Logan walked into the studio. He was surprised to see Helen was already there. She was working on the moves he had taught her the day before.
“I see you started without me.” He joked.
Helen jumped and turned around quickly. Her eyes went wide with fear. “Holy Cow! I did not hear you come in!” she exclaimed.
Logan smiled. “I get it from my mom. She has always been able to come into the room without me knowing.” He hoped his words would put her at ease.
Logan knew what he said had done the trick when he heard her chuckle. “She did that to me once last year. I told her she almost gave me heart failure.” Helen paused and then finished with a raised eyebrow and a lopsided grin. “She also said that you inherited her light feet and your dancing ability from her.”
Logan went over to stand beside her. He noticed her tense up a bit but continued regardless. Logan did not tell her he was going to touch her this time. He put one hand on the small of her back and the other on her shoulder. “Just like this.” he explained, “Imagine you have a wall that you have to touch both your shoulder blades and your butt to at the same time.”
Helen almost said grapes. He started talking so fast she did not have a chance to get it out. She was trembling. She knew Logan knew it, yet he acted as if nothing were out of the norm. She made eye contact with him in the mirror and allowed him to guide her shoulders.
“Like this?” she asked as she tried to do it without his hand supporting her.
“Perfect” Logan said and continued. “Do you remember the two steps to the side and then one up I taught you yesterday?”
She nodded yes.
“Now try to do those steps with your shoulders and bottom back like that.”
The way he spoke seemed like such a forward way of speaking, but Helen knew it was part of dancing. She had seen enough things about dance to know he was neither forward nor inappropriate. He was only teaching her, so she did as he said.
Logan watched her do as he had instructed. She started out very strong but began to slump at the end. Coming up behind her, he again placed his hand on her back and shoulders. She flinched a little bit but did not pull away or say the safe word. He danced with her for a couple of steps and then released her. He watched her form and noted that she did her best not to slump again.
“Good,” he said. Logan stood behind her once more. “Now take your arm and stretch it out like this.” he grasped her wrist to show her. Her reaction was swift and painful. She gasped, and her elbow came down into his abdomen hard and sharp.
Helen was getting used to him touching her. He had danced a couple of steps in a way to help her keep her form. She was a bit rattled but knew he was professional. She prayed silently under her breath asking God to help her keep calm, and then he grabbed her wrist. She did not even think but instead reacted.
“Sorry, Logan, I am so sorry I did that. I did not think. I was not expecting you to do that.” Helen was beside herself. She knew she hurt him and was very remorseful.
Logan took a moment to catch his breath. He could see how contrite she was. Logan also felt a wave of sorrow come over him. If he had any doubt that she had been assaulted, it was gone. The only reason to react that way was to defend one’s self. Taking a breath, he spoke “It’s my fault. I did not touch you like that yesterday. It was new, and I should have explained what I was going to do.”
Helen looked at him. The only thing she could think of to make it up to him was to have him show her what he was going to do. Taking a breath, she quietly asked, “Will you show me again?”
Logan could tell by the way she squared her shoulders that Helen was not comfortable with what she asked. He knew she was doing it because of what she had done. Logan came up behind her and very gently took her wrist. He extended it out like he wanted it and then danced a few steps with her. Logan could feel her tremble. He knew it was time to step back and observe.
Helen wanted to throw up. She felt him come up behind her. Helen knew Logan was gentle. She was trying to remember it was Logan, but all she could remember was another coming up behind her. Helen let a tear slip down her cheek. She could still smell the odor of the hand that had covered her mouth. When Logan gently took her wrist in his hand, she could feel him against her as he extended it. He moved her a few steps and Helen followed. Just when she thought she could not take the close contact any longer, he moved away and allowed her to dance alone. Feeling his eyes on her, she did her best to keep the form he wanted her to keep.
“You are doing great Helen.” Logan encouraged. He asked her to do a few more things that she had learned the previous day while holding the position he had put her in. Logan had seen the tear that had escaped down her cheek. He knew she was having a bit of a struggle, so he gave her time to collect herself by stepping away and breaking the physical contact.
The camera crew was silent as the lesson continued for another hour. Helen had almost forgotten they were there until the lead camera man Ty called for a break.
Logan went to the mini fridge and pulled out two bottles of water. Helen was still standing near the mirror like she was not quite sure what to do next. Sitting on the bench close to the door, he called out to her. “Helen time to hydrate. We can’t have you passing out on us.” He did not extend the water to her but patted the space beside him on the bench.
Helen heard Logan call her. She saw him pat the seat next to him. Walking over, Helen reluctantly sat down beside him. “Thank you.” she murmured as she took the bottle from him. Helen could feel his gaze on her again and looked at him.
“Do you want to talk about what happened?” he asked gently referring to the elbow in the gut.
“It is complicated” Helen whispered breaking eye contact.
Logan was not quite sure what to say. He looked at her a bit longer and then asked, “Can I pray with you?”
Helen’s eyes shot back to his in surprise. Tilting her head to the side, she asked, “You want to pray?” She realized how that sounded and tried to explain “I mean…” she stumbled on the words. “I did not think…” she finally gave up and let her words trail away.
Logan chuckled. “You mean you talked to my mom.” he clarified.
Helen shrugged her shoulders.
“Since I have been home I have come to a very important realization.” Logan started, “I want to serve Christ.”
Helen looked up at him. He could see the surprise on her face. She cleared her throat. “I prayed for you Logan.”
Logan was surprised. It never occurred to him that she would pray for him. He had prayed for her too. He wanted to again. “Helen let me pray for you.”
Helen looked up into Logan's beautiful green eyes. She saw compassion and concern. Nodding her head in affirmation, Helen bowed in prayer. She flinched a bit as she felt Logan take her hand.
Logan gently squeezed Helen’s hand and prayed. “Father I know that this moment in time was ordained by You. I know that Helen is having some very uncomfortable moments. I ask for You only to allow her to feel what You want her to. I ask that You give her the strength to deal with what You are asking her to deal with. She hurts, and I know that sometimes growth comes with pain. Help her to lean on You when the pain seems too much to carry. Help her to know that she does have people to talk to, and that she does not have to be alone. Help her to see how much You love her. In Jesus’s name. Amen.”
Helen looked up at Logan. “Thank you.” She whispered and then looked back down at her lap. She did not answer when Logan spoke to her next.
“Who hurt you, Helen? I know you were hurt. I just don’t know when or by whom. If you do not talk to me, please find someone to talk to.” His plea was an anguished whisper. He had not let go of her hand, so he felt the lone tear that dropped from Helen’s face. When he expected her to pull her hand away, he was surprised to find she grasp
ed it a bit harder.
Helen did not know why she did not let go of Logan’s hand. She just did not want to. For the first time in a very long time, Helen did not feel alone. He knew her secret. Maybe not all of it but Logan knew she did not struggle with anxiety. Logan was aware she had been hurt. She clutched his hand a little harder. Like a lifeline. A tear had fallen on his hand, and she used her thumb to wipe it away. She could hear the camera crew coming back. She looked up into his eyes before she drew her hand away. A silent understanding seemed to pass between them. It was going to be ok.
Helen had class later that day, but they worked until it was time for her to go. Logan guided her gently, and Helen learned. She knew something had changed and she was at peace with it.