Chapter 25
A long line of gray buggies somberly made their way out to the Amish cemetery where generations of their Anabaptist ancestors had been buried. Today marked a grievous day for Bishop Hostettler’s district in Paradise, Pennsylvania. They would be saying goodbye to one of their younger members, Samuel Beachy.
Christian and Hannah followed the procession to bid farewell to their beloved friend. Samuel would be missed immensely. They hadn’t been to the Beachy home to view the body prior to the graveside service because Hannah hadn’t been released from the hospital yet. She’d pleaded with the doctor to allow an early release for the funeral.
Christian helped Hannah down from the carriage, careful not to jostle her broken arm. Her injury would be a constant reminder of that fateful day. But as her broken body healed, her aching heart would eventually heal as well.
Hundreds of mourners, all dressed in black, slowly made their way to the hollow earth where Samuel’s body would be laid to rest. Hannah caught the glances from others who pretended not to notice her. Would they look at her and wonder what she’d been doing in Samuel’s buggy? Did they believe she was responsible for his death? Did they wish that it was she who had died instead of Samuel? Had word already gotten out about her and Samuel’s misdeed? Or worse, did they know she was a murderer?
As Hannah furtively glanced around, she spotted her mother. Mamm still hadn’t asked about it and she wondered how long it would be before she did. Hannah’s heart lamented every time she thought of telling her folks. How could she tell them she’d killed their grossboppli? They would never have expected such an atrocious act of her. No, she’d always been the ‘good’ daughter – an example for her younger sister to follow. Yeah right. The only thing she exemplified was how to make a complete disaster of one’s life.
While Christian moved in closer, Hannah opted to stay back. She wasn’t quite ready to face the crowds and worried that her arm might get bumped. Deborah came near and slipped an arm around her. Her sister’s presence was comforting. Somehow it seemed as though they had reversed roles over the years.
Deborah leaned close and spoke softly, so no one but Hannah would hear. “Samuel’s in Heaven with his boppli now, jah?”
The words were like a soothing balm to Hannah’s aching soul. “Jah.” Denki, Gott. Hannah closed her eyes and pictured Samuel holding their baby with Jesus standing by his side. She’d never seen Samuel happier. The beautiful vision provoked a fresh wave of cleansing tears.
As the final words were said and the pine box was lowered into the ground, Hannah felt an overwhelming peace flood her soul. Samuel is home, she realized.
It felt good to be back home. Hannah prepared coffee and a light snack for Christian and herself while they enjoyed the quiet evening in each other’s company. Attending Samuel’s funeral had been difficult, but she realized it was a necessary step in finding closure. They would miss Samuel immensely and she knew he would never be forgotten.
Hannah brought a mug of coffee into the living room and handed it to Christian. “How are you doing?” she asked.
Christian’s glazed eyes met hers. He shrugged. “All right, I guess. I will miss him.”
Hannah glanced down and spied an envelope in his lap on top of his open Bible. “What’s that you got there?”
He picked up the unopened envelope and held it out to her. She slowly ran her fingers over Christian’s name, obviously penned by Samuel. Hannah gasped. “A letter from Samuel?”
Christian nodded and held up the Bible in his lap. “Samuel left this in the dawdi haus. There were two envelopes inside.”
Hannah’s eyebrows lifted. “Two?”
Christian slid another envelope from between the pages of Samuel’s Bible. He held it out to Hannah. “This one is for you.”
Hannah surveyed Christian’s countenance. Was he worried about the contents of the letter? “When did he write these?” she asked, but realized neither of them would have the answer until after they’d read them.
Christian shrugged.
“Are you going to open yours?”
Christian nodded. “I will read mine first.”
He gently slipped his finger under the flap and pulled out a single sheet of lined paper. Silently, his eyes skimmed over the ink on the page. A moment later, he handed the note to Hannah to read.
Dear Christian,
I realize that you probably hate me right now and I can’t say I blame you. Please don’t throw this letter away until you’ve read the words. You know I’m not one for writing letters. I just wanted to say a couple of things:
1.I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you and Hannah. I never meant to come between the two of you, but somehow that’s exactly what has happened. I hope that one day you can find forgiveness in your heart for Hannah and me. Please know that if I could go back and change the past, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
2.Thank you for your friendship. You are the best friend I’ve ever known. I wish I’d been a better friend to you.
Sincerely,
Samuel
Tears sprung to Hannah’s eyes and she grasped Christian’s hand. “This is a blessing, jah?”
“Jah,” Christian agreed. “We were blessed to know Samuel.”
Hannah followed Christian’s eyes as they now focused on her unopened letter. Her hand shook slightly as she took the envelope from Christian’s outstretched hand. Would the contents bring more sorrow for Christian? She desperately hoped it would not.
She silently read Samuel’s final words to her.
My Dear Precious Hannah,
My heart is grieved as I write these words. I fear I have lost Christian, my dearest friend.
Ach, there is so much I want to say but I do not have the time. My thoughts are all jumbled, so I pray you can make sense of this. Christian has asked me to leave, and for his sake, I will do so. I hope you and Christian can work out the rift I’ve caused between you, but I don’t know if that will happen. Right now, you and Christian are talking and I fear it will not go well.
If I leave, I may never see you again so I wanted to share some things that have been on my heart.
First of all, I want you to know that I love you. I’ve loved you since we were fourteen, even before your first buggy ride with Christian. I’ve always envied him.
Second, I want you to know that I’ve forgiven you for our boppli. I know I’ve already told you, but I wanted to put it on paper so that you don’t doubt. I pray you will forgive me for my part in this as well, as I realize I am partially to blame. Had things turned out differently, I’m certain we would be married with many bopplin by now. But we cannot dwell on past mistakes, we must move forward and look to a hopeful future. I do not blame you for the way things have turned out. We just have to trust that somehow God has His hand in this.
And finally, I want you to know that God has forgiven you. This may seem hard for you to grasp since I know you have not forgiven yourself. But God is merciful and if we humbly come to Him, there is NO sin He will not forgive. What you have done is not unpardonable despite how you may feel.
I know you’ve heard this before, but perhaps it will mean more to you now. God loves you. God wants you to trust Him as your Saviour and allow the blood of Jesus to wash away your sins. Will you do that, Hannah? If you will, it will bring healing to your soul like nothing else can. It is the only thing that gives me peace, even when I’ve messed things up so badly that I don’t know what my next step will be. I know God will guide me. His Word says He will not suffer the righteous to be moved. Cling to Him, Hannah. God loves you like no human being ever can.
I hear Christian’s buggy driving away now and it sounds as if he is not happy. This letter could go on forever, but I must go now and see how you are doing. Please remember these words.
With all my heart,
Samuel
Hannah looked up at Christian and wiped away her tears. She hesitantly handed the letter to Christian, then walked to the re
stroom to fetch a box of tissues. She lingered a while, allowing Christian time to read her letter in privacy. Instead of rejoining him in the living room, she remembered the coffee and snacks she’d prepared and headed toward the kitchen. She knew Christian would appreciate the time alone to process Samuel’s words.
As Hannah stirred the fresh cream into her coffee, she felt Christian’s presence behind her and his strong arms encircled her waist. His comforting embrace spoke more than words could ever say. Hannah turned around and obliged when Christian’s hungry lips met hers. When a knock sounded on the back door, a frustrated groan escaped his lips. After gathering their composure, Christian moved to the door to welcome their unexpected guests.