Chapter Twenty-One
Ester looked at Helen. What a sight she was. The gown flowed on her petite frame giving her an angelic appearance. “You look stunning,” she said softly to her daughter.
“Thanks, Mamma” Helen whispered. She was suddenly feeling shy. The dress made her feel different.
Elaina walked into the room. She stopped short as she let her eyes take in her future daughter-in-law. “My dear you look breathtaking. My son is one lucky man.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Day.” Helen could feel herself blushing with the attention.
“I think we need to change that name. How does Mother Day sound?”
“Thank you, Mother Day” Helen smiled easily complying with Elaina’s request.
Ester thought about the fact she would be welcoming a new addition to her family. “Logan can call me Mother Kiser. I’m getting a son today.”
Elaina hugged Helen. “I'm going to get a daughter I already love very much.”
“I love you too.” Helen planted a kiss on Elaina’s cheek.
There was a soft knock on the door. Jen peeked into the room. “Helen you are a vision. Are you ready? It’s time.”
Elaina and Jen left to take their seats as Helen took one last look at herself in the mirror. She knew that there were around thirty guests, and a part of her was a bit anxious with all of the attention. With final breath, Helen turned and took her mother’s hand.
Ester led her daughter toward the end of the aisle. She was proud to escort the bride to her groom.
Helen saw Logan waiting beside the pastor. When she looked in his eyes, all anxiety fled. The bridal march had begun as she made her way toward the man she loved.
Logan’s best friend, Toby, watched his best friend’s bride make her way toward Logan. He thought back over the last hour of the day wondering again why there was a rush.
He and Logan had been in a room of the church while Logan dressed for the ceremony.
Logan had glanced over at Toby to speak. “Thanks for coming.”
Toby looked at Logan thoughtfully. “You are welcome.” He continued to observe his best friend as he moved around the room. Logan was changed that much Toby could see. He had questioned Logan about being married so soon. Logan and this girl had just met, and Toby knew things were moving too fast. When he had joked that the Helen was pregnant, Logan had leveled him with a look he had never seen before. Toby knew pregnancy was not the reason for the speedy nuptials. After meeting Helen’s mom, Toby had to admit, maybe it was love that spurred Logan’s actions.
Toby had met Logan’s mom for the first time that day, and he liked her very much. When Toby met Ester, he was impressed with her too. If Helen was like her mother, he could see the draw. Both women he knew were in their early fifties. Neither looked it.
A knock sounded on the door drawing Toby’s attention. Jeff walked into the room. Glancing at Logan, he smiled and spoke. “Are you ready?”
Logan smiled. “I’m ready.”
Toby walked behind the men and took his seat as he waited for the ceremony to begin.
Logan looked up and saw his bride. His breath caught in his throat. Never in his life could he have imagined such a vision would be his. She came down the aisle toward him looking like and angel. When she got to him, Ester took his hand and placed Helen’s hand in his. The pastor asked who gave Helen away to be wed. Ester answered the pastor before taking her seat beside Toby and Elaina.
Toby looked at Logan’s bride. He had to admit she was stunning. He looked at her face and saw a look of uncertainty. When Logan smiled, it went away. The scene did not make sense to him. He had questioned why so fast and had gotten nowhere. He would wait. Logan had told him he would explain in time. Toby chose to put his thoughts aside and enjoy his friend’s wedding.
Jeff began the ceremony. “Dearly Beloved, we are gathered this evening to witness the marriage of two people. Do you, Logan, take Helen to be your lawfully wedded wife to have and to hold from this day forward for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health until death do you part?”
“I do.”
”Do you, Helen, take Logan to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold from this day forward for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health until death do you part?”
“I do.”
“At this time the groom will give his bride a ring.”
Jen handed Logan the wedding band. Logan took Helen’s hand and gently slid the simple gold band onto her left ring finger “Helen. I give this ring to you as a symbol of my love for you. I give it to you as a token of my vow to stand beside you through all things until death do us part. From this day forward, I forsake all other women and give myself to only you. Do you accept this ring and all that it represents?”
Tears streamed down Helen’s cheeks. She smiled up at her groom “I do.”
Jeff coughed to clear his emotional reaction to the union and continued. “Helen, it is now time for you to present your groom his ring.”
Helen took the ring Jen gave her. She took Logan’s left hand and slid the ring onto his finger. “Logan. I give you this ring as a symbol of my love for you. I give it to you as a symbol of my vow to be with you through all things good and bad until death parts us. This ring is a symbol that from this day on, I will belong to you alone forsaking all others. This ring is a symbol of my heart’s love for you. Do you accept this ring and all it represents?”
Logan’s eyes moistened as he listened to Helen’s words. They had agreed that they would each add a twist to the tradition ring ceremony. Her words touched his heart because the ring symbolized her heart. She was telling him that not only could he trust her with his heart but she trusted him with hers. When she asked if he accepted, he answered softly. “My sweet Helen. I do.”
Jeff smiled at the couple. “By the power given to me by God and man I now pronounce you, Logan, and you, Helen, husband and wife. Logan, you may now kiss your bride.”
Logan cupped Helen’s face. He leaned down and took her lips. Of all the kisses they had shared, this one was the sweetest. This was the first time Logan was kissing his wife.
“It is my honor to present to you our newlyweds, Mr. and Mrs. Day.” Jeff spoke before Logan led Helen down the aisle and to the reception hall.
Ester was crying tears of joy as she watched her daughter give her heart to Logan. The ceremony was so beautiful. They had given each other their hearts. She knew the physical part was not going to be for a bit of time, but to see a man and a woman give each other their heart and fidelity when that was all it was going to be was so incredible.
Toby leaned forward and studied Logan and Helen. He had to admit something about this felt right. He watched both of their faces. Their hearts were there. They were in love. It might have happened fast, but it could not be denied these two were in love. When Logan led Helen down the aisle, Toby followed. He was surprised when Ester took his arm and looked down at her. He had expected her to rush ahead to her daughter and new son-in-law.
“It was beautiful wasn’t it?” she whispered up at him.
He patted the older woman’s hand and agreed. “Yes, it was. May I do the honor of escorting the mother of the bride to the hall?”
Ester was just about to agree when Elaina took his other arm. “You can escort us both.” She winked at him as she said it. Toby threw back his head and laughed. He looked and saw one of Helen’s friends smiling at them.
Tiffany was heading to the reception when she heard a loud laugh. She turned and saw Elaina and Ester with Logan’s friend. Tiffany did not know his name, but it looked like the two older women were having a good time joking with him. She smiled at them. Tiffany made eye contact with Logan’s friend and became uncertain she turned and walked quickly to the reception hall.
Helen watched as Logan pulled out a chair for her to sit. She
was suddenly feeling panicked as she watched the guests filing into the reception hall. Helen started to shake as she leaned into Logan seeking his comfort. She jumped when he kissed her ear. Helen looked up at her new husband surprised as her anxiety was forgotten.
Logan felt Helen tense. She was looking a bit anxious. He smiled as she leaned into him seeking his support. He leaned down and kissed her ear knowing he was going to startle her. She jumped and looked at him. He winked before speaking. “It is going to be ok.”
“You kissed my ear.” Her voice was breathless.
“I did. Did it bother you?” he asked with another flirtatious wink.
“No, it gives me chills.” She held out her arm and showed him her goosebumps. She got a funny feeling when he raised his left eyebrow at her.
Logan grinned and said. “I will need to keep that in mind.”
“Why?” Helen asked innocently.
Logan was again taken back by her purity. To have been brutally mistreated and have her mind remain pure was a gift he would treasure. He leaned down and whispered in her ear allowing his breath to caress her ear. “I will remember it because you like it.”
Her eyes widened, and her voice squeaked as she got goosebumps again. “I do?”
Logan felt his heart beat faster. He knew it was time to stop teasing. He needed her to understand he would not pressure her to figure things out now. “You do. I won’t do that until you’re ready to know why.”
“Logan, how will I know when I’m ready?” she blushed and looked down at her hands.
Logan put two fingers under her chin and tilted her face up. He looked into her face. Her eyes were so pure and honest making him once again feel honored to be hers. “I don’t know. I do know that God has been awesome about giving us the answers when we need them. I would not have taken this step if I did not think He would guide us to the next one.”
Ester put a plate of food in front of Helen. She was not sure she could eat a thing because her stomach was in knots. She still thanked her mom and kissed her cheek for the kind gesture. Ester touched her cheek and smiled. Helen watched Elaina put a plate of food in front of Logan. She smiled as Logan kissed his mother too. Helen watched her mom and Elaina walk away and then looked up in front of her. She was not aware that a man was standing there. He smiled at her, and she leaned into Logan. Helen was not aware how telling her face was. She tried to smile unaware she failed.
Logan felt Helen lean into him. He looked down at her face and then at Toby. He could see his friend gauging Helen’s reaction to him. Her fear was evident on her face. He leaned down and looked at Helen. “Helen, I would like you to meet Toby.”
Helen looked back at Toby. “Hello, Toby.” her voice was soft.
Toby smiled gently at Helen. “It is nice to finally meet you, Helen.”
Logan saw Tiffany and Jody standing behind his friend. “Toby, I would like you to meet two of Helen’s friends. This is Tiffany and Jody.”
Toby turned and smiled. “It is nice to meet you both.”
Tiffany and Jody shook Toby’s hand. Tiffany was still not comfortable with Toby but decided to be friendly. “I saw that Ester and Elaina were stinkers with you earlier.
Toby laughed. The trio was walking away as he told them what happened “Yes they were. It seems they needed an escort here and were not waiting around for me to offer my services.”
Jody asked the next question. “How long are you here for?”
“Well, Logan and I are not just friends. I’m also his agent. We have some things to do business-wise, so I will be leaving next weekend after the benefit. I will be staying with his mother since he will be with Helen.”
“That is nice. Maybe we will see each other on Sunday then.” Tiffany said with a smile.
He was a bit confused by the Sunday thing. “…Sunday?”
It dawned on Tiffany that maybe Toby did not go to church as she looked down a bit embarrassed. “I’m sorry I was talking about church.”
Toby listened to Tiffany. He had not planned on going to church. He was hoping Tiffany was not trying to convert him or anything like that. He was going to say no and then saw how uncomfortable she was. He felt sorry for her. “I will see you Sunday.” he noticed she looked relieved and was happy he had put her at ease.
Jody watched Tiffany and Toby. Her impression was that Toby was not a Christian. He was willing to come to church, but she could sense he was reluctant. She could also see her friend had no idea she was attracted to him. She would watch for now, but if she sensed Tiffany was starting to compromise, she would need to be honest with her friend.
Tiffany asked Toby if he wanted to sit with them for the meal. He agreed, and the trio went to sit and enjoy the meal.
The wedding was a success. It was time for the couple to leave and go home. Ester was going to be a little later because she was going to clean up. Logan held out his hand to Helen, and the couple left.
Helen and Logan entered the house alone causing Helen to become unexpectedly afraid. Helen knew that Logan did not expect anything from her but still felt strange. She jumped when he touched her. She looked up and saw compassion in his eyes.
Logan knew Helen was not comfortable. He was glad that they had this time to be alone and get to know a new routine. “Are you tired?”
Helen tried to speak, but her throat seemed dry. She nodded yes.
Logan took her hand and led her toward the stairs. She started to shake as he guided her up them. He led her into their room. “I will go and change in the bathroom. You can change here.”
Helen looked up at him. She was very afraid. “Logan, I’m scared.”
Logan sat down on the bed and pulled her onto his lap. She burrowed into his chest as he spoke. “Do you think I would force myself on you?”
Helen whispered her answer. “No.”
“Can you put it into words? I’m not sure what to say to you.” He asked her softly.
She shook her head no.
Logan said a silent prayer before he spoke. “You are my wife now. I will not hurt you. I need to be honest in saying that I do want to be with you physically. I will be ready when you are, but Helen, tonight was never going to be about sex. Even if it were going to be that, you need to know there is nothing you could do wrong. All I want to do is get changed and into bed. I want to kiss you and hold you. I want to sleep beside you.”
Helen heard his words and relaxed. She knew he meant what he said. It made her feel better knowing she could not make a mistake. “Ok. I will get dressed in here as you get dressed in the bathroom.”
Logan knew the back of her gown had buttons. “Would you like me to help you with the buttons?”
Helen nodded yes and stood up with her back to him. She felt him gently unbutton her gown. She flinched a little when his fingers touched her back and heard him murmur an apology. He picked up his clothes and pulled the door shut behind him as he went to change.
Logan was a bit shaken with how his body was reacting seeing her bared back. He knew he needed to go and get changed as well as get himself under control. The last thing Logan wanted to do was cause Helen alarm. When he finished with the buttons, he picked up his clothes and gently shut the door behind him. He quickly changed before heading back to the room.
Helen heard the knock. She walked over to the door and opened it. Logan smiled at her. She stepped aside so that he could enter. When he entered, he stopped and looked at her. She went over to the bed and sat down leaving the door open. Helen looked at Logan waiting for him to come over hoping he would leave the door open. She knew he was watching her reaction as he closed it. She swallowed hard trying to calm her rising fear. His look was filled with pity, but that did not seem to help. She was on the verge of running for the door when she heard his words spoken gently.
“Helen, who do you see? Who am I?” Logan was heartbroken for his new wi
fe. Her fear was more than evident. As often as they had been alone in each other’s company, Logan recognized that this was different.
“I see you, Logan” Helen whispered. She could feel herself calming and spoke again. “Logan, come to bed.”
Logan turned off the light and joined her on the side of the bed. He watched her in the dim night light as she crawled under the covers and slid over. He joined her under the blankets. She tried to roll away from him. He would not let her. He pulled her shaking body against his and whispered, “I love you, Helen.”
“I love you, Logan” Helen whispered back her voice shaking.
Logan kept talking “The vows you said to me were beautiful. I have never felt so cherished.” he touched her hand caressed her wedding ring as he continued to speak. “I was not sure I would be able to keep my legs from collapsing as I watched you come down that aisle. You looked like an angel.” He felt her relax a bit.
Her voice was still a bit shaky as she agreed. “I am not sure many people understand the vow about the good times and bad times. I feel like we have a head start on that.”
Logan chuckled “I agree with that. Did you notice our mothers when we turned around? Poor Toby was in the middle of a cry fest.”
Helen elbowed him playfully. “Hey now weddings are a big deal to moms and dads. You should be ashamed talking about your mother that way.”
Logan teased her. “Don’t forget I was talking about your mom too.”
Helen laughed “You are right about Toby. It was kind of funny looking at his face. I did not know who he was at the time, but I did feel sorry for him.”
Logan knew she was completely relaxed. “Are you ready to go back to practice on Monday? I kind of miss dancing with you.”
Helen turned in his arms to face him. “I am, but you know I’m your wife now. I suppose we could dance anytime we wanted.”
Logan loved the way the night light glowed softly on her face and was glad she had turned to face him. “I suppose you are right, Mrs. Day.”
Helen laughed as she remembered earlier. “I called your mom that earlier. She has informed me that I am to call her Mother Day.”
Logan laughed “What am I supposed to call your mom?”
“Why Mother Kiser of course.” She said logically.
“Helen, can I kiss you?” Logan asked softly.
Helen tensed just a bit. She was looking at Logan. She answered him by answering his earlier question. “I see you, Logan.” She kept eye contact with him as he lowered his head. She felt a rush of excitement as his lips met hers. She did not pull back when he deepened the kiss. She was leaning more deeply into him, but he held her back just a bit. He murmured against her lips to be still.
Logan did not take his eyes away from hers. He wanted to give her a chance to change her mind. Logan gently kissed her lips. He could feel her respond and deepened the kiss. He could feel her leaning into him and knew his body’s reaction might frighten her. He murmured against her lips. “Not yet Helen, be still.” he continued to kiss her. She continued to lean in. The back of his mind knew that the sooner certain things were addressed, the better, so he let her press herself against him. Her reaction was swift.
Helen did not understand what Logan was trying to do. She continued to lean into him. He finally let her do what she wanted. As her body pressed against his, understanding shot through her. She pushed away. “No!”
Logan did not let her go. He did not hold her as close as she had been, but he knew he could not let her go. They were married now, and some things did need to be talked about. He could feel her shaking and knew she was afraid. He whispered to her. “It is ok. I won’t hurt you.” as she struggled to get away. She cried out in fear.
“No please. I don’t want to. Please let me go.” Helen pushed and shoved against him. Her mind was going back to her childhood. She tried to focus on his voice. She could not seem to get past the pain of what another had done.
“Helen, look at me. It’s ok. I would never hurt you. I am not going to let you go, Helen.” he continued to whisper to her.
Helen’s body was shuddering in fear. “Please don’t hurt me. Please, I promise I won’t tell. Please.” she was crying.
Logan pulled his face away and looked at hers. The anguish he saw was heartbreaking. “Helen,” he whispered drying her tears with his thumb, “please look at me. Open your eyes, Helen. Tell me who you see.”
Helen tried to see Logan. All she saw was a mask. All she saw were the hateful eyes of another man. Helen heard what Logan was saying. She could not see him through the fear. “Please. I’m scared. Please.”
“Helen. I can’t let you go. We have to face this. You are not alone. Helen. Open your eyes. Tell me who you see. Breathe, Helen, just breathe. Come on Honey you can do this. Show me your eyes.” Logan did not try to control his tears. He allowed them to spill over and down his cheeks. The glimpse he was getting of what happened long ago was tearing his heart in half. “Sweet girl please show me your beautiful blue eyes.”
Helen could hear Logan. She listened to what he said. Helen started to breathe. She still could not see him. However, she could feel Logan. Then she heard him speak. “Show me your eyes.” Her eyes were squeezed tight. She relaxed them. Helen was afraid to open them. What if it was not Logan?
Logan could feel her relaxing. “My sweet Helen show me your eyes.”
She heard his voice. She slowly opened her eyes. “Logan?”
“Helen. Your sad blue eyes are breaking my heart.” He whispered.
“I don’t understand. Logan, you turned into him. We were kissing, and all I could feel was him. All I could see was him. I was so scared.” Helen was panting from her struggling.
“I know,” Logan said softly.
Helen realized that Logan was crying. She reached up and wiped the tears away. “You’re crying for me again” she whispered.
“I am. How could I not?” Logan’s voice was raspy with emotion.
Helen did not want to ask, but she did. She knew when they got married it would not be easy. She also knew that they would need to talk about things she did not find comfortable. “Logan. When we kissed, you tried to hold me away.”
Logan looked at her. They were facing each other on the pillow. “I did. I promise I will never force you to do anything. I can’t promise that my body won’t react to you. I love you, and I am attracted to you.”
“Why did you stop keeping me away?” she asked softly.
“We are here alone in the house. I was going to stop you from leaning so far into me but knew we would need to deal with this if not tonight another night. We have privacy now. The sooner we face some of these things, the better.”
Helen looked at Logan. She knew she needed, to be honest. “I’m frightened by your body sometimes.”
“I know.” Logan said and then continued “I can’t help how I respond to you. It will happen again. I just need you to know when that happens it is ok. I will never force myself on you. Helen, I know it will be difficult, but we need to get used to each other. We need to form a trust through this so that one day I can become your husband in every way. I did not become your husband just to protect you. I want you in every way a husband wants a wife.”
Helen knew what he was saying. She did not know how to keep from freaking out. She could not see through the fear. If fear was not what God wanted, how did she get through it? Helen looked at Logan. “What if we pray every night before we go to bed? What if we ask God to help me see you and not the fear?”
Logan looked at Helen. She was such a little warrior. Her blue eyes told the story of her soul if you took the time to look. “I think that would be a great place to start.”
The couple spent some time in prayer. Logan went first, and Helen finished. They sought God’s wisdom and compassion in this very unusual circumstance. When they f
inished, they were both emotionally spent. Logan pulled Helen against him, and the couple went to sleep resting in the loving arms of their Savior.