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I kept looking at the floor plans, trying to feel something – anything – about them. Finally I shrugged it away. Maybe I was just nervous.
“Do you think the angels there will be scanning people’s auras?” I asked Alex.
“Some are bound to be, because they’ll be feeding. ” He glanced at me, and I could see the thought in his eyes – that the angels might recognize my aura before the team was ready to make a move. He wasn’t really sorry about it. I knew he’d give anything if I wasn’t involved in this; if I stayed away someplace where I could be safe.
“Don’t even say it,” I said quickly. “I’m going. ” The thought of waiting here at the house while they all left – of not knowing what was happening, if they were going to live or die – no, there was just no way. “Alex, I have to,” I said before he could answer. “What about Paschar’s vision, that I’m the one who can destroy them?” I sensed a wave of doubt from the others, and knew no one took that very seriously – since I so clearly hadn’t been the one to destroy them last time I’d tried.
Alex sighed and pushed his hair back. I could see how tired he was – how heavily all this was weighing on him. “Maybe,” he said. His blue-grey eyes caught mine, asking me to wait until we were alone to discuss it. Reluctantly, I nodded.
Across from me, Wesley sat examining the map in his usual dour silence. With Sam sprawled beside him, they were like an illustrated example of “closed book/open book”.
“Okay,” drawled Sam, squinting at the screen. “Are the Council like ordinary angels when it comes to killing them? Or are they different, or what?”
Kara shook her head. “I don’t know, but they must be able to be killed, or their safety wouldn’t be such an issue. Apparently they do feed, so I’m guessing it’s their halo that’s vulnerable, like other angels. Who knows if there’s anything extra we have to worry about though. ” She rolled her eyes. “I’m glad Luis is finally opening up,” she added dryly. “There’s really a limit to how many security questions I can slip in between Oh, you’re so wonderful and Ooh, do that again. ”
My cheeks warmed. Kara was so matter-of-fact about her relationship with Luis. Well, not a relationship, I guess, though he clearly thought it was. I studied her covertly, wondering again if I’d only imagined the way I’d seen her gazing at Alex that day. I couldn’t get that soft-eyed look of hers out of my mind; I just had a feeling about it. Not that I was worried, exactly – every time Alex touched me I could sense how deeply in love with me he was – but it didn’t make me feel all that great, either. Kara was so utterly, gorgeously human.
Brendan beat a light tattoo on the table; even when he was sitting quietly, he wasn’t quiet. “Hey, wait – couldn’t Willow help?” he said suddenly.
I glanced at him in surprise. “I – sorry, help with what? I was off in my own world, I guess. ”
Thinking freaky half-angel thoughts, said the faces of almost everyone around me.
Brendan seemed alarmed to be talking to me directly – the most we’d ever said was a mumbled hi when we’d almost walked into each other in the hallway once. He cleared his throat, fidgeting with his teaspoon. “Um – help find out if there’s anything we need to know about killing the Council,” he said. “You’re supposed to be psychic, right? So maybe you could get a vision about them or something. ”
The room went quiet. “Could she do that?” said Kara to Alex.
“You’d better ask Willow,” he said tersely, still studying the printed schedule. He got very short with anyone who ignored me.
“It doesn’t really work that way,” I said before Kara had to say anything. “I mean, yeah, sometimes I get flashes of things, but mostly for me to get anything specific I need to be touching someone. Like, holding their hand. ” No one said anything. Feeling awkward, I traced the design on my coffee mug. “I, um. . . used to do psychic readings a lot, back home. People at my high school would come to me and ask for them. ”
“You went to high school?” blurted Liz. Her pale cheeks reddened when I looked at her. “I mean – that sounds so normal. ”
Normal. I tried not to think about the fact that, even as I spoke, I was mentally aware of my angel shifting around inside of me. “Sure, I went to school,” I said. “I didn’t know anything about any of this until a couple of months ago – as far as I knew, I was just like you. ”
“Whoa,” murmured Sam, staring at me. “Half-angels going to high school, and we don’t even know about it? That’s. . . freaky. ”
I saw Alex give him a considering look, and decide not to say anything. I shrugged. “I think it’s half-angel, singular, actually – as far as anyone knows, I’m the only one. ”
For the first time, the thought gave me a very strange feeling. It hadn’t really struck me before how inherently lonely this was – being the only one of my kind in the entire world. I went on quickly, before I could think too deeply about it. “Anyway, I didn’t go as often as I should have – my friend Nina and I used to skip a lot, and just go clothes shopping. I’m into vintage stuff, so there’s this store in Schenectady we’d go to. . . ” I trailed off, wondering why I was telling them this.
Open mouths around the table now. I could almost hear the same thought from everyone: You had a friend? Followed hard on its heels by the girls with, Wait – you’re into clothes shopping?
From the look on Sam’s face, half-angels going shopping was seriously his idea of conversational hell. “Yeah,” he said. “So anyway, can we get back to this psychic thing? Couldn’t she – Willow – go into the cathedral and start holding people’s hands? Like, some of the officials there, or something?”
“It might look pretty suspicious,” I said wryly. “I usually have to focus for a few minutes; it’s not like a lightning flash the second I touch someone. ”
“But you said you get feelings sometimes,” pointed out Kara, studying me carefully. “So if you did go into the cathedral, you might pick up something useful. ”
Alex sat reading the sheet with his head propped on his hand, caressing his forehead. “I’m not sending Willow in there; her aura’s too distinctive. Any angel that saw it would know exactly who she is – all they’d have to do is sound the alarm, and there’d be a riot. Every Church member in the world wants her dead. ”
“Yeah, but we could scan first, right?” Brendan’s voice quickened with excitement, just like when he was arguing politics with Sam. “Make sure there aren’t any angels around. ”
Kara nodded. “Sure, and then you and me could go in with her, Alex, and make sure she’s covered. ”
I was about to say it sounded good to me – and it really did; I’d been painfully aware that so far I was probably the least-contributing member of the team – but Alex glanced up and spoke first, his voice impatient. “You said angels cruise in and out of that place all the time, Kara. What good would scanning do?”
I hesitated. “But Alex, if I did get something, we’d know a lot better how to plan this thing. I wouldn’t be in there that long; I’d probably know in five minutes if I could get something. ”