Chapter 3
A half-year passed. I had only one full free day a week that I should have spent seeking a more permanent position in the Great House staff. But, although Addie’s warnings buzzed incessantly in the back of my mind, I didn’t heed them. Everything to do with the Great House made me miserable. Instead, I would disappear the moment my work was done and wouldn’t return until it was absolutely necessary. I escaped to the only place worth going - the market - where I would lose myself in the hustle of other people’s lives. Occasionally I found Gil hawking my family’s fish, and he would regale me with stories told by my parents and brothers. However, never once did he bring with him a request for me to return to my former life. There would be no welcome homecoming for me.
My greatest find was on the western edge of the market where the buskers entertained, practicing their craft and collecting coins from market goers. Amateur acrobats, jugglers, singers, lutists, false mages and dancers all lived off the benevolence of the day traders, all hoping to be discovered. I was at first taken in by the false mages, thinking their small tricks were real magic, but after watching for many hours I was able to discern the trickery behind their ‘magic’. I also watched the day traders buy and sell, and buy and sell, making profits where they could.
On a cold morning that threatened rain, I approached a crowd developing around Sendi and Mendi, two hairless twins who juggled knives and breathed fire, who dressed only in short calfskin breeches that were cut to their knees. I was imagining what new additions they might have added to their act and didn’t see the gentleman crossing my path. I ran right into him, bowling him over and forcing the small wrapped package he was holding to tumble to the ground. I jittered as I picked it up for him, hoping as I handed it to him that this wouldn’t get me into more trouble than I could handle.
“I am sorry, sir.” Our eyes met for a brief moment.
“No trouble at all.” He paused. “My, my, are you the little waif who cleans my room?”
I narrowed my eyes. I knew him. I bowed curtly, and turned my eyes to the ground. I had watched his room on the third floor of the east wing expand from a few worn trunks to a room crammed with books and cauldrons filled with bubbling liquids of the oddest colors and long thin reeds hanging over the fireplace. I wondered if he was a mage. I wanted there to be magic in the world, more than I wanted anything. I wanted to believe in something more than this sad life I lived. Something better. His room seemed different from any other I had ever seen - so full of possibilities. I had caught occasional glimpses of him before, but didn’t realize that he had also seen me. He wasn’t old, but he was a grown-up man, perhaps in his late twenties. He had thick brown hair that curled over his forehead, was broadly shouldered, and dressed as a noble in fine silk and tweed.
He outstretched an empty hand, gloved in soft brown leather, toward me as if he wanted to shake my hand. I stepped back, causing him to grimace, but he continued speaking to me anyway.
“Thellium Vance,” he introduced himself. “Though, I imagine, you already know my name. If I remember correctly, the servants always know everything. And you’re Anais?”
How could he know my name? It was strange, his ability to shrug off our differences in class as if they were a dressing robe. Although I knew with utter certainty that it was important to maintain the lines between our stations, I couldn’t ignore a direct question.
“Yes, sir,” I muttered, hoping he would realize the ridiculousness of this conversation and leave me alone.
He bent to his knees, crouching on the ground. His eyes were now at my eye level. “Well, Miss Anais, you really don’t need to be scared of me. I’m not a monster.” He paused. “I find myself at a loss here, perhaps you can help me.”
I sighed. It had been hard for me not having anyone to talk to, so much so that this small moment seemed somehow worth keeping, even though it was risky, and even though Thellium was just a grown-up, at least he was someone.
“What do you need?” I replied.
“I was recently appointed as a scribe to the Seve household. I’m sure you have seen the pots of ink in my room, and quills hanging by the fire.”
“They aren’t magic potions?” I blurted out.
“Hardly.” He snorted. “Well, I’m running low on parchment, and I’ve been wandering this market for over an hour and I can’t seem to find an appropriate merchant. I’m sure one must be here somewhere.” He looked around in frustration.
His problem was understandable as the market could be a maze to the uninitiated.
“Follow me,” I said and smiled at him. This was my area of expertise.
I could move through the vendors we passed unmolested, but with Thellium in tow, we were held up at every turn. The merchants and the street children would call out to him or reach toward him. His fine clothes drew too much attention. I pulled him into a deserted alcove, so I could speak to him hidden from the eyes and ears of those eager to take his money.
“Look, sir,” I reasoned.
“Please call me Thellium.” He smiled.
“Look, Thellium. It will be difficult to get a fair price if you come with me. Any merchant will charge you triple what they would charge me alone. You’re too well-dressed, too out of place,” I explained as we approached a half-hidden shop that I knew kept parchment in stock. “Tell me what you need, and I’ll purchase it for you.”
He looked surprised, and seemed almost embarrassed. “I suppose you might be right. I never thought of myself that way. How much do you think three rolls will cost?”
“Perhaps a silver, but you better give me an extra few coppers, just in case.”
He removed a small brown suede purse from his belt, and handed me the coins. I felt a wave of annoyance toward him for trusting me so easily. He was so foolish. I didn’t intend to cheat him, but he should have been more careful, the streets of Brightshire were littered with thieves. I considered reprimanding him, but stopped myself. I was already overstepping the bounds of my station. With a deep breath, I took the money from him and entered the small shop. This was new territory for me, although I spent the last six months watching traders turn a profit, I had never had enough money to buy anything beyond a few cheap trinkets.
“Hello there, girlie. What can I do for you?” Fraenkle, the old man who owned the shop, asked in a pleasant voice.
I took my time, fingering a row of badly chipped good-luck porcelain sister of mercy figurines. I looked up. “How much for a sister doll?”
“Three coppers apiece.”
“A lot for a doll.”
“Well, if you buy five, I’ll only charge you ten coppers. A mighty fine deal.”
“Maybe. What about this box? What is it anyway?” I pointed at an elaborately painted small wooden box.
“Why don’t you open it and find out?” Fraenkle grinned.
“Okay,” I murmured. When I opened the box, and odd doll with bright red hair made of dyed yarn and large black button eyes popped out at me. I jumped and nearly dropped the odd box. Gulping, I put it back, not wanting anything more to do with it.
“How about your parchment?” I asked pointing to a row of neatly rolled sheaths tied with twine.
“Umm, seven coppers each.”
“Would you give me three rolls for a silver?”
“No, of course not.” He scratched his beard. “I guess I would give you three rolls for a silver and three coppers though.”
“How about a silver and one copper?”
“I suppose I can do that. A special discount, for a special girl.”
I handed him a silver and a copper, and he looked slightly dazed. “I didn’t think you were really buying, girlie. Where’d you get that silver?”
“I’m not telling.”
He looked miffed for a moment as if he didn’t really want to hand over the parchment, but his mouth turned into a smile and he started laughing. “Someone has taught
you well. You wanted the parchment all along.”
“Perhaps.” I giggled.
When I returned, Thellium seemed impressed with me. After that, I bought goose feathers for him from a young woman selling poultry. He told me feathers from geese and swans made the best quills. I was good at trading, and I couldn’t help but feel happy to do something useful with my time.
“We’d best head back soon,” he stated as the sun began to fade. “The curfew starts soon after sunset.”
The road back to the Great House was long, and we barely made it in time. If we had reached it too long after dark, the guards would have stopped and questioned us, an undesirable fate that I had already endured several times. The guards were not kind to those who broke curfew. On the walk back, I regaled Thellium with stories of the market, my concern over our acquaintance having faded after our shared day.
Thellium turned strangely quiet as we came closer to the Great House, and it made me wonder if I had somehow offended him.
“Thank you, for all of your help today. I would have been lost without you,” he told me suddenly as we reached a fork in our path.
I nodded, starting to feel, perhaps as he did, that we needed to part before we were seen together. I darted down the right path, towards the servant’s entrance while Thellium headed straight into the front hall. I slipped into my room quietly, but was not as invisible as I had hoped. I found Kirsten sitting on my bed.
“Where were you?” she hissed.
“In town.”
“Mallory needed you to wash dishes this afternoon, and I ended up doing them instead. You’re low scull; you should have been the one to do the work.”
“It was my day off.”
“I don’t care, and neither does Mallory. You disappear every time you’re off, so whenever there’s any extra work you never have to do it. Mallory recommended to Mistress Laurey to have you replaced.” She paused. “Just so you know.”
“You’re not serious?”
“Yeah, I am. Good luck on the streets. It’s where you belong anyway,” she spat.
Kirsten swept by me, pushing me to the ground on her way out. I wasn’t prepared for the shove, and hit my head on my way to the floor. Kirsten often called me names and ruined my work, but I had gathered that she was a little afraid of me since our interlude in the dining hall last spring. I was wrong. I rubbed my head, from my sprawled position on the ground. Shyte! I was so angry, and yet also afraid. Although I had no love for kitchen work, I feared being turned out, and having to return home to my family. I didn’t want them to think I had failed. I didn’t want my mother to think that I failed. Shyte! The back of my head stung, and I felt lightheaded. I had just enough strength to pull myself up and fall into bed.
The next morning, head bowed, I stood in Mistress Laurie’s study, in my cleanest pinafore, and fought the tears that threatened to form.
“Mallory tells me that you are not fitting in well with the kitchen staff. Is this true?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“Have you been neglecting your work?”
“Not exactly, Ma’am.”
She arched a manicured eyebrow.
“I do my assigned work.” I fidgeted. “I just don’t do any more than that.”
“Is there anything else?”
“They don’t like me,” I whispered.
Mistress Laurie inhaled. “Ah. That is unfortunate. You have only been here six months, and it’s disappointing that you are having problems so early in your tenure. However, we are currently short staffed and Mallory did admit that you are not completely useless. Do you wish to leave the Great House?”
“No.”
“You may not understand this, but I appreciate that you are not crying or begging me to let you stay.” Mistress Laurey grimaced. “Mallory can be difficult, and Kirsten, well, she’s not here by my choice. This would have been easier if you had made other allies here in the house, but it seems you have not.”
Mistress Laurey remained silent for a few moments. “I’m willing to try transferring you to the laundry. Don’t make me regret this.”
“I won’t, Ma’am.”
“Good. Report to the laundry immediately, and tell Ernesto that I sent you. Run along now, and don’t make a nuisance of yourself.”
The laundry was as dull as the kitchen, but strangely painless. I scrubbed dirty clothes and linen instead of pots and pans, and after three months working there, my hands had turned the same pale yellow color of the lye soap. Ernesto, a quiet man, had three other sculls that worked for him along with a half dozen apprentices, and unlike Mallory, he did not permit us to speak while we worked. I knew very little of the other girls working in the laundry. The silence should have tormented me, but remembering Kirstin’s streams of cruelty caused me to appreciate the peace, at least I was grateful for it at first. Before long, I gave up my forays into the market and spent my free time doing extra work in the laundry. I was starting to feel safe - but also a little bored.
One late-winter morning, in a large basket of cotton towels, I found a pale blue silk scarf. It was thin and embroidered with dark blue flowers. Occasionally, the laundry staff would find fine clothes thrown in with the main laundry, and we were supposed to report these finds to Ernesto. Ernesto was the only one of us who washed fine clothes; often the handmaidens and valets came down to the laundry themselves to clean their master’s clothes personally. The scarf felt smooth in my hand. Although I knew I should tell Ernesto, I didn’t. Instead, I quietly slipped the scarf into my pocket.
In my room that evening, I ran my fingers over the delicate scarf. It had a set of initials embroidered in one corner, M.E.B. I wondered whom it used to belong to; I wondered if the owner cared for it or if they had so many fine possessions that this one didn’t matter. Upon closer examination, I realized that it was neither old, nor worn through in any spots. As I looked for a decent hiding spot for the scarf, I heard a noise outside my room. In response, I quickly pushed the scarf between my rag filled mattress and the wall.
Thellium appeared in my doorway, and I jumped off the bed in surprise. I hadn’t seen him since our meeting in the market during the summer. He really shouldn’t have been down here in my room. I didn’t want to get in trouble.
“What’re you doing here?”
“Looking for you. It seems you no longer clean my room. I thought you might have left the Great House entirely.”
“No such luck.” I sighed. “I work in the Laundry now.”
“Well, that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, does it?”
“Friends?”
“Look, I’ll be honest with you. I need your help. I need someone to go to the market and buy supplies for me from time to time. I’ve been having trouble making ends meet with the funds supplied by Lord Seve. I think you were right that the merchants won’t give me a fair price.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“I can pay you,” he added.
The laundry was safe, but I longed for something else, and I found it hard to ignore this proffered opportunity. “How much?”
“A copper a week.”
“How about two?”
Thellium laughed and rubbed his chin with long thin fingers. “Done.”
He must have made a mess of trading on his own if he was willing to pay me that much.
“I can only help out once a week, on my day off. And, not for the whole day.”
“That should be fine.”
He handed me a piece of parchment with writing on it, and a small purse filled with coins. “Here’s a list of things I need this week.”
My heart sank and I backed away from him.
“What is it, what’s wrong?”
I sighed. “I … I can’t read.” My cheeks grew hot in embarrassment.
“Oh, of course. I’m sorry.”
“Are you going to change your mind?”
Thellium paused. “No,” h
e said slowly, “I can teach you how to read, if you like.”
“I don’t know,” I whispered. “What if it’s too hard?”
“It won’t be. I promise.”
The following day, my free day, instead of offering to help to Ernesto, I went to the market to pick up the supplies that Thellium needed. He had talked me through the list the day before.
I had not lost my skill at trading, and by mid-afternoon, I had collected everything Thellium had requested. I made sure to walk by the west end on my return trip. I had missed the market so much, and I was excited to see which performers were out that day. There were fewer people on the streets then there had been the last time I had visited, and no buskers. It was probably only due to the biting icy wind, but I could not help but think that there could be something to the rumors of street people disappearing at night - street people, who were little missed. I did not dally too long at the west end as I wanted to be able to give Thellium his goods quickly, so that I could get back to the laundry. Two coppers a week was more money than I had ever dreamed of, but I had learned first-hand how dangerous it was to spend too much time away from the tasks that would lead to a permanent position at the Great House.
“You found everything?” Thellium looked up from his workbench as I entered his suite of rooms, his packages piled high in my hands.
“Yes.” I smiled.
“I’m impressed, it’s early still,” he commented as I handed him his packages and his change purse. He opened the purse and smiled. “Two silvers, four coppers, I would have spent it all,” he murmured as he handed me two coppers.
I lifted the left side of my mouth in a half smile, and turned to leave. “Don’t go yet, I did promise to teach you how to read after all.”
“The money’s enough. You don’t really have to teach me.” I felt a sudden jolt of nerves at the idea of my ignorance being on display.
“Of course I do. It will be good for you, I promise.”
“Maybe...”
“Sit down.” As I sat in a brown suede armchair near the fireplace, he handed me a manuscript. He sat in the armchair’s neighboring twin, and leaned toward me. “The manuscript is a primer.”
“A primer?” I asked.
“It is a basic learning tool. It will teach you about the alphabet. It will also demonstrate how simple words and simple sentences are formed to communicate ideas.”
Those first few hours, during which Thellium taught me the rudiments of written language, were the longest of my life. It was harder than I ever imagined, yet I was entranced. I wasn’t sure if my interest was due to the words, or because for once someone was talking to me.
“I should go. I need to wake up early in the morning. ” I finally broke the rhythm of the conversation. It was already too late to volunteer at the laundry, and it was starting to feel like it was too late for me to be up in his rooms at all.
“Yes, I suppose it has gotten late. I didn’t notice. I’ll leave a few manuscripts for you for tomorrow. You can stop in anytime. I won’t be here though; I have some sessions with the Seve children.”
“I can’t come tomorrow. I have to work.”
“Oh yes. I forgot. I’ll leave them anyway.” He grinned. “Maybe you’ll be able to sneak in a few moments.”
I left his room through the back servant’s door. This would be tricky. I wanted to avoid being caught exiting his rooms this late at night, so I was slow and quiet as I slipped down the stairs to my room. As I tried to fall asleep, I played with the scarf I had taken the previous day.
I supposed I could go to Thellium’s room and practice reading during my afternoon break, but I had been so good about working through it since I joined the laundry. I worried about ruining my chances at an apprenticeship. I finally fell asleep to dreams of letters dancing on parchment, still having not made up my mind.
When the sun rose, I buried my head in my pillow and wished I could keep sleeping. I was so tired. I felt like I was under water as I mechanically performed my work that day. During the mid-morning break, I sat with the other girls from the laundry as we ate the leftovers from breakfast. It must be something about the quiet atmosphere of our workroom that kept us quiet during meals as well. It felt as if we were under some spell that required us to stay silent. As I ate, I pondered whether I should return to the laundry after eating or return to Thellium’s room to study the books he said he would leave for me.
Lost in thought, I didn’t notice Kirsten walking near our table, and only saw her once she sat down.
“Hi,” she whispered.
“What do you want?” I scowled. After everything she had done to me, I couldn’t believe she had the audacity to pretend we shared some sort of friendship.
“Look, I’m sorry about the way I treated you before.” She took a long hard breath, steadying herself. Her red-rimmed eyes were puffy. I wondered if she had been crying.
“Really?” I sneered.
“Please, Anais please believe me. I am terribly sorry about everything.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Kirsten seemed sincere, but I didn’t care. I hated her so much.
“I want to fix things between us. We could be friends.”
“We can never be friends.”
“I suppose I deserve that.”
“Why are you talking to me?”
“I want to join the laundry; do you think Ernesto will have me? My three years will be up in a few months and I need an apprenticeship.”
“I thought you wanted to be a handmaiden?”
“I tried. I begged Mistress Laurey to recommend me, but she refused. And Mallory doesn’t want me as an apprentice - no one does. I don’t know what to do. This is my only option. Please, you have to help me. Everyone knows Ernesto likes you. I think he’ll take me if you recommend me. If they force me out, I’ll have nowhere to go. I’ll end up like one of those - those street people. I know there is something dark out there. I don’t want to disappear in the night as if I never existed.”
I couldn’t believe it, Kirsten had been horrible to me, and now she just expected everything to be forgiven. I didn’t want to help her, but there was something so desperate in her face. I felt sad for her. Something snapped in me, and I knew no matter what else, I didn’t want to be responsible for her disappearance. I remembered the boy in the cage in the marketplace - I should have tried to save him but I didn’t. I wasn’t going to be a coward twice.
“Fine,” I hissed. “You don’t deserve it, but come with me after lunch and I will ask Ernesto if you can help out at the laundry during your free time. If things work out, maybe he’ll apprentice you.”
“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me.”
Initially, Ernesto allowed Kirsten to join the laundry only during her free time, but when Kirsten hit her three-year mark, Ernesto offered her an apprenticeship. Kirsten’s desperation at the end of her tenure as a scull made me forced me to take my own situation more seriously, and I made sure to spend my workdays immersed in the laundry. Thellium seemed disappointed that I confined my work with him to one day a week, but I hoped that, at least partly, he would understand the position I was in. It would be easy for Ernesto to voice displeasure with me, and with my tenure at the Great House at stake, I couldn’t take such a risk. However, I continued to go to the market for Thellium during the mornings of my free days. And I would spend an hour or so with him afterwards, in which he would endeavor to teach me to read and write. The intermittence of my study made learning slow and difficult, and, at times, I was convinced that I just wasn’t smart enough to master this particular craft.