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He gave me a look. “It’s not just the angels. Your picture’s been on every Church of Angels website in the world, remember? Someone could recognize you. ”
“Not with my hair like this. ” I touched its short red-gold strands.
He snorted. “Oh, yeah, like that’s a master disguise no one could see through. ”
“But if you and Kara were covering me, then—”
“Do you even know what ‘covering’ someone means?” Alex asked coldly. “This isn’t a movie. Do you really want us to have to start shooting at a screaming mob to get you out of there if something goes wrong?”
Where had this argument come from? “No, of course I don’t want that,” I said. Everyone had gone quiet, watching us. Trish’s eyes were wide; her coffee mug paused in mid-air. “But Alex, you know I can usually sense if a place is going to be a danger to me. I mean, okay, it’s not foolproof, but—”
“Willow. ” He lashed my name at me like a whip. “I said no, all right? Drop it. ”
It felt like he had slapped me. In the sudden roaring silence, Alex tossed the sheet down and shoved his chair back. He left the room without a word.
My cheeks were on fire; at first I was too shocked to move. There was a long pause. Finally, Kara lifted a perfectly-shaped eyebrow. “Well. I see that his temper hasn’t improved any. I’ll go and talk to him. ” She started to get up.
“No,” I burst out. “No – I’ll do it. ”
She regarded me, her expression almost amused. “You sure? I’ve got a lot of experience dealing with Kylar boys when they get like this. It’s kind of an acquired skill. ”
I hadn’t really been certain what I thought of Kara up until then, even with the look I’d seen her give Alex – but now it was becoming clearer to me. I didn’t like her very much. “I’ve acquired it, thanks,” I said, getting up from my chair. “I’ll go. ”
I heard the silence in the kitchen erupt into words as I went down the hallway. I let the buzz fade away behind me, not trying to decipher what was being said. I could guess easily enough.
I knew Alex had to be in his bedroom. But when I got there, his door was shut, and I paused as I stood in the faintly sweaty-smelling mess of the boys’ dorm. His door was never shut, unless he was asleep or I was in there with him. Despite what I’d said to Kara, this was all new territory to me; Alex and I hardly ever argued. Then I remembered the way he’d snapped at me, and grimaced. We had to have this out.
I knocked. “Can I come in? We need to talk. ”
There was a pause. “Yeah,” he said.
I opened the door, gathering my thoughts for what I wanted to say. It all left me the second I saw him. Alex was sitting on the side of his bed with his shoulders slumped, elbows on his thighs as he massaged his temples with both thumbs. His eyes were closed.
Hurriedly, I shut the door and sat next to him. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. ” His voice was distant; his fingers on his forehead white with tension.
I touched his arm and pain jolted through me, so sharp and furious it made me gasp. “Oh god, you’re not! Your head—”
“It’s just a headache. I’m fine. ”
It didn’t seem fine at all. I stood up, my words rushing together: “I’ll go get you some Advil – there’s some in the girls’ dorm—”
Without looking up, Alex reached for one of my hands; squeezed it hard. “No. Just. . . stay with me. Please. ”
I bit my lip, not knowing what to do. I sank back down beside him and we sat in silence, Alex still rubbing his temples. Finally, he let out a breath and dropped his hands. He was pale, with tiny beads of sweat on his forehead. He gave me a rueful look. “Hey, you. ”
“Hey,” I echoed. I could feel how tense he was; the pain that was still thudding through him.
He put his arm around me. “Sorry,” he said against my hair. “I was a jerk. I shouldn’t have—” He broke off with a wince, gripping his forehead again.
“Alex, I’m going for the Advil now—”
His arm tightened, holding me in place. “It’s okay. It wouldn’t help. ” After a pause, he sighed and dropped his hand from his head; shifting position on the bed, he lay back against his pillows, looking drained. “Shit. I thought I was over these. ”
“Over what?” I propped myself up next to him, gently stroking his forehead.
“That feels really nice,” he murmured, closing his eyes again. I moved further up the bed; leaning against the wall, I rested his head on my lap and kept stroking it, soothing the pain away. His breathing slowed, grew more relaxed.
“Over what?” I repeated softly.
“Migraines,” he said. “I got them after my dad died, and after Jake died. They went away after a while; I haven’t had one in over a year. This one just blindsided me out of nowhere. ”
“You never told me,” I said.
“No. It seemed pretty pathetic. ”
My heart twisted. I didn’t think I’d even be able to keep my sanity if I’d been through everything Alex had – almost everyone he loved in the world dying. Migraines just seemed normal, not pathetic.
Then my mouth went dry. My hand stopped on his forehead. “Alex, you don’t think—”
“What?” he said, opening his eyes. Seeing the look on my face, understanding came over his features. “Willow, no – don’t even think it. It’s got nothing to do with you; I started getting them years ago. ”
I swallowed. Just that morning, Alex and I had managed half an hour alone here in his room together; we’d almost been able to forget anyone else was around. “But to get one now, when you haven’t had one for over a year. . . ”
“Yeah, that might have a little more to do with being responsible for this mission, and everyone’s lives. Not making out with my girlfriend. ” He reached for my hand. “Willow, you’re not hurting me. I promise. It’s just this stupid thing that happens sometimes—” He cringed again and went silent. His slight stubble looked inky black against the sudden pallor of his face.
“It’s not gone yet?” Fear was curling through me.
“No, it won’t be gone for hours. ” He gave my hand a slight tug, tried to smile. “Hey. That was nice, what you were doing before. ”
I started stroking his head again, trying hard to believe that this really was just a coincidence. After a few minutes, Alex turned his head on my lap and kissed my wrist. “I’m sorry I spoke to you that way before,” he murmured. “Really. I was way out of line. ”
His eyes were so beautiful; stormy skies reflected in a blue sea. My fears started to fade, looking into them. You’re panicking, I told myself. He’s gotten migraines in the past, and he’s stressed out of his mind right now. He’s right. It’s got nothing to do with you.
I ran my fingers through his dark hair. “I wasn’t trying to argue with you in front of everyone,” I said softly. “It’s just that we’ve always decided things together. ”
“I know,” he said. “We still do – I need you, Willow. But this time it’s different. I don’t want you going anywhere near the cathedral unless we don’t have a choice; it’s too dangerous. ”