Chapter 24
Deborah whisked a dozen eggs in a plastic mixing bowl, then dumped them into the hot pan to scramble. The table was already set, so she only needed to butter the bread now and put it in the oven to toast. Peter sat at the table reading his Bible with Elam on his lap, while Becky still slept in her crib. Deborah never realized how blessed she truly was, nor how oblivious to those around her in pain.
Like Hannah. How could it be that Hannah had suffered in silence this long and Deborah not have noticed? She’d failed as a sister and a friend. She should have been able to discern Hannah’s anguish, shouldn’t she?
Now that she thought back on everything that had happened over the years, it all made perfect sense. Beginning with the day Hannah’d found out that Christian cheated on her with the Englisch girl, she hadn’t been the same. Deborah gasped at the realization. It was Christian who caused Hannah and Samuel to come together, she was almost sure of it. What else could it have been? This is all Christian’s fault!
Deborah clenched her hands together. Ugh…the nerve of that man! In her frustration, she nearly knocked over one of the glasses she’d set on the table.
Peter’s eyes lifted. “Are you all right, Deborah?”
“No, I am not all right. I’m upset. I’m angry. I’m furious!”
Peter set his Bible down and peered into Deborah’s eyes. “Whoa! Calm down there. What’s this all about?”
“Him.” She clenched her teeth.
“Him? Him who? Samuel?” Peter said, thinking she looked cute when she was angry.
“Nee.”
“Christian?”
Deborah nodded her head.
Peter set Elam down on the bench. “Well, if what you said about Hannah was true, don’t you think he had a right to be upset?”
“That’s not what I’m talking about, Peter. Don’t you see? This is all Christian’s fault, every bit of it. It’s all because he cheated on Hannah when they were betrothed. He’s the reason she turned to your brother.”
“Deb, I know what you’re saying. But Hannah and Samuel are not innocent in this. They still made a choice to do what they did. They chose to sin. Hannah chose to abort their baby. Let’s not go blaming people and just let God take care of this, jah?” Peter pulled Deborah into his arms and soothingly rubbed her back.
Deborah released a drawn out breath. “Okay, I’ll try. But I still feel like wringing Christian’s neck.”
Peter chuckled. “Wow. I never knew my wife could be so violent. Maybe I should watch my back.”
“Nee, you don’t need to do that. Unless you make me mad,” she warned.
Peter bent down and brought his lips to hers. “I would never want to do that,” he said, enjoying his wife’s nearness.
Deborah suddenly pulled away. “I have an idea! I think I know how we can help Hannah and Christian. Do you remember that billboard on Lincoln Highway – the one with the mother and baby on it?”
Peter sighed in disappointment and stepped back, shaking his head to refocus. “Jah, I remember.”
“Well, I think those people help women who’ve been through abortion. Could we drive by and get the phone number?” Deborah watched as Peter’s longing eyes swept over her dress. She had a feeling he hadn’t heard a word she’d said.
“I think we can do that later,” Peter mumbled. He stepped close to Deborah and drew her back into his arms. “Right now I need some time with my fraa.”
Deborah flustered. “But breakfast is ready now,” she protested.
“Breakfast can wait.” His eyes twinkled as his fingers caressed her soft cheek.
“But the kinner –” She glanced around to where Elam was sitting and noticed he’d gone to play with his toys in the other room.
“Are occupied.” He kissed his wife again, then scooped her up into his arms.
Hannah awoke when her mother entered her hospital room. Loneliness and despair were like a continual plague that ceased to lift. Sleep was the only luxury she’d allow. If not for the intravenous fluid, she’d receive no nourishment at all.
Miriam Stolzfus frowned when she noticed the dark circles under her daughter’s eyes. “Hannah, dochder, it breaks my heart to see you like this. Please talk to me. Tell me why you’re so down.”
Deborah hasn’t told Mamm yet. Hannah didn’t know whether she was relieved or disappointed. What would Mamm say if she knew I killed her grossboppli? The only boppli I could have given birth to. Surely she’d hate me. Hannah remained silent. She couldn’t bear any more shame.
Hannah heard the door to her room swing open, but the privacy curtain blocked her view. She saw Mamm look up at the visitor with sad eyes and give a half smile. Mamm looked back at her. “I’ll be back later, Honey.”
After Mamm disappeared, quiet footsteps neared Hannah’s bed. Hannah glanced up, surprised to see a hesitant Christian. She quickly looked away, fearful of what he’d say to her. Why was he here anyway? Hadn’t he told her to leave and that he never wanted to see her again? He almost got his wish. He had with Samuel.
Christian sucked in a breath. Hannah. Precious Hannah. Oh, he’d come so close to losing her. God, give me the strength to love her like You do. Help me to see past her faults. Place Your love and forgiveness in my heart and help us to overcome this trial.
“Hannah.” Christian began slowly. He cautiously walked toward her. Summoning the courage to lift his eyes, he saw that she did not look his way. “I’ve come to apologize. I was wrong. Please forgive me for being a dummkopp.”
Hannah turned and lifted her sad eyes to his. “You…you don’t hate me?”
Tears sprung to his eyes. “Nee. I could never hate you, Lieb.” He took her uninjured hand in his and gently brought it to his lips. He sat in the chair near her bed.
“But Samuel…” Hannah’s voice trailed off.
“All is forgiven.” Tears now streamed from Christian’s eyes and he brushed them away. “We’ve lost him, Hannah. We’ve lost Samuel forever.”
Hannah swiped her eyes too. “Nee, not forever.”
“We will miss him, jah?” Christian held out his arms and Hannah wept in his embrace. As they both mourned Samuel’s death, he realized how good it felt to hold her in his arms again. Four days had seemed like an eternity without her. But he knew everything would be okay now.
Hannah pulled back and peered into his eyes. “Samuel did this.”
Christian didn’t comprehend what she was saying. “Samuel did what?”
“When Samuel went away to Ohio, he said he’d done it so we could be together. He never meant to come between us. The last thing he said to me before the accident was, ‘Hannah, I would go away and never come back if I thought it would heal your and Christian’s marriage.’ Do you think God answered his unspoken prayer? Do you think Samuel gave up his life for us?” Hannah’s eyes glistened.
“It would seem that way.” Christian contemplated his friendship with Samuel. But something nagged at him. He’d always seemed like such a faithful, caring friend, so why would he betray his trust? Why would he have gotten involved with Hannah?
“Hannah, I have to ask you something.” Christian receded from their embrace.
Hannah nodded, giving him permission to speak.
“Why did you turn to Samuel in the first place?” He needed to know, if he was ever going to have peace.
“Do you remember the night of the Singing? After I’d seen you with the Englisch girl and we argued?”
He nodded and gulped.
“That was the night I turned to Samuel.” Tears sprung to her eyes once again as she remembered that agonizing night. “I was so upset, so hurt that you’d chosen an Englisch girl over me. I thought we’d never marry. Samuel was there for me. He cared and he told me that he loved me. But then when Samuel left…” She couldn’t go on. The memories were just too vivid, and too painful.
Christian swore under his breath, something Hannah had never heard him do. “It was all my fault.” Christian shook his h
ead at the realization. “I’m the one who –”
“Christian, no. Don’t blame yourself. Samuel and I –”
“Hannah, forgive me. I had no idea. I thought…” Christian raked his hands through his hair, thoroughly humbled. “I’m just as much to blame for all this as you and Samuel. I’m so sorry, Hannah.”
“I love you, Christian.”
“Oh, Lieb. Why did God ever see fit to bless me with a woman like you? I’m so undeserving.” Christian met her lips with his and he realized for the first time just how truly blessed he was.