~~~
Setzer gauged his appearance in the mirror as he adjusted his vest and coat. He had approximately two hours before he had to leave for Kohlingen to return the children and Relm to Mobliz. He would make the most of those two hours. The very most. No games. No ‘not yet’s. He would relax into her presence and do what he wanted.
Setzer smirked, but it appeared more of a grimace. You’re as flighty and nervous as the first evening you were with a woman, he accused with a tug on his jacket. But to be completely truthful, it was the first time in ages he would leave Lady Luck, his cards, his dice, and thoughts of Marée behind.
He was visiting Maria.
Setzer gave his reflection a brusque nod before striding from his office and through the main room with a distracted mind and an unseeing gaze. He had sent word ahead that he would be coming for a visit. Now Setzer was left to hope the Impresario had given Maria the note and not jumped to the conclusion Setzer would attempt to steal her away again. Setzer allowed himself a chuckle as he disembarked. He had to admit that seeing the Impresario’s face at a second--and this time more successful--attempt would be worth any and all problems as a direct result.
The Opera House loomed ahead of him. Setzer pressed on. There was no need to worry about impressing her. She already loved him. Then why am I quivering like a mouse as it looks into the jaws of the cat? Setzer swallowed hard, lengthening his stride. Perhaps expectation that has lain dormant for nearly two years . . . But Setzer set it aside. He’d had a shock during his last meeting with Marée. He had to be careful not to use Maria as a balm, for he suspected she’d be all-too-willing.
Setzer cleared his throat and entered the huge building. Glancing toward the front desk, he saw that night’s performance was also ‘sold out’. Setzer smiled. Maria would be happy.
“Ah. Mr. Gabbiani.”
Setzer turned, pausing his ascension of the stairs leading to Maria’s dressing room. “Impresario,” he greeted with a slight bow. “I see the new show is doing well.”
“Extremely well.” The Impresario came to stand at the foot of the stairs. “Dinner will be served shortly. Until then, Maria waits for you in the gardens behind the Opera House. This way, if you please.”
Setzer raised an eyebrow as he descended the stairs and followed the Impresario out the front entrance and back around the left of the building. Once there, they entered a garden encircled by wrought iron and a green hedge. The walk was marble and lined with fragrant white blossoms falling in clusters along it. As they made their way behind the Opera House, the walk split to encircle a large gazebo. Maria waited there, sitting on one of the marble benches.
Maria saw Setzer and the Impresario approach and stood, making her way to and gracefully down the steps with outstretched hands and an eager smile. Maria had dressed in the palest of yellow gowns with ivory lace at the cuffs and hem. Her bodice was modestly cut, enhancing the delicate sophistication of her shoulders and neck as well as the slim line of her waist. Her hair was up in a mass of curls that danced around her ears and neck with each motion of her head. She presented a vision of ethereal loveliness that left Setzer breathless and drowning in memories.
The Impresario bowed and left them as Maria’s hands enfolded Setzer’s in greeting. Their warmth and gentle pressure were inviting and erotic as he gazed down into those bright, pale-blue eyes. He saw welcome and . . . Setzer brought each palm to his lips. “You are an entrancing vision, Maria,” he said as he straightened. And he was surprised that his voice sounded so calm and steady. His insides seemed caught in a whirlwind.
Maria’s hands tightened on his as her cheeks slightly flushed. “Thank you, Setzer. I wanted everything to be perfect.”
She spread his arms out wide as she took in his light tan trousers, burgundy-black-green striped vest, antique-white shirt with a modest ruffle at the collar, and rich black jacket with folded cuffs and emerald cuff-links.
Maria raised her eyes to his with a touch of a smile. “You are as elegant as ever.”
Setzer smiled a denial--he felt less than elegant when having to beat back desires and urges to see how quickly he could unlace her corset--and followed her up the stairs to the gazebo. Maria sat in the direct center of the center bench of three and gently urged him to the space to her left. Setzer surrendered, his knee brushing against hers as he did. His stomach twisted in on itself and then surprisingly relaxed.
Maria smiled as she motioned around her. “It’s my sanctuary. The Impresario had it built for me a few months ago.”
Setzer’s eyes didn’t--or rather couldn’t--leave her face. High cheekbones. Pure and silk-soft skin. Delicate nose slightly tipped up at the end. Laughing mouth. All encompassed a hypnotic profile from his past that so desperately wanted to become a part of his future.
Maria’s sparkling eyes met his again, and she smiled as she adjusted her hand in his. “I’m glad you came. Your presence here makes me feel as if I’m reliving my past.” She lowered her eyes and caressed the knuckles of his hand with a single finger. “Those were happy times. Weren’t they, Setzer?”
“Yes, Maria. They were.”
“Then I’m glad I have those memories,” she said as she raised her eyes to meet his gaze again. “I am.”
Setzer’s smile was gentle as he lifted a finger to caress her cheek. Maria took in a steady breath, and her eyes seemed to glimmer. Setzer lowered his hand again. “The year has been ugly and hard, Maria. I’m glad these memories gave you strength or hope. I find myself wishing I had done the same.”
“Oh, but you did,” she told him with wide eyes. “All of us here know what you and your friends have done for us.”
“But what of you? I abandoned you here for an adventure of my own. I put my previous promises aside with no word of farewell to you.” Setzer hadn’t realized before the depth of his guilt.
Maria cupped his jaw in her hand as her smiling face and eyes looked full into his. “I know, and I was heart-broken at first, but you had a greater purpose to fulfill, dearest. You had lives to save. It would have been selfish of me to deny everyone that end simply to have you to myself. You’re a ‘wandering gambler’. Could I cage that spirit I loved so much?” She slightly shook her head. “The memories had to be enough. You deserved your freedom.”
Setzer’s mind and soul grew silent and still at that statement.
Maria’s smile seemed to dance with a laugh as she lowered her hand from his chin to caress his cheek with the back of it. “I can hardly persuade my heart to believe you’re here.” Her expression faded to shadows of dread and agony as she met his gaze. “I’m not dreaming, am I? You are here with me in my sanctuary holding my hand? I haven’t allowed the memories to control my visions, have I?”
Maria’s tone sounded so lost and desperate that Setzer’s chest and throat tightened in a vicious torture of guilt. Setzer gently pulled her close, pressing her head to his chest as her arms enfolded him. “I am here, songbird.” He pressed his lips against her hair when her shoulders began to quiver with tears.
After a moment of vulnerability and comfort, Maria pushed back. She dried her cheeks with an embarrassed glance toward him. “I’m sorry. Ruining this quiet and lovely day with weeping wasn’t my intention. Perhaps I’m more tired than I first thought.”
Though Maria’s eyes glimmered with a memory of her tears, her face glowed with a determination to relive happier times. So very different from Marée, and yet so similar. Maria wasn’t ashamed of her ‘softness’, and it perfectly complemented her dedication to a life as a performer of opera, as well as her determination to keep her eyes facing a better future. Yes, Maria was brave and firm on a much more complete and balanced level.
“Maria, I’ve missed your gentle soul,” he said with a smile as he enfolded her hand in his again. “I have only just now realized how much.”
Her smile was almost patient. “Yes, I believe you have, but only because I am here with you now. Your heart is too wild and free to miss those women y
ou’ve left behind. Your ship fills the emptiness.”
Setzer found himself trapped by the truth of her statement. He chuckled. “I never realized you knew me so well, Maria. It seems to me that you’ve grown since I last met you.”
She flushed and lowered her gaze to their hands. “Yes, and many things I learned because of your presence in my life. You taught me how to look at life. How to live it instead of existing within it. My singing has broadened because of that. Because of you.” Maria released a musical giggle as she raised her eyes to meet his. “I believe I have more of a spine than I did before,” she told him with twinkling eyes.
Setzer’s smile lightened his face. “This is a story I must hear.”
Maria nodded delicately and stood, pulling Setzer to his feet. “But let’s walk about the garden. All right?”
He tucked her hand around his arm and into the nook of his elbow. “Today is your day, Maria.”
She released a deep breath as she brought her other hand to his arm. “I love the way that sounds. The timbre of your voice. The gentle way you say my name. They remind me of a song, though I don’t know which. Perhaps I never learned it? Perhaps it’s the song of you?” She sighed again and slightly shook her head.
“What is it?” Setzer asked gently.
“Oh, it’s silly, but I wish I were not so cultured and delicate at times such as these. Rambling on of romantic nonsense. It likely makes me sound as if I have a head full of nothing.”
Setzer halted her, gently turning her to face him as he enfolded her upper arms with his hands. “Maria, you should never be ashamed of who you are or the gentleness of your soul. Don’t you realize these are seen as a haven for those people who come to hear you? Your voice and your very self lifts their eyes and imbues their life with loveliness.”
Maria’s eyes held his gaze. “But oh how I wish I would surrender to the fire and passion raging within.” She took his face in her hands. “At times I believe it will consume me, taking control and doing that which I’ve wanted to do for so long . . . ”
Setzer’s blood roared in his ears at the light in her eyes, and his grip tightened ever-so-slightly. When she lowered her eyes and hands, his breathing came easier.
“But that is not who I am. I cannot control or force or push or take,” she said, and her voice seemed sad. “My passion is my song.”
Setzer’s hands caressed her arms to take up her hands. “Yes, your passion is your song, but not how you believe. The song and the story you tell with it are the outlet for your zeal and fire, Maria. You share it with those around you, using your gift of song.”
“Yet the one I wanted to share it with could not hear it.”
Setzer brought her hands to his lips. “That isn’t true, Maria. I could hear it, in my memories of you and our time together. Who else could have kept me pushing onward? I remembered your fire, Maria. How could I not?”
Maria continued to stare at the ground, and her very stance was hesitant and uncertain. It creased Setzer’s forehead with worry and tightened his gentle grip on her hands. Finally, she slowly raised her eyes to his. The look there made Setzer stop breathing.
“Before you leave again . . . ” Maria’s voice faltered, as if she didn’t want to continue. But then the look in her eyes firmed and she pressed onward. “Dearest Setzer, before you leave could you kiss me as you once did? Please. Renew that memory for me.”
Setzer’s smile shook. “Of course, Maria. Today is your day. Now, come along and tell me the stories of your life.”
Dinner was divine, spiced with Maria’s presence and Setzer’s memories of her in both past and present. Their shared laughter over shared memories was intoxicating, spreading warmth through him that beat back the ache and brightened his smile. She had changed, but only as a wine properly aged. Maria had become more tangible. More complete. More desirable.
Once dinner in a secluded wing of the Opera House had resolved to lingering sips of each other’s voice as well as their champagne, they adjourned to the gardens to spend their last minutes amidst its quiet welcome. Now, as she escorted him through the garden toward the gates, he dreaded to leave her without further exploration of what she meant to him.
“Time was always against us,” Maria said in a silken tone of regret.
Setzer smiled slightly, caressing her hand as it rested so content in the nook of his elbow. “Yes, but we did our best by it; taking what it gave us and living it to the fullest extent.”
Maria sighed with a wistful smile. “We did, didn’t we? Each moment has a memory.”
Setzer unwrapped her hand from his arm to bring each slight finger to his lips. “I will come again soon, Maria. The reminiscing has been enjoyable, just as hearing of your new adventures has made me laugh.”
“I’m glad,” she said softly. “You seemed so sad when I met you that first time, after Darryl’s passing. I never wanted to see that expression in your eyes again.” Maria looked over at him. “Yet when you visited me after such a long time . . . I saw it again.” Her voice hesitated as her scrutiny deepened. “I’m glad you come to me when your soul aches. I’d give my life to take it away.”
Setzer’s steps faltered and ceased as he continued to stare ahead, the sun fading as other promises and duties pulled him away. His heart felt safe with her; his soul insulated and warm because he knew her and she knew him. A haven . . . “I wish I did not need to go,” he said quietly.
“So do I, but you must. The wind calls for you, dearest, and you must answer. It’s a part of you.”
Setzer faced her, still holding her hand as the other caressed her cheek and moved to hold it. “You would tempt me to ignore it, songbird. If you asked it, I would stay.”
Maria’s pale-blue eyes shimmered with tears as she brought her free hand up to pull his away. “I can’t ask that of you,” she told him in a choked voice. “Dearest Setzer, who am I to anchor what should soar? Your soul is free, and it is that which I love.”
Setzer gazed down into her pale face with quiet calm as his mind ceased all workings and mysteries. Then, he brought his hands up to caress and cradle the soft skin of her face. “I could easily love you, songbird.”
Maria’s eyes fluttered closed. “And that would be enough,” she whispered.
A smile tickled Setzer’s lips moments before lowering his hands to her shoulders to place a caress of a kiss on each cheek. When his lips hovered near hers, he resisted. He didn’t want their kiss to be tainted by his memories of the same with Marée. But Maria’s gentle sob at their parting, the tickle of her breath against his face, the fragrance of the flowers of her skin and hair . . . it enticed his senses with the promise of more.
When their lips touched, his mind sparked with a joining of past and present as a flame of memory and desire burned his lips and seared his skin. A haven. Still more sobs broke through her lips as his caressed and spoke to the soul that had begun to entwine itself with his. A haven. Maria’s arms encircled him, drawing her warmth closer as he enfolded her slight form with quivering arms. Nights of song, mornings of laughter, days of passion and wholeness. A haven.
Then Maria was tearing herself away, covering her mouth with her hands to muffle the sobs as she turned and ran.
“Maria!” He took a step after her, arm and hand extended. “Maria!” But she had disappeared around the side of the Opera House, and moments later he heard the back entrance slam closed. “Maria . . . ”
Setzer stared after her for a long moment of stillness and confusion as the wind tickled his face and lifted his hair to dance in the air around him. Then he turned and walked absently through the garden gates toward the Falcon, his hands behind his back. Any thoughts couldn’t break through the pleasant turmoil of raw emotion and vivid memories. All he could process were the feelings, the lingering burn, the feather-whisper of a memory of her lips. Gods! finally broke through the passion that had sealed off his mind. And what else could he say?
Setzer gave the guards an absent nod as he board
ed the Falcon and made his way to his private office to change. Marée’s portrait halted him in the center of the room. He turned his head slightly to view it, feeling again her overwhelming persona of freedom and control. Her force of spirit. Setzer looked away from it, staring at the floor at his feet a moment before stepping toward his desk to retrieve his cards. He gazed down at the Esper design and then gave the deck a one-handed shuffle. Then, with only a slight hesitation, he turned the top card.
Ace of Diamonds.
Setzer smirked and set the deck back onto his desk before stepping toward the portrait and tucking the card into one corner of the frame. He stepped back from it and crossed his arms, examining the portrait with a slight smile. She’d had her distraction. True, the dice hadn’t fallen the way they’d hoped, but she’d move on easily enough to the next adventure. Setzer, on the other hand, had wandered enough. He was ready for a home port.