Read Archie the Royal Hot Water Bottle Page 27


  Chapter 27

  Terri was completely absorbed in Crystal's wedding preparations; everything to do with it: menus; flowers; stationery; gifts; clothes. However, these were peripheral things to Terri; it was the dress that occupied her mind more than anything else. Crystal talked to her about it of course and after Crystal had seen the designer she showed Terri the early sketches. But it wasn't enough and, as the making of the dress progressed, Terri became more and more determined to see the fittings, how the dress was made, to have ever so small a part in its creation.

  How she'd do that, living in Crystal's room and only going out when Crystal travelled, she didn't know. The dress's designer was still a secret and his workroom was across town. Due to the press's current obsession with getting a photograph of the dress before the day, Crystal had had to slip out to fittings at all sorts of odd hours, using a number of subterfuges. Once she even arrived at her designer's studio in a cleaner's van wearing overalls and a head scarf, carrying a bucket of cleaning liquids, brushes and 'super clean quick wipe' cloths.

  Archie, being male, had little interest in 'the dress' and was having some difficulty in understanding Terri's increasing need to be involved. But, he said, quite reasonably,

  'If you want to go with Crystal just ask her.'

  So Terri did and they decided that she could go but she had to remain silent throughout,

  'No talking,' Crystal said, 'I couldn't explain it if you did.'

  Terri nodded with enthusiasm and a display of the silence she vowed she'd maintain during the trip. On the day, the last fitting only days before the wedding, Crystal said to Jessie,

  'I'd like to take Archie and Terri, she so wants to see the dress. Will you fill Archie up please? I'll say I have back pain or something.'

  Jessie wasn't sure it was a good idea but she filled Archie and Crystal went out with them in her arms.

  'Oh I hope Terri won't give herself away,' Jessie said, 'she's prone to saying whatever comes into her head.'

  In the car, in a whisper, Crystal reminded Terri of her promise and Terri nodded. Archie shared Jessie's reservations and kept a watchful eye on his beloved as Crystal carried them up to the workroom. Terri saw the dress for the first time on a mannequin in the centre of the room. On the floor linen cloths were spread underneath it and a number of assistants hovered waiting to help.

  Archie heard Terri's intake of breath and saw her small hands cover her mouth as she gazed wide eyed at the dress. It is very beautiful Archie thought; pretty, soft and feminine were the words that came to his mind.

  In fact the dress was a masterpiece of restraint, not a meringue in sight, it nevertheless created a fairy tale aura as Crystal stepped into it and a row of tiny covered buttons on the back were each done up. The fabric was sheer over a silk slip but in many layers; the top ivory layer embroidered in trailing tendrils of sweet peas, violets and forget-me-nots. The bodice, with a low sweetheart neck ended in tiny cap sleeves, all heavily embroidered with the flowers. The skirt, 'oh, that would swirl,' Terri thought, fell from Crystal's now tiny waist in soft folds to a short train.

  Terri, sitting with Archie on a chair next to Crystal, did try very hard and was good until the moment one of the designer's assistants brought out the tiara and veil and ever so gently fitted it into Crystal's hair. The tiara was her grandmother's, larger than her choice for her first long ago state dinner, an intricate but open floral design that wrapped nearly to the back of her head where the sheer silk veil fell just to the floor, edged in the same embroidery as the dress.

  Carried away, partly imagining herself as a bride in silk, lace and flowers, she said in her normal voice,

  'You are so beautiful'. The room stopped for just a moment, then the designer and all but one of the assistants carried on making tiny adjustments to the fall of the veil. Crystal closed her eyes and prayed no-one had heard her but one of the assistants went over to the chair and stared at a now frightened Archie and Terri and said,

  'The hot water bottle, it talked.'

  'Saints preserve us,' Archie said to himself as Terri, realising what she'd done, hid her face in his neck and began to sob, silently at least.

  'Oh my God,' Crystal thought. 'We're lost.'

  'What will I do?' she asked herself and the universe, who didn't respond. Perhaps it did because she acted instinctively but in the time honoured fashion of many a damsel in distress: she pretended to faint. Down she went in layers of gauzy fabric headed inexorably for the hard, she noticed, linen covered floor. For a fraction of a second no-one knew what to do as they saw her eyes flutter and heard a small cry escape her lips

  The assistant who'd heard Terri turned back to see Crystal crumpling and screamed; all thoughts of the hot water bottle gone as she saw the precious dress about to be crushed. The designer, a tall rangy fellow, reached out and caught Crystal under the arms and took her weight. He could do nothing but lower her to the floor where she lay, apparently unconscious. Thompson, on duty that day, took over and turned Crystal on her side.

  'Do you have any smelling salts?' he asked.

  After a long career in royal service he was used to people fainting, the public and royals alike. The assistant rushed to a table and brought him some salts, kept on hand for just such occasions and he put it under Crystal's nose. She jerked her head and said in a most unbrideal manner,

  'That stinks.'

  Thompson took it away and said, 'Can you stand up Miss?'

  He helped Crystal to her feet and she said, 'I think I'd like to go home.'

  In the car a repentant Terri cuddled Archie and said to Crystal in a small voice,

  'I am so sorry.'

  Crystal picked them up and gave her a kiss. She whispered,

  'Don't worry, we might have got away with it.'

  Archie hoped so, the alternative was incomprehensible. They went on as though it hadn't happened. At the designer's studio the assistant, who was sure she'd heard something, was told by the designer in an initially sympathetic voice,

  'We've all been under incredible pressure. When this is over you can have some time off.' Returning to his normal, rather imperious tones he shouted, 'Until then check everything on the dress and make sure it's perfect. Perfect!' To himself he said, 'The woman's mad.'

  She jumped to his command. In the ensuing days she forgot all about the royal hot water bottle.

  One of the big decisions Jeff and Crystal made was about their wedding rings. He was to wear one too and they decided to have them made by the royal jewellers, to match Crystal's engagement ring. Her grandmother had called them in the day she had tea with Jeff's mother and told them the story. Jeff was stunned at the news,

  'Ma'am, you mean this ring came from your family to mine and now it's come back?'

  'Yes Jeff, strange are the ways of fate. You and Crystal are lucky, although the story is sad, the ring was given in love and has been cherished by your family ever since. You two are able to marry because we're not as hidebound as my family was then. And a good thing too,' she added.

  With that in mind they set out to choose a wedding ring that would honour the spectacular emerald's long history. The royal jeweller saw them in his very private shop where they sat at a gilded table with a number of rings in front of them.

  'These are just examples of designs that would complement your ring, which is exquisite. The cabochon is greatly under rated these days. Everyone seems to want glitter and sparkle. The cabochon was greatly valued in the past. The cabochon spinel in the front of your grandmother's crown is just an example.'

  He paused in his lament at the herd mentality of modern taste and asked, 'Would you like to try a couple?'

  Crystal did but none suited.

  'I had something in mind,' Jeff said. 'A band of diamonds, very good diamonds.'

  As so it was settled; diamonds for Crystal, and

  'A narrow plain white gold band for me thanks.'

  When Crystal said he needn't have spent so much; he had chosen so
me wonderful stones; he kissed her and said,

  'I got a great deal on the engagement ring so I'm all cashed up and you're welcome.'

  The day before their marriage Crystal and Jeff were quite formal with each other for the very last time. They spent some time alone in their sitting room and exchanged their gifts to each other. There were now rooms full of gifts of every kind from handmade hot water bottle covers,

  'Terri won't want them anywhere near Archie,' Crystal said, to can openers and teddy bears. 'Not yet,' said Crystal.

  Then there were the jewels, even cars, which were displayed outside. None of them meant as much as the relatively simple things they gave each other then.

  Jeff gave Crystal diamond earrings, drops which she would wear tomorrow in place of the heirlooms she had already chosen.

  'I'll have a tiara for something old,' she told him.

  Crystal gave Jeff the traditional gift of cufflinks in white gold with a brand new crest,

  'Grandmother and grandfather want to see you about that,' was all she said.

  So in a short informal ceremony with his family, her Majesty's Private Secretary and the Master of the Household present, as well as a member of the Privy Council, Jeff was created the Earl of Claremore. He had tried to resist but Her Majesty said,

  'No, I have already decided. In this Jeff your wishes are irrelevant. Please trust me I have my reasons.'

  Afterwards they had lunch together and then for a short time Her Majesty and her husband saw Crystal and Jeff alone. What she told them was completely unexpected and left them stunned.

  'I have a fear he's serious,' she said, 'Silly boy, he's always been silly. If it happens the country will be better off without him. But, and I know it comes as a terrible shock particularly now, if he does it will mean because he has no children and is highly unlikely to have any now, that Crystal will follow me.'

  It seemed Her Majesty's son and heir was a closet republican and would refuse the throne when his time came. His theory was the country should be a republic and his decision not to be King would ensure it happened. However, her Majesty told them, it wasn't that simple: the people weren't ready and public sentiment was still in favour of retaining the monarchy. Even the left wing government saw the advantages of tradition, even if only in terms of tourist dollars. And, as her grandmother wisely said,

  'The country has to be ready when it happens, not have it forced upon them, that only leads to disaster.'

  The Queen and her husband had suspected their son's inclinations for some time and done their best to dissuade him, but in vain. Moves were afoot for him to renounce his place in the line of succession within three months to allow Crystal time to learn the job and have her children before she took up her role. Until this point she had sat quietly, saying nothing. When she spoke she could only say,

  'Oh, no.'

  The Queen went to her and sat beside her, holding her hands,

  'My dear girl, you are too young to remember your mother but she had a strong sense of duty. Knowing she would not be Queen she embarked on a rather frivolous life but I know that if she had had to face what you are now she would have met the challenge. You are very like her and you have another thing in your favour.'

  Now in tears Crystal asked her,

  'What?'

  'You will have a husband who loves you and knows how to support you. It's the only thing that gets you through.' She patted Crystal's hands and stood up.

  'Now the only thing is to drop the name you took as a child. Crystal is not the name of a future Queen.'

  'But,' Crystal started to say. Her grandmother lifted her hand ever so slightly which silenced her,

  'We all know; well Jeff may not, that Crystal is not your real name. It's time to use your given names. You'll have to tomorrow anyway, for the vows. So my dear Alexandra Zoe Louise, let's rejoin our guests.'

  It seemed to Crystal that the afternoon would never end. It took on a dream like quality for her; she watched herself go through the motions, talking to their guests and drinking coffee, but she couldn't engage with anyone or anything. Even Jeff seemed distant; quite justifiably she was in shock and felt very alone.

  All she wanted was to go back to her room and put herself to bed. She imagined being there under the covers with Archie and Terri, warm, safe and far from the reality of the news her grandmother had just given her.

  It was completely unexpected and incomprehensible. Her uncle had always been a bit strange but a republican? She'd had no idea. Although, at the prospect of being Queen one day with all it entailed, right now embracing republicanism didn't seem like such a bad idea.

  Finally Jeff detached himself from a particularly garrulous guest and joined her. He put his arm around her; his kiss on her hair seemed to wake her up, tears began to form in her eyes and she felt her control going.

  'We can do this,' he said, holding her. 'Not much longer until they leave. Hang on my love.'

  Crystal swallowed hard and gave him a small smile,

  'Oh Jeff, why did she have to tell us today?'

  'So I had the chance to back out I suppose.' He squeezed her and said,

  'But, as the song goes, we're getting married in the morning, no matter what. Look, they're going.'

  But the pre-wedding events weren't over yet. They were, with her grandparents, to attend the ballet for a glittering performance, tiaras and all. The hairdresser was already in her room when she hurried back, ready to begin his usual miraculous transformation.

  As she sat there and watched him and his assistants work, she marvelled for the first time at his skill and the care he lavished on the temporary masterpiece he was creating. For the first time she didn't resent the time it took, but he was quicker today, due no doubt to his many ministrations in recent months that had improved her hair.

  Usually Crystal ignored the lot of them and was glad when they packed up and went. But when it was done and he and his assistants went to creep out Crystal stopped them,

  'Thank you so much,' she said, 'I'll look forward to seeing you in the morning.'

  She held out her hand and shook each of theirs in turn. The hairdresser bowed, he was genuinely touched: her Royal Highness had never been what he could only describe as gracious to him before. He was grateful but surprised. Crystal knew she'd been rude in the past and said,

  'I don't know how I would have managed with all the engagement events and the photo sessions without you. I appreciate what you've done.'

  The poor man, for he was one under the androgynous clothes and makeup he wore, gave a small bow and made for the door, tears in his eyes.

  'She has changed completely,' he thought.

  Before he could reach the door it opened and Jeff, already in a dinner jacket, came in. The four of them nearly swooned, he was that handsome. He smiled as they gawked and minced out the door,

  'Are they real?' he asked his bride who, he realised, had grown in a year into a very lovely woman. All the rough edges were gone, as was the baby fat, but she was the same Crystal when she said,

  'Yes, and jealous that I get you and they don't. That dinner jacket is gorgeous.'

  'The tailor seems to know what he's doing, you should see tomorrow's get up; the guy's a genius.'

  'Oh Jeff, I can't wait for our honeymoon.' Then it occurred to her that she still didn't know where they were going. There had been a conspiracy between Jeff, Constance and Jessie to prepare and pack her clothes for a honeymoon destination she was completely ignorant of.

  'Where are we going?'

  He gave her the smile she'd come to recognise as 'wait and see', so she asked no more, trusting him as she knew she had done ever since they met.

  It was nearly midnight before they returned to the Palace after the ballet. The traditional arrangements had been made for Jeff to spend the night in a suite of rooms near Crystal's, but she wouldn't hear of it,

  'If you leave me tonight Jeff, I'll scream.'

  She was overwhelmed and exhausted for the
rumours of her uncle's intention to refuse the throne were already leaking. From where they didn't know but the shouted demands from reporters to confirm them as they left the gala had shaken her again.

  Jeff understood and they went to bed as usual. Crystal finally slept but Jeff was still awake. He didn't believe in bad luck but they had enough going on without calling down the fates on their heads. He decided to leave and sleep in his bachelor room but before he did he woke Archie and Terri who agreed with his plan. When she woke to a cup of coffee brought by Jessie, Crystal had Archie and Terri in her arms.

  A wedding at 11am seems reasonable, unless you're a royal bride who has to conform to an international broadcast schedule. In Crystal's case she was awake at six thirty to have a bath,

  'Don't dawdle,' Jessie said, 'The hairdresser will be here at seven.'

  Crystal nibbled at a piece of toast as her nails were done and her hairdresser worked his magic. The makeup artist hovered in the background, waiting her turn. Crystal's now long and abundant hair was to be up, but very softly, in a plaited chignon which was woven around the base of the tiara which was then pinned in place.  After her makeup was done Crystal placed Jeff's earrings in her ears where they danced and shimmered in the light. All of this was watched by Archie and Terri, perched on the window seat. Terri wanted to whisper to Archie but didn't dare; the scare at the dress fitting had silenced her.

  After what seemed an eternity but was only three hours, Crystal was ready to be dressed. The first teams left and the designer arrived bearing the dress. It had been kept in another room for the last two days and pressed that morning. Jessie didn't want a repeat of the incident at the studio so she hovered near Archie and Terri and blocked their view of the proceedings and anyone's view of them until the designer and his assistants left.

  Crystal had to admit the dress was beautiful and she was delighted when she saw the complete effect for the first time. The veil was clipped to the back of the tiara and she was nearly ready. She took off her engagement ring and placed it on her right hand.

  The last thing she was to wear was a long loose ivory silk velvet cloak and hood edged in fake fur which she hadn't been able to resist. She'd ordered it to wear to and from the church because the weather was so cold they would be very lucky if it didn't snow.

  'I don't care if it does,' Crystal said as the cloak fitted around her bare arms, 'I feel like Guinevere in this.'

  At last she was ready and asked everyone, except Jessie, if she could have a moment alone. The room cleared and Terri had her first view of Crystal the bride. She had a good cry as Crystal came to them with a tiny gift. She gave them both a kiss and left to join her grandfather who was waiting for her at the foot of the family's staircase.

  Archie opened the tiny box impressed with the seal of the royal jeweller and showed its contents to Terri. Inside were two tiny bands of gold the size of a doll's finger. Terri read the note which said,

  'With much love from Jeff and Crystal. xoxox'

  Jessie, Terri and Archie watched the wedding on television; Terri was in tears, mopping her eyes with a tissue nearly the size of her. A tiny gold ring shone on her finger where Archie had placed it,

  'I feel like a bride,' she said.

  'You're mine,' Archie said.

  When Jeff and Crystal emerged from the church bells pealed, people cheered and cannons were fired in the parks. It was a very popular wedding and the television commentators opined that if Crystal,

  'I beg your pardon,' one of them said, 'Her Royal Highness Princess Alexandra, was to be Queen they would make a handsome and noble couple.'

  Jeff whispered to Crystal on the cathedral steps,

  'Here we go, I wonder how it'll all turn out.'

  'Just beautifully,' she said.