Read An Unforgivable Secret (Amish Secrets - Book 1) Page 12

  Chapter 9

  Christian walked the row of corn and whistled happily as he thought about Hannah's appointment last week. It had been so gut to hear the heartbeat of their very own boppli. It seemed more real now that they could actually hear evidence of life. He was certain the birth of this little one would bring him and Hannah closer together. Hannah had been more her normal self lately and Christian loved seeing the sparkle in her eye again. He sent up a prayer of thanksgiving to God once again. He was more content than he'd ever been in his life and joyfulness overflowed from his soul.

  Christian often wondered about Samuel and how his life was going. He wished Samuel would have brought his wife back and settled here in Pennsylvania instead of Ohio. He missed having his best friend to talk to. He and Samuel had always been so close, it almost felt as though they were brothers. It surprised Christian that Samuel never sent any letters to him and he couldn't help but feel that perhaps Samuel held some animosity toward him. Of course, Christian hadn't sent any letters to Samuel either, it just wasn't his way. He didn't really care much for letter writing.

  As Christian pondered the situation, he determined that he would drop a note to Samuel in the mail. He wouldn't write much, just a simple greeting and an invitation to visit. Hopefully, Samuel would write back and eventually come visit. Christian was certain Samuel's family would love to see him as well.

  A crow's call from above drew his attention to the sky. The warm sun felt gut on his face and he realized it was nearing time for lunch. He decided to go in a little early to see if maybe Hannah would let him help with lunch preparations, although she rarely allowed him to assist her in the kitchen. No, she was adamant the kitchen was her domain.

  When Christian entered the back door, Hannah was doubled over in apparent pain. Christian quickly rushed to her side. "Hannah, what's wrong? Are you okay? Is it the boppli?" Fear tore through Christian's insides as he noticed Hannah's blanched face.

  "I..." Hannah could barely get the words out as she clenched her abdomen tightly. "Christian, the baby!" she screamed.

  Christian scooped Hannah up into his arms and rushed her to their bedroom, gently setting her on the bed. He bent down and kissed her forehead in an attempt to reassure the both of them. "Hannah, is there something I can do for you?" He looked on helplessly. "Will you be all right here by yourself for a little bit while I go fetch Chloe?"

  Hannah nodded in obvious anguish.

  Christian hated to leave her, but flew out the door as quickly as he possibly could and hooked up the buggy in record time. It was times like this he wished he owned a cell phone. The nearest telephone shanty was a mile away and Christian determined that he would ask the bishop if he could install one in their barn for emergencies. Christian chided himself for not thinking of that sooner.

  He arrived back at the house with Chloe in tow twenty minutes later. Now, he nervously paced the living room floor waiting for Chloe's assessment. He'd chosen to stay out of the way so Chloe could work unhindered. The last thing she needed was a frantic husband bothering her when attempting to perform her duties. Dear Gott, Please let Hannah and the boppli be okay. Please help us through whatever trials come our way, Lord. Thy will be done. Amen.

  "Christian, you may come see Hannah now," Chloe called from the bedroom door.

  Christian reluctantly walked toward the bedroom, unsure of whether he wanted to hear the pronouncement that awaited him. But putting off the inevitable didn't make sense, so he walked into the bedroom with an ounce of hope that maybe his misgivings were wrong. One look at Hannah's stricken face gave Christian his answer: they had lost the baby.

  Christian felt like crumbling to the floor and breaking down where he stood, but Hannah desperately needed him now. He would remain strong for Hannah's sake and grieve alone in silence. He swallowed his own grief and rushed to Hannah's side. Chloe had discreetly exited the room, giving them time alone. Hannah sobbed in silence as he held her close to his chest, allowing her tears to fall freely. Knowing how much his own heart agonized, he couldn't imagine the heartache Hannah was now experiencing. Please comfort Hannah, Lord. And someday, please give us a child to love. I don't know what Your will is, Lord, but I trust you. Heal our broken hearts. Amen.

  Hannah knew that it was probably her fault. Surely God was punishing her for her past sins. She was grieved, mostly for Christian's sake, but she wasn't surprised at the outcome. She had hoped, though, that God would overlook her iniquity for Christian's benefit, but it wasn't to be. Perhaps God would allow her to conceive again and He would have mercy on her the second time around.

  In the weeks that passed, Hannah and Christian came to terms with the loss of their first child. They still grieved some, but Christian realized that God was in control. He continually comforted Hannah, and in doing so, he hoped they would soon be blessed with another child. It seemed the loss of the boppli had brought them closer together, and for that, Christian was thankful.

  Chloe had explained that miscarriage was not an uncommon occurrence and in most cases, the cause of a miscarriage was often mysterious even to specialists. She'd also told them that common belief was that there was most likely something wrong with the baby and it probably wouldn't have gone to full term anyhow. Christian and Hannah were saddened to hear that sometimes women miscarried more than once, but they chose to hope for the best for future pregnancies. All in all, they knew it was all in God's hands and it was up to Him to preserve a life if He chose to.