Read Archie the Royal Hot Water Bottle Page 29


  Chapter 29

  The move to Claremore took time as the house hadn't been lived for a generation. Everything was out of date: the plumbing and the wiring, which was dangerous. Bats had taken up residence in the roof through a small hole that became a large one so the slates were taken off, the bats evicted and everything cleaned up and restored.

  The bats were only one problem they encountered; there was dry rot, falling damp, rising damp and termites. As a consequence, old houses like Claremore are for people with money, patience and imagination. In the case of Claremore, imagination proved to be the essential requirement.

  The house resisted their considerable efforts to modernise it, particularly in the layout of the new family kitchen Jeff and Crystal wanted. There was a huge kitchen in the basement, complete with a scullery, servants' hall and an open fireplace but even if it were modified it wouldn't suit the needs of the family Jeff and Crystal hoped to have because it was subterranean and impossible to heat.

  The kitchen's stone floors were beautiful, worn to a smooth lustre but freezing. Under floor heating, essential in their cold climate, couldn't be installed without destroying the stone. In any event the kitchen's only access to outside was up a set of steps with no level access to the old garden both of them hoped to restore and spend time going in and out of, from their family kitchen.

  Crystal had a vision of it, large to be sure, with an oak table, a fireplace and glass fronted cupboards to display some of the china they'd received as wedding gifts. It also had to have a family sitting area with a TV and a sound system. The pantry would be big with lots of shelves and bins for vegetables. It would be all on one level and open to a stone terrace through glass doors.

  All in all Crystal wasn't thinking like a royal who would rely on servants, she was trying to make a family home and wanted a family kitchen where they could live and watch their children while they were inside or out in the garden. But it wasn't so simple. The ground floor rooms of the house were large and many; the reception rooms grand; but none of them seemed to be able to be converted until Crystal said,

  'Let's think like the French. They don't define rooms by name; they just use them as it suits them.'

  Looked at in that way the present billiard room, which opened into the dining room and contained a full size antique table, began to look like a suitable candidate. It was big enough with french doors on its sunny side which opened to a stone terrace where the men of another age used to go out to smoke.

  'But...' Jeff said.

  'It's just right. No buts, there's plenty of room to put the billiard table somewhere else.'

  They were happy playing with their house until the day Crystal's uncle announced his intention to renounce his claim to the throne on television and Crystal became her grandmother's heir. Her new status had many implications, including a new title for Jeff,

  'No, absolutely not,' he said. 'I am not, nor ever will be, a royal highness and a duke.'

  Poor man, so simple minded, of course he was.

  Archie and Terri had first hand experience of Jeff's transition to a royal highness. He'd been all right about the earldom; admittedly he sometimes failed to respond when people addressed him as 'my Lord' but he'd coped pretty well and didn't see it as a huge change. He tended to laugh it off and, as they weren't as yet doing many official engagements, the title was only used a little. But, and he seemed to say 'but' a lot these days, being married to the heir to the throne was an entirely different matter. On the day of the announcement Archie and Terri saw a man in a morning suit arrive at the door of the apartment with a sheaf of papers and a couple of hangers on.

  'Robert Abercrombie, your Royal Highness,' he said, 'Your Private Secretary. There are a few things to attend to before the investiture this afternoon. The tailor is delivering your uniform and your valet, Smith, will be at your disposal to help you dress.'

  Jeff took a deep breath and remembered his marriage vows but as Terri said to Archie,

  'He looks as though he doesn't like it.'

  They heard Abercrombie say,

  'Your new suite is this way, if you'll follow me.'

  'Suite?'

  'Yes Sir, your study and offices.'

  Archie and Terri saw Jeff go and then men carrying suit bags arrived followed by a man they assumed was Jeff's new valet, Smith. He was about fifty, round of body with curls around a happy face. Terri couldn't describe it any other way: the man appeared to be happy. He certainly took to Jeff's wardrobe with gusto; he took everything out and sorted it. Then he moved everything into the next room. Piles were taken away,

  'These need a good clean and press,' they heard him say.

  Others, including Jeff's bike leathers and jackets he inspected and said,

  'Well, most interesting. I'll have to look up how to care for them but Dubbin may do it.'

  Others he set aside for mending. He rearranged the contents of all the drawers and filled a large basket with Jeff's shoes which he took away to clean.

  When he came back he arranged all the shoes and then opened the bags and laid out a number of military uniforms on the bed.

  'Does that mean Jeff's got some sort of rank now? Archie asked Terri. He stopped speaking immediately as Smith said,

  'Is there someone there?' Smith listened for a moment, his head cocked to one side and his curls flopping around his ears. Everything in the room was silent; Archie and Terri held their breaths until Smith shook his curly head and went on with his work.

  It was a long morning for Jeff: no Crystal, just Abercrombie and his staff who seemed to have his life mapped out for the next two years.

  'It is a busy schedule sir but there has been, how can I say it, some neglect of the heir's role in the past and Her Majesty feels that you and Her Royal Highness will be able to remedy the deficit.'

  Jeff quailed as he saw the plan to remedy the deficit in the next six months included three overseas tours and at least three other events a day while they were in the country. Many of them he would do alone. He wondered how Crystal would manage to go to university and Abercrombie told him in no uncertain terms,

  'Her Royal Highness's studies have been put on hold. She is now a full time working royal. It's a pity but the decision had to be made.'

  'Yes,' Jeff thought, 'and what's going to happen to my kids' centre?'

  He had to put that aside because Jeff's immediate problem was their investiture that afternoon, Crystal as the heir and he as His Royal Highness the Duke of Beaumont, Earl Claremore, Viscount Teyne.

  After lunch with Abercrombie during which he realised that Sir Robert, as he now knew him to be, was a hard task master, but very helpful. Until today Jeff had thought he knew about the royal family and how it worked: how wrong he was. He was a novice at all this and would have to work very hard to do a good job.

  When he arrived in their bedroom Crystal was already there with Jessie who was dressing her in a very beautiful pale blue and silver evening dress with a sash and a number of jewelled orders. A delicate pearl and diamond tiara was sitting on the dressing table.

  'Wow,' he said, 'you look fabulous.'

  'Thank you so much,' she said, giving him a kiss. With a mischievous glint in her eye she pointed to the door to the adjoining room and said,

  'Your valet awaits.'

  'Thanks, I can hardly wait. What am I wearing?'

  'Oh you'll see,' she said.

  Crystal and Jessie had a giggle as Jeff entered the lion's den. Smith had transformed the unused bedroom into a gentleman's dressing room. Large wardrobes stood open, filled with his clothes, shoes and many things he didn't recognise. On a stand a navy blue uniform coat with gold epaulettes and jewelled orders waited. High gloss patent shoes stood beside it and a brilliant silver sword with an engraved, jewelled scabard lay on a side table.

  'Good afternoon your Royal Highness, I'm Smith. Your bath is ready.'

  'Hi,' Jeff held out his hand which Smith reluctantly shook. Jeff smiled at this round faced ma
n, 'But Smith, I only have showers.'

  'In that case sir let me start it for you.'

  The next half hour was a revelation.

  'Shall I shave you Sir?' he said as Jeff stepped out of the shower and took the warm towel Smith held out to him.

  'No thanks, I can do it myself.'

  'Very well sir. Your uniform is ready. You are due to begin your walk downstairs with her Royal Highness in 30 minutes.'

  Jeff saw his underwear on a stool, 'At least he doesn't want to put that on for me,' he thought, but Smith did everything else from buttoning the elaborate uniform trousers to putting in Jeff's shirt studs. Jeff insisted on doing up his own shoelaces but Smith stopped him,

  'If you sit you may crease the trousers. Let me do it Sir.'

  When it came to the heavy jacket he fussed and adjusted it on Jeff's shoulders before doing up its gold embossed buttons and placing the pale blue sash across Jeff's right shoulder and under his left arm. It was secured under the right shoulder epaulette and a belt secured around his waist. The sword was clipped to the belt.

  He handed Jeff his watch and then Jeff saw himself in the long glass in front of him.

  'My God,' he said and looked at his valet who was smiling, pretty pleased with the result, 'I didn't know I needed you Smith but I obviously do. Thanks.'

  Smith gave him a small bow and said, 'You carry the cap Sir, under your right arm, her Royal Highness will take your left.'

  Jeff opened the door and went back to Crystal who gave him a whistle,

  'What a hunk.' They laughed and walked downstairs where the ceremony wasn't too long and there was champagne after.

  'Not too bad,' Jeff said, 'But Crystal, Smith says I can't sit down.'

  'No you can't, you'll crease.'