Elle prided herself on being in control of a situation. But she had clearly lost all sense of it here. What was he implying? That he wasn’t the least bit interested, or that it was okay for the two of them to have feelings for each other despite the fact that he was married?
She exhaled in a huff and moved a few feet closer. “Of course I’m serious. I never hear about her, Cody.” She looked back at the house and tossed her hands. “So where is she? What’s her name?”
This time an undeniable sorrow colored his expression. “Her name’s Ali.” He stuck his hands in his jeans pockets and his voice fell a notch. “She died four years ago.”
Elle felt her heart sink to her knees. “What?” Her voice was a whisper, the news hitting her in waves. All these weeks? The whole time she’d been assuming he was married, when…“Cody…” She covered her face, mortified and humiliated and broken because of the loss the man across from her had faced. She let her hands fall slowly to her sides. “I’m so sorry.”
Absently, he rubbed the ring on his left hand. “Maybe you and I need to take a ride.”
Elle wasn’t sure where to or how long they’d be gone. But she wanted to go wherever Cody Gunner might take her, and she wanted to know his story, wanted to understand every detail.
Because maybe then she would understand the man behind it.
CODY WASN’T SURE whether to laugh or cry.
It was his wedding ring, obviously. That and maybe something Carl Joseph had said. But either way now he finally understood the way she’d felt around him. She thought he was a married man. Of course she hadn’t acted interested. Not that it mattered much now, because he was going back to the circuit. His life would be on the road, and hers would be here with her students.
But he still wanted the next hour or so to clear the air.
He led her to his pickup and opened the passenger door. When he was behind the wheel, he started the engine and drove through a gate on his parents’ property. “There’s a road along the side of our ranch…. It leads to a bluff.” He drove slowly along the dirt road. “From there you can see a million stars.”
The ride took only a few minutes, and then Cody parked and grabbed a flashlight from his glove box. As he did, his hand brushed against her knee. He tried not to notice, but it was impossible. They climbed out and he took her hand, using the flashlight to navigate the path the last fifteen feet to an outcropping of rocks at the top of a small hill.
He waited until she was seated before releasing her hand and turning off the flashlight. For a few seconds he said nothing, just let the warm breeze wash over him, clearing the air between them. He leaned back on his hands and looked up. A carpet of stars covered the sky. “See… the first time I found this place at night—about a year ago—I thought it must be a little bit what heaven’s like.” His voice was quiet, gentle.
“It’s beautiful.” Her teeth chattered and she rubbed her arms.
“Cold?” He started to get up. “I have a sweatshirt in the back.”
“No…” She touched his arm. “I’m fine… just… just shocked.” She pulled her knees up to her chest. “About your wife.”
“You saw my ring?”
“That. And Carl Joseph told me you were married.” Her sad smile was just barely visible in the light of the stars. “He said your wife was a horse rider. Of course he said you were a bull rider.”
“Ali was a barrel racer.” His voice grew softer. “One of the best ever.”
Elle shifted so she was facing him. “Really? Professional rodeo?”
“Yes.” He tried not to picture her, the way she had looked tearing around the barrels. “Buddy was right about me, too.”
“You’re a bull rider?” Elle sounded embarrassed, frazzled. “Wow… what else have I missed?”
“I rode bulls full-time for a while. Gave it up a year after Ali died.” He smiled. “Carl Joseph will always see me as a bull rider, but these days I work the shows. Keeps me involved.”
“So… you met her through the rodeo.”
“I did. I was the first person outside her family who knew she was sick.” The sound of an owl drifted on the breeze from a few hills over. Cody felt Elle shiver again, and this time he didn’t wait for her to refuse. He popped up, turned on the flashlight, and took long strides back to the truck. He grabbed the sweatshirt, jogged back up the hill, and handed it to her. “Wear this.”
She slipped it on, and in the process she moved closer to him. “She was sick? That’s how she died?”
“She had cystic fibrosis.” He hadn’t told Ali’s story for a long time. Doing so now made his time with her seem far removed. Almost as if it had happened to someone else.
“CF.” Elle sighed, and for a few seconds she was quiet. “I did a paper on it in college.” She faced him again. “You knew, then, when you married her…”
“Yes.” He wasn’t sure he wanted to tell her the rest of the story, but he’d come this far. He drew a steady breath. “I gave her one of my lungs.”
“Cody…” A quiet groan came from her. “You gave her a lung, and it didn’t work?”
“It worked.” He had no regrets; he never would. “The doctors told us the transplant would buy her three years, and it did.” He paused. “About a thousand tomorrows.”
Elle’s eyes glistened. “The way you love your brother…” She sniffed, sadness spilling into her voice. “I understand better now.”
“I can’t imagine losing him.” Cody turned his gaze up toward the stars. “But I can’t imagine him spending his last years at home watching Nickelodeon, either.” He reached for her hand. “He has to get back to the center, Elle. Help me find a way.”
“I will.” She didn’t sound convinced. “I guess I had that wrong, too.”
“You thought it was me—that I was standing in Buddy’s way?”
“Yes. I mean”—she seemed flustered again—“I knew it was your parents’ choice, but I figured after the accident you talked them into pulling him out.”
“No.” He nudged her shoulder, playing with her. “You asked me for a week, and you did it.”
“Really?” Their arms were touching again.
“Yeah.” The feeling was back, the intoxicating sense of her nearness. “You proved that my brother needs to be there. Whether he’s sick or not.”
“Think your parents will let him go?”
“I’m not sure.” Cody remembered his father’s tone from earlier. “They’re worried. I even thought maybe I should stay and live with him.”
“Hey”—she angled her head—“that’s a great idea.”
“Except Carl Joseph’s never been more frustrated with me than in the last few weeks.” Cody gave a single laugh. “He basically told me I wasn’t you.”
“Oh.” Her tone was lighter than before. “I think there’s a compliment in there somewhere.”
“There is.” He tried to look deep into her eyes, but the darkness wouldn’t allow it. “You’re amazing with your students, Elle. It makes sense now that I know about Daisy.”
“Mmm. There’s a special sensitivity that comes with having a sibling with Down Syndrome.”
“Definitely.”
A quiet fell between them again, and Cody broke it first. “I’ll be going back on the road again in a week or so. That way Carl Joseph won’t feel like I’m watching over him.”
“Oh.” Her disappointment was subtle, but clear. “I’m not sure about that. I mean… I think he needs you more than you know.”
“He needs you and your center.” Cody smiled. “I know that much.” It was getting later, and Daisy and Carl Joseph would be wondering where they went. He stood and took her hand, helping her to her feet. “Thanks for talking.”
She faced him, her hand still in his. “I’m sorry about Ali.”
Cody gave a slow nod. He shifted his lower jaw and looked away for a moment. “We all are.”
“It’s why… you’re so protective of Carl Joseph.”
“It is.”
His eyes found hers again. “I guess we both understand each other a little better now.”
“I guess we do.”
CODY HELD HER hand all the way to the truck before letting go. Elle was quiet, leaving some space, some time. They rode back to the house, and when they went inside Daisy and Carl Joseph were dancing, humming something that didn’t sound like any swing music Elle had ever heard. She smiled. “I like seeing them together.”
Cody didn’t say anything, but his eyes shone a little brighter as he watched their siblings. “He missed her.”
“Same at our house.” She drew a deep breath. She could hardly believe the turn of events tonight, or the roller-coaster of emotions she felt. The man she could feel herself falling for wasn’t married, but single. Only now he was determined to stay on the road working for the rodeo? She couldn’t imagine telling him good-bye in a week.
The idea hit her on the way back to the house. Actually, it was Daisy’s idea, something she’d mentioned earlier today after school: “CJ wants to entertain me at Disneyland. But here’s what I think.” Her voice was determined, as if she’d given a lot of thought to whatever was coming next. “I think a hike first. First a hike, Elle. Wouldn’t that be nice?”
Elle stayed by Cody’s side, watching her sister. Come on, Elle…. You can do this. “So, I have this favor to ask you.”
He angled his head, and she saw a teasing in his smile. “Elle Dalton… asking a favor of me?” He took off his baseball cap and tucked it beneath his arm.
His reaction set her at ease. “Yes. Actually, I have this sister who’s practically desperate to go hiking with her friend CJ.” She raised her eyebrows. “And my guess is they’ll both need a little help for a trip like that.”
He laughed. “So maybe the four of us might be better?”
“Exactly.”
“Well, I’ll tell you what.” Cody’s smile was easygoing and tinged with just a hint of sadness. “If the doctor says my brother’s up for a hike—even from the parking lot to the first trail sign—we’ll do it this Sunday afternoon.” He gave her a light nudge again. “How’s that sound?”
“Like I’m going to have one very happy sister on my hands.”
He led the way over to Carl Joseph and Daisy. For a few minutes more, the four of them talked and laughed about horses’ having beds and whether—if they did—they would have to take off their shoes. Finally, Elle put her arm around her sister’s shoulders. “We’d better get going. It’s late.”
Long after they left that night, Elle replayed her time at the Gunner house. She saw Cody riding in on the palomino, the look in his eyes when he saw her, and the way he treated her with a new level of camaraderie once he understood that Daisy was her sister.
She had felt more emotion sitting on the bluff next to Cody than she’d felt in years. She couldn’t get over his story, the way he’d sacrificed out of love for Ali, and all he’d given up, all he’d lost along the way.
As she pulled into the driveway, she was practically desperate to keep her strange new feelings from her mother. Daisy was perceptive, but she didn’t recognize more than the fact that her big sister was happy. Her mother would be harder to fool.
She couldn’t talk about Cody with her mother, not when she could barely identify the way she was feeling. Was she falling for him? And what was the point if he was leaving? She didn’t want to have feelings for a man she could see only a few times a year. But maybe—if God allowed it—Cody might stay. She could ask God every night for the next week to keep him here, to convince him that he should run the fitness center when it opened adjacent to the center.
But what then? Could her heart even remember how to take this walk? If so, she wasn’t sure she’d be brave enough to follow.
All she knew was that the stars shone a little brighter tonight and the place on her arm where he had touched her felt a little warmer. Her heart felt lighter, and she could practically hear the hope in her own voice. All because she’d spent a few minutes talking with a man who was more than she had ever imagined him to be.
A rugged, brokenhearted bull rider named Cody Gunner.
Chapter Twenty-two
The doctor didn’t endorse a hike in the foothills for Carl Joseph, but he didn’t forbid it either. Early Sunday morning, Cody found Carl Joseph in his room before breakfast and poked his head inside. “Hey, Buddy. What’re you doing?”
Carl Joseph lifted his eyes and his face lit up. “Writing my hundred words! ’Cause today is hike day so no time later. ’Cause of the hike.” He laughed a few times, his excitement spilling into his voice.
The smell of cologne saturated the room. “You smell pretty good for a hike, Buddy.”
A shy sort of laugh came from his brother, and he shrugged his shoulders. “ ’Cause D-A-I-S-Y.” He wore khaki pants and a polo shirt—not exactly hiking attire. But he had on sturdy shoes. “I dressed up for Daisy ’cause that’s called entertaining.” He sat back down at his desk and pointed at the piece of paper there. “Look at this, Brother.”
Across the top it read, “One Hundred Most Common Words.” Painstakingly, his brother had printed two of the words five times each. Remorse rained on Cody’s heart as he came up behind his brother and looked over his shoulder. His parents were debating whether to see the doctor Elle had told them about. In the meantime, Carl Joseph had made a decision. He would keep up on his work at home until the doctor said he could go back. In his buddy’s mind, it wasn’t a matter of if he returned, it was a matter of when.
“Watch this, Brother!” Carl Joseph covered his eyes with his hands. “No peeking.”
Cody came around to the side so he could see better.
“At. A-T. At.” He took his hands from his eyes and stared at the word. Then he clapped and bounced a little in his chair. “At, Brother. I can spell the word ‘at.’ ”
Cody put his hand on Carl Joseph’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Good work, Buddy. I’m proud of you.”
With those words, Carl Joseph made a slow turn in his chair. He pushed his glasses up a little higher on his nose and stared at Cody. Then, like a gradual drip from a faucet, tears filled Carl Joseph’s eyes. “Really, Brother? You’re proud of me? Even if I’m not learning new things right now?”
Cody felt his heart breaking all over again. “C’mere, Buddy. I’m so proud of you.” He held out his arms and Carl Joseph stood. Slowly, he came to Cody, and the two of them hugged the way they hadn’t done since Cody’s first day home. “Hey, I have an idea.” Cody took a step back and smiled. “Let’s go to breakfast before the hike.”
Joy flashed in Carl Joseph’s eyes, but then just as quickly his smile faded. He looked at a calendar on his wall where each day of the week was represented in a different color. Carl Joseph had crossed off every day of the month that had gone by. He moved his finger along the small boxes until he reached the first one not crossed off. Today’s date.
“Uh-oh.” He straightened and turned back to Cody. “Blue means Sunday. Sunday means church.”
Once more Cody felt seized with guilt. He had discouraged his brother from giving money to the church, and Carl Joseph hadn’t mentioned attending a service since. But here was further proof that Carl Joseph still knew what Sundays were about. What they were supposed to be about. “Yes, Buddy, today’s Sunday. But we can still have breakfast out. Restaurants are open on Sunday.”
Carl Joseph’s expression fell flat for a moment, and he looked at the dresser next to his bed. He reached down and opened the top drawer, then he lifted an envelope from inside. Across the front in their mother’s handwriting it read Carl Joseph’s gift for Jesus. He studied it, then set it back down and shut the drawer again. “Not church today?”
“No, Buddy. Just breakfast. Is that okay?”
He bit his lip, as if the question was perplexing. Then he nodded, and a hesitant smile lifted his lips. “Okay. On Sunday me and Brother have breakfast.”
“At Denny’s.”
“ ’Cause
Denny’s has pancakes!” Carl Joseph hurried toward the door. “I need a shower, Brother. I’ll be right back.”
In a rush, Cody felt his defenses fade away. Who was he to tell Carl Joseph how he could spend his money? Carl Joseph lived at home, and if he wanted to give a fourth of his earnings to the church, that was his prerogative. He opened the drawer and took out the envelope with his brother’s gift.
Cody thought about his years on the rodeo tour, and the lengths people would go for money. Athletes who would shoot themselves with cortisone or painkillers because they wanted to make a thousand dollars. People did crazy things for money.
Guilt ate at him as he ran his thumb over the envelope. He stared out the window and felt the weight of his earlier decision. How come it had taken this long for him to see the gift as what it was? A gift. A decision. One that Carl Joseph had the right to make.
“Okay, God,” Cody whispered. He wasn’t good at praying, and nothing about it came naturally. He squinted against the sunlight. “Am I supposed to encourage Carl Joseph to put a hundred dollars in the church plate?”
Cody looked around his brother’s room, and his eyes settled on a poster near the bed. The words read, “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you.” Beneath the words was a boy with Down Syndrome sitting at a bus stop.
Chills ran down Cody’s arms. The message was unmistakable. Seek God first, and everything else would fall into place. He thought of his lung—the gift he’d given his precious Ali. Lots of people would’ve thought him crazy to let doctors cut into his chest and take out one of his lungs, all so that a dying girl could have a few more years.
Tears stung his eyes again. It hadn’t mattered what anyone else said. His gift to Ali made perfect sense to him. But what if he’d had Down Syndrome? What if he’d wanted to give Ali the gift, and someone had stood in the way and forbidden him from giving it? A piece of him would have died right alongside her, no question. The look in Carl Joseph’s eyes a few minutes ago came back to him again.