The next moments were a complete blur to me. As the technicians prepared the defibrillator, I felt my whole body tremble. As soon as the two blocks-like defibrillators touched Lena’s chest, her body shook, but was still motionless. She made no sign of breathing and the heart rate monitor still wasn’t emitting any sound. They did the same action three times, and each time, my heart shattered even more. Imagine seeing the only human being who has ever made you feel loved being electrocuted in order to come back to life. I knew that she wasn’t being electrocuted, but that’s what it seemed like to me.
After the fifth time, one of the technicians looked at Dr. Morrison and me and shook his head a couple of times before telling the others to pack. He took the tube out of her mouth and then hid what could still be seen from Lena by the white covers. He got out of the room and patted my shoulder, leaving.
“N-no, no, no, no,” came out a stuttering voice. I watched as Dr. Morrison mouthed an, “I’m sorry for your loss.” Just as he turned to walk away, I grasped his shoulder, forcing him to look at me.
“Can I try something? Please? Can I go in?” I begged. He nodded, an obvious thought displayed in his eyes. “Poor boy.”
I walked into the room, my heart beating a billion times per second. I sat beside her and uncovered her face and hands, revealing her beautiful features. I felt tears spring into my eyes at her sight. She looked simply in a deep sleep. Her mouth was slightly parted and her lips were a pale pink color, which was better than any lipstick in the universe. Her hair was the same, a waterfall-like chocolate brown mass of hair, softly flowing on the pillow.
I took her hand in mine and put my knees on the floor. I didn’t have the time to take a chair or what not. Keeping my gaze on her face, I did what I was supposed to do and what felt right. I leant in her ear and said a few words.
“Lena, listen to me, and please come back to me,” I said, my voice thick with emotion.
I imagined the opening verse of the song I was about to sing in my mind, as its melody escaped my mouth. There was no one else in the world, but Lena and me. I closed my eyes and let every memory of us into my mind and they seemed to be playing inside of my head like a movie. I put every emotion I had into that song. Our song.
“Settle down with me
Cover me up
Cuddle me in
Lie down with me
Hold me in your arms”
The day she tripped over her bag, and I caught her before she fell. That same day she hugged me for the first time. The other day when she affirmed my theory of her being a complete klutz by tripping on the bucket of water I was sweeping the floor with.
"Well, Liam. Thank you for saving my life, again."
"I'm Lena and you're Liam, aren't you?"
“Your heart's against my chest
Lips pressed to my neck
I've fallen for your eyes
But they don't know me yet”
"Thank you, Liam. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me in a while."
"You know, my dream is to be a bird. They fly in the sky and seem so free. They're almost never alone. Would you like to be a bird with me, Liam?" she asked dryly, now looking at me. Her eyes were spilling tears, they seemed unstoppable.
"Willyougowithmetothedance?Justasfriends,ofcourse,likeduh ehem” She said, barely coherent.
"Well, I just... will you go to the dance with me, as friends of course?" She asked shyly, never taking her gaze off me this time.
“And the feeling I forget I'm in love now.” I croaked out, tears wetting the covers.
The way she told me that she loved me.
“Yeah, she was right. Because one, your voice is the most amazing and beautiful thing I've ever heard in my life- because I might, possibly be in love with you too."
"You’re not just a star to me, you’re my whole damn sky, idiot.”
“Kiss me like you wanna be loved
Wanna be loved
Wanna be loved
This feels like I've fallen in love
Fallen in love
Fallen in love
Settle down with me
And I'll be your safety
You'll be my lady
I was made to keep your body warm
But I'm cold as, the wind blows
So hold me in your arms”
I belted out the note, a flood of emotions drowning me.
The way the simplest of events could make her smile and dance around like a little child.
"It's snowing, Li! That's what I wanted to show you!"
"My heart's against your chest
Your lips pressed to my neck
I've fallen for your eyes
But they don't know me yet
And the feeling I forget
I'm in love now”
The way she laughed and giggled while being tickled and yet not so adorably kicked in every direction.
"S-Stop p-please!”
"L-Liam s-stop," she managed to gasp out between giggles.
Kiss me like you wanna be loved
Wanna be loved
Wanna be loved
This feels like I've fallen in love
Fallen in love
Fallen in love
Yeah I've been feeling everything
From hate to love
From love to lust
From lust to truth
I guess that's how I know you
So hold you close
To help you give it up”
The way she saved my life.
"NO!" screamed Lena in alert.
So kiss me like you wanna be loved
Wanna be loved
Wanna be loved”
I continued on singing until I finished the song. By then, my voice was barely audible. I felt the whole world collapsing upon me. It was over. There was no hope of her waking up again. No miracle could save her. It was over.
“I love you so much, Lena. I’m so sorry.” I spoke softly, kissing her hand while gently, yet tightly clutching it. The tears kept on escaping from my eyes and there was no way to stop them. The indescribable amount of guilt that had built up in me for the eternity that I had lost in everything, everyone had come out. I kept my stare on her hands, refusing to let go of her. My heart ached already at the thought of losing her.
Suddenly, my heart skipped a beat. Was I imagining things or had this just happened?
The hand I was holding squeezed mine.
I shook it off. The probability of me hallucinating at the moment was huge. Although, a light flickered in the back of my mind.
Squeeze.
Nope, this time was real. I saw it with my own eyes.
My ears realized that a noise had started in the distance and looking at the monitor, I felt my heart leap at the sight of the lines going up at a perfectly normal rate.
I lift my gaze to her face and couldn’t help but release a gasp of joy at the sight before me. I sensed a tide of happiness wash over me.
Eyelids fluttered and blinked a couple of times and then opened, revealing a pair of confused, but breathtaking chestnut brown eyes. They met mine and a certain kind of hope appeared in them. That familiar sparkle of recognition and love that she wore when she was with me, was there.
Lena was alive.
28
Ice carved Love
“We loved with a love that was more than love.”
~Edgar Allen Poe~
Lena Rose Winter
A huge weight had laid itself upon my entire body and I began to slowly process what was going on. I felt literally numb, incapable of using any of all five senses or moving any body parts. I had no idea what was going on, as it felt as if a fog had ruled over my brain and thoughts. I couldn’t decide if seconds or hours had passed by feeling like this, but my mind screamed; moments. I tried moving my toes, and thankfully, that worked. I felt my sense of hearing came first to me, but my ears took a few seconds to adapt to the sounds surrounding me.
I could only pinpoint o
ne out of many, someone crying. Soft sobs shook their body, vibrating against mine. The mystery person’s hand was clasped to mine and I recognized a certain familiar softness in them. The face was also close to my hips, where I felt whatever clothing on me got moist. Feeling myself getting stronger, I squeezed the hand holding me for comfort.
They, or should I say he, froze. I repeated the action, putting more emotion in it this time. He gasped, lifting his face.
With all the power I could muster in the world, I tried to open my eyes. I blinked several times, trying to get my vision to adjust. A bright light was shining in them, but with every second that passed, its strength lessened. The first thing I saw was his face. Bright, blurry blue eyes were staring down at me with happiness and it took me a few moments to process who it was. The tear-streaked red cheeks, defined features and red lips helped me remember.
Suddenly, memories came rushing to me. They were all connected and he was in all of them. His eyes always stood out, a certain emotion appearing in them. Anger, sadness, happiness, disappointment, courage, confusion and love. They made me realize who it was faster than you could click your fingers together.
Liam.
I kept on staring at him, as a small smile formed itself on his angel-like face. That action immediately spread happiness in my veins. And with every second that passed by, he became clearer to my eyes. With every second that passed by, he looked even better to me.
“Lena?” he asked, his voice raspy and barely audible. He seemed hesitant and confused, yet somehow on the point of jumping up and down in joy.
“Hey,” I managed to blurt out, as my voice was scratchy. As soon as I spoke, my throat felt dry.
“Water,” I whispered. Liam immediately stood up and took a bottle of water that was messily lying on the floor. Someone must’ve dropped it. He brought the edge to my lips and frankly, the cold water felt like heaven in my mouth. I gulped the biggest amount I could and shook my head, signaling that I’d had enough. He placed the bottle on the night table beside me and sat again, keeping his gaze on me.
Interrupting that moment came in Annabelle, Victoria and Adam, running towards me. They had a bewildered look on their faces, as if shocked. Puzzled, I turned to Liam with a questioning stare.
“What happened?” I asked, just as it all came back to me.
Leo, the fight, Liam, running in front of him to prevent two full bottles of wine crashing on his head. The bottles crashing on my head. And then, absolutely nothing.
“You… were in a coma,” said Tori, holding my other hand. She shared a look with Liam and he nodded in agreement with whatever message that passed between them. Belle and Adam apparently understood too, because they bobbed their heads as well.
My heart fell. A coma?
“How long?” I murmured, oblivious to the stares they were giving each other.
“Two months,” said Adam, rubbing Tori’s shoulder. My mouth parted slightly as I absorbed that information.
“Two months? Oh my god, I missed so much in school, I might even fail my year and-“ I was cut off upon the sight of Mom staring at me, but she was on the other side of the room. Her eyes were wide and she seemed as if she’d seen a ghost. But I was alive, wasn’t I?
“Hey, Mom,” I said, giving her a smile. I expected her to cry, or laugh or even hug me, but no, she stayed glued like that. I looked at Tori, but she just ushered for me not to worry about it. I gave her a small smile, although something was twisting and turning inside of me.
Pain came rushing to me and I felt my chest ache miserably. I gasped from the agony. The people around me seemed more alert.
“I think one of my ribs is broken,” I said.
Tori’s eyebrow rose. Liam simply squeezed my hand, worry literally radiating off him. His face slackened; his brow furrowed - eyes darting about in concern as if he was searching for a place to hide.
“It’s normal,” said Belle hesitantly.
I was confused. “Why?”
They stayed silent. “Come on, tell me!” I urged, wincing at the pain the effort to say that took.
“You needed CPR,” spoke Mom for the first time.
And it was the way they stared at me that made me know. I took in a sharp intake of breath.
“I… died?”
Trying to remember how to breathe, I felt my chest tighten. I didn't understand, as if my brain became short-circuited and needed to be rebooted. It was like my mind had gone blank, that single announcement stunning me.
I had died.
And now I was alive.
“And… how did I come back?” I breathed shakily, taking my trembling hands away from Liam’s. He flinched.
“CPR,” said Adam, a hidden look in his eyes. It was certain that there was way more to it than CPR and I wanted to know. I didn’t want any more secrets, hidden in the shadows.
“And?”
“I-I sang to you,” murmured Liam, almost ashamed. Belle smiled at him.
“Really?” I asked, truly surprised. He nodded.
To find out that I died was something, of course. I would’ve been with Dad. Although, I didn’t want to. As much as I missed him, I wanted to see him again when the time came, when I was old and wrinkled. And I partly had Liam to thank for the fact that I was alive. I was aware that CPR had done the major, main role of reviving me. The concept of dying had been one of my fears and I was happy that I wasn’t. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t mind. I was alive now and that was all that mattered.
Liam singing to me was something else. It proved to me that he truly did care, and he didn’t want to give up on me. He didn’t want to lose me, and he had made sure to be by my side no matter what. He didn’t let me go, even though some people said that it was better to. In a way, he had fought for me, to keep me alive.
“Liam?”
He turned to face me, expressionless. I leaned in and put my lips on his, hoping that the gratitude and happiness I felt would be transmitted to him. Pulling back, I gave him a smile.
“Thank you.”
“Oi,” called out Tori. “Don’t go all lovey-dovey. There are other people here too.”
I chuckled, looking at Adam’s hand holding hers.
“Mom? You okay?” I asked, looking at the blank look in her eyes.
She suddenly walked towards the bed and Tori moved to give her space. She reached out and wrapped her arms around my head. I could feel her crying.
“I thought I lost you,” she mumbled repeatedly through tears. I felt my eyes prickle as well and I let a few tears fall.
“I’m here now,” I reassured her.
She held me like that for a long time, and for the first time, I realized just how much she cared. It dawned on me; the people here, they all cared about me.
I smiled.
♥♥♥♥♥
"Goodbye, dear," said Nurse Trudy, tightly hugging me. I smiled at how close we'd become in the short space of a week.
That old lady sat with me for hours after my awakening from the coma, simply talking to me. She told me about how Liam came to see me almost every day and would sing, about Ellie, whom I haven't exactly met yet, about Annabelle, who apparently came every Monday and Friday and wept by my side. I had gained a huge amount of respect for that girl, especially after the day she came to visit and poured her heart to me. We both cried together and I realized that Belle was one of the strongest people I knew. I did my best to comfort her, as she blamed herself for the incident at the restaurant.
"Now, I want you to take care of yourself and do me a favor; don't go to any more restaurants. Alright?" the nurse said, chuckling. I nodded obediently, giving her a sly grin. She put her hands on my shoulders, her expression turning serious. Black strands of hair flecked with white fell into her face, her bun on the verge of breaking loose. Her hazel eyes, piercing mine, contrasted on her cinnamon-colored skin.
"I want you to know, that boy loves you more than anything in the world. Take care of him, just like he took care of you,
because he deserves it. He deserves love and so do you. Promise me to do everything you can to make him happy," she said, warming my heart at the mention of him. I saw a small glint in her eyes, as if she knew something I didn’t.
"I promise." Although, I knew that deep down, I would never be able to repay Liam for standing by my side during the coma. For not leaving me.
For loving me when I was at my worst.
"Oh dear," said Trudy, glancing at her watch, “my break was over fifteen minutes ago.”
“Go, it’s okay. I promise this won’t be the last time I see you.” I gave her a cheeky grin, making her chuckle.
Trudy smiled, pecking my cheek. She walked away, leaving me alone with my mom.