We spent a lot of time together, other than the babysitting. Sometimes, when it would be snowing outside, we’d go to the park and dance under the snowflakes. It made me happy to see her laugh or smile. I tried to help her family as much as I could. Scarlett needed all the help she could get because of school, a job four days of the week, taking care of her sister and doing everything her mom used to do was too much. Her dad helped, but not as much. He worked a full-time job, trying to drown the sorrow of losing his wife.
From time to time, when Ellie was asleep, she’d wake up crying. She had dreams of her mom and nightmares where “her mom wouldn’t answer her.” It broke my heart to see her like that, but there was nothing I could do than hug her and sing to her. My voice seemed to soothe her and she would sing along. She had a pure personality and I knew that she would grow up to be a strong woman.
I blinked several times to regain focus. I stood up and got out of the hospital, pushing my thoughts away. I put Ellie in the back seat and buckled her safety belt. As I started the engine, I reached for my pack of cigarettes, but almost immediately refused to take one. I wouldn’t let any smoke infiltrate her lungs.
As I drove, I thought about something.
These days, I realized that there was another reason for my attachment to that little girl.
Serena.
My younger sister, Serena, who died. She was only five. I was the one who could calm her down, other than my mom. I loved seeing her smile or laugh. She was ticklish. At that time, I imagined an older version of myself threatening boys to take care of her and to never hurt her. I was excited for her to grow up. I used to actually look forward into having silly fights with her. Because hey, that’s what siblings do, right?
Stop thinking about her.
A single tear ran down my cheek.
I lost my sister for a birthday gift.
I lost my parents in an airplane.
I murdered them.
I killed them.
It was all my fault.
The words resonated in my head, as my heart ached. Another tear escaped my eyelids, but I wiped it away. I didn't want to get into a car accident.
Suddenly I remembered the words Lena had said to me a few months earlier. They were vague, yet so clear in my mind.
“It isn’t your fault. Your mom, your dad, Serena and Grandma Darla are looking down on you right now, guarding you. They will always be in your heart. They wouldn’t want to see you like this.”
I remembered her promise that she’d never leave me.
Oh, how I hoped that promise wouldn’t be broken.
26
Legos and Kisses
“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
love leaves a memory no one can steal.”
~From a Headstone in Ireland~
Liam Christopher Black
February 14th.
Valentine’s Day.
I ran a hand through my hair, perfecting it. Taking a look in the mirror, I smiled a little. I was wearing a new gray sweater that had been lying in my closet for ages now and dark blue jeans. I slid my jacket on, finalizing the look I wanted. My hair had been impeccably combed to look a little messy; I knew Lena liked it better when it was down. She had taken a certain liking to ruffling it and laughing at my frustrated expression while trying to fix it. I found myself smiling at the thought of her.
I remembered buying the bouquet of red roses, her favorite kind of flowers, this afternoon from the florist so I could bring them to her. They were currently in the car though, waiting to be by a certain beautiful girl’s side.
I patted the pocket of my jacket, sensing the Tiffany’s box. The box held a beautiful necklace with a silver snowflake as its charm. Without a doubt, it was that day with the first snowfall. I could’ve gone with just an ordinary heart charmed necklace, but I chose this one because it reminded me of one of the most memorable days in my life and the day she and I had almost kissed for the first time. That day was the one I’d realized that I liked her. I realized that she could light up my whole world with just one tiny laugh or smile.
I had this tiny speck of hope that maybe; just maybe she’d wake up today.
You watch too many movies, bro.
Shut up, don’t ruin my mood. And don’t call me bro, I’m you, idiot.
You do realize you just called yourself an idiot, bro.
Ah, sometimes, I had this urge of repetitively banging my head against the wall; my thoughts could get really annoying.
Even though she was in a coma, I wanted to make her happy and render this day special somehow. All I knew was that if she were awake, she would smile joyfully and hug me. My heart ached at the thought of her, wrapping her arms around me once again, something I’ve missed so much. I wanted to hold her in my arms, with the feeling of knowing that she was safe and sound. I wanted to listen to her talk to me about her day, or rant about how she was going to ace that test or—
You’re only hurting yourself by thinking about her, stop.
Unexpectedly, my phone vibrated and started ringing. Ed Sheeran’s voice was blasting in my ears.
“But if I kiss you, will your mouth read this truth, Darling, how I miss you, strawberries taste how lips do, And it's not complete yet, mustn't get our feet wet, cause that leads to regret, diving in too soon, and I’ll owe it all to you oh, my little bird, my little bird.”
Wait a second.
This was Ellie’s house’s ring tone; she would call me from time to time, when she wanted to talk or when she couldn’t sleep. She was the only one who ever called me; the others saw no purpose in doing so since I never actually talked to them. Whenever Adam, Belle, Catherine or even Tori needed something, they simply texted me. But the thing was, it was 7:45 and it was dark outside. And that I know of, Scarlett was home today. The private high school, she attended had given her vacation today and she refused my offer to take care of Ellie. So it’s abnormal that Ellie’s calling now, it’s also almost her bed time. It was Tuesday, I had no school because they decided to give us a free day and I was determined to spend the night with Lena. A few extra pillows have been always available and I would just sleep on the chair, by her side.
I took one look at the screen and affirmed my hypothesis upon seeing a smiling picture of Ellie. I pressed the green button and held the phone to my ear.
“Hello?” I said expecting Ellie’s smiling voice to talk on the phone.
“LEE-YUM!” exclaimed her voice, but instead of it being bubbly and giggling, worry and fear were written all over it. I furrowed my eyebrows in concern.
“Ellie, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” I heard two hiccups in the background, signaling that she had been crying.
“Scar’s scaring me! She’s not walking properly and she’s screaming weird things!” She sniffled, her voice shaking. I took the keys and turned all the lights off, except one lamp in the living room, which faced the door.
“Okay, calm down. What else?”
“She’s holding a weird bottle and she’s drinking a lot of it and she keeps on crying and saying mean things! She’s also saying bad words, like fu-“
“Okay, okay. Where are you now?” I locked the front door and headed towards the car.
Her voice trembled and I could literally feel how scared she was. “I’m hiding behind the couch.”
“Is your dad there?” I asked, trying to keep my calm. I started the engine, and was already out of the driveway. The phone was placed on my lap, on speaker mode.
“No, he’s at work.”
“Uh-huh. Ellie? Stay right where you are, love. I’m coming, alright?”
“Okay Lee-yum. Are you going to hang up now?” she questioned and I could see her clutching Mr. Teddy, who, ironically, was her favorite teddy bear.
“No, just stay on the line until I’m there. If anything happens, you tell me.”
“Mhm. Lee-yum?”
“Yeah?” I said, concentrated on the road and mentally cheered at how empty they were at th
e moment. At this rate, I could reach her house in less than five minutes.
“Will you be my Valentine?” This brought a small smile to my lips. Only Ellie would ask you such a question in the middle of a situation like this.
“I’d love to, you beautiful little girl.” She giggled a little and I immediately felt better knowing that I made her smile. I finally reached her house, and pulled in the driveway. The roses were on the seat beside me, I bit my lip and shook my head a little.
I promise I’ll see you tonight, Lena.
I took one rose from the bouquet and held it with my left hand. Afterwards, I locked the door and took the phone off speaker.
“Ellie, I’m here,” I said, possessing a bad presentiment about this.
“Good, I’ll open the door for you.”
I opened my mouth to prevent her from doing so, but the dial tone signaled that she’d hung up on me. I walked to the front door and waited, impatiently tapping my foot on the Welcome carpet. I just hoped everything would turn out to be okay. If my theory was true and Scar was wasted, this could get into a very long night. I knew I couldn’t leave without making sure they were both okay. I might even take Ellie with me for the night.
Click.
The door opened to reveal Ellie, in her pajamas, with tear streaked cheeks. Just as I had predicted, her teddy bear was being tightly held by her left arm. She immediately hugged my leg as I ruffled her hair.
“Lee-yum,” she mumbled, barely audible. She was obviously very sleepy as this was way past her bedtime. I picked her up, and supported her body with one arm. She wiped her eyes tiredly with her fingers and then nuzzled her face in my shoulder. I kicked my shoes off, leaving me in my favorite white, yet thin socks. As I walked into their living room, I scanned it to find Scarlett.
Normally, I would be happy to be right, but this was a very bad situation.
There she was, her legs spread on the floor and her hair messier than a bird’s nest. My eyes widened at the sight of five empty bottles of beer sitting by her side, a sixth one being chugged down. Her cheeks were blotchy and a tinge of red in her cheeks. She was obviously crying and swinging the bottle to her mouth from time to time. I felt pity and sadness. Scarlett had always been calm and collected, and I had always admired her for being so strong. But it seems like she decided to let everything out the bad way.
I turned to Ellie, who had already started sleeping on my shoulder. Grateful for Scar not noticing me yet, I crept upstairs. I entered Ellie’s bedroom; which was no stranger to me. Butterflies were glowing in the dark on the ceiling, right above her bed. Ellie said that they make her happy and make her feel like a butterfly. Other than that, it was a normal, seven-year-olds’ room. The walls were a pale pink and purple, with soft flowers and vines randomly appearing on a couple of parts.
As I was heading towards the bed placed in the middle of the room, I stepped on something that could be a needle, a spike or a bear trap. I jumped in the air, close to tears.
“OWW, OW, OW, OW! SHIT!” I howled the pain in my right leg almost unbearable.
Ellie shifted on my shoulder and mumbled something that sounded like, “Bad word, hmmm, unicorns”. I bit my lip to keep myself from saying anything that might enter that little girl’s vocabulary. And plus, for her age, she already knew a lot.
I tasted blood on my lip and looked down to whatever was under my foot. I licked my lip and clenched my left fist, the one holding the rose, at the sight of the devil itself.
A Lego piece.
I did nothing but flashed my middle finger on it. Legos were created to do nothing but make children happy and murder anyone who stepped on it. Even when I was young, I hated those stupid creations. Sometimes, we would have fun together, but all of that would dissipate into dust from the moment I stepped on them. I had a weird habit of forgetting to put one or two back and that resulted in me crying my eyes out because of stepping on one of them.
Scanning the floor in the darkness, I felt relieved to find no more of it. Mentally cursing, I walked towards Ellie’s bed. I held her tiny waist with my hands and carefully laid her on the bed. I froze for a moment as she twitched and held Mr. Teddy closer to her. A small smile appeared on my face as I put the covers up to her shoulders. I placed my lips on her forehead.
“Sleep tight, my Valentine,” I whispered, tenderly placing the rose in her hair. She was truly a small angel.
I tiptoed my way out of the room and left the door open a little bit. Ellie hated sleeping in complete darkness. I cracked my fingers and took a deep breath.
It was time to console a drunken teenage girl.
I went downstairs and found Scarlett in the same position I’d left her in. Although, now, she had finished the sixth bottle and was opening another one. I rapidly took the bottle from her hands, averting her attention to me. Her eyebrows furrowed and she pouted a little. She reached for the bottle, but I walked further away from her.
“Give it to meeeeee,” whined Scar, standing up and getting closer. I shook my head and threw it in a small trash bin in the corner. Her face fell and her jaw opened. She stared at me, completely bewildered.
“W-why did youuu do that, huh?” she slurred, sobbing. I took her arm and made her sit on the couch. An awkward silence settled in, apart from her crying. I had to talk to her, but that meant having to speak.
No shit, Sherlock.
I cleared my throat and took a deep breath.
“What’s wrong, Scar?” I asked softly. She turned to me, her eyes full with sadness and pain.
“Y-you wanna –(hiccup)- know what’s wrong? You wanna know what’s wr-wrong huh?” she said, deeply breathing. I nodded, praying that she would see the honesty in my eyes. Her eyes flickered to a family photo on the wall and she averted her eyes to me. I saw a fiery glint in her eyes.
“What’s wrong is that I lost my mother. She left me here, all freaking alone. She was m-my only friend, my sister and my best friend. She knew what to say to help, but w-what about now huh? Every Valentine’s day, w-we’d make Dad go out, we’d buy a box of –(hiccup)- chocolates and watch sappy movies and cry. W-whaaaat about now, huh? She abandoned me and it’sallherfault. She shouldn’t have- she shouldn’t have-”, she hesitated, and then finished her sentence, “Yeah, she shouldn’t have died.”
“She never meant to leave you, Scar, she loved y-“
“NO! Don’t you dare say that she loooooved me.-(hiccup)- She meant to leave me here, with the weight of everything on my shoulders. S-she left me with a little sister whom I have to act like a mother too and take care of and my d-dad who cries every night. Everyone expects me to be strong and all of that bullshit, but I-I just can’t. It’s just so damn hard, -(hiccup)- .” She started crying again and put her head in her hands.
My heart ached, because in a way, I knew how she felt. She didn’t really have anyone to talk to and coping with this was hard enough for her. The wound was still fresh and bleeding, but no one was caring enough to clean it and bandage it. Scar was one of my good friends, so I had a duty of helping her.
And so I did what I had to do and what was a hundred times better than “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Come here,” I mumbled, offering her a hug.
She obliged and soon enough, my shirt was getting wet. Her shoulders softly shook, as she let every little emotion bottled up inside come out. I rubbed her back soothingly, as her breathing got better. I could smell the alcohol on her breath though, and I knew that she needed rest. In the morning, a massive hangover was waiting to greet her.
After a few minutes of staying this way, she lifted her head up and pulled her body away from the hug. She sniffled a little and rubbed her eyes, resembling Ellie.
“Better?” I asked, feeling better myself. It felt good to know that I helped someone. She nodded and had a strange look in her eyes.
“Thank you, for everything,” she said delicately, smiling.
“There you go! There’s that smile!” I exclaimed as she chuckled
a little. Her eyes met mine with a deep look in them. I recognized it as the one Lena gave me when she had something on her mind. Nervousness, courage and… love? But, there was no way there was love in Scar’s eyes. We were just friends, absolutely nothing more. That thought seemed to comfort me a little, but the back of my mind was very suspicious.
“You know, Liam, there’s something I-I’ve always wanted to tell you.”
I held my breath and mentally cringed.
Please, don’t say what I think you’re about to say. Please, please.