Chapter 16
As the dinner plates were being cleared the MC announced that it was time for speeches.
The wait staff refilled everyone’s glasses for toasting.
First up was Martin’s brother, Charlie, who had travelled from California along with his wife and two adult sons to attend the wedding. Ashley was astounded at the similarities between the brothers, not only in their looks but in their mannerisms and affinity for lame jokes. She couldn’t help but laugh as Charlie recalled the story of when he first learned that his ‘baby surfer brother’ had announced he was moving to the country. The rest of the family had thought he was insane, but as they came to know Jane they understood why he was willing to leave the beach life behind.
A few others spoke, and with the completion of each speech the wedding guests raised their glasses and drank.
Ashley only took small sips, as she knew from experience how quickly one could become intoxicated sitting through wedding toasts.
Finally Henry stood up and slowly made his way to the gazebo, taking the microphone in his left hand and tucking his right hand into his pants pocket.
“For those who don't know me, I’m Henry, Jane’s father-in-law. Jane was married to our son Thomas for many, many years until he passed away. We couldn’t be more proud of you, Jane. You’ve raised two beautiful children and three wonderful grandchildren with grace and determination, despite the hardships you’ve had to endure.”
Grace walked over to stand beside Henry, placing her hand on his shoulder and giving Jane a loving smile.
“Jane, you may not be our biological daughter, but we love you like you are our own flesh and blood. Martin, we are so thankful to God for bringing you into Jane’s life. She deserves to be happy, and Martin, we welcome you into our lives with open arms. I’d like to read a verse from the Bible.”
Henry pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and unfolded it. “It’s from Corinthians. ‘Love is patient, love is kind.’” He lowered the paper but continued to speak. “It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never ends.’”
Ashley recognised the verse, she had heard it many times before, but for some reason she felt her eyes welling up with tears. As the guests applauded Henry, she wiped the tears away, hoping no one had noticed.
Martin concluded the speeches for the evening telling the story of how he first met Jane. “I had just finished up work for the day. I was a painter, you see, so I headed to the beach for a bit of a surf. That's when I spotted her. She was the loveliest woman I had ever laid eyes on. She was sunbathing on the beach, reading a book and I thought I’d try to impress her with my awesome boarding skills. Well, I came off mid-wave and put my back out. She asked if I was OK, and I remember I was in a lot of pain but didn’t want to let on in fear of scaring her away. Long story short, I invited her out to dinner but had to cancel at the last minute as I couldn’t get out of bed. She came to my aid and we spent the evening in the hospital.” The guests laughed.
“We stayed in touch, and found ourselves making trips to visit one another until I finally worked up the courage to ask her to marry me. I couldn’t believe my luck when she said yes.” He turned to Jane.
“Thank you, Jane, for giving an old man like me a second chance at love, and for not laughing at me when I failed abysmally in attempting to impress you.” He raised a glass and Jane did the same, smiling at her new husband.
After the speeches the wedding cake—a chocolate mud cake—was cut and served with fresh cream and raspberry coulis. The staff then cleared the plates and moved the tables to make a space for the dance floor in front of the gazebo.
Ashley smiled as the dramatic intro to the bridal waltz song began; At Last by Ella Fitzgerald. Martin took Jane's hand gently in his own and she gazed up at him as they swayed on the dance floor. Ashley watched on, a feeling of love and joy filling her. She felt a nudge on her arm and looked up to see Bryan standing beside her, holding out his hand. She looked puzzled.
“Come on. We have to dance too.”
“Really?” Ashley asked, looking around. No one else was dancing.
“Yeah, we are part of the wedding party.”
She took his hand, feeling flustered at the thought that they would be dancing in full view of everyone. Jane smiled at Ashley as they joined the bridal couple on the dance floor, and Ashley couldn’t help but notice everyone watching. Bryan took her hand and lightly put his hand on her lower back, keeping a safe distance between them.
“This is awkward,” Ashley whispered.
“Don’t worry. I told Jess and Jay to come and save us after thirty seconds.” Bryan smiled.
That should have been a relief, but the thought of dancing with Jay rattled her even more. Soon a few other couples joined them on the dance floor, including Henry and Grace. Jess took Jay’s hand and pulled him up to dance, while Meika and Coco followed suit. As the song concluded, another began. 'Have I told you Lately' by Van Morrison; one of her mothers favorites.
Bryan let go of Ashley and leaned towards Jess and Jay. “Mind if we swap?”
Jay willingly obliged.
Ashley was scared her palms would be clammy.
Jay took her left hand in his and slowly ran his left hand down her back, pressing his palm flat against the small of her back. His hand was large and warm, sending chills down her spine and causing the hairs on her arm stand on end.
“I don't think we ended up dancing together by accident.” Ashley smiled nodding towards Jess and Bryan, who were whispering and smiling in their direction.
Jay leaned in close, his lips brushing against her ear as he whispered, “I don’t mind.”
He didn’t pull away but remained close enough that she could feel his breath against her hair. Her pulse raced and her feet moved clumsily as she struggled to gain control. She was expecting him to twirl her and spin her playfully like he had done at the Jamboree yesterday, but he didn’t. He was serious. He moved slowly and they swayed from side to side, allowing the music to carry them, blissfully unaware of the other dancers around them.
She closed her eyes, allowing her head to rest on his chest. He felt warm, solid, and secure and she couldn't recall a time when she had felt so safe and at rest. Finally the song ended and she opened her eyes to see Sam approaching.
“May I?” he asked.
“Of course.” She smiled and Jay stepped back to be met by Meika and Coco, who were waiting to dance with him. He took their hands and spun them around, and they squealed with delight.
Ashley smiled at them as Sam began to dance with her.
“It’s good to have you back.” Sam smiled and his eyes creased up at the corners.
“It’s good to be back.”
She could see the concern in Sam’s eyes despite his smile. “I know you’re going home tomorrow, but I need to say this. Be careful. With Jay.”
She frowned. “I will. We’re friends, that’s all.”
“Does he know that?” Sam held her gaze.
Ashley swallowed.
“I mean it. He’s not as tough as he makes out,” Sam said. Ashley knew how deeply Sam cared for Jay. “He has a big heart and sometimes that works to his disadvantage.”
Ashley hadn’t considered how Jay would feel after she left. She had been telling herself over and over that they were just friends and their time together hadn’t meant anything, but perhaps she was fooling herself. She didn’t want to think about it, but now that her time there was coming to an end she would have to face the reality that this would be their last day together—and that affected her in ways that she couldn’t understand.
She nodded, not able to find the words to say. Sam seemed to understand.
“Excuse me.” She let go of his hand and turned to
leave. She was beginning to feel claustrophobic amongst the other guests on the dance floor. Where to go?
The jetty.
No one else would be down there and she needed to be alone to think. A sickening feeling overcame her as the reality of saying goodbye hit her. Only hours ago she couldn’t wait to get back to her normal life back in Brooklyn, yet now the thought terrified her. She stepped onto the jetty, heart racing. She walked to the end and gazed out over the water.
Everything was dark except for the slight ripples of water reflecting the light of the moon. She clasped her fingers behind her neck and took a few steadying breaths. This week had not gone as she had expected. Instead of spending her week in utter misery, missing Steven and her work, she had savored every moment. Everywhere she turned she saw only acceptance and happiness, and— most of all—love. She hadn’t felt this alive in a long, long time, and the thought of leaving pained her.
She stood there, unmoving, unaware of how many minutes had passed, until she heard footsteps on the pier behind her. She turned to see a large dark figure walking slowly towards her. Jay. The lights from the party were still visible, glowing through the gaps in the trees and the hypnotic sound of the violins carried on the breeze.
“I’m beginning to think you're stalking me,” Ashley said.
“I wouldn't call it stalking. More like admiring from a distance.”
She laughed. “Eww, you’re not like one of those creepy Facebook stalkers, are you?”
It was his turn to laugh. “I don’t use social media, so you’re safe.” He stepped closer to her, closing the gap. “You all right?” Jay asked. “You just took off. Did my dad say something?”
“No, I’m OK,” she replied. “Just getting some air.”
“Well there’s plenty of air everywhere, even up at the party.” She could see him smiling and it began to ease her worries.
She looked up at the sky. The stars were shining brightly, and the Milky Way was clearly visible. She couldn’t help but sigh.
“Those are called stars,” Jay said, lightening the mood further.
“I know what they are. You never see them this clearly in the city though—all the light pollution. It’s easy to forget how many they are. It’s weird to think they’re there, even when you can't see them. It’s such a beautiful sight,” she said, admiring the night sky.
“It is,” Jay agreed and although she hadn't turned to look at him she knew he was watching her.
“I'm going to miss this when I have go back home tomorrow.” She smiled weakly.
“You don't have to go you know, you could stay here.”
The idea was tempting, but she quickly dismissed it. “New York would miss me too much. The newspaper wouldn’t be the same without me.”
There was silence as she wondered if she even still had a job to return to.
“We have beautiful lights in the city too. You should see Times Square lit up at night. It is incredible. The colors, the atmosphere, the people—the whole city is incredible. If you ever get the chance you should go and see it one day.”
“I did. Once,” Jay said.
“Really, when?” Ashley was surprised at his confession.
“Years ago.” He was back to his short answers, giving the hint that he didn't want to say any more.
“So have you had a good night so far?” she asked.
“Yeah, it’s been great. Everything has been good.”
“Good food, good champagne.” She smiled.
“The food was good, but I can’t comment on the champagne. I don’t drink.” He almost sounded hesitant to admit it.
“What? at all?” She laughed. “Since when?”
“A while.” He shrugged.
“Why? That’s so weird.” Ashley was trying her hardest not to offend him, although the concept of abstaining from alcohol sounded strange.
“I find alcohol tends to dull my senses, and makes me forget things. Life is too short not to feel everything it has to offer—the good, the bad, all of it. And there are too many moments I’ve lost in the past because I was too drunk to remember. I don’t want to forget another moment,” he said, staring directly at Ashley.
She sighed and turned towards him. “I can’t figure you out.”
“What do you mean?”
“You seem so . . . I don’t know . . . perfect. Too perfect. You're not the Jay I remember, that’s for sure.”
“I’m the same Jay, I can assure you, and I’m far from perfect.”
She snickered, “Oh yeah? Well, I can’t seem to find any flaws, and it’s weird. Everyone has flaws.”
He laughed. “I have many flaws.”
“Go on then,” Ashley said. “Tell me.”
He raised his elbow and scratched the back of his neck. She laughed out loud.
“What?” he asked.
“You do that all the time. When you’re nervous or uncomfortable I think,” Ashley said, pointing to his arm.
“I hadn’t noticed.” He lowered his arm. “Is that counted as a flaw?”
“More of a nervous habit. So come on, let’s hear it.”
“OK . . . uhh . . . I’m overprotective and quick-tempered. Take yesterday for example.”
Ashley recalled the incident involving the drunk guys at the Jamboree.
“I’m sorry, again. I don’t know what came over me. I got so angry when I saw those guys disrespecting you. No woman deserves to be treated like that.”
“Well I’ll thank my lucky stars there was a knight in shining armor to defend me! But it’s not a flaw. Besides, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone knock another guy out in self-defense then apologize for it.” She laughed.
“OK well, let’s see. A flaw. I snore, so I’ve been told.”
“Again, that’s not really a flaw. Haven't you got anything good?”
“I find it difficult to let go and move on.” There was serious undertone to his words.
“I'm not sure how that could be considered a flaw. That only proves that you’re not a quitter. Why would that be a bad thing?”
“No, it is. Especially when the one thing you want is the one thing you can’t have.” He stared intently at Ashley.
“Well, what is it you want?” she asked, unsure if she prepared for the answer.
He stepped closer to her and his eyes narrowed on hers through the darkness. “I think you know what I want.”
She found it difficult to swallow as she stood there frozen on the spot, unable to tear her gaze away from his.
“It’s the same thing I’ve always wanted.”
She felt like no matter how a big of a breath she took, it wouldn’t fill her lungs. The music had faded and all she could hear was the steady beating of her heart.
“You.” The word came out raspy and his lips were on inches from hers.
His fingers held her chin and his eyes stared intently on her lips. Neither of them dared to move as they stood for what seemed like an eternity. The world seemed to disappear from around her. Her skin was covered in goose bumps, but she wasn’t cold.
“Kiss me,” she breathed, and before she realized what she was saying he swooped down and pressed his lips against hers. His hands pulled her close and her hands slid up the back of his neck and into his hair.
It was a mixture of tender emotion and desperate need. Her head was spinning and she couldn’t think straight. His lips were warm and soft, and his hands moved firmly up and down her back. She slowly pulled away, and realized that her feet weren’t even touching the ground.
He lowered her and they stood there breathless, facing one another, her arms still around his neck. Her lips stung and her cheeks burned red. Her chest was heaving, and so was his. She felt light-headed, but so secure wrapped in his arms she didn’t care. She had never experienced that intensity of passion and desire before.
“I've been wanting to do that since I first saw you in the bar last week,” he said softly.
Ashley remembered seeing him sit
ting there, near the big screen watching the football game.
“When I’m with you I can’t take my eyes off you, and when we’re I apart I can't take my mind off you.” He stroked the side of her face and stared deep into her eyes. It felt as if he were looking right into her soul, and a part of her was beginning to resurface. A part that she had buried deep down, many years ago. A part that wanted to escape, but she had been too afraid to let out.
“I don't want you to leave tomorrow.” He ran his hand through his hair, his eyes were wide. “Ashley, I think I’m in l—”
A cough from the end of the pier disturbed them. Ashley squinted through the darkness to see a woman in a long dress moving towards them, the fabric billowing around her legs as she walked. Jess. Ashley straightened up and moved away from Jay, wondering if Jess had witnessed what had just transpired.
“There you are, Ashley,” she said. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”
“Is something wrong?” Ashley asked.
“No, no, everything’s fine. Your mother would like to see you in the living room. Now, if you don't mind.”
Whoa, that seemed a bit abrupt.
The three of them walked the length of the jetty and back onto solid ground. As Ashley started up the rise towards the house, she saw Jess step between them and tuck her arm through Jay’s, holding him back.
“Jay, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something.”
Jess looked back over her shoulder to make sure Ashley continued up along the path. That was strange. Very strange. Why would Jess be so eager to get Jay on his own, and why did she appear uneasy when she found them together on the jetty? Something was going on.
Ashley followed the path back up to the garden. The beat of the music had picked up now and almost all the guests were up dancing. She spotted Henry and Grace sitting at one of the tables. Henry was about to tuck into what looked to be his second piece of cake when Grace pulled the plate away from him.
“Uh, uh.” She shook her head.
“You have no power here!” Henry said dramatically. Meika and Coco giggled.
“Yes I do, unless you want to end up back in hospital.” Grace raised an elegant eyebrow.
“Filthy Muggle,” Henry muttered, causing them all to laugh again.
Ashley laughed as she continued towards the house. There were a few people in the house as she arrived, including a lot of the wait staff , busy in the kitchen and dining room, cleaning up from the evening.
Ashley she made her way into the living room, smiling as she ran her finger along her lower lip. It was still tingling from Jay’s kiss.
It took a moment for Ashley to grasp what she was seeing. She could see her mother, talking to a tall man, dressed in a slick blue-gray suit and tie.
Steven.
Steven was here.
Here.
He was standing by the mantelpiece, a glass of champagne in one hand. He spotted her and smiled, and the others in the room turned to look at her as well. Bryan was there, and Martin too.
“Steven,” Ashley forced a smile. “What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be in Tokyo.”
“Well hello to you too, darling,” he said, making everyone in the room laugh.
“I'm sorry,” she said, walking over to him. “I didn’t think you were coming. I wasn’t expecting you.” Especially after their previous discussion where he had said he wanted to ‘take some time.’
“Surprise.” He smiled and leaned down to give her a quick kiss, then wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close.
“So, Steven, Ashley tells us you’re going to be made partner at the firm. That’s exciting,” Martin said.
“It is. Not as exciting as our other news, though. Ashley, would you like to tell them?” The only other news she could think of was that he had asked her to move in with him, but after their discussion that morning she figured that couldn’t possibly be it. Everyone stared at them with anticipation.
As she opened her mouth to speak, the door leading outside opened and Jay walked in, followed by Jess. Time seemed to slow down and it was as if someone had turned down the volume on the world except the sound of her heart thudding in her chest. He stopped mid-step and watched on in confusion as the events were unfolding before him. Ashley wanted nothing more than to run to him and explain.
“Ashley?” Steven asked.
She looked up at Steven, unable to speak.
“We've bought an apartment together in Upper Manhattan; we're moving in next week,” Steven said, a triumphant smile on his face.
Martin and Jane smiled and congratulated them. Ashley tried to smile but couldn’t. She raised her eyes towards Jay. He looked as though he had been physically wounded. His eyes were full of pain and disbelief as the realisation of what was going on finally hit him. He took a step back as though he had been struck, and shot out the door. Jess followed him as Ashley stood, bewildered, in what should have been one of the most exciting moments of her life. She felt as though she had had the wind knocked out of her.
How could she be so stupid.
She’d let herself fall for Jay, although she already had a boyfriend. In all fairness, until two minutes ago she wasn’t sure she did have a boyfriend. Not after their phone call earlier on.
Bryan was frowning between Ashley and Steven, and judging from the expression on his face she could tell he knew she was upset about something. He politely excused himself and exited out the back door.
“We had better get back out there,” Jane said. “Don’t want people to think we’d skip out on our own wedding.”
Once Ashley and Steven had been left alone, she turned to him, angry. “Why did you say that?”
“What?” He shrugged, feigning naiveté and sipping the champagne.
“That we were moving in with each other?”
“Oh that’s right,” Steven said, raising his palm to his forehead. “I forgot your mom is into all that religious mumbo-jumbo. Surely she knows now though that we’ve been, ahem, ‘intimate’?”
Ashley’s jaw dropped open. “I can't believe you’re here. You said you needed time to think things through”
“I just spent six hours on a plane thinking things through.” He shrugged.
“I thought you meant we were over. Through,” Ashley said, still struggling to believe he was actually here, standing in her mother’s living room.
“Ashley, what’s wrong with you? You said yourself that you were ready to take this next step with me. This morning you said you wanted to move in with me!”
What could she say? How could she tell him she’d just kissed another man?
“I did.”
“You did? I don’t know what’s going on with you, Ashley. It’s like your head is all over the place. We’ve finally achieved everything we’ve worked so hard for, and now you can’t make up your mind. Either you do want us to move in together or you don’t. So which is it? Because I’m getting tired all of your mood swings.” Steven grasped her by the shoulders, forcing her to look up at him.
“I do. Want to move in with you,” she said, trying to sound convincing. Difficult when even she didn’t believe it.
He hugged her tight. “I’ve missed you,” he said, his face buried in her hair. “I’m sorry I was such an ass on the phone earlier. Things have been going from bad to worse. But at least I’ve still got you.” He kissed the top of her head, continuing to hold her. “As long as I've got you I know everything will be all right.”
He felt so foreign, and there was no spark between them. It took every ounce of her strength not to run. Run from Steven, and find Jay. Run into his arms, which were so safe and secure. But being in Steven’s arms reminded her she had to use her head. Realistically it would never work out with Jay. Where would she live? Where would she work?
“This whole week has been so hectic and I think we’ve both gone through a lot. I can’t wait to get home with you and get back to our normal lives together,” he
said.
Facts over feelings.
That was his mantra and she repeated it over and over in her head.
Facts over feelings. Feelings may fade, but facts last.
And the fact was Steven could provide a life for her; a lavish life, a life full of the finer things. She knew everything she had accomplished at the newspaper was thanks to him. Together they would climb the corporate ladder side by side to reach the pinnacle of success.
That was what she wanted.
But why did that now feel like a lonely, unfulfilling path? Maybe it was the alcohol and being in this house that was confusing her.
She had to see Jay. She didn’t know how, but somehow before she left tomorrow she would find a way. She had to at least get a chance to explain herself—and to say goodbye.