Speaking of the parents of Dafne
Dafne was born August thirteen th 1980 in Milan, with immense pain of mother his/her Dolores; a suffering of twenty-two weary hours. When it finally came to the light, all the presents were amazed; despite the long hours of work, its lines were made in little time rosy and extended as those of a doll. It was as if you/he/she had explained from immediately how much few would be upset in front of the difficulties of the life.
Unique daughter remained.
Dafne was grown in the clean feeling to be all of this that his/her parents would never have liked. In spite of this, was incredibly attracted among them, as if one strange chemistry tied them without reason, and she didn't even know how to explain him of it the motive.
With the time you/he/she had understood that his/her parents could be as the fire for the small children: object of a great call but that inevitably, to every contact, it produces pain and disappointment.
The situation was upset irreversibly when Dafne performed fifteen years. Its first year of classical high school was ended and you/he/she had been rejected. You/he/she would never have liked to attend that school of" bigots", as it defined the companions and the teachers that you/he/she had had the sorrow to know that year.
From when it had memory, Dafne remembered pencil and piece of chalk as natural prosecution of his/her right hand. He/she wanted to draw and to live his/her best years among boys and teachers that loved the creativeness, rather than in the emotional piattume met in that school. Dafne hated extremely those that it defined" the alternative fighettis", or physicians' children, engineers and lawyers of the" Milan well", those that dressed of expensive rags make the false nonconformists and" they fight the system." His/her high school was full of it.
The summer after the third average had been a terrible nightmare in the house of Dafne. His/her father said that the art was beautiful but that it had to leave to do her/it to the others.
«Have to draw in the leisure time Daffy! Scribble is not at all a job! The job is what bread brings yourself in table. I won't pay you the school to learn to starve! Your mother and I have never had anybody that paid us the studies, and it looks what we are: workers of the cazzo without a lira aside!»
Those words had been so often her repeated that, despite pits already a strong ragazzina and determined, you/they had created her an absurd sense of guilt. This way he convinced that it was correct to try with the classical one.
It is sure what an active volcano can rest, to make silence and to appear a harmless hill, but in the bowel earth that burns always stays also. Dafne was one of that volcanos in apparent rest. Following the failure, an evening, definite to face his/her parents, with threatening air but at the same time extremely polite.
«I cannot force to pay me to you a school that hate, therefore I will frequent in the daytime and I will look for a job for the evening. But I will do the artistic one.»
This said, and with all the calm of this world it started to eat.
To nineteen Dafne was dismissed by the artistic high school with the maximum one of the votes and a show of end year prepared, for good part, from his/her tables.
But you/they had not been certain easy years. His/her mother had not allowed that she worked for paying him the school, and this had given her right to continuous recriminations. Despite everything, you/he/she was met with his/her husband, that continued instead to oppose himself/herself/themselves with energy to the choice of his/her/their daughter up to the last year.
«You/he/she should work the evening and to make in the daytime his/her scribbles; so it understands what he/she means to work hard!» it sometimes howled dad Aldo.
«We will pay her to us the school, exactly as we would have done for the classical one. When it will end to be a worker, while the other ones will be doctors and lawyers, then you/they will be done his/her, and it will get by!» it confirmed mother Dolores with false separation.
Dafne didn't understand which of the two parents it behaved worse; if his/her father that didn't want to pay her school to avoid her a failure or his/her mother that he/she wanted to pay her/it to him in the hope of blaming her a failure.
You/he/she had not succeeded in giving him a true answer, and you/he/she was never resigned to the idea that all the actions of that two were entirely tied up to the money. A daughter could give satisfactions however, also without becoming medical or lawyer. But this was a too abstract concept for a couple of cinquantenni that it probably looked for a ransom through his/her/their daughter, seen all of this that life had denied them. Dafne always hoped that his/her mother's attitude pits fruit of an extreme pride and that, after all, the woman wanted to leave her/it free to cultivate unintentionally his/her passion to admit him/it to his/her/their husband. Hope to which it tried to grab on for years.
You metabolize these considerations, the girl started the worse one some adolescent rebellions; you/he/she would not be more properly made the scruples of the respectful daughter, doing what believed more opportune for herself. Out of the oppressive family boundaries, it would be alone had a good time.
Already to sixteen you/he/she had tried a consistent number of drugs, to seventeen he/she regularly misused of it; you/he/she was intended to refuse the heroin thing that did without problems. Dafne wanted out andar of head, but you/he/she would never have allowed any substance to steal entirely her wish.
In that period its excessive extravagance produced discussions to a little power on dir. His/her mother destroyed a dish when you/he/she discovered the first tattoos.
But for the woman it was everything other the hit of grace in that period. An evening, during the supper, to the newscast they transmitted a news on the Pope. Without not even lifting the head from the flat Dafne he/she spoke:
«Speaking of Pope, I don't intend to frequent the hours of religion anymore; a signature serves me for the school. It looks like minor wants to say incapable to intend and to want!»
Where is the hit of grace? In the fact that the parents of Dafne were fervent Catholics.
Not always the choices of Dafne were tied up to the pure taste to hurt them or however this thing happened not always in aware way. Dafne had not reached the religious refusal in unprovided way. You/he/she had listened to years of lessons and sermons on the matter, both to school and to catechism. Once read the Bible it found, from his/her point of view, numerous contradictions in comparison to the attitude typically Catholic. Definite so that you/he/she would not have allowed anybody anymore to enter his/her internal self to tell her if, who and as to pray.
«I will never believe in a God that would allow the luxury that is in Vatican! Lourdes seems the business center of the holy water! And to believe in God doesn't serve to hymn him/it with other one hundred furred people on Sundays morning!»
This told Don Peppe, when he/she met him/it one afternoon for road.
Dafne understood that every choice of his was a stab for its family. But his had always been a double blade; it hurt them and at the same time it suffered for the constant received disapproval. You were an entity, a person, and as such it was not able and he/she didn't want to be only their copy for calm to live. You/he/she would have liked hopelessly a constructive dialogue, a comparison that unfortunately it seemed to never arrive.
Also during the middle schools and the year of the classical one you/he/she had had the clean feeling of denied respect, yet its hair was of the natural color, it didn't smoke neither grass, neither cigarettes, frequented the mass and the time of religion. Then for them to do well or badly it was the same thing. They were cold and severe in every case, as from script.
Aldo and Dolores were not bad people. The real problem didn't reside certain in the not love for his/her/their daughter. It was site, rather, in the absolute incapability to show him/it, as also in the extreme pride that united them. They never succeeded in giving test of their feelings. The received education and their lived complex had brought them to the compl
ete emotional hibernation. A sweet or affectionate gesture was sign of weakness, thing that they could not afford. To show love and to grant him useless mawkishness, was for both one certain way to lose the control, and those two people hated extremely to lose the control. With his/her/their children it needed to use" baton and carrot"; sinned that, according to Dafne, the carrot you/they had lost her for road.
The first years of marriage were a true struggle for the survival, without any certainty. His/her father had made every type of work, always rigorously in black and sottopagato. Most greater bitterness had sprung from the total absence of the family ones, in some cases for real impossibility, in others for pure indifference. It is sure what the two consorts learned soon not to need anybody, and they were also intended that nobody would ever have had nothing from them, you/he/she was also treated of a simple word of comfort. The Piedmontese factories were their first conquest of the north to the search of a stable job. With a stroke of luck they found good setup in the Milanese, where they definitely established him in 1979.
Unfortunately, in this total and unnatural deprivation of the emotional sphere, Aldo and Dolores they raised an invisible and insurmountable wall, also with his/her/their daughter. To distance of years it was very difficult to establish if even between them some love had remained, or if rather the everything went on for the mutual respect of the sacred matrimonial tie. To the eyes of Dafne, only in two occasions they seemed accomplices and involved: during the mass and during the reading of the account in the bank. Just in this Dafne he/she saw their greatest contradiction: God and Money idolized in egual way.
Unusual it was the touch of Dolores when definite to face with his/her daughter, by now teen-ager, the discourse on the sex. One Saturday evening, before the girl went out, you/he/she reached her/it in his/her room.
«Dafne, has sexual relations?»
Was the expression of his/her/their daughter enough for to make to understand her" certain, that believed?" The woman had a deprived reaction of logic.
«In that school of toxic thing you were able out venir? Make an attempt to you not to return me home with the belly, Dafne! Remember well it every time that you go out of that door. how disgusting!»
In reality, up to that evening, Dafne had jealously guarded his/her virginity. Dam was reserved in its world, and it would not be never granted to the first come. You/he/she had perhaps wanted to provoke his/her mother, he/she perhaps wanted to see its reaction. Had not you/he/she felt neither a word on the sure sex and on the risk of illnesses, neither a nice sentence of the type" we go together to the gynecologist?" Nothing of nothing, only an intentional sbotto. The only thought of the woman had been that to order to the daughter not to make to be impregnated. That Saturday Dafne went out with too many" perhaps" in the head and with the conviction that his/her mother considered her/it a puttana. A few times later, after a colossal drunkenness, you/he/she had lost the virginity with a boy of the fourth year that had been dying behind her for months, and that after that night you/he/she would never have recalled.