was cut so low that the bruises from his fingers showed clearly on my neck. He was furious. He pulled the car over, dragged me out of the car and knocked me down. He screamed at me that I was totally worthless, no good to him anymore. He hated me and didn’t want me anymore. He kicked me and knocked me down into a ditch. I think I struck my head when I fell. He said he’d come back and take care of me later. He got into the car and roared off. I heard the kids crying and screaming my name as he sped away.”
“I wish I could get my hands on that monster! He’d never be able to hurt you or anyone again!” Buddy swore angrily. “What did you do then?”
“I climbed out of the ditch and looked around. I was about four miles from town. I knew, no matter what, I didn’t want him to find me out there in that isolated place. I began frantically stumbling and running toward town. I’d gone about two miles when I spotted the lights of a small farmhouse. I hurried to their door and asked to use their phone. I called a woman I knew from church. Bill, my friend’s husband, arrived about ten minutes later. He drove me home. Like most people who knew Jerry or his family, he didn’t ask any questions
. I was going to grab a few things and make a run for it. I didn’t know where I was going or how I would get there. I just knew I had to get away before he got home or I would die that night.”
Mandy continued pouring out the hurt and fear. Buddy watched her and noticed she was trembling and rocking back and forth with her arms wrapped around her chest as is trying to protect herself. He longed to reach out and touch her, but held back and listened silently. “When we reached the ranch house, there was a police car in the driveway. Jerry’s parents were standing outside the front door, too. When I got out of Bill’s car, Jerry’s parents saw me and began screaming wildly.
“You! You tramp! Why are you here? You left with Jerry. Why weren’t you in his car? It can’t be true,” my mother-in-law screamed.”
“The policeman came over and asked me who I was. After I told him my name, he said he had bad news to tell me. He said Jerry had been driving on Sunset Drive east of town when a utility truck pulled out in front of him. He swerved the car and apparently lost control of it. The car flipped two times, landed upside down in the other lane, and was hit by a pickup driving the other way. The car had burst into flames. By the time help arrived, everyone inside was dead and burned beyond recognition. He added that they were searching the accident scene for my body, because Jerry’s parents said I had been with him. They figured I might have been thrown from the car.” Mandy stammered brokenly, sobbing and rocking harder.
“I don’t remember much after that. I kept hearing Jerry’s parents screaming that it was my fault everyone was dead. If I had been with him, he wouldn’t have been speeding. ‘You should have died, not the others’,” his mother yelled. I sometimes still hear her shrieking that in my sleep.” Mandy sobbed.
Buddy quickly put his arms around Mandy and held her close as sobs racked her body, and she collapsed against him. He lifted her up on his lap, tenderly rocked her, gently stroking her hair, kissing her softly on her cheek, and whispering soothing sounds in her ear. Slowly, the sobs subsided. Mandy continued her story. “The next few weeks and months are still hazy. The only thing I knew was that I could not stay in that house and area any longer—not living next door to his parent’s hatred. I decided I had to leave. I talked to a Christian attorney for advice. I didn’t tell him what I told you. I just said I needed to get away from the bad memories that surrounded me. He helped make all the arrangements. Since Jerry and I were married, the ranch and house now belonged to me. I sold the furniture and most of the stuff we owned, bought the old car that I am still driving, packed my clothes and a few personal belongings, and loaded up the car. I put the ranch up for sale and left Montana for good. I felt numb, like I was walking in a nightmare. I didn’t hate Jerry, but I wasn’t sorry that he was dead either. He was gone, and I was alive and free. That’s all I felt—empty and relieved. I felt terrible about the kids. I had really loved them; they meant the world to me. They didn’t deserve to die like that. I felt guilty that I hadn’t been able to get them out of the car, even though I knew in my mind that he would never have let them out.”
“Mandy, don’t blame yourself! There was nothing you could have done to save them. He was to blame, not you. It was just a terrible, tragic accident,” Buddy said firmly.
“I know, but I still mourn for James and Jenny. They called me mom, and I loved them very much. I know they are in a better, happier place now—in heaven with Jesus. They will never be hurt or scared again,” she said sobbing again.
Buddy cradled her in his arms and continued rocking her gently. He wrapped his jacket around her. She laid her head against his broad chest and heard the steady beating of his heart. Finally she stopped crying, exhausted and unmoving in his arms. All was finally silent except for the gentle whisper of the breeze blowing through the aspen trees along the stream.
Mandy left her cheek resting on his chest. She felt drained of all the hurt, pain, guilt, and terror she had been carrying alone all those years. She felt a sweet sense of relief. She had never told anyone what had happened to her during her life in Montana or on that terrible night. She had kept it all bottled up inside. A feeling of comfort and caring surrounded her, and she closed her eyes. Silently, she thanked God for letting her meet this gentle giant of a man who was holding her and sheltering her in his arms.
She heard him quietly whispering. Focusing all her attention, she strained to understand his words. In the silence of the afternoon, she heard him whisper, “Dear God, please comfort and protect Mandy. Help her find peace and happiness. Give me the wisdom, the gentleness, and the time to help her through this terrible experience. Help her to feel you and your tenderness through me. Put your hand of healing on her heart and let her find peace and joy here with me,” he prayed.
Mandy sat still, leaning against him, savoring the strong arms holding her with such tender care. She wasn’t aware how long she had been in his arms. Slowly, she opened her eyes and stirred in his arms. Buddy kissed her forehead and whispered tenderly, “Mandy, my love, are you finished crying now?”
“I’m sorry you had to hear all of this. I never told anyone about this before. Once I started talking to you, it was like a dam broke inside me and everything inside poured out. I didn’t mean to burden you with my pain. I’ve soaked your shirt, and I must look a fright,” she sobbed.
“I am honored that you trusted me with this, Mandy. My shoulders are broad enough to help carry your burdens. Burdens are meant to be shared. That’s the way it is with friends and family. What you told me is safe with me. I won’t repeat what you said to anyone. If you ever want to or need to talk again about this or anything else, remember my shoulder is a safe place to release your thoughts and feelings. Please trust me, sweetheart. I really care about you, and I want you to be happy again,” Buddy said tenderly.
Mandy felt drops on her cheek. She looked up and realized tears were dripping off Buddy’s face and flowing with her tears.
“I’m sorry I’ve made you so sad. I shouldn’t have told you about this,” Mandy said sadly.
“My sweet Mandy, these are tears of joy for me. Now that you’ve released this pain, you can start healing. Keeping it all locked inside is self-destructive. Thanks for allowing me to see inside you and share this with you. As far as your looks, you have never looked more real or more beautiful. Now let me wipe away your tears and hold you,” Buddy said.
He stood up and pulled her into his arms. She looked up at him. He bent down to kiss her forehead, but Mandy reached up and gently placed her lips against his. A tingle of warmth and energy surged through their lips. Their lips parted and the kiss changed. This kiss was filled with emotions so deep and healing that they defy description. For a long time they stood there clinging to each other.
Slowly, reluctantly, Buddy released her. “It’s getting late. We’d better head back to the ranch before they send out a search party,” Buddy said with a soft smile.
Mandy pulled herself free. She walked over to the spring. She bent down and splashed cold water over her flushed face. Her eyes were red and puffy, but when Buddy looked at her, all he saw was the very beautiful, vulnerable woman that he loved with all his being. His heart swelled with a deep, protective love.
They mounted their horses and headed back toward the ranch house. They rode together in companionable silence, each one lost in their own thoughts.
When they rode up to the main house, Melanie called out. “We thought you two got lost out there. We were getting ready to go look for you.”
Buddy yelled back, “I’m sorry to prove you wrong again, Melanie. Mandy was a big help. She really does know how to mend fences, and she’s a great rider, too. I think we should offer her a steady job,” he joked.
Mandy laughed, “Flattery will get you nowhere, but I did really enjoy helping you today. Thanks for everything. Would you mind if I go get cleaned up? I look a mess.”
“Sure, go ahead,” Bud
dy added. “I’ll be in after I take care of the horses.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to leave you to take care of both horses. I can come and help,” Mandy said quickly,
“No problem. I can handle both horses. I’m sure Thunder will forgive you, especially if you bring him a treat later. You’ve helped a lot today. Go get cleaned up for supper,” Buddy called back as he led the horses to the barn. “I’ll be there in a little while to eat supper with you.”
When they were safely in Mandy’s bedroom, Melanie asked, “Are you feeling sick again, or what stupid thing did Buddy do or say now? It’s obvious you have been crying.”
”Melanie, he didn’t say or do anything wrong. In fact, he was very kind and compassionate. It was nothing that he did wrong. I guess you could say the ghosts from my past broke out of where I had hidden them deep in my heart. These tears were long overdue. Although I know I look awful, the tears brought me great relief. Buddy is a good listener. He just lent me his shoulder to cry on, and he held me and comforted me while I cried. Please, don’t say anything to him or the others. I had been holding back some painful emotions and memories for such a long time. The pain of it had to come out so I can begin healing. Buddy just happened to be there when my emotional dam broke.”
Melanie come over and gave Mandy’s shoulder a hug. “I’ve got some great eye drops that really soothe and hide crying eyes. I’ve had my share of those, too, before I moved back to the ranch. Let me get them and help you with some concealing makeup. Mom is an observant softy and very curious, too. She’d be a good one for you to talk to if you ever need help or advice. She’s seen this family through a lot of tests and trials,” Melanie offered. After a few squirts of soothing eye drops, and some cleverly applied makeup, Mandy looked much better.
“Thanks for everything, Melanie. You have all been so kind to me. I’ll never forget you,” Mandy explained.
Later as they gathered around the table eating supper, Madge commented on Mandy’s red eyes. Melanie looked at Mandy with an ‘I told you so’ smile. “Don’t worry, I’m not feeling sick again. I guess I am allergic to something growing out on that side of the range. I sometimes have problems with plant allergens. After a few days, I usually am able to adjust to them. Anyway, it looks much worse than it feels. I’m sure I’ll be better in the morning,” Mandy assured her.
Before eating supper, the family joined hands around the table. Robert bowed his head and prayed, “Dear Father in Heaven, we thank you for today, for our many blessings, and for everyone gathered around our table. We especially thank you for bringing Mandy here to be with us. Bless her and keep her safe in your arms. Bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies. Thank you and praise you for everything. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.” Everyone echoed the ‘amen’.
Soon bowls of steaming vegetables, mashed potatoes, hot rolls and beef with gravy circulated around the table. For the first time in weeks, Mandy felt truly hungry.
“There’s nothing like working outside doing an honest day’s labor to build up an appetite,” Melanie remarked.
After eating, they lingered over a slice of apple pie and discussed the events of the day. Mandy caught herself stifling a yawn. “There’s nothing like working outdoors on a ranch to make a person hungry, happy, and sleepy,” Mandy added with a yawn.
“It’s getting late. Remember sunrise and chores come early on a ranch,” Robert commented.
Mandy got up from the table and began gathering up the dirty dishes. Melanie stopped her, “Don’t bother with the dishes. That’s my job, besides, you worked outside all day. I’ll take KP duty.”
Buddy interrupted her, “Mandy, don’t forget you owe Thunder a treat for all the work he did for you today.”
“That’s right. I did promise to see him tonight with a treat,” Mandy agreed.
“Well, I know he’s partial to apples. I’ll get some. Let me know when you are ready to go?” Buddy said.
“Anytime you are ready,” Mandy answered.
Buddy disappeared into the kitchen and returned with some fruit pieces for Buck and Thunder. Together they walked down the path to the corral. When Thunder heard the barn door squeak, he ambled over to the corral fence and poked his head through the rails. Mandy gently called his name and stroked the side of his head. He whinnied his greeting.
“You have such a gentle touch, Mandy. Thunder doesn’t usually let anyone touch his head. He was badly abused before we got him. He trusted no one. Over a long period of time, he slowly began to trust again. Now he lets you touch him, and he takes food from your hand. That’s a miracle of patience and love. Thunder is a good judge of people. We both trust you, and we love you,” Buddy added quietly.
“Thanks for the kind words. That means a lot to me, Buddy,” Mandy answered. “I don’t know how I can ever repay you for all the wonderful things you have done for me. I don’t know how, but I’m going to figure out a way to let you know how much you mean to me,” Mandy declared.
“I don’t need any more thanks. I like doing things for you. Mandy, you mean a lot to me, too. I’m so happy you are here. I want to be your friend, even much more than a friend. I pray, just like Thunder, that you come to trust me like he does. Not all men are devils like your husband was,” Buddy declared quietly. He reached out and touched her cheek, gently pushing a strand of hair off her face. His hand tingled when it brushed against her cheek. Mandy put her hand on his, and she felt a sense of peace flood over her. Thunder nudged her and she stumbled against Buddy.
“Did you train him to do that?” she laughed.
“No, but I like the way he thinks,” Buddy chuckled. He bent his head down and sought the sweet taste of her lips. She felt drawn to his touch. She surrendered to his kiss with a feeling of total peace and trust. His arms slid around her and their kiss deepened. Reluctantly, Buddy pulled back. Mandy felt a deep longing to feel that peace and safety in his arms always.
“We’d better be heading back inside. It’s getting late, and I don’t trust myself out here alone with you. I don’t want to take advantage of your vulnerability, Mandy. I don’t like waiting, but I am willing to wait until you heal.” He took her arm and led her back to the main house.
“Thanks, Buddy,” Mandy whispered.
“Thanks for what?” Buddy asked.
“For being you—for all you’ve done to help me today and for being so kind and sensitive,” she said as she walked inside the house alone. Later, lying in bed, she replayed the time she had spent alone with Buddy. She felt her doubts and fears melting away in the memory of his sheltering, protecting arms. Finally she drifted into a peaceful sleep.
Early the next morning, Mandy awoke still feeling safe and at peace. “This is all because of Buddy and the loving acceptance of him and his family.” She dressed quickly and headed down to the kitchen. It was filled with the usual smells and sounds. Everyone looked up and greeted her warmly She got a cup of coffee and sat down at the table beside Buddy. Sausage, eggs, fresh biscuits and homemade strawberry jelly soon appeared in front of her.
Everyone looked up again as Paul, Lisa, and Chris ran into the room. They went around the table collecting hugs and kisses from their grandma, grandpa, and Buddy. When they reached Mandy, they stopped and shyly looked at her.
“May I have a hug, too, or is that only for family members?” Mandy asked with a grin. Each one gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Melanie grabbed plates and quickly served them breakfast and a glass of milk.
“You have such a wonderful family! You are all so kind and caring. I feel like I have known you all for years, not just a few days. You’ll never know how much it has meant for me to have met you—all of you. It will be so hard to say goodbye to you,” Mandy said quietly.
Buddy turned her around to face him, “Mandy don’t talk about saying goodbye, not yet. Stay here with us. We all want you to stay. At least stay unt
il you know for sure what you are looking for,” Buddy said earnestly.
“Buddy’s right! We all love having you here. Stay as long as you want,” Melanie added.
Madge and Robert smiled and said, “We’ve got plenty of room. You’ve been a big help to all of us. You are welcome to stay here as long as you want to stay.”
After dessert, the rest of the family headed for their bedrooms to get ready for sleep. “Walk outside with me a little longer. I want to show you something. It won’t take much time, but I hope you’ll like it.”
Buddy took Mandy’s arm and led her over to the barn. It was dimly lit inside as they walked over to a small pen. Inside were eight tiny calves. He lifted one up and laid it in Mandy’s arms. It stirred and nuzzled her instinctively looking for mother’s milk. It made small mewing noises. Mandy felt the little life stirring in her arms, and she understood why Melanie liked working with the calves so much. Buddy gently took the calf and placed it back in the pen with the others.
“Mandy,’ he whispered, “there’s life here on this ranch. It is growing and changing as we watch. There’s love here—all around you. Open your eyes and your heart, and you will find it here, too. There’s a great future here on this ranch, in this family; for anyone who wants it; there’s love here, too. That little calf just needs someone to protect it, take care of it, and love it. That’s all anyone really needs, Mandy. We all need love,” Buddy urged.
He took Mandy’s hand and led her outside. They walked along in silence. When they came to the third house, he led Mandy up the steps, opened the door, and led her inside. He lit a small light, turned it down to low and set it on the table.
“This building is different than the other two houses on the ranch. This one is not a home—not yet anyway. This is a house, because it lacks one critical thing. This is my house. It is comfortable and sturdy, but it lacks the most important thing—someone to share it with. Mandy, I didn’t plan to say this so soon, but I can’t stand the thought of you leaving. I want you to stay here with me forever. I love you, Mandy. I think I fell in love with you that first day when we sat side by side at the cemetery I want to marry you and have a family with you. I want to be the one who holds you, protects you, cherishes you, and loves you. Please promise me you will stay here longer and see if you can learn to love me the way I love you. I want you so much that I ache inside whenever we are apart. Please, Mandy, I’m begging you to stay here until you know if you can love me, too,” Buddy pleaded. He took her tenderly into his trembling arms and kissed her with all the love and desire in his heart.
Mandy felt the warm security of his arms surrounding her. Although she felt his arms trembling, she knew the strength and tender gentleness she had experienced in his arms before. She felt totally safe, cherished, and loved in his arms. Her body responded to his kiss, and her lips parted and invited him to kiss her again. All the pain, fear, and hurts of the past faded at the feel of his arms around her and his mouth pressed against hers. Slowly, reluctantly, Buddy loosened his embrace and pulled back.
“This is happening too fast, Buddy. I didn’t realize this is how you felt. I don’t know what to say or do,” Mandy whispered brokenly.
“Don’t cry, sweetheart. I know it’s too soon to ask. I wanted to wait until you had been here longer and hopefully had begun to love me, too, but when you talked about saying goodbye and leaving, I couldn’t wait and take the chance that you would go away without knowing how I felt. After all you told me today, I know you need time to sort everything out. I won’t take advantage of your vulnerability. I promise to give you time and space. No pressure, no manipulation. Just promise me you’ll stay around here and give me a chance to earn your love and trust,” Buddy begged.
“Okay, I promise not to leave without talking to you about this. I am so flattered that you want to marry me. I just don’t know if I am over the past yet. I know I have never been ,” Mandy paused.
“Don’t say anything more right now. Just give me time—give yourself time—to see if this is God’s will for your life. Take time to pray and seek His plan for your life. I know I have prayed about this, and I believe God led you here at this time for this very purpose,” Buddy said. “I’d better take you back to Mom’s house. Another kiss like that last one, and I don’t know if I could pull back again. I’ve never made love to anyone. I had never even kissed anyone like we did yesterday. I have been waiting all of my life for my wife—for you. I want to hold you close in my arms, protect you, cherish you, and make love to you. I want you to be my wife, my lover, my dearest friend, and my companion for all my life. I promise you, I’m not like your former husband. I would give my life to protect you from harm. I’ll never hurt or betray you. I want you to know me and trust me completely. I know that will take time. Please think about it. I’ll be praying for God to speak to your heart.”
“I already know I can trust you, Buddy. It has just happened too fast. My head is reeling, and I am confused and overwhelmed. Just give me some time,” Mandy begged.
Buddy guided her out of his house. He led her back to his parents’ house. At the front door, he kissed her goodnight. The moonlight added a glow to her face, and Buddy fought the temptation to take her into his arms again.
“You told me that first day that you were looking for a place to fit in, where you could be accepted for who you are, to be safe and loved. My family already loves you, Mandy. Melanie and her kids think you are wonderful. When I got home today, I saw you and Mom hugging in the kitchen. You’ve won their hearts. My dad is wrapped around your little finger. He is amazed at how you pitched in and helped yesterday. They are all overjoyed that you are here. We all love you and want you to stay here. I know this has been sudden. Take your time to make up your mind. Give us a chance to earn your trust and love. Don’t talk about leaving, not yet. Wait and pray and then decide if you have found what you’ve been searching for here,” Buddy added.
“I’ll stay and see if this is where God wants me to be. I do already like you and your family. They are wonderful, loving people,” Mandy said softly. She turned, and Buddy watched her walk inside. He listened to her footsteps moving up the stairs to his old room. Slowly, he walked back to his house. While he walked home, he prayed silently, “Dear God, I ask for your blessing on Mandy. If it is your will that we marry, I pray you will open her eyes, her mind, and her heart so she can see and feel my love for her is true. Keep her safe and guide her in this decision. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen”
Once safely in her room, Mandy undressed quickly, climbed into the soft featherbed, and tried to sleep. Her mind was racing and she tossed and turned. Finally she got out of bed, knelt beside the bed and poured her heart out to God. “Precious Heavenly Father, You know my heart and all of my life. You know what I need and what is best for me. I want to be kept close in your plan. My emotions are so confused. I need you to help me understand what is best for me, for Buddy, and for all of us. I know that Buddy wants to marry me and that he loves me. I know I feel safe and cherished when I am near him. I feel so welcome and loved by his family. I know what my heart wants me to do, but I ask that you show me clearly if this is what you want for me—for us. Please give me a sign, so I can know the right answer, not just for me, but for all of us. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.”
Mandy crawled back in bed, and forced herself to take slow, deep breaths. In a short time, she relaxed and fell into a deep sleep. While she slept, Mandy dreamed about Buddy. He was standing in a dark place. While she dreamed an angelic creature took his hand and led him to a sunny meadow. Then she saw the angel fly over to where she lay sleeping, and she woke up at its touch. The angel led her out of her room and guided her over to where Buddy was waiting. The angel placed her hand in his. They looked at each other and a rainbow appeared over their heads. Mandy sighed in her sleep and rolled over onto her side.