Read An Unforgivable Secret (Amish Secrets - Book 1) Page 9

  Chapter 6

  November, the following year…

  Christian pulled his suspenders up over his chest, fastened his black vest, and put on his for-gut jacket. A sigh of relief escaped his lips. He and Hannah were finally getting married. Although they had planned on marrying the previous year, circumstances seemed to prevent the event from taking place. He knew he was blessed to be marrying Hannah at all, and that he didn’t deserve her. He’d almost lost her a year ago when she found out he was also seeing an Englisch girl. Jah, he had been a dummkopp, he knew now.

  Samuel had left over a year ago to marry his beloved Carolanne. They were all surprised when Samuel just up and left without saying goodbye to anyone. Well, he did leave a brief note. Christian, I hope you and Hannah will be happy. I’m leaving for Ohio today and intend to ask Carolanne to marry me. Thank you for being a gut friend. Goodbye, Samuel. At least he had left on amicable terms. Christian knew his friend had been disappointed in him when he’d cheated on Hannah.

  He wished Samuel were here now. He missed him. Samuel had never been anything but a good, faithful, caring friend. Christian could really use some advice on how to be gut husband. He was certain that Carolanne had gotten a gut man when she married Samuel. And from the occasional letters Samuel’s brother had shared with him, he knew he was doing well out in Ohio.

  Hannah had troubles of her own and that was a big part of why they didn’t marry last year. Christian was convinced he was the cause of it. As soon as Hannah had found out about his betrayal with the Englisch girl, it seemed as though her life spiraled out of control and her health took a turn for the worse. Some unknown sickness had taken a hold of her, and then it appeared as though a cloud of depression hung over her for months. It almost seemed as though the life had been drained out of her. Christian had no idea how to help her. He’d apologized many times, but somehow, he knew that wasn’t enough. If he had realized what his actions would put Hannah through, he wouldn’t have thought twice about the Englisch girl.

  Now, he just wanted to be the husband that Hannah deserved.

  As he joined Hannah in the upstairs hallway of her folks’ home, ready to descend the stairs and begin their new life together, he could still sense Hannah’s pain. She smiled, but it never fully reached her eyes and brighten her whole face as it had the day he’d asked her to marry him – a week before she’d found out. With all his heart, he wished he could erase the mistakes he had made, but that power didn’t lie within his hands. He drew Hannah close and held her for several minutes, silently communicating his love for her.

  Trust, once lost, could not be easily found. Not in a year, perhaps not even in a lifetime. But Christian would do his best to regain the trust he’d lost. Somehow, someday, he would make it all up to her.

  You can do this. Hannah mentally recited the mantra to herself over and over again. This was the original plan, wasn’t it? It shouldn’t come as a surprise. She would marry Christian. Samuel would go to Ohio and marry Carolanne. Why, then, did she feel so out of touch with reality? Why did she feel like she was stuck in a tiny room with no air left to breathe? Why did she feel like she was making the worst, make that the second worst, decision of her life?

  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, recalling Samuel’s last words to her. She’d heard them in her head many times over the last year, “I love you, Hannah.” She'd clung to those words for weeks hoping that perhaps Samuel would return, but she knew now those words had been a lie. Samuel had deserted her at a time when she needed him most. She had given him her heart and he disregarded it as though it had been a filthy rag.

  How could she do this? How could she go through with it? Gott, help me. I don’t know what I’m doing. What am I supposed to do? She didn’t know why she was praying. Surely God’s ears weren’t open to her prayers anymore.

  As Christian took her hand, she realized it was too late to back out now. His smile brought a small amount of comfort, but she knew nothing could heal her wounded soul.

  Perhaps a new start would be best. She would simply choose to forget about the past, bury it as best as she could, and hope the skeletons didn’t come back to haunt her. Hannah pasted on a smile and said the words required to become Mrs. Christian Glick. Yes, she and Christian would have a good life together. She was determined to make it a reality.