Alexei shot Stas a warning glance before gathering up his phone, wallet and keys and leaving the apartment. He waited in the hallway until he heard the deadbolt engage. On his way out of the building, he questioned whether Stas was the right fit long-term. He seemed to be a man who was used to getting his hands dirty, not following a nice woman around town and keeping her safe.
Maybe it was time to look for a permanent solution to the issue of Shay’s security. This thing with Lalo and Shannon would blow over soon enough. Of that, he was sure. Nikolai and the other bosses wanted last night’s secret to stay buried. Only a complete idiot with a death wish would say anything. He just had to get Shay through the tension of the next week, and everything would be all right.
But he did have enemies. He would never fully escape the underworld or the awful shit he’d done in that past life. Some grudges never faded. Now that he finally had someone that he loved in his life, she would be a target. He needed to know that she was safe.
As he drove home, he considered calling Dimitri. His security company had survived its bumpy start and was now among the most highly regarded in Texas, but hiring a team from Dimitri might be overkill. He could just imagine the look on Shay’s face if he hired a pair like the two that Yuri had following his beloved Lena everywhere.
Shay seemed willing to let him coddle her to an extent, but he had no doubt she would push back if tried to attach retired SAS or SEALs to her. She didn’t need hardcore security guards with special ops backgrounds. She needed one or two men he trusted to keep her safe, to drive and escort her around town.
Alone in his house, he changed into a pair of jeans and a shirt and slipped into a comfortable pair of boots. Standing in his master bathroom, he eyed the empty second closet that was part of the suite. He walked over to it and opened the door. It had been designed for a woman with plenty of rack space, built-in shelving for shoes and even a marble topped island for storing lingerie.
He had no trouble imaging Shay in here every morning, picking through her clothing and slipping into all the sexy, tiny, lacy things he intended to buy her. She would need more handbag space though. That was one habit he would support without complaint.
Feeling strangely excited by the prospect of Shay moving into his home, Alexei backed out of the bathroom. He cast a glance at his bed and decided that he would have her in it tonight. This business with keeping her in the penthouse was done. Nikolai was right. She didn’t belong there. It was seedy and beneath her. She belonged here. In his home. Sharing his life.
After locking up, he left the house and drove to the nearest twenty-four hour drug store. He headed straight inside and right to the contraceptives aisle. He wasn’t quite sure how these morning after pills worked. He’d never needed them until now. He studied the options on the rack and finally chose the one that seemed easiest for her to take. He also grabbed the biggest box of condoms he could find.
At the pharmacy counter, he stared right back at the pharmacist who leveled a judgmental look his way. It wasn’t that old prick’s business why he needed the medication. Seeing the pharmacist’s reaction convinced him that coming here was the right thing to do. The last thing Shay needed was someone treating her like a whore after their night together.
Bag in hand, he left the drug store and stopped at the closest bakery. He had been planning to buy some nice pastries or muffins until he saw the stack of freshly made challah. The accompanying recipe cards for French toast seemed simple enough to handle. He chose a bottle of organic maple syrup from the nearby display before heading to the cashier.
Breakfast and medication purchased, Alexei returned to the penthouse. He sat in his SUV for a few minutes after parking and held the plastic bag and the pill it contained. His desire to protect Shay from the unintended consequence of their night together was strong, but he would be a fucking liar if he said that he was happy about buying this for her.
Some primal instinct within him decried the idea of Shay taking this and preventing a pregnancy that might be hours away from taking hold. Knowing he was the only man she had ever been with was powerful stuff. He didn’t like admitting that. He had always been a man who didn’t care about those kinds of things. The number of notches on a woman’s bedpost meant nothing to him.
But he couldn’t stomach the thought of another man knowing the sounds Shay made when she climaxed or the feel of her naked body rocking against his. He wasn’t proud of that. He wasn’t proud of these unexpected and very old school feelings creeping over him.
It’s because she’s the first woman who has ever been only mine.
It’s because she trusted me.
It’s because she chose me.
Alexei exhaled roughly. He wouldn’t break her trust by putting her in a situation she wasn’t ready for or wanted. Shay was just getting started in life. She was on the cusp of success in her career, and she was also facing the very real prospect she might never see her sister again. The last thing he needed was an unexpected pregnancy complicating her life.
Even so, he couldn’t shake the image of Shay holding a baby and smiling at him. It was a powerful image, one that made his chest ache with desire and need. Someday, he promised himself as he stepped into the elevator. Someday, when she’s ready…
Chapter Fifteen
Waking up alone was a jarring sensation, especially after being wrapped up in Alexei’s arms all night. I sat up slowly and glanced around the bedroom. It was late, probably nine or ten in the morning. I ran my hand over the spot where Alexei had slept, but the sheets were cool to the touch. He had been awake awhile.
A sadness I didn’t understand engulfed me. It was silly to feel so slighted about something like this, but I had envisioned something different. I had expected to wake up curled next to him, breathing in his scent, feeling his heat, maybe even sneaking a kiss or two.
Stop being ridiculous. You’re a grown ass woman, and it was just sex.
Except it wasn’t just sex. As I showered and pulled on some leggings and an oversized sweater, I tried to sort out my jumbled feelings. Not much about my first time had gone as I’d envisioned. No mood lighting. No wine. No music. Last night hadn’t gone according to any plan. It had just…happened.
But I was glad it had happened. I had loved every moment of making love to Alexei, even the sort of painful parts. Maybe the first time hadn’t been romance novel worthy, but the second time had been amazing. Frankly, I couldn’t wait to try it again.
While I blasted my hair with a blow dryer, I debated how much to tell Kylee. She had always been incredibly open with me about her experiences. It was only fair that I shared my news and all the juicy details with her. I could just imagine the smug look on her face when she heard the story I had to tell. She had called this months ago and was going to make sure I remembered it.
Winding up the cord on the blow dryer, I stopped suddenly. Thinking of all the details I would share with her, I remembered one very important thing.
Oh no. Oh no no no no no.
We hadn’t used protection. At all. Either time.
Kylee was going to flip when I told her that detail. We had always promised each other that we would be safe. I had gotten so wrapped up in the lust and excitement that I hadn’t even stopped to think about the risks.
Calm down.
Think.
Count.
For once in my life, I rejoiced at my clockwork period. For years now, I had run on a perfect schedule of thirty-three days. I quickly did the math and breathed a sigh of relief. Aunt Flo was due in less than a week. Unless my body was up to some seriously weird things, I had already ovulated and was in the clear.
Combing my fingers through my hair, I stared at my reflection and shook my head. What were you thinking? You need to slow down and act responsibly. You are not ready to be a mother!
My fingers drifted over the bruises on my throat and cheek. They were starting to turn a deep shade of plum. It would be another week or two before they faded completel
y. I rarely wore more than a little BB cream, but I would definitely have to find a way to work some concealer into my usual routine until they were gone.
Today, though, I didn’t see the need to spackle on the heavy duty stuff. I dabbed on some lip balm before leaving the safety of the bedroom. The scent of vanilla wafted through the penthouse, and I discovered Alexei making French toast for me. In all the time I had known him, this was the first time I had ever seen him in jeans. He looked so sexy in them. Those rolled up sleeves of his shirt highlighted his corded forearms and the swath of tattoos swirling from his fingers along his wrists and right up to his elbows.
Sensing my presence, Alexei turned toward me and grinned. He turned back to the range just long enough to switch off the gas. With powerful, confident strides, he closed the distance between us and slid an arm around my waist. Cupping my face, he tipped back my head and teased his mouth across mine. It was a tender, seeking kiss that stoked the lingering flames from last night.
When he pulled back, he brushed his knuckles along my cheek. “Good morning.”
I smiled shyly up at him. “Hi.”
He pressed his lips to my forehead and then dotted kisses along my temple and right up to the crown of my head. He inhaled deeply. “You always smell so fucking good.”
I rubbed my hand over his chest. “You were up early.”
“Old habits.” He brushed his fingers through my hair. “I hope you’re hungry. I managed to time breakfast just right.”
“Oh?”
“I heard the shower and started following the recipe.” He gestured to a recipe card propped up against the backsplash. “I hope you like French toast.”
“I love it.”
“Come eat while it’s still hot.” He guided me to the nearest barstool and helped me settle onto it. I sipped the orange juice he’d already placed at my spot while he dished up our breakfast. I liked watching him at these domestic chores. Even with something as simple as French toast, he was so careful in plating the dish. He added blueberries and strawberries to each serving along with a healthy dollop of butter and swirl of expensive maple syrup.
“Thank you.” I smiled at him when he slid my plate in front of me.
“You’re welcome.” Alexei leaned down and kissed me. His newfound ease of displaying affection seemed so natural this morning.
Glancing back toward the living room, I asked, “What about Stas?”
“I sent him on some errands. He’ll meet up with us later.” He gestured with his fork toward my plate. “Eat.”
Side by side, we devoured our fluffy stacks of French toast and berries. We talked quietly, mostly about the best breakfasts we had ever eaten. I noticed the way he seemed to be going out of his way not to mention the motel or Lalo or Shannon. Eventually, we would have to talk about it, but it was such a lovely Sunday morning. I didn’t want to spoil it with something so ugly either.
When we were finished eating, he pushed my plate out of the way and leaned closer. He brushed a few strands of my hair behind my ear and traced the shell of it with his fingertip. “We need to talk about last night.”
Something in my chest clenched painfully. Was this it? Was he going to tell me it was a mistake? That I was a nice girl but I wasn’t exactly mistress material? Or that he’d finally decided that all my baggage was too much to handle? Stomach churning, I said softly, “Okay…?”
As if reading my mind, he shook his head and ran his thumb along my lower lip. “That’s not what I meant, Shay.” He claimed my mouth in a lingering, lovingly sweet kiss. “I have no regrets about last night.” He kissed me again. “None.” And again. “Not one.” Leaning back, he searched my eyes for something. “Do you?”
“No.” My answer was swift and sure.
He tilted his head. “Not even the way I was too rough with you the first time?”
I sensed his guilt and hated that he felt as if he had hurt me or done something wrong. Touching his cheek, I said, “Alexei, I should have told you that I hadn’t ever gone that far. You shouldn’t feel guilty about anything that happened last night.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
I glanced down, suddenly embarrassed. “I guess…maybe…I was worried you wouldn’t want me.”
“What?” he asked, seemingly incredulous at the very thought. Tilting my head up with fingers beneath my chin, he stared at me in utter confusion. “How could you ever think that I wouldn’t want you?”
Didn’t he understand? Didn’t he realize how high his dating stock was compared to mine?
“Alexei, you’re this ridiculously hot guy with a long history of lovers and mistresses who have rocked your freaking world. I can’t compare with that. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m just…stumbling along behind you, trying to catch up.”
“If you feel like you’re stumbling behind, say something, Shay. I want you to walk beside me. Don’t ever let me pressure you into doing something you don’t like just because it’s something I enjoy.”
“But how will I know if I enjoy it if I don’t try it with you?”
He didn’t have a quick answer for that. “We’ll have to take it slow. You have to promise me that you will always tell me to stop if you don’t like something we try. I can’t stand the thought of hurting you, Shay.” He touched his forehead to mine. “It would fucking destroy me if I found out you felt used or abused or forced into something.”
“You would never let it get that far.”
“I’d like to think I wouldn’t, but I can’t read your mind. You have to speak up, Shay.”
“I will.”
“Promise me, Shay.”
“I promise, Alexei.”
As if remembering the other thing I had said, he added, “And you don’t ever have to compare yourself to the other women in my past.” His gaze bore into me. “Do you understand that?”
“Yes.”
“All I want is you, Shay. Just you. Exactly as you are.”
“That’s a good thing.” I slid my hand down to the side of his neck and ran my thumb back and forth along the underside of his jaw. “That’s all I can offer.”
“It’s more than enough, Shay.” Turning his head, he kissed my palm before turning his worried gaze to me. “But,” he said with a sigh, “we made two mistakes last night.”
Instantly, I knew what he meant. “I’m so sorry, Alexei. I swear I didn’t do it on purpose. I’ve never been so irresponsible. I never thought—”
“Hush.” He pressed his lips to mine, silencing my rambling. “There’s more than enough blame to share. The bulk of the blame is on me, Shay. I’m older than you. I’m more experienced. I seduced you, and I should have been prepared.”
“It’s my body. I should have been more careful with it.”
“I would never put you at risk of any sort of disease, Shay.” He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced away briefly. He seemed reluctant as he said, “I served time in prison and tuberculosis is rampant there. The worst kind. The one that doesn’t respond to drugs. Even though I know I’m clear, I still go in every year and demand a test from my doctor. It’s crazy to do that. I haven’t been exposed in decades but I can’t shake that worry.”
His eyes closed for a brief moment, and I witnessed the dark shadow of his complicated history cross his face. “When I used to fight underground, there was a lot of blood.” He cringed as if remembering the mess in those cages at the end of fight night. “A lot of blood,” he repeated. “Back then, they didn’t test anyone. They just threw us in the ring and had us beat the shit out of each other until one man was left standing. Now? Now Nikolai and Besian make sure everyone has papers proving they’re clean.”
He cupped the back of my neck and stared into my eyes. He was being totally open with me and seemed to be trying to reassure me that he was telling the truth. “I’ve been tested for all the horrible blood borne diseases. I’ve also been tested for everything to do with sex. The tests are always negative. It’s been years since I fought i
n a cage, and I’ve always been careful when I fuck around so it’s definitely overkill to be tested so much. I know it is. But I would hate myself if I hurt a woman who shared my bed.”
Seeing this side of Alexei surprised me. He was letting me see the real him beneath that ultra-confident shell. Deep down, he was vulnerable and unsure. At the purest part of him, he wanted to be a good man, to care and provide and protect the woman in his life. It was an old-school sentiment—and one I was starting to find intensely attractive.
Not wanting him to beat himself up over our mistake, I said, “Alexei, I’m sure we’re fine. You obviously monitor your health closely. I’ll have my doctor run some tests the next time I see her if that will put your mind at ease.”
“I can show you my latest results, if you’d like. I have them in my electronic medical chart that the hospital uses.”
“That’s fine.” We had flirted with danger last night, and we couldn’t do it again. But I wasn’t going to berate him when it was clear he had been diligent about protecting himself.
Clearing his throat, he said, “Last night was the first time I’ve forgotten a condom. I’m not sure if you’re taking something…?”
I shook my head. “I’m not.”
“Well, we’ll have to do something about that,” he said. “Until then, I’ll wear a condom. If you want to keep having sex with me,” he added.
“Of course, I want to keep having sex with you!” I couldn’t even believe he would ask something that crazy.
He laughed. “Good. Because I want to keep having sex with you.” He reached into the back pocket of his jeans and shifted on his seat. “About last night? Just in case, I got this for you when I went out this morning.”
I didn’t know what to say when Alexei placed the familiar box in front of me. I had seen the morning after pill in a few stores and had even bought it for Shannon once when she was too embarrassed to go in and buy it herself. Uncertain about how to take it or whether I even wanted to take it, I picked it up and turned the box over to read the back.